It sounds so stupid and cleche but I have a hole in my heart.

I'll be forward with this, I have depression/anxiety issues. When things would get bad, I could look at my cat and keep living. We loved each other and I didn't trust his care to anyone else.

Now he's gone.

I got another cat from the shelter. He's not a bad cat, but we don't have a connection. He'd rather hang out in the living room then in my room with me. He wants to cuddle for five minutes a day, and that's it.

I miss my cat. And further more, I miss the bond we had.

I could be wrong, but I think it would help me a lot if I could have that bond again. But I don't know how to get it.

I need a lap cat, but I don't know how to get one. Supposing I could get one, would it help?

I'm afraid that I don't know the answer to your question, LillyGreyshipp, but I can identify with your feelings about the loss of your beloved cat. I had a real bond with our English Bulldog, Jake, and he hung out with me all the time. I depended on him and his love for support and strength, especially when things got rough. Now that he's gone, I feel somewhat lost and empty. I've thought of getting another dog, and while I could love another dog, I doubt that we would ever have the kind of connection I shared with Jake. It may sound cliché, but there is a big hole in my heart, too. If you can figure out how to mend it, please let me know.

Hi, Lilly, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. If I may try to offer you some comforting encouragement with your new companion: The bond we form with our precious companions during their earthly journey with us takes work - - it is formed every moment of every hour of every day. Like our relationships with our human family members and friends, we also need to encourage our companions to let them know they are the most important to us. Establishing this bond with a new companion after losing the physical presence of a beloved companion takes time, and it seems harder because our hearts are still adjusting to the phyiscal absence of a relationship that we know we could always count on. We can still count on our relationship with our beloved companions who are now with the angels for their sweet Living Spirits are always with us. But it is not the same as having the comfort of a sweet physical body snuggled next to us.

It is important that you give your new companion some "space" and time to become accustomed to his new surroundings and his new human family. At the same time, it is up to you to encourage him to know that YOU want a loving, special bond with him and you can do this by frequently seeking him when he leaves your room to hold and tell him you love him and that you want to be his very special friend, and taking him back to your room when you want to rest and have the comfort of his physical body next to you. A new connection with a new companion takes time and effort - - it may take several weeks or months before you begin to see your new kitty respond to your individual affections for him, but it will be worth the effort as you continue to share your earthly journey together.

I hope what I have shared with you helps, Lilly. This grief adjustment journey takes time, and sometimes we can begin to feel like the deep sorrow in our hearts will never ease. But I promise you with time it will.

Once again, Lilly, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I hope today is treating you and your new companion kindly. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Lilly, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Moon_beam

Thank you for your words. They helped and were what I needed to hear that night. I've had more patience with my new companion and things are going better with him. I would still really like to mother a tiny kitten, but only when that opportunity comes along.

Hi, Lilly, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I am so glad you and your new little family member are doing better. Sometimes the bond we feel with our companions is instantaneous from the moment our eyes meet with theirs. And sometimes, particularly when our hearts are still heavy with grief, the bond forms more slowly - - and that is okay, too, for the bond you and your new companion will have will be just as strong - - but different, and this is very normal.

I hope today is treating you and your new companion kindly, Lilly. Perhaps sometime you would like to share a picture(s) of him with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Lilly, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

lily, I registered on this forum today as my little girl cat soul mate had sudden heart failure and after reading your post, it could have been written by me.... I KNOW exactly what you are going through. I also have anxiety issues, and my Peetzee was my 'anxiolitic'. We hung during the day and slept together at night. The world could be falling apart, but she understood and somehow it became 'alright'. As you did , I have been contemplating getting another kitty as I am SOOOO lonely and empty inside. How are you dealing with your new kit. Are things getting better? I also know what you are talking about when you say that there is no connection with a new cat right now....Of course we all say our kitties are special, but in deed they are to each of us. My roommate has 3 cats and I have been around them for years and there is no connection there for me. She has even said she would 'let me have one (a loaner)'....but of course its not the same as our loves. I hope that we can find a new and different (yet good for both) relationship with our new companions. Please let me know how you are doing. I wish you and your new kit a new relationship that can last for many years.

Lily, I was reading your post and I understand how you feel. My cat Pippin died a little over a year ago, and I still miss him desperately. I had a hard time connecting with a cat we adopted shortly after he died. Something that I found to help with developing our bond was spending time playing with Earl Grey (the newer kitty). I had hoped Earl would be a snuggly lap cat, but it turns out what he wanted most was someone to play with. As I realized that and stopped expecting him to be what I wanted, and as we played more, the closer we have become.

Play, even if your kitty doesn't end up being a snuggler, is an amazing way to bond - and sometimes, it was just the distraction I needed.

Lilly, I am sorry for your loss, and I can very well understand how you want your new companion to be a lap cat. We want things the way they used to be and what made us happy and what we are familiar with. I think Kel hit it spot on when she said that things changed for her when she stopped expecting Earl Grey to be who she wanted him to be. It could be that your new companion can sense you keeping your emotional distance from him and maybe that's why he's keeping a physical distance from you, out of respect and to let you grieve. Please give it time for the new bond to establish. It took my Shelley a few months to become a lap cat. You don't know the history of your new companion. It could be that he is also grieving for his former home. It takes time. Find out what he likes and play with him. Accept him for who he is. I know readjusting to a new cat can be difficult emotionally, but I'm sure your new companion is very sweet in his own way. Just give it time and don't expect too much right away. Just as we want to be loved for ourselves so do cats. But it's so hard to establish that new bond when you're still grieving. It will take "baby" steps.

Hugs,
DannysMom