It has been 10 days since the passing of my Samantha. She passed on peacefully at our Vet's office after she and I learned she had advanced stage cancer. She was diagnosed on April 11, 2013. When we left the Vet's office I cried, hugged her, kissed her, and told her, "Baby, you can have anything you want now...anything". She knew by my emotions that things were not good for her. I know she could understand everything I was telling her. The Vet said I would have at least 2-3 months with her, but that wasn't so. She passed away less than a month (May 7, 2013) after her diagnosis. Samantha was my pride and joy. My beautfiul American Eskimo. After learning of her diagnosis I set out to find another American Eskimo as I always promised Samantha I would find her a sister. She had brothers and sisters before and I knew she missed having them to play with. I wasn't trying to replace Samantha by no means, but trying to find her a sister to lift her spirits. I then found an American Eskimo puppy. The puppy was just born and wasn't ready to come to our home yet. I kept telling Samantha to hang in there so she could meet her new sister. After all, I thought Samantha would be with us for a few months. This new sister I am to pick up on June 1st. Sadly, Samantha could no longer keep her fight going against the cancer. I could not let her suffer as that would be highly selfish of me to keep her going for me and her new little sister.
The pain and emptiness is awful. It seems everywhere I look, be it my home, walking outside, going to the store...I see my Samantha everywhere. She and I did everything together. We were inseperable. I didn't just consider her my pet, but she was my child, my daughter. I miss talking to her and she cocking her head when I spoke to her. She knew what I was saying to her. Everyday, I question if I gave her a good life. I adopted her when she was 8-months old and she came from a severely abusive situation. How can anyone be so cruel to a furry child? All they want to do is love us unconditionally and we love them in return. That is all they ask of us. Is that so difficult for some? I pitty people who do not have furry kids as they are missing out on the joys they bring us.
I live alone and it has been rough. I cry everyday, several times per day. I have dishes piled up in the sink that need to go in the dishwasher. But I don't care. Those things can wait. I tell myself it is my time to greive. When we lose a furry child there is so much emptiness. The heartaches. I have to admit I am afraid to be alone. Samantha was there to keep me company. I never felt alone when she was with me.

Hi there eskie,
Words cannot describe the feeling we experience when our fur children leave us for the new world.
Only those who have adopted, loved and taken care of one can understand how empty and pointless out lives suddenly seem to us.
I am so sorry for your Samantha, cancer is awful. I lost my 11 years old Labrador for cancer 4 years ago, she was my baby girl. We adopted her when I was 5, I grew up with her and we cherished some wonderful years together and when she died I couldn't believe it happened. I couldn't believe that I wouldn't see her pretty face ever again, or that I wasn't to touch her silky ears anymore. My life was meaningless It was like I had lost a piece of my life, I lost my past.
You know they say that it's what you have and do that defines yourself , I was not only Julie, I was Julie the 16 years old teenager , who loved pink, who grew up in her old family house who had a sister and who had two cats and a dog she was crazy for, who were all her life. So, my sister defines me as not being an only child , that house defines me and my family as a traditional family very proud of their origins, and my babies defined me as being a proud mom , sister and friend. When I lost lily I didn't have my fur baby anymore, I had literally lost a piece of me. A very important piece that no one could ever replace.
But I somehow learned to accept that I didn't lose that piece, that piece of me was still there, it had just moved from my present to my past. Lily hadn't been erased by this world, she lives in the memories of those who met and loved her. Our neighbors (two kids of pretty much my sisters age and mine) loved her, we played with her all together at Sundays while our parents prepared the BBQ and Lilly always beg for a piece of sausage. And in the winter we played in the snow and we would hide and she would find us. Those moments, this wonderful precious moments will never be erased and through those moments she will live on in our hearts.
This is the same for your Samantha.
She lives in you, and she will live in you forever and ever, what I always tell myself is that my babies (I lost my two cats last year too) they all live in the safest place of all, and we've never been closer now cause they live inside me, they live in my heart, in my memory in my soul, and as long as ill keep loving them, they'll live on. That doesn't mean I don't miss them, cause I do, I miss them so much it kills me sometimes, cause I need to hug them and touch their fur and kiss them and look in their big eyes sometimes. But we have to learn to accept this as a change. The ways we used to feel close to them have changed, now they live inside us and wherever we go there they'll be.
Samantha has never left you, her soul is right with you, if you look in yourself you'll see that she s not gone so far.

I hope you'll find peace.
Samantha looks like a sweet beautiful dog. I am glad she was saved from that abusive situation, cause she deserved better, they all deserve someone to love them. I wish more people understood that.
Have a good day. Remember whatever you do from now on, she'll be right beside you. You cannot see her bit she does. Now she just want you to be happy, and to give to her new sister all the love you can give. She'll live on in you two.

Take care

Hi, eskie, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Samantha. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Eskie, this grief journey is one of the hardest experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in your own way and in your own time, for it is now a journey that is filled with all the "first withouts" and the "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year, etc." to endure.

It is a journey that is very painful both emotionally and physically. We live in a physically oriented world governed by the 5 senses of sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. Every time our companions lick / kiss us, rub against us, etc., they are literally chemically imprinting themselves on us so that they can identify us from all the other millions of people on this planet. When they precede us to the angels, our bodies literally go through a physical withdrawal from this imprint, and it is very painful. This is why our bodies literally ache to hold them, to look at them, to feel them physically close to us, - - and why it feels like our hearts are literally breaking from the physical separation.

As Julie has so comfortingly shared with you, the good news in the midst of all this pain is that the love bond you and your beloved Samantha share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Samantha's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will. The sound of your voice is still sweet to her ears as she listens intently to everything you say, for she is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow that is in your heart. I can only hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey. One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone - - each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so very much for honoring us by sharing your beloved Samantha with us. She is adorable, and there is no doubt from the expression on her face and in her eyes that she adores you as her Forever Mom. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, eskie, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Julie,
Thank you so so much for your kind thoughts, comforting words, and I truly mean comforting. I had forgotten that Samantha is still near me every day as you said. You said that our furry children/pals are still watching over us after they are gone and I do believe that. They not only protect us in this life, but also protect us in their afterlife. Lily and your kitties are happy, healthy, and playing with everyone. I know they stop once and awhile and look down to check on you as Samantha does with me.
Today, I thought I was doing better. I was lacking in sleep, as it has been difficult to sleep. I then took a brief nap finally; I awoke, and began sobbing again. I then tell myself that Samantha is no longer suffering. She is happy, healthy and playing with many. I tell myself she is even with my dad who passed on years ago. When Samantha passed away, I told her that dad would take good care of her, as he loved doggies.
I will keep what you have written to me as it is comforting and when I become low, I will very much read it.

Thanks Julie,

Sue (Eskie)

Moon-Beam,
I take comfort in what you wrote me. Both you and Julie are right that Samantha is with me. I can picture her cocking her head when we have our talks. We used to have what we called our 'Girl Talks'. I still talk to Samanhta everyday. I also talk to my dad who passed on long ago and tell him I love him and I know he will take care of my baby girl (Samantha). When Samantha was euthanized it's almost like I felt her spirit go inside of me. That she told me she will always be near me.
Today I felt a little better, but tonight I am again sobbing. I know Samantha doesn't want me to be upset. She and I were both fighters and she wants me to go on fighting. She wants me to love her new little sister and take good care of her when she comes into my life. I know Samantha will also be watching over Daphne (sister).
I do admit I become frustrated some days when people even one's who have or had furry kids that do not understand. I talk about Samantha to some, but not a lot. But I feel they don't want to hear about it. Talking about Samantha and the joys she brought makes me feel so much closer to her and helps ease some of the pain.
As you mentioned the pain can be unbearable at times. I know it time the pain will ease. I try sometimes to try to shove things in the back of my mind, but many tell me not to or it can hinder the greiving process.
I am going to also print out what you have written me along with what Julie wrote me and post it on my refrigertor door or keep your writings in my bedroom with me, so when I become down I will read them.

Thank you so very much and hoping to hear from you again.

Sue (Eskie)

Hi, eskie, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to offer you some words of comfort and encouragement in that what you are feeling is very normal during this grief adjustment journey. Sompe people think that if they suppress their grief that it helps to make the deep sorrow and pain go away. However, clinical studies prove that suppressed grief is more harmful because of the effects of the unreleased stress have on the body - - which if not released in a healthy way can lead to both physical and emotional challenges later on - - some of which can be serious. So, it is important that you allow yourself the opportunities to openly release your grief, eskie -- crying, screaming, writing your thoughts and your memories of your beloved Samantha in a journal, etc.

Although clinical professionals recognize that the grief journey for a beloved companion is identical to the grief journey for a human family member or friend, unfortunately our society in general, and sadly sometimes the people who are closest to us emotionally and geographically, does not. This is one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum was established - - as a safe place where we can come to share what is in our hearts with others who truly DO understand what we are going through and what we are feeling. You are among friends here, eskie, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Eskie, I hope today is treating you and your precious Daphne kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Samantha's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. In a few weeks you will be embracing a new family member in your heart and home, and we look forward to sharing this wonderful event with you in the New Beginnings section of the forum - - if you would like to share it with us. Please know you and your precious Daphne are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam