I am very touched by the stories and sensitive responses on the site. My miniature doxie, Cozy, lies in her bed beside me now. The only thing that remains a constant with her now is here desire to stay close by me. Her poor tummy is swollen due to complications of congestive heart failure. Last night's trip to the vet was hopeful in that the vet increased the diuretics to the most advisable and I thought she could rally. She refuses almost all food now and I only managed to get her pills down with some deli meat. Over the last few days she would eat something for awhile and then refuse it. I cannot let her go on like this but my heart is breaking over what I must do. I have been a widow for ten years and my two little dogs have seen me through some bad times. They are my only housemates and I love them so dearly. Please say a prayer that I can have the strength to do what I have to do. Thank you for hearing me out, Cozy's mom.

Hi, Doximom, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in your Anticipatory Grief for your precious Cozy. Making the decision to ease our companion's journey home to the angels is never an easy one - - it is very similar to stopping life support for a human family member or friend.

I do so empathize with you, Doximom - - it is very heartbreaking to know that our companions are in their final days, hours of their earthly journey with us - - it gives us a very helpless feeling to realize that there is nothing else we can do for them but to ease their transition journey from their failing, frail physical body.

Making the decision on behalf of your precious Cozy who valiantly and lovingly dedicates her heart and life to you is the last gift of love you can give to her at great sacrifice to yourself - - it is one of the most unselfish acts of love we can give our companions when the quality of their life no longer exists.

One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone, Doximom. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you and your precious Cozy are in my thoughts and prayers, Doximom, and please let us know how things go, and how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you Moon Beam- your understanding helps me. The world will not be the same without my girl.

Hi, Doximom, just stopping by to let you know you and your precious Cozy are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope today is treating you and your precious Cozy kindly, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Moon Beam,
Cozy died this morning at about 1:30. She took a turn for the worse yesterday and I stayed by her side all day. Her struggle is over and I have wrapped her poor little body in a blanket and will have a friend drive me into town to the vet. Cozy will be cremated and her ashes and her collar, as with others, will be buried with me. I feel so alone in this grief and know I will get "just a dog" from certain people and "get another" from others. They may as well be talking Chinese for my understanding of those words.
Thank you for hearing me,
Cozy's mom, Doximom

Dear Doximom
I am so sorry for your loss of Cozy. You sound like a very loving and loyal mother, and I am sure you gave Cozy a beautiful life.
I know the loneliness and sadness you feel right now, as do most (if not all) of us do on the site...In time such sadness and loneliness will be replaced with smiles of warm memories and comfort. Knowing that Cozy has not left you but with you in sprit.
Sharing your grief is an effective way of dealing with it. We are here for you.
Yours, Mark (and Bicky)

Hi, Doximom, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies to the physical loss of your beloved Cozy. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. I hope you will find some comfort in knowing that your beloved Cozy transitioned home to the angels in the place she loves the most: her home surrounded by the sights, sounds, smells, and the tender love of her Forever Mom.

Doximom, the grief journey that is now before you is one that is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time. It is a journey that cannot be reconciled in an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months for you are now faced with the overwhelming physical and emotional adjustment to all the "first withouts" and the "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure.

The good news in the midst of all this pain is that the love bond you and your beloved Cozy share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Cozy's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will - - for she is always and forever in your heart and your memories, Doximom - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the deep seering pain of sorrow that is in your heart, Doximom. I can only hope and pray that the words I share with you will somehow be able to offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey. One thing you need to remember is that you are never alone. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Cozy with us, Doximom. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of her with us, but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Doximom, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you Mark and Bicky,
I feel so lost now. Can only think to go the cemetery and visit my husband's grave and tell him what has happened. We used to have a joke about all the pets being given the middle name of "Gene"- which was his- but he called Cozy "Cozy Lou." He has been gone ten years this month- and it is times like this when I miss him the most. He was a kind and gentle soul.
I know that things will slowly get better and that the good memories will prevail- but I so miss my little girl.
Thanks again,
Linda

Thank you, too Moon Beam. I know that you are right- that time will heal and that Cozy is forever in my heart. I wish I could send the picture- but the attachment program says it is "too large" and I don't know how to change it. I am not very good with the computer.
Thanks for your help,
Doximom

Hi, Doximom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Clinical professionals recognize that the physical loss of a beloved companion who has been shared with a family member or friend who is also deceased can intensify the grief. I know this to be true from first hand experience, so I truly do understand how you are feeling.

Yes, the size of the picture needs to be limited. I am not a computer whiz either. If you need help, please feel free to contact the Lightning Strike Administrator. He is always willing to help.

Once again, Doximom, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Doximom, I'm very sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved Cozy. Such a loss is a terrible blow for those of us who really love our furry friends and is most difficult to accept. For sure Cozy was not "just a dog" to you, as some would say, nor can she be replaced by any other dog. Hold her close in your heart and never forget her, as she would do for you. Perhaps some day we can be reunited with all of our loved ones, including our faithful pets. My best to you.

Thanks, Jake's Grandpa.
I just made an entry in my journal about wishing that there was some shelter from this pain. With the exception of one, friends and family that know what happened are leaving me alone to get through this.. I know that they are doing what they think is best. But I so wish that I could just sit with someone and have a hand to hold. Your words have helped me.
Thanks again,
Doximom

Doximom
I know that feeling oh so well. Just the need talk to someone....anyone....
People around me had no idea to act, so they just never really addressed it. If it weren't for this board, .
I would have had to mourn alone...That would have been so unbearable...
Writing about my little Bicky helped me (is helping me) get through his passing...
We are he for you...

When did you lose Bicky?

Hi Doximom
I lost Bicky in the early morning of January 2nd, 2011.
I have been writing about him in chapters on the board. If you type in "Bicky's Story", you will be able to find it.
I miss him so much still...
I know exactly what you are going through....
I am here for you
Yours, mark (and Bicky)

Hi Doximom, I hope that you are doing OK today and feeling a little bit better maybe. It takes time to accept the loss of a pet, and I think that the amount of time depends on the amount of love that one has for them. The more love, the greater the loss and the more time required. For those of us here, the love is so strong that we will never really "get over" the loss, but can in time perhaps come to accept it with some measure of peace. It has been over six months since the bond between my Jake and me was broken, and I'm better now but still not fully at peace with it. Maybe in another six months.

We'd love to see a picture of Cozy. Here is a link to the site administrator's sticky on sizing photos for posting:

http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=4706

Hope you can get a picture up.

Best regards.

A friend of mine has tried to reformat a picture of Cozy so that you all can see her. I hope this works. Thanks for all your comforting words.
Doximom

Click to view attachment

What an absolute beauty. Look at these eyes! I am sure Bicky and Cozy would have hit it off splendidly!

She's a real cutie-pie, Doximom. Thanks for posting the picture.

She was "plucky" as they say. Plump, with a bit of an attitude. I look for those eyes still. I want to hold her close in my heart but I want the pain to stop somehow. Thank you Jakesgrandpa and MarklovesBicky for your kind remarks.

Hi, Doximom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and for sharing this wonderful picture of your beloved Cozy with us. I, too, wish to tell you what a sweet little girl she is. Her eyes are so expressive, and you can see the eternal love you share reflected in her eyes and face. You, and you alone, are blessed with being her beneficiary of her eternal love, and we are blessed with the opportunity of sharing her legacy of her earthly journey with you.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Doximom, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Cozy's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you so much. The days - and even parts of days- are swinging from the beginnings of acceptance to deep grief to terrible loneliness and back again. I wish I could escape from this but know from other deaths that you cannot. Nephew Brian sent flowers and it was so touching- he is not a pet owner himself and so it was really his recognition what Cozy's death means to me.
I am just trying to hang in there,
Doximom

Hi Doximom, I am so sorry to read about the parting of your baby. I wish I had the strength to reply to everyone's post but I still find mysel so overcome with grief. I have a hard time really expressing my feelings in writing, and like you find myself in awkward situations where people don't know what to say when I talk about my dog Jack. Tonight has been one of those nights that I'm at my lowest. I was searching the Internet for some words of comfort as I was starting to feel the anxiety coming on full force. I came across this poem, it made me cry and smile. You may have read it before, but I will share it incase you haven't.

I Loved You Best

So this is where
we part, My Friend,
and you'll run on,
around the bend,
gone from sight,
but not from mind,
new pleasures there
you'll surely find.

I will go on,
I'll find the strength,
life measures quality,
not its length.
One long embrace
before you leave,
share one last look,
before I grieve.

There are others,
that much is true,
but they be they,
and they aren't you.
And I, fair, impartial,
or so I thought,
will remember well
all you've taught.

Your place I'll hold,
you will be missed,
the fur I stroked,
the nose I kissed.
And as you journey
to your final rest,
take with you this...
I loved you best.

Jim Willis

Thank you for the lovely poem. I know of another that I will try to share. I know that an accidental death has it's additional pain. Cozy was days short of being 14 and she had heart failure. Her death was not a surprise. But the death of someone you love always leaves a whole in your life. I hope you feel better, PomMom.
Doximom

Yes, no matter how or when they leave, we miss them, that's for sure. I am feeling a little better this morning after crying the pain out last night. I'm going to put flowers on Jack's grave and remind myself that I need to be thankful for the time we spent together, I wouldn't trade that for the world. It's such a long road to healing, it helps knowing we aren't traveling alone. I hope you start to feel better too, you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

PomMom

Hi, Doximom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. How so very sweet that your nephew sent you flowers. I do so understand how you're feeling when you share with us: "The days - and even parts of days- are swinging from the beginnings of acceptance to deep grief to terrible loneliness and back again." I don't think we ever "accept" the physical loss of our beloved companions. Through my life's experiences I have come to the realization that this grief journey is more of "adjustment" to their physical absence rather than "acceptance."

When our companions are physically with us, they literally become the center of our universe. We live in a physically oriented world governed by the five senses of taste, touch, sight, sound, and smell. Every time our companions touch us, rub against us, lick / kiss us, they are literally chemically imprinting themselves onto us so that they can identify us out of all the other milions of people on this planet. When they precede us to the angels, we literally go through a withdrawal from this physical contact, and it is both emotionally and physically painful. So please let me try to reassure you that what you are going through is very normal deep grief - - painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal. This is among many reasons why this grief journey is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride, and why it is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in your own way and in your own time - - with the confidence of knowing that you are never alone - - that you have the comfort, support, and encouragement from everyone on this wonderful forum.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Doximom, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Cozy's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Doximom, please know that though some may not understand your feelings, you are not alone. Losing a beloved companion is one of the most difficult things in life. If you feel the pain about it, it's only because you truly cared for your Cozy. Take each day slowly and give yourself plenty of time and comfort.

Thank you. I know it will take time. I must go in to town to pick up Cozy's ashes today. A wooden box so unlike my warm, plump baby.

Keeping my baby's ashes in an urn in my living room has given me great comfort. Giving our fur babies the proper dignity they deserve helps bring about a righteous closure.
Anyway, my heart goes out to you Doximom. You are now gong through a very difficult time in the grieving process.
I am here for you...
Yours, Mark and Bicky

Thank you, Mark. I enjoyed reading about Bicky's life. He was so lucky to have you. All fur babies deserve the best we can give them.
Linda
Doximom

We have our Jake's ashes in a wooden box in our living room along with some clippings of his hair, his picture and his two favorite chew toys. It is a comfort and makes me feel like his spirit is here with us. Still, after 7 months this very day, I miss his physical presence terribly.

I guess we will always miss them. I think I will eventually put Cozy's little box of ashes beside another from my wonderful yellow lab mix, Glory. I keep them in a drawer with the" last collars" of several other dogs that have graced my life. I intend to be buried with their ashes and their collars. Strange, I know.

Not strange at all. I can identify with that and would like for Jake's ashes to be buried with me.

I came to this site in late January when my dear Cozy was dying. Now I am faced with her sister's death. They were not really litter mates but raised together from puppyhood. Joey is 14. Since Cozy died, Joey has been upset when she is left alone. I think she may have had a stroke in the two hours I was in town this morning. I am hoping that she will rally. And I am hoping that I have the strength to do what I must do. Thanks for understanding. I know that there are more people like me out there that love their pets so dearly.

Hi, Doximom, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in your precious Cozy's time of medical crisis. Have you taken her for a check up with her vet yet? As with people there are meds that can be administered to help reduce the effects of the stroke - - if that is a route you would want to take with her. Please know you and your precious Cozy are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how your precious Cozy and you are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thanks MoonBeam. It is Joey that is in crisis. I lost Cozy in February to her poor weakened heart. I wasn't sure how to start a new subject for Joey and just tagged comments onto Cozy's post of months ago. I guess it was foolish to get two dogs close in age with realizing that the pain of losing them might be close in time. Only four months since my Cozy died.
Joey is better today. Eating, drinking, standing, poorly walking. She does not seem in pain. But I am concerned about her ability to get up on her own. And of what will happen when I have to leave next.
I have loved them both so dearly. More than almost all humans.

Hi, Doximom, thank you so much for sharing with us how your precious Joey is doing. This Anticipatory Grief journey is filled with many different emotions that can be as equally overwhelming as the deep grief we go through once our companion has transitioned home to the angels. You and your precious Joey have this special time to cherish and treasure - - one day at a time. One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone in your precious Joey's and your journey. Please know you and your precious Joey are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam