Lily, my cat of 14 years, is being put to sleep today or tomorrow. I don't know the exact time because I am in college and have tests coming up so I asked to just assume heaven has gained an angel. My family got her in 1998 and since I have been a young child Lily has always clung to me and we have bonded. I'm not sure why, but she became MY cat. I consider myself her "mom". She always knew when I was sad or struggling and would comfort me. She would wait for me, run up to me, cuddle me, no matter what. Even though I was not her main caretaker, my mom took care of her the most but yet Lily still picked me. When I went away to college 2 hours away 2 years ago it was so hard parting with her. I knew I couldn't base my life decisions off her though. I sometimes regret not being home more but I did as much as could do see her. When our family found out that she had cancer 2 months ago we were all devastated. She means so much to all of us in different aspects. When I would come home and visit her though it was like her symptoms of cancer went away and she was happy again. Lily had lost a lot of weight, started urinating in the kitchen, became extremely thirsty all the time, and would always crunch up and not relax along with spurts of struggling breathing. When I came home though to be with her it was like she was hiding from me that she was suffering and became relaxed, took care of herself more, and just slept and became herself. I think that we have had an incredible connection. I don't know what to do without her. I went home to see her specifically many times. She was my rock and my comfort and I think I was hers. On top of losing her my boyfriend strongly believes that animals/pets/whatever don't have souls and don't have the ability or intelligence to love. This absolutely CRUSHED me. I STRONGLY believe that Lily is or will be in heaven and does/did love me and my family very much. I cannot prove to him either that they DO love. I have experienced it and I know many others have. He even has a dog who is obsessed with him but he says its nothing. I feel bad for him because he hasn't had this amazing experience and connection...he told me I need help and its sad I am so attached. I can't talk to him about it anymore without feelings numb. My overall feelings right now are just numbness.

I'm just looking for comforting thoughts, words, anything.

Hi, breyn, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Lily. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Please let me try to affirm to you that you and your family are very right in your beliefs that your beloved Lily DOES have a soul, and that she is now in our Loving Father's healing arms. Our companions DO have feelings, and they KNOW love - - both how to give it unconditionally and receive it. Unfortunately there are some people who have companions for "ownership" - - to consider as "property" and to have a living being "submissive" to their authority. This is a very sad situation for both the companion and the human. You and your family are BLESSED to have your beloved Lily's eternal love, and be called her Forever Family - - for the love bond you and your beloved Lily share IS eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Lily continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will. She is forever a part of your heart and your memories, breyn, - - her sweet Living Spirit is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow that is in your heart right now, breyn. This grief adjustment journey can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time. It is a journey that cannot be reconciled in an hour, a day, a week, a month - - or even 6 months for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the "first withouts" and the "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure. This grief journey is filled with many different emotions that usually overwhelm us all at one time. It is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. Although clinical professionals now recognize that the physical loss of a companion is as painful, if not more so, as the physical loss of a human family member or friend, unfortunately sometimes the people who are closest to us physically and emotionally do not. I am so sorry that your boyfriend is not being as supportive for you as you need during this time of great sorrow for you. But please let me try to reassure you that you are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Lily with us, breyn. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of her with us -- but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, breyn, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I am so sorry for your loss. The pain can be unbearable at times. I know what you mean about our animals being our rock. Know that sweet Lily is in a better place. We are the ones left behind to grieve.

I lost my sweet dog, Lucymae about one month ago. I miss her so much. She lived for 16 long years. Sound like we both had our loved ones for many years. We were lucky to have them bless us for so long.

Hang there, as I will too.

Lynn

Thank you both for your kind words. I am deeply sorry about Lucymae. I'm sure she was absolutely amazing and I hope you are doing well.

This is definitely like a rollar-coaster. I am fine then crying so hard. Then I'm okay but the all I can think about is holding her again. I miss that so much. I find it hard not to just think negatively about it...about how much I miss everything about her. But I remind myself of the wonderful years that she gave me and my family and that is 100 xs worth more than the pain.


Animals are just so amazing.

Here is a picture of Lily. She was the runt of the litter so she always seemed like just a kitten.

Hi, Breyn, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and these wonderful pictures of your beloved Lily. She is sooo beautiful.

Breyn, please let me try to reassure you that what you are experiencing is very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal. We live in a physically oriented world governed by the 5 senses of sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. Every time our companions touch us, rub against us, lick / kiss us they are literally chemically imprinting themselves onto us so that they can identify us from all the other millions of people on this planet. When they precede us to the angels our bodies literally go through a physical withdrawal from their physical contact with us - - and it is very painful. You may want to hold one of Lily's blankets, a toy, her collar - - something - - that belongs only to your beloved Lily when the pain of not being able to hold her becomes more than what your heart can bear. When my companions joined the angels I slept with their collar under my pillow and held one of their toys when my arms ached to hold them once again. No - - it isn't the same as holding your beloved Lily's sweet precious physical body - - but it will help to bridge the emptiness during your grief adjustment journey.

In response to your newest topic about how to "accept" the physical absence of your beloved Lily - - this grief journey is not one of "acceptance" but rather one of ADJUSTMENT TO the physical absence of your beloved Lily. Unfortunately there are no fast forward or delete buttons to press to speed up the process or make it immediately disappear. The adjustment process can only be made one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time, but it is an adjustment you are not traveling alone. By our individual selves this adjustment journey can become quite paralyzing emotionally. Together we can find the strength and encouragement to endure through the deepest sorrow our hearts will know on this side of eternity.

Thank you again so much for sharing your beloved Lily with us, Breyn, and these wonderful pictures of her. I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Lily's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Breyn, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam