Four months ago today I lost my dog Jack in a horrible accident. He was my best little friend, my world. I could never imagine I would loose him the way I did. I still can't wrap my head around how it happened. I really need to tell the story because I've been holding it in, so it's going to be long and I am typing through tears so please bear with me.

Jack was a 6 1/2 year old black Pomeranian. I had him since the day he was born, I have both his parents who had a litter of puppies (not on purpose). All his siblings went to family and I kept Jack, Gucci (mom) and Kona (dad). Jack and I shared the most amazing bond out of my three dogs, he was "my boy", we got to spend so much time together, I worked from home until a few months ago so Jack spent a lot of time sitting behind my back in my office chair or following me wherever I went, he was my little shadow day and night. He rarely missed out on a car ride, but occasionally the safer choice was to leave him at home.

August 29th was one of those rare occasions that Jack needed to stay home for a few hours. My husband and I had planned a bike ride in the woods and I didn't feel comfortable leaving the dogs alone in the truck in a remote area. We were gone a total of four hours. On the way home on the highway there was a small animal in the middle of the road that had been run over and badly disfigured. I quickly looked away and commented to my husband how I felt so sorry for people who find there pets like that, it's not how you want to remember them.

Minutes later we pulled up to our house and I ran out to the pen to bring the dogs inside. When I got close I realized only Kona was in the pen. I immediately panicked, ran to the house to find Gucci inside but Jack was nowhere to be found. At this point I am hysterical and call my brother who lives on the property. He tells me he assumed Jack was in the house and that when he got home the other dogs were loose in the yard and the pen gate was open so he put Gucci in the house and Kona back in the pen. Supposedly a couple hours earlier his girlfriend and her friend were petting them through the fence and everything was fine. My heart stopped, I suddenly realized it was my baby that we had to drive over in the road. My husband didn't think it could be him, it was so far from the house but said he would go and make sure. When he finally came back he just looked and me and I fell apart. Nothing was adding up, Jack had never left the yard, it was so far away, there is no possible way the gate opened by itself and I am positive it was shut. There are so many unanswered questions.

I miss him every hour of every day, I struggle with the images in my head of him laying in the road so badly disfigured, I didn't even recognize him. I have not been able to look at pictues yet, it hurts too much and I feel like I could have an anxiety attack just thinking about it. This should have never happened to Jack, I always tried to put him first and I feel like I failed him.

I do believe we get to see our fur babies again, sometimes that's what gets me through the days. The night before last I had a very real dream, it was the first time Jack has been in a dream since he passed. In the dream I was lying in bed and sat up to Jack bouncing around and playing on top of the blankets, he looked perfect and happy, I started petting his back and felt his paws like I used to. I was amazed how soft he felt because even in the dream I knew he was no longer with me. He looked in my eyes (he used to like to do this with his paws on my chest) and was able to tell me without speaking that he was happy and I shouldn't be so sad. I told him how much I missed him and I turned to my husband excitedly and asked if he could see him. Then my alarm went off and I woke up. It felt so real and I'm not quite sure what to make of it. Maybe he really was able to let me know he is okay, I like to think so.

Mom misses you Jack, I love you my little snapper. I'm sorry.

Hi PomMom,

I am so sorry about your loss.
Just like you, I too put my baby boy first and always tried to protect him from everything. That's why it hurts so much to know that he was taken away from me by someone else's unleashed dogs... Someone's negligence resulted in me loosing my only child, my furry son Gizy.
I know how deep your pain must be, I am in the same kind of pain ever since my baby left. Today is three weeks since my sweet boy went to heaven... Truly I don't know how I made it thus far without him. He was my shadow, momma's little boy... We too had such a strong bond between us
The only thing that keeps me going is the thought that we will reunite one day.
He hasn't visited me in my dreams yet but I ask him every day and tell him how much mommy misses and loves him.

Thank you for finding strength to tell us your story and hopefully this forum will make it easier for you through these hard times just like it helps me every day.

Love,

Gizy's Mom

Hi, PomMom, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Jack. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion so tragically and unexpectedly intensifies our grief.

PomMom, please let me try to offer you some words of comfort and reassurance that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal. This grief journey is filled with many different emotions all of which can overwhelm us all at one time - - this grief journey is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. Unfortunately there is no easy way to navigate this grief journey. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in your own way and in your time. Because we live in a physically-oriented world, one of the hardest parts of this grief journey, among many, is adjusting to the physical absence of your beloved Jack. To help ease the pain of the physical separation, you may find it helpful to hold one of his toys, or a blanket, his collar - - something that belongs only to your beloved Jack when the ache to hold him and touch him becomes more than your heart can bear. No, it isn't the same as physically holding him, but it will help to bridge the desolate emptiness and ache while you travel your adjustment journey.

The good news in the midst of your deep sorrow is that the love bond you and your beloved Jack share is eternal. It is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Jack's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will. He is always and forever a part of you, PomMom, for he is always and forever in your heart and memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

It does not surprise me that your beloved Jack has found a way to let you know he is now healed and restored to his former youthfulness in the company of the angels. Our beloved companions do find ways to let us know they are with us still - - sometimes in dreams, sometimes through visits by other woodland residents, sometimes through the actions of other precious companions who continue to share our earthly journey - - even new companions we embrace into our hearts and lives. I hope somehow in some way your heart will find comfort from Jack's visit.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow that is in your heart, PomMom. I can only hope and pray that the words I share with you will be able to offer you some measure of comfort as you travel your grief adjustment journey. One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Jack with us, PomMom. Perhaps sometimes you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of him with us, but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, PomMom, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Gizy's mom,

Thank you for the support, I know you are going through a very difficult time yourself. It is so hard for me to talk about what happened to Jack or even write about it. It's nice to know that people here on this site care and help each other, I feel comfortable pouring my heart out here.

Thanks again,
PomMom

Hi moon_beam,

Thank you for your kind words, I try to remember that Jack is always with me but it helps to be reminded. The day after Jack passed I didn't know what to do, I ended up joining a site where it turned out some people didn't share my beliefs and they let me know. It was definitely not the help I needed so badly.

I have been reading posts here for awhile now and finally felt like I could tell my story. Everything you wrote is so true and comforting, I appreciate you taking the time to respond, I have been so sad since I saw Jack in my dream, it made me miss him all over again.

Like I said, I haven't been able to look at pictures yet, but I hope to share some in the near future, I miss seeing his sweet face.

Thank you,
PomMom

Hi, PomMom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Sometimes during our deep grief when we have dreams of our beloved companions, or visits from other avenues that our beloved companions let us know they are still with us, it can be heartbreaking - - for our sorrow is still very new and our hearts have not yet adjusted to the "new normal" of not having their precious physical presence still with us. Still I hope in time you will find comfort from your beloved Jack's visit to you in your dream reassuring you that he is happy in his heavenly home while he awaits your appropriate time to join him in eternal joy - - then the both of you will be whole again.

I can relate to your struggle with other grief websites before finding Lightning Strike. I am so glad you have come here, PomMom, for this truly is a place where each of us can come to share our grief journeys - - and new arrivals into our hearts and homes - - with others who can share what is in our hearts without fear of judgment or recrimination or rejection.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Jack with us, PomMom. I hope today is treating you kindly and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Jack's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi PomMom,
I can't talk about what happened to my baby either. It hurts too much to relive that day...
It hurts so much that I haven't been able to talk to majority of my friends ( just a few close ones). I still keep ignoring all their calls and messages. I have not logged in on facebook since that day, I just don't want to see all the messages about my boy... It's so weird but I just feel like I will have a breakdown if I talk to people and they start asking me about my baby... And the ones who don't know that Gizy is gone will be asking how he is and I don't know how to handle that... Many of my friends know how important my baby was to me, when people talked about their children I would always get into their conversation and start telling them about my child... start showing pictures, tell funny stories...
It is just so painful to even think that my sweet boy is gone...
Thank you for your support and a friendly ear.

Gizy's mom

moon_beam, thank you for thinking of me. These last few days sure have been hard, definitely a horror roller coaster ride. I miss him so much.

PomMom

That is something I'm struggling with as well, it's been four months and I can't stop myself from crying anytime someone says his name. Overall I am starting to smile and laugh a little more each day but there are still many ups and downs, it can feel so exhausting. I love my two dogs Gucci & Kona dearly, but I'm not the "favorite", I miss my little sidekick. I hope your days start to get better too, I'll be thinking of you.

PomMom

Thank you PomMom for thinking of me.
Today is one of those days... I thought I would feel better by delivering some food to the nearest shelter. But I can't stop crying... Seeing all those poor dogs and cats plus missing my sweet boy... it is so hard for me to handle.
I hope one day I will be able to smile while remembering my baby, for now the memories of him hurt so much, my heart is crying.

Gizy's mom

Jack, I am really missing you today, I miss you everyday. I stopped and parked out by the ocean so I could quietly think about you but as I'm sitting here, I am wishing I could take you to the beach, you loved it so much. Thank you for being in my life, wish it could have been longer. I love you always my sweet boy.

Today is Jack's birthday, he would be seven. I pictured us having so many more years together, I miss him so much.

Happy birthday Jackie, I love you forever and always.

Happy Birthday Jackie!
Today is your very special day, you need to celebrate and have a wonderful time with all your friends on the rainbow, I hope you invited Gizy
We all miss you here on this earth.

Kisses,

Gizy's Mom

Thank you, I needed that.

Jack, I miss you so much, you mean the world to me. Lately I keep having terrible images of how i found your body, it's making me crazy, I wanted nothing more than for you to have a wonderful life and be able to pass peacefully when the time came. I am living my worst nightmare and I can't believe your gone. I hate to think that you could have suffered, I wish someone could tell me you didn't but i know you must have been scared. I still can't look at photos, I want to hold onto the memories I have of the last days we spent together, I can't face the emotions I will have when I go through the hundreds of pictures. I'm sorry my sweet boy, I'm sorry I wasn't there when you left this world, I miss you more than words can describe. I hope you met up with Kodi, you are my special boys. I love you both.

I wanted to share this photo of Jack's mom and dad laying with my son, they are his best buddies.
We all miss you Jackie.