My wonderful, lovable cat, Snugs, died Friday Sept. 21. He was my therapist and friend. I can't imagine my life without him. I can't stop crying. I know he was a cat, not a person, but he meant so much to me.
Can anyone tell ,e what to expect. When does it get any better? What helps?

Dear sad parent, please accept my sincere sympathies on the loss of your sweet Snugs. What a wonderful name! I know right now you must feel as if you'll never be happy again, never laugh again. The grief journey is a difficult one, and can sometimes only be traveled moment by moment. What you can expect in the first month is the waves of grief hitting often and frequent, with little pause in between. It is important to get enough rest and to not take on too much as grief wears down the immune system. Be especially kind to yourself. It helps to cry instead of trying to hold in the tears. Through crying we can release the pain that we feel. It may also help you to write about Snugs or to make a photo album or scrap book. It can be comforting to sleep with his toys, blankets, or collars. You may want to call a pet loss hotline for additional support, if you need to speak to a person. Sad parent, it will get better, but the first few days and weeks are especially difficult and painful as the grief is still s fresh. Please take good care of yourself.

Hugs,
DannysMom

Oh, my gosh. I feel so bad for you... I've been sitting here lamenting to my own (very aged cat) some of my sorrows and frustrations, and she is so there for me (in a cat kind of way)! It does seem strange, but I KNOW what you mean, and I can Imagine how much pain you are in. I am so sorry, its awful. I wish I could take some of that pain for you.

I have lost 3 cats over my life who were my best friends. You will hurt for a long time, it will feel like acid is etching at your guts. I know that is what you are feeling now, and again, my heart aches for you. Some day, maybe in a week, it will feel just a tiny bit less sharp. You'll be surprised, then slightly pleased, then you'll feel guilty. And Snugs will laugh at you from cat heaven. (Which I happen to believe is the same as human heaven! Or else, what's the point, right?) But the next day you'll feel just as lousy as you do now. (Maybe you better read this again in a week, Sad Parent...) And that process will go on for a while, getting a little less painful each time.

You asked what to expect; I hope you really wanted an answer. I've lost 2 beloved cats in the last year, having had them for 17/18 years. I'm speaking from a recently broken, recently (mostly) healed heart.

Snugs didn't have to have been a person for the two of you to have connected deeply at the heart level. And I'm thinking that this must have been some special cat, ha... I wish I could have known him!

Actually, one of the things that might help you through this time is to share about him. And I'd love to hear about him (as would lots of others on this forum). Personally, I'd love to hear about how he was that made you feel like he was a therapist!

Know that you are not alone in your pain tonight - I will be thinking of the two of you a lot this evening and I'm sure tomorrow, because my heart is touched.

Now you know, don't you, how Snugs filled every corner of every room, somehow... because now they all feel so empty. I hope (we hope) to hear from you tomorrow!

Hol

Thank you DannysMom for your response. Right now, the pain is intense. I miss my boy so much. He was an old cat
He was 24 years. Some people tell me I should just be glad I had him so long. But that meant I had 24 years to bond with him. In his last couple of years he developed a number of medical problems. In the last 6 months, a lot of my time was devoted to treating him. And I grew even closer. The hardest decision I made was to end his life when he stopped eating, was getting weaker, and had trouble walking. Nothing his vet tried at that time seemed to help. But I second guess myself, wondering if I could have done more or should have waited. He was still alert and affectionate.
He was such a sweet, loving, gentle, intelligent, and playful guy. He always made me happy.i have memories and I will love him forever. But I would give anything to hold him again.
My tears are frequent now. I hope with time I can find a way to go on without him.
I appreciate your helpful suggestions..

Thank you Hol for your supportive response. It does feel feel like acid is etching my gut. And tears pour out like a stream.
Snugs was an elderly cat, 24 years old. That meant I had a lot of bonding time with him. He was gentle, affectionate, playful and curious. When I was Ill, he stayed with me and kept me warm. When I came home, he would run to the door and greet me. When I was sad, he would come over, rub against me and ask to play. Before I knew it I was smiling again. He liked playing hide and seek, and would let me know when it was playtime. He was a lot of fun. When I closed the door to a room I was in, he would try to open it or look underneath.
He asked for very little, and gave a lot back. He never had behavior problems. He was a beautiful cat.
In his last 2 years, he developed a number of medical problems. The past 6 months, I spent a lot of time caring for him, giving him medications and fluids. He didn't complain until the last 2 weeks of his life. He gave a soft cry when I gave him medication and gently tried to push my hand away. He stopped eating about 4 days before he died. He was getting weaker and had trouble walking. Nothing the vet suggested started him eating. I made the difficult decision to end his life on Friday afternoon. But I second guess myself. Did I do the right thing? Could I have done more? He seemed to perk up on the way to the vet and I almost changed my mind. But then I remembered he was not eating and had problems walking. He fell asleep in my arms at the vet, so his death was peaceful. He did not seem tense or frightened
He was such a special guy. he was eager to please. It is hard to be home. I sometimes think I see him.
He slept with me, so I wake up looking for him
Thanks for being so supportive and understanding of my pain,
It is helpful to have you explain what to expect

Hi, Sad parent, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Snugs. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Sad parent, this grief journey is one of the hardest experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey fillled with many different emotions that usually overwhelm us all at one time - - it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. One of the emotions we all experience is guilt, and it is one of the hardest emotions to reconcile. Guilt comes from looking back and our hearts and minds being overwhelmed by all the "what ifs" "if onlys" and the painful "whys". Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes -- still very painful. From what you have shared with us you did everything that was in your human and humane power to give your beloved Snugs a happy, healthy earthly journey. Unfortunately, our furkids bodies are identical to ours - - they are not designed for immortality on this side of eternity. The deep sorrow that is in your heart will not go away in an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months. This grief adjustment journey can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time. But I promise you, Sad parent, that one day when you least expect it you will be thinking of your beloved Snugs and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and this is what your beloved Snugs wants for you. He wants you to remember him with a happy heart, but it's just going to take time for this happen for you.

The good news in all this pain is that the love bond you and your beloved Snugs share is eternal. It is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Snugs continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will. He is forever a part of your heart and your memories, Sad parent - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow that is in your heart. I can only hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey. One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone in your journey. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Snugs with us, Sad parent. Perhaps sometime you feel up to sharing a picture(s) of him with us, but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Sad parent, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Snugs parent,

I made the decision to put my sweet Penny girl to sleep on August 30th. She was not quite as old as your boy but was in her teens. We were never sure how old she was. She began having seizures and for a few weeks (although horrifying for me to watch) came back from each within a few minutes. That morning she suffered a grand mal seizure and never really seemed to be herself so we took her in. I've gone through a huge range of emotions from feeling like it was the best thing, the loving thing, to even feeling like I literally murdered her. I like you, took on a lot more in the way of care taking the past few weeks and I think that made it even harder for me. She was with me through college, marriage and my first child.

It has gotten easier. I can make it through most days without breaking down crying. The first week was horrible. I felt like I was walking around in a horrible nightmare and that if I could just wake up she would be home. The second week was much of the same but with an awful emptiness in my life. This week seems to be my denial week. I know some day I will be able to look at her photos and smile but for me this has not helped (yet.)

I did want to say that it does get easier. Some days are still a challenge. Other days I feel like I know at some point I will be able to move forward. Right now I've been trying to honor her in any way that I can.

Your sweet boy would not want you to grieve. He knew how very much you loved him. When they go, they take a huge piece of our heart but I really believe that they fill that hole with a piece of theirs to keep forever.

Thinking of you through this difficult time!

Sad Parent
How my heart goes out to you. All of us on this site know the indescribable pain you are feeling as you travel on this "grief roller coaster". Indeed, all of us here have experienced it firsthand and wouldn't wish such pain on the devil himself. But it is all part and parcel of the grief and mourning process.
It does get better, but it takes time. Eventually those countless tears that spill from your eyes, will be slowly replaced with smiles at the warm memories of love and companionship you shared with Snugs.
Hang in there, Mark (and Bicky)

Thank you marklovesbicky for your support. Right now it is hard to imagine how such deep pain and sadness can ever get better. Snugs used to sleep in my bed, so it is hard for me to sleep. It is helpful to hear that it will improve

Thank you Lindsey for your support and sharing your story. It is helpful.