Thursdays and Fridays are the worst days of the week for me. Ava was fine on Thursday and gone on Friday, hence the problems with these days. It's been 8 weeks and I'm still having a rough time with things. I know I am getting over the grief slowly but it's the two steps forward and the one step back that is driving me nuts. My life seems so empty without her.

This morning I went into the support resources and articles area and re read some of the posts in there. I even clicked on a few of the links in there. One took me to http://www.alln.org. Once there I found another link about the Rainbow Bridge. When I clicked on it and the flash movie started, I started to cry. So be warned, I found it very emotional so you might also. None the less, for those that may not have found this link, I'm posting it for your viewing pleasure. It's actually a very moving flash movie and poem (with music). I hope you enjoy it. I loved the final sentiment... "until we meet again"

http://www.indigo.org/rainbowbridge_ver2.html

Thank you for posting that.
I'm Typing through tears, I found the photographs so moving. Very, very emotional.

I'm so sorry for your loss of Ava and that these Thursdays and Fridays are so difficult.
Hope you are managing alright, hang in there.

Thanks for the link, Gort, that was very nice, not cheesy at all.

That site meant so much to me...I miss my baby so much...thanks for posting it...

much love,

harley's mama



harley
6/02/03 - 10/27/04

Hi Gort:

I'm sorry that Thursdays and Fridays are the worst days of the week for you, but I totally understand.....

For me, it has been almost 9 months since our sweet girl Ernestine was put to sleep... And, for some reason, that "2 month mark" stuck out quite a bit as being very difficult......

It was "always in my head" that on Saturday at noon, she was put to sleep...
I then became "an HOUR counter"......................

Like, "she's been gone for 36 hours, now 48........on & on & on.." The I changed to being a "weekly counter"....

Your sweet, beloved Ava and yourself............YOU BOTH SHARED SOMETHING QUITE SPECIAL, GORT.......

It was a REAL RELATIONSHIP......Your Ava......She was your daughter...!!!
It definitely was an "embraceable relationship"!

And, SHE WILL ALWAYS & FOREVER BE WITH YOU............ Not in her earthly form.....
But, everything that made your sweet Ava beautiful, special, loveable, etc......
That will always remain in your heart & soul!!!!!

And, at 8 weeks...............believe me; It really is still EXTREMELY EARLY in your healing process/journey....

You're right...........
Your quote,

Gosh...........that statement is soooooooo very true.....sometimes though, to me, it felt like three steps forward and FIVE steps back............. (I'd be in the NEGATIVE!!!!!)

I do remember April 3rd, 2004........it was two months since our sweet Ernie-Bird had gone to Rainbow's Bridge.
And, so far FOR ME, it was the hardest anniversary....

We had already adopted our new furkids, Ms. Lucy and Mr. Yoster , on the one month anniversary.....At
that time, we were extremely happy with our new furry kids........And, we love them sooooo very much now!!!

At approximately 6 weeks, I remember coming here to LS..........and posting AS IF everything was ALL BETTER.......

I was fine, and how lucky I was that I DIDN'T HURT ANYMORE.......Honestly Gort, I REALLY, REALLY FELT FINE--------But, was I EVER WRONG!!!!!!!!!

Many of the very, very wise people here on this site, gently wrote to me to, "Be careful..........sometimes "this" happens......And personally, I then thought to myself......."Well, I know what I'm talking about.....I DO FEEL BETTER.."

*************I WILL TELL YOU..........THE WONDERFUL PEOPLE ON THIS SITE, WHO HAD ALREADY GONE THROUGH WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH..............THEY ARE THE ONES WHO KNEW.....I THOUGHT THAT "I KNEW"!!!!!

"You (can) start feeling SOOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER, SO QUICKLY (Or, at least...YOU REALLY DO THINK THAT YOU ARE FEELING BETTER)
ONLY TO (the way I put it) GET A SMACK IN THE FACE, as if to say"........

"You're still hurting..........you are still healing.....You still have a way to go......This is a journey and this is a process, Denise..... It isn't over yet"....

What I now know, is that I did not prepare myself for the bumps in the road.....Or,[U]for the huge potholes that would "get in my way"...... get in my path!!!![/U]

Please believe me................. It really, really WILL GET BETTER......

You will ALWAYS miss your sweet girl, but YOUR LIFE WILL NOT ALWAYS FEEL AS EMPTY AS IT DOES RIGHT NOW....
I can promise you that!!!!

Thursday and Fridays HAVE A MEANING.......And, right now, and for a while longer.....You will most likely still feel
the way that you do about those two days.....
But, that will dissipate over time....

I will tell you Gort that "You are a great, wonderful comfort to many (if not all) people on this site".....
What you have to say.............it's important & you have a message.....

Perhaps you need to take a break for yourself....... Do you think that could be true, or "does it help you" to be
here at LS?????

I think I "took a break" at the 2 month mark...........but, it lasted like for 24 - 36 hours......
So much for that......

It helps me to try and help others...... So, I don't like to leave for very long!!

But, please know that I care "how you feel", and I am sure that everyone else here cares about you.....

I truly understand that your life feels empty without her..........I definitely understand that, Gort.....

Your sweet girl COULD NEVER, EVER BE REPLACED............but, have you given thought to perhaps adopting a new furdog who desperately needs a home??
I was just wondering, that's all.......

You are in my thoughts and prayers, and I do pray that soon you will be having "five steps forward, and just one back!!!"

Please, if there is anything at all that I can do, let me know....Okay???

Peace, Health and Happiness (soon)....

Denise

p.s. I hope that this post makes some sense Gort..... I was really trying to be helpful.... Take care, my friend..

Hi Gort,
I'm thanking you for posting the link, even though I haven't been "ready" to take a look just yet. I know what you mean about the days of the week. Mine are Tuesday and Wednesday and for some reason I run through the thoughts oft he last night, the last morning with me...etc..... This past Wednesday was 7 weeks and I wish I was 5 steps forward, but like everyone says, each of us heals in our own time. I find nights most difficult for me, when we are going to bed and he isn't there anymore, no longer safe in his bed, or own ours. I just have a cry and let the tears flow and tell myself these are healing me somehow.

I know how much you miss Ava, she was your companion and friend. I long for a little four legged friend and hope that one day I'll be ready to open my heart again. I'm just afraid, because chances are they will leave this life before me and it just really hurts. There.........I said it. I do........I have this fear, now that I know what this truly feels like, or I'm afraid that I won't open my heart to love my friend like I could because of the fear. I know how much better my life is for having Dieter in it, but this pain is something I don't want to repeat, and I know it would. Soooo what do you do?

Gort, I didn't mean to intrude on your thread, just wanted you to know I'm right here with you and thinking about you.

Libby

Dear Gort,

Thank you SO much for posting the link to that beautiful web site! You warned me, but yet I still went to see while sitting here at work. The tears just flowed and I prayed that nobody would walk up to me at that moment. Fortunately, I had time to duck out of the office until I got myself together again.

I certainly understand what you mean about having some days harder than others. My bad day is Saturday at 11:30 AM, when the needle ended my Rachael's suffering. This Saturday it will be 4 weeks since she left me. I have read other posts from you stating that maybe you were lucky because you never had to make that decision for Ava. However, I would imagine in your case it must have felt worse. You didn't get the chance to say good bye and prepare for her last breath, like we did (the ones that had to make that decision). I can't imagine what you have been going through Gort. I do understand that it just has to take a toll on you. I see your pain and it just breaks my heart

I have mentioned before that I honestly believe our bodies handle what they can and protect us when it gets too much. I think our good days are when the body "rests" and recharges. Then we have a set back and grieve terribly all over again. I have those up and down days every week!

We're all here for you Gort, and when you have a bad day, just come in here and tell your friends about it

Cheri

Thanks Denise, I know exactly what you mean. The emotional roller coaster isn't particularly fun but at least the 'hills' aren't as steep as they once were. I've had days where I've felt 100% as far as grief recovery. But that's all it lasts is a day or two. LS is a great comfort to me, knowing that others are going through similar stuff and I'm not alone in my how I feel. There are days that I lurk here and don't say anything because sometimes the words just don't come, even though I feel for what ever someone has written. I post where I think a few words of 'wisdom' will help. I'm under no illusions. At my age (47) I've been through grief before and know more or less what to expect. It's just that this is the most intense grief I have ever felt even above and beyond the loss of my mother, brother and father combined.

I know given enough time, that the hurt will subside and be mostly forgotten. Only the wonderful memories of Ava Dog will still be there, but the tears won't be there in conjuction with the memories.

Libby, I hear what you're saying which is one of many reasons why I haven't rushed out to get another fur buddy... I've thought about it lots. I will get another dog or cat (or both) at some point. I was so close to going to the SPCA this week to see if there was a new buddy for me, but next week I am gone all week for work so not a good time. And you aren't "intruding in my thread". If I didn't want 'intrusion' I wouldn't post.

Funny how there is a definite ownership of a thread here at LS. I'm involved with other forums (for gaming, not pet loss) and threads get 'hi-jacked' on a regular basis but it doesn't happen here really. Everyone is very aware of who started the thread and threads stay on topic. Amazing LOL. Mind you, the maturity level is here and it isn't at the gaming forums hehe.

Cherri, Ya I know exactly how you felt, it was that way for me too here at work... I had to run to the washroom to 'hide' and dry my eyes. I hadn't expected to be over come like I was when I clicked on that link, it surprised me. I think I would rather miss out on saying good bye rather than having to make that most difficult decission that alot of folks here have had to make. Don't get me wrong, I still wish I could have said good bye but...

I'm glad you enjoyed the link... you nailed it j4lorn, it wasn't cheesie. I don't think I would have posted it if I had thought it was cheesie. They did a real good job with that site.

Dan

You know I've seen this link and I have seen the animated verson and each and everytime it makes me feel worse. I think I might be the only that can't handle it. Even the the music kills.
Maybe cause it makes it so offical that Buddy is gone. What ever it is I can't take it.

You know, Denise, Gort, there really is *something* about this two-month mark. I have been feeling better, not completely over it by any means, but not crying every day anymore either... UNTIL a couple of days before the two month mark. And I wasn't especially paying attention to the days exactly, it hit me anyway. I've had about 4 or 5 days of just feeling that desparate longing again... something about that two month mark.

Denise, I don't know if you saw it on my other thread, but that thing you tell everyone and told me when I first posted here, about taking on their pain so they don't hurt anymore - that has brought me alot of comfort esp at this two month mark. Thank you!

It may sound morbid but this is my favorite spot on the net these days... all of us with shattered souls while the world in general doesn't understand. I am so glad I can let some of it out here, no one will laugh or ridicule or say "it's been two months, what's wrong with you" or whatever.

Big hugs to you all

I saw that Rainbow Bridge version awhile back, and I almost didn't look at it again, but I did . . . I still read it through tears and sobs, but it is beautiful.

Two months was a hard time for me too. Denise is right in that some days (like maybe a month ago for me, which was a little over 5 months!), you just are amazed that you seem to feel so much better . . . and then - BAM! It's the wave thing again, and the one step forward, two (at least) back, just like ya'll all said, but it does keep getting better. Honestly though, I have talked to several people who lost their little ones many years ago and when they talk about it to me, they still cry. Tears aren't the worst though, as we all know. It's the awful longing and empty feeling inside. The "anniversaries" are hard. I think for most of us here, they always will be pretty emotional, but I know it won't be "raw" like it is and/or has been for us.

You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Marcia
Baby Hannah's Mom and Babe's Mom

Dear Gort,
Although I had heard about Rainbow Bridge, I had never seen that animation. I just finished viewing it and wanted to thank you for posting the link. Many found it unbearably sad, however I found it very comforting and uplifting. I know what you mean about Fridays. I lost Miss Mew on Friday October 1st and although I think about her every single day, my process of grieving has been so much easier compared to what many on this site have endured and are still going through. Miss Mew was 21 (maybe even 22 or more) She was a stray when she came into our lives and she was a young cat then, not a kitten. She was never ill, no diabetes, no cancer, no liver or kidney disease, all those nasty conditions that drive you crazy with second guessing yourself when faced with treatment options. She made it so easy for me to make the right decision when the time came.
Having 3 other cats at home also helped immensely in consoling me. The bar has been raised pretty high by Miss Mew, so of course I would like to think that all my cats will live to such a venerable age.
We are also owned by a 14 year old Shepherd Mik, diagnosed with Degenerative Myelopathy 2 years ago. His struggle with this disease has been inspirational. Thankfully it is not a painful disease but it is heart wrenching some days to see him cope with the decreasing strength in his hind quarters. We are taking one day at a time, enjoying every moment and we vow to be there for him when he tells us it's time. My husband and I feel so privileged to be loved by all of our animals and I do call them my "Love Sponges".
Gort, call it woman's intuition, I sense that you will be letting a new companion into your life soon or should I say that a new friend will find you any day. I must say that I don't understand families without any furbaby members. These people are missing out on one of life's most enriching and rewarding experiences. After watching the Rainbow Bridge clip all I could think was " oh boy, this is going to be some party and celebration!"
. Thanks again! Nicole