I lost my companion of twelve years last Thursday. She was a beautiful black and white Turkish Van. The illnesses took her within two weeks; she was in kidney failure and liver failure as well as suffering from bladder stones. Due to her multiple illnesses, she was unable to recover from the bladder surgery. She was no longer eating or drinking, and she was hiding from us, which was totally out of character for her. My husband and I were forced to make the difficult decision to euthanize her. I can't believe she is gone.

She was my best buddy, my constant companion. I have such guilt over the euthanasia. We were present, and my face was the last thing that she saw. I have such a hard time believing that the procedure wasn't painful for her, even though I have read multiple sites that detail the procedure. My brain knows that she was suffering, and that we did the humane thing, my heart just doesn't want to believe it. I am so lonely now, and I miss her so much. My husband and I are expecting our first child in October, and I really wanted Bella to meet the baby. She was such a friendly cat, everyone loved her, and I know she would have loved the baby. Honestly, I am at a total loss. I have so many things to do, but I just don't really want to do any of them. I feel like a have a hole in my heart big enough to drive through.

BellasRainbow, please accept my sincere sympathies on the loss of your precious Bella. I am very sorry for your loss. Turkish Vans are beautiful cats, and I've heard they like water and even take a swim sometimes. Your Bella is now safe in the company of the angels as moon_beam (the mother of us all on this board) would say. I am a poor substitute for moon_beam's soothing words of comfort, but I will try to fill in as best I can.

I am sorry that you lost Bella at a time like this, when you are expecting a baby, which is really a very happy event. I am sure that Bella would have loved the baby. You must truly be an animal lover, as some people would give up their cats when they are expecting a baby. This must be so hard for you, and I wish I had the right words to say. Please take good care of yourself and get plenty of rest, because grief wears a person down.

I have lost two cats within the past 6 months, and I know how painful it is. Please let me reassure you about the euthanasia procedure. It really is quite painless for them. They simply slip quietly away, and it is fairly quick. I held my Tina in my arms when the vet injected her and she went very quickly.

BellasRainbow, you said you have so many things to do and now you don't know really want to do any of them. That is what grief does. It slows us down tremendously. Be very gentle with yourself and do not take on too much at this time. Try to rest as much as possible.

Hugs,
DannysMom

Dear DannysMom,

Thank you very much for your kind words. It means a great deal. I am very sorry for your losses; losing two companions in six months is unbearable. Animals bring us such joy; I suppose that is why we feel their absence so acutely.

In my heart I hope that our animals understand why we made the decisions that we made and that they do not blame us. I hope that Bella knows how much I miss her. I am just having such a difficult time right now. Thank you for your understanding.

I hope this picture isn't too huge.

Hi, BellasRainbow, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Bella. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

This grief journey is filled with so many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time that we can literally begin to feel like we are going insane. This grief journey is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. As DannysMom has so comfortingly reassured you, please let me affirm her words: This grief journey is one of the most difficult and painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity - - both emotionally and physically. When we are in deep grief, our bodies are literally in a "survival mode" - - all of the functions are geared toward protecting your body from any further "attack." So what you are feeling in terms of lack of energy, etc., is very normal. Grieving takes a lot of energy, so it is very, very important for you to not put any undue pressure on yourself to "do" what is not absolutely necessary. The stress of grieving also suppresses the immune system, so it is vitally important that you get plenty of rest and nourishment. One of the many physical effects of grieving is a lack of appetite. Even if you can only drink a cup of broth several times a day this will help.

I can truly understand how deeply sorrowful you are that your beloved Bella will not be able to be physically with you when you bring your baby home. The good news is that your beloved Bella's sweet Living Spirit will be with you, your husband, and new baby, for your beloved Bella continues to share your earthly journey just as she always has and always will. The love bond you and your beloved Bella share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Bella will always be a part of your heart and your memories - - she is forever and always a heartbeat close to you.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of loss that is in your heart. I can only hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief journey. One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Bella with us. She is soooooo pretty, and you are eternally blessed with being her Forever Mom. I hope today is treating you kindly, BellasRainbow. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

BellasRainbow, your sweet Bella is gorgeous! What a beautiful cat! She has such amazing eyes, and one can just see how gentle she is. She knows you miss her, she definitely knows. I am sure that seeing your face in her last moments here on earth was so comforting to her. She is relieved of her suffering and restored to her former youthfulness in the company of the angels as moon_beam would say.
I wanted to tell you that I think it shows how much you loved Bella in that you did not give her up when you got pregnant. You have such a kind heart. I hope your son or daughter will grow up to love animals just as much as you do.

Thank you very much for all of your support and kind words. It means a great deal to me. Although I miss her terribly, I know that my husband and I made the right decision for Bella in not allowing her to suffer needlessly.

Dear Bella's mom

What a beautiful cat is Miss Bella! She found love, gentleness and peace in her forever home with you and your husband. I admire your courage and love in easing her way to the perfect World, where she waits for you to join her and be together forever.

Peace and blessings,

Gretta's mom

Please allow me to express my condolences for your terrible loss. I am sure that it is a very difficult time for you and your husband.

I feel that you are right - you did do the right thing by Bella. If she was hiding, something that was out of character for her, and not eating or drinking, I think that she was ready to go. Cats are suprisingly delicate, in some ways. If they do not eat for several days, their bodies start to automatically shut down. What you did was a kindness. Bella knew this. She also knew the depth of your love for her.

From looking at her photo, she was a stunningly beautiful cat, but I can see that she had a beautiful personality to match. She is wise and thoughtful. You can just tell from her face, and those penetrating eyes.

I hope that you will continue to feel better as the weeks progress, and will remember more of the good times with your darling girl, not the sad times.

We are always here if things get hard.

CJ