My name is Ann. On November 7th, just after 11 AM. my dearettt darling Diana left my life. She had developed multiple complications after a dental extraction the week before. She weighed next to nothing, each bone in her body stuck out so badly. She had an infection, slight diarea and was having trouble breathing. Her blood sugar was so low that she could no longer see,and she was so weak she could not even hold up her head or stand or walk. She was sixteen and a half, and I had her for all but the first four to eight weeks of her life. She was a rescued stray kitten, came out from under a neighbor's mobile home.

I'm on my second day without her, and I don't know how I'm going to stand this. She is the first cat I have ever had to put to sleep. I know that putting her to sleep was the right thing to do for her, but there is a part of me that wonders if I'd just let them hospitalize her just one night, what might have happened, though the vet was not at all optimistic about any improvements.

Diana hated the vets, was terified of all strangers, in fact, and that was part of my decision. We lived so far away from the vet and hospital out here in the country that I jus couldn't stand the thought of her dying alone in the hospital or with no one but strange people to touch her.

There is a part of me that wishes I'd never put her through that dental extraction surgery, though her tooth was so badly broken and had been infected. This is where the infection spread from, the vet believed, but I can't help feeling that it caused her death. We had to go pick her up from that surgery in the middle of the flying snow from hurricane Sandy, and had to bring her back to a home with no power or hot water for five days.

The house is so quiet without her meow or following me around. I have another cat, my nephew's cat, and I love him deeply. But, he has never been a very affectionate lapcat, and my Diana was the queen of lapcats. As I type this, I can remember the many times she pushed her way between me and my keyboard to claim my lap for herself.

I just don't know how I'm going to get through this. My first morning waking up without her either snuggling under the covers with me or meowing at my door without her yesterday was bad, but coming home earlier today from my first grocery trip without having to buy her favorite kitty treats or having her stick her nose in to my grocery bags to inspect them was harder still.

Is crying every few minutes normal? It's supposed to make you feel better, isn't it? But, all I"m getting out of it is a sore nose and a headache.

I used to call her "angel girl", and though I'm not too religious just spiritual, i Hope she is with them now. I hope she is with my last cat, my Elizabeth, who died when she was three years old July 26, 1999. I hope maybe my two Grandma's who have passed on are looking after her, too. They both loved cats.

Thanks everyone for listening. I guess i have more to say, but I just can't do it right now.

Hi, Ann, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Diana. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness of the company of the angels.

Ann, this grief journey is one of the hardest experiences we will know on this side of eternity. It is filled with many different emotions that normally overwhelm us all at one time - - it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. This grief journey is one of adjustment to the physical absence of your beloved Diana, and it is a very painful journey both emotionally and physically. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in your own way and in your own time. It is a journey that will not be reconciled in an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the "first withouts" and the "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure - - and your heart will break anew.

But I promise you, Ann, this is a journey you do not make alone. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Unfortunately we are mere mortals, Ann - - we do not possess the "wisdom" of foreknowledge - - only with what comes with hindsight. You had not idea that the surgery for tooth extraction would have such a tragic effect on your beloved Diana. Sadly, infections can overwhelm our companion's immune system, no matter how valiant the efforts are to treat and battle the infection. You did everything in your power to provide your beloved Diana a happy and healthy earthly journey, and your beloved Diana KNOWS that you love her with all your heart.

Also, Ann, please let me try to reassure you that the physical symptoms you are feeling from the stress of grieving are very normal. Although crying is very healthy, it can also leave us with headaches, facial pain, etc.. During the deep grief, our physical bodies literally go into a "survival mode". Because of the stress of grief our immune systems also can become easily compromised, so it is vitally important that you try to get plenty of rest and as much nutrition as you possibly can tolerate at this time.

The good news in the midst of all this terrible grief pain is that the love bond you and your beloved Diana share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Diana continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will. She is always and forever a part of your heart and your memories - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow that is in your heart, Ann. I can only hope the words I share will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief journey.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Diana with us, Ann. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of her with us, but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Ann,

Oh, yes, crying every few minutes is absolutely normal! Not only that, but crying at the most inopportune times, like when you're at work or in the middle of running some errand out in public. Believe me, we've been there and done all that, and we're familiar with the physical consequences of it as well. Please pay heed to moon_beam's eloquent response. She has been a soothing influence to many of us, including myself, and her words contain great wisdom to take into consideration. She really says it all, so I don't have much else to offer at this point. We're here to listen and to offer you support and to give you our stories if you're inclined to listen so that you know that you're not alone. Please visit here when you can, and if you have any questions to ask of us, please ask away.

Wishing you all the best,

Laura

Dear Ann,

I definatly think you made the right choice. Sometimes hard for us to see that and others can see it better. I am so sorry for your loss. When you mentioned your kitty would nose around in the grocery bags it togged at my heart. My Lucymae who died on 10/1012 at around 2pm did the same thing.

There is no wrong way to grieve. They say tears are healing. I would like to believe your kitty and my dog Lucymae are up in heaven having a great time.

Once again I am so sorry for your loss. The pain is unbearable at times, I know.

Lynn

Hi Ann,

I just wanted to offer my condolences for the loss of your angel girl. It sounds like she was very loved and loved you very much too! I had to put my Penny to sleep in August and it was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made even though I know I did it because it was the best thing for her. I will be thinking of you and know she is always with you.

Hugs,
Lindsey

I am so sorry for your loss. My darling Molly passed away last year October. I was to the point that I knew she needed to go to the vet for our final goodbye. The day before I could take her, she passed away alone in our garage. She was 16 1/2. This October my sweet Kyle was maybe hit by a car. He passed away while undergoing tests at the vet office. He was only two. The pain gets easier but will never totally disappear. I too cry at odd times like during church (my daughter was looking at pictures on my phone.)
Again, I am sorry.