I can't beleive I didn't stop it. The vet never gave her a sedative and I didn't stop it. Four people including me held her down as she struggled and the vet tried to find a vein, repeatedly gabbing her with a needle and injecting small amounts of stinging anestethic. Why didin't I stop iit? Why didn't I ask enough questions ahead of tim?, why did I let them into the room before she was done eating her last meal. How could I have betrayed her trust so? Now she's dead, and there's no way to make it right. Why didn't I stop it?

You didn’t stop it because you were in auto mode, when I had Jude put to sleep it was as if someone had taken over my body and was doing it for me.

Once theyd started you had to let them finish otherwise you wouldn’t have been able to let them start again.

Im sure it felt like it took hours but in reality it was probably only a few minutes and she is at peace now of that you can be sure.

Please try not to dwell on those last painful moments I can promise you you would be upset anyway and finding something else to torture yourself over, it’s a very traumatic thing to do, no one tells you that when they say that it’s the kindest thing to do for our pets, they don’t warn you of the guilt, shame and self torture that we will put ourselves through for having done it.

Believe me many thousands of times and many thousands of ways ive found to punish myself mentally, but finally, although I still find it hard to say that it was right I have forgiven myself and am at peace.

Say a prayer to her saying your sorry it all had to be so traumatic for her at the end and that you love her and miss her and then work on letting it go.

Take care
Love Sue

agreed. the last few moments; hours; days; sometimes months we run on autopilot, questioning
each decision made because we know nothing else to do.

Before I had Fish put down in August, I was shoving pills down his throat, force-feeding him, and injecting him with water because he had liver and gallbladder problems. He HATED it. After four grueling days I finally gave in to the fact that he was not going to get any better by being man-handled everyday. I had him put down on August 1st. Sometimes I wish I had put him down sooner, before I had put him through all that misery. But it is over now, and he is resting peacefully in my backyard with a flower on his grave.
As was stated in the last two postings, you were on autopilot, so was I. I wanted to believe he would get better, so I tried, but I think I did the wrong thing. Oh well, he's not hurting anymore, and neither is your baby.

I am sorry your little one's passing was so stressful for you and for your loved one. I am sure she is resting in peace, looking down and hoping your pain will ease. Betrayal? I can't imagine she would think of what you did as anything like that.

Our pets often don't understand what it happening - or why - they may be scared and they may fight, but we still don't have a choice. To let them suffer would be the TRUE betrayal of their love. We can NEVER let someone we love down just to ease our own pain. We are their protectors and sometimes that means we have to stand up to the pain and the sickness and the age and say "Enough is enough."

My Jesse knew what was happening. I held him still and told him I loved him. It tore my soul and and it felt like betrayal of everything our love meant. BUT IT WASN'T. It was the only way to one last time show my love - to end his suffering and stop the pain that would have tortured him slowly, draining him and eating away at him until nothing was left. Unacceptable. Not good enough for someone I love.

I'd do it again. I hope someday when my own end comes that someone I love is there to help ease MY pain and quicken MY journey.

I have to agree with DJ ... it is very sad that the last moments were like they were. But you were doing what you thought was best because you loved her. She knows that ... it's very hard what you had to do and you should try and stop beating yourself up over it (I know easier said than done). I just recently had to put my little man to sleep and the guilt is terrible. Just remember and keep telling yourself the reasons you did it ... they haven't changed ... you loved her and she needed for you to do this one last thing. I think they count on you to do that when the time comes ... It is truely a representation of the unconditional love you had for her and she had for. It's hard not to beat yourself up but try.

One thing I have tried to do lately is everytime I think of those last moments I replace those thoughts with memories of happier times with my "man". A good friend of mine told me about that trick .. and although sometimes it makes me cry it has allowed me to be grateful of the time we had ...

My heart goes out to you ...

As human beings we tend to think only of the negative.
I agree with Beth, what's important is the years of loving your pet received, not the 15 minutes of hell at the end.
In the space-time sense, 15 minutes is not very long.
It may seem long to us, but that is because as humans we
do not believe anything or anyone should ever have to hurt.
But we all hurt from time to time.
It's normal.
That's why we can experience pain.
Because we were designed to experience that sensation.
And that doesn't make it any easier to accept!

Freyja bit that vet. In 14 years, nearly 15, she had NEVER bitten anyone. He tried to put the needle in and she bit him. And it was in a house, not at the vet, so my husband and I were the ones that had to hold her down afterwards.... she was there bc she was paralyzed, and yet she still managed to bite the vet...

I cannot say "I'd do it again..." I can't say that. But I probably would do it again, even if I don't want to admit to it. I LOVED my dog -- that's why I did what I did. When she got old and frail and started pooping on her self -- she was so ashamed. Even when we told her that it was ok...

And when she stroked out... well, we took her to what we believed was her happiest place adn the vet came, and -- she bit the first person she'd ever bit... paralyzed and all...

You did NOT make her last 15 minutes hell. The truth is, if you had ignored the signs, her last 15 minutes would've been a LOT worse. It would've lasted for possibly days, maybe even weeks...

What you did was much more humane, EVEN if it hurts you like your very soul has been ripped from you. I know how it hurts...

On the other hand, it WOULD be nice, if the vet would give us some oral sedatives that we could administer ourselves well before hand...

Still, I am sorry you have pain over this. Do know that her perspective is very different.

Love,
Jennifer

I can absolutely understand how you feel. Unfortunately though, my cat, Oscar, died quite suddenly. He went downhill in a day, although he fooled us all because one minute he was up and the next down again. I was convinced he was going to get better and the vet had not said anything to the contrary. I nursed him up to the end, which came unexpectedly. If I had been given the time over, I would have chosen to do what you did and it owuld have given him more dignity in death. I know there as nothing I could do but I think that was the worst thing about it. You saved your pet a lot of suffering and rest assured that she knew you were doing it to help. She will look over you now peacefully, as I believe my cat is doing, and I'm sure would far rather see you remembering her with happiness then being upset. In life my cat was my biggest comfort and he is still my biggest comfort. I think of the happier times and know that he is happy himself now.
Don't feel bad about it. You did the right thing, without doubt. Remember the happy times. The hurt will get better
Anna xx

I'm not sure if this is the place or not but this struck a chord in me. This posting has been bothering me because the vet in this case could have made things easier for kcudding. I think based on what I am reading here that I am pretty lucky. I was blessed with a vet who was not only caring and kind but incredibly gentle with both myself and Snoops. I was also "lucky" in that Snoops had a brain tumor and so I was able to prepare a bit and ask the necessary questions well before I had to make any decisions.

I discussed with my vet the procedure well before I even had to make any decisions. My vet told me that the way she preferred to do it (when possible) was to give the animal an anesthetic (which will put him out) prior to administering that final shot. My Snoops did not like shots (what animal does) and it was not uncommon for him to fight and struggle when they were being given. My vet understood this ... she also understood how painful this would be for me to have to see that last time ... therefore when his time came my vet very kindly did give him the anesthetic and I was able to hold him in my arms until he lost consciousness. I am grateful that his last memory is of me holding him and telling him I loved him. She gave us as much time as we needed and then when the time came she had us put him on the table where I was able to hold his head in my hands as he went. I was very lucky ... his going was peaceful and I will be forever thankful to my vet for making that last moment as peaceful as possible. I cried when I read kcudding's post ... I can only imagine the pain of having to go through that and my heart goes out to her/him. I'm also sharing this because noone should have to go through that. There are options ...

Jesse's passing was very calm - with no sedative. So.... what's done is done. Move forward - because that's what our pets do. They keep moving through life - no regrets. Each person and pet is different - every situation is different. I'm glad Jesse wasn't in a drugged state - but that's a totally PERSONAL decision, not necessarily a better one. I was lucky - I know you weren't quite so lucky and I'm sorry. If I could, I would take away your pain but all we can do is share it with you.

Try one thing - try to remember a single moment of sheer, unbridled love - when you realized that your pet was the most beautiful being on earth. All of us have at least ONE moment like that. Our pets LIVE with those moments - those moments are how they think of the world.

And remember your furbaby is beyond fear and pain now and someday we'll share more beautiful stories in a far off place.

I'm sorry, too, that you and your baby had to go thru that....but I think what everyone was saying in the previous posts is right - your beloved is out of pain and suffering now. Love is pure, and full of forgivness. So forgive yourself, your pet certainly did, I think. Sometimes the pain is too much for us, and we do go on autopilot. It's ok. Try not to make your life hell by torturing yourself. Remember all the sweet, wonderful, silly, lovely times the two of you had.

here's why...
because you knew
and so did your friend.

I think animals know when they are going to die
just like humans.
Its ALL energy.
My rabbit, Cotton Eye Joe, gazed at me like she never did before, the morning before she died. I think she was saying goodbye. Of course I kicked myself in the head continuously for the things that I did not do for her, still do. Perhaps this is normal. All I know for sure is that any animal I take responsibility for will be treated in the same manner I would treat myself or anyone else I love.. This , I guess , includes all the mistakes and inherant procrastinations. Nobody's perfect. I am not perfect. I am sorry for our loss...or will we meet our little loved souls again on the other side?

one more thing,
reading your post again confirms my belief that you loved your horse
so much so
you "knew"
please,
please stop blaming yourself.
You did the right thing
out of love.

His energy is with you...always, because of love.

Love, Allyson

peace

I know this must be a terrible burden for you! It is hard enough to make the decision to put a pet to sleep, but to have to cope with how it all went down sounds so hard.

When my dog Andy was dying, he was so far gone that he didn't need a sedative. In fact, I had no idea they used them (he was the first pet I had to put down) until I read this forum! Yesterday, when the vet put my dog Nellie down, he used a sedative first. She always hated the vet so much! But she was so worn out that she didn't even whimper when we took her in. I don't think she needed a sedative, but they gave her one anyway. I'd rather her go peacefully - which is why I think they do it.

Your vet was wrong not to give yours one, but don't feel guilty. I agree with the others, pets do realize they are dying and they aren't scared of it like people can be. By acting calm and not getting angry and upset with the vet in front of your girl, you helped her because our beloved pets respond to how we act and the emotions we project. Please don't feel bad about this - your girl is so very happy now and she isn't going to be feeling betrayed or angry at you - she knew she was dying and she knew you were doing the best thing you could for her.

Never forget that the last few minutes we have our pets alive are not the most important ones - the ones that matter most are the happy, loving memories and times that were shared over the span of a lifetime rather than a few minutes!

I agree, animals seem to handle death much better than we do. Maybe because they are closer to the rhythms of life than we are. Is there a lesson to be learned from them? I was holding Rupert in my arms, my face buried in his sweet fur when the vet gave the sedative and then the final shot....and what I remember now (I was far to anguished to notice at the time) is that he was purring as he went. He hadn't purred for DAYS because he was so sick. Was he ready to go? I feel like he was comforting ME. A final gift from my cinnamon-sugar puss.

Animals do seem to know, don't they?

Yes, they do seem to know! When my Andy was well, he wasn't much for getting lots of cuddles and pets. I always joked about him having his quota of loving. When he grew ill, I so desperately wanted to latch onto him, and to my surprise, he not only let me hug/snuggle/kiss/pet him, he seemed to be loving it!

He was a unique boy, when he was happy, he would make this purring-snoring sound - the only dog I've ever heard do that! And all the while I would love on him, he would make that noise. The day we put him to sleep, he actually let me hold him in my arms and hug him to my chest. He certainly helped me stay strong!

When Nellie grew sicker, she would often come to me and lay down at my feet if I was standing up, or lay beside me. She was always loving attention, but she often would seek me out when I was the most sad. When her brother was dying, she would lay near him and stay alert and awake while he rested, just to make him feel safer. She even let him have all of her favorite spots to lay down and didn't once get fussy with him.

We all thought Nellie would be devastated to lose him, but she seemed at peace with him having gone. When she was dying, my new dogs were all so subdued. They didn't know her too well (only a few months), but they hardly left our sides as we all cried and mourned for Nellie. Now that she has passed, they all seem elated and run around and play. I'm sure they know she is in a very happy place and isn't in any pain. Just seeing how such complete innocents handle death reminds me that it is not something to be feared and that it isn't just the end of things!