Hi everyone. I am new to this so please bear with me. I will make a fairly long story short. An abandoned dog named Chuy who was in the process of being adopted by my 90 yr old mother, was picked up by Animal Care Services. I do not live with my mother, but her neighbors were well aware that I had taken a liking to Chuy, had taken him under my wing and was attempting to curtail his free-spirit ways. Chuy never met a human he didn't like although humans had never been kind to him. He was not a nuisance and was not vicious at all but did enjoy an occasional romp outside the confines of my mother's fenced in yard. This is the part I am having such difficulty with: Someone called ACS to pick him up, NO-ONE, including my own mother, informed me that he had been picked up. By the time that I found out, it was too late. My Chuy had been euthanized without his only friend by his side. How could anyone do this? Why didn't anyone tell me? How can I ever forgive them or myself? Why wasn't he given a fair shake at life? Why did he die alone and unwanted? How could people be so cruel? I let him down, I wasn't there in his hour of need. I won't ever forgive myself for that. My heart aches so bad, I feel it will atrophy and die off and that would be better than the pain it is experiencing right now. Thank you for listening.

Hi, cici, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your friend Chuy. I hope somehow you will be able to find some peace in your heart that your beloved friend knows you did not know about his circumstances. Had you been aware he knows you would have intervened on his behalf. Even though you were not physically with him when Animal Control took matters into their own hands, your beloved friend transitioned home to the angels knowing that he had YOUR love with him forever. There are so many things in this life's journey that we have very little control over, but love is one of the many blessings that is not dependent upon control of circumstances. I know this is very hard to believe right now because of the deep sorrow that is in your heart, but I hope some day you will come to know that it is TRUE.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved friend Chuy with us, cici. One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone in your grief journey. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessigs,
moon_beam

Dear Moon_Beam,

Thank you so much for your beautiful words. You are definitely right, there are some things I will never understand in this life. It is so nice to know that others understand your pain and walk this journey with you. Thank you for taking the time to read about my Chuy and for taking the time to comfort a stranger. It means so much to me.

Dear cici,

I am so very sorry for the loss of your doggie friend, Chuy. Please accept my deepest sympathies, thoughts and prayers at this most difficult of times. Now is when the pain is at it's worst; guilt runs rampant through our thoughts and those thoughts try to get the better of us and make us feel REALLY bad; remorse and anger are not far behind and are not necessarily all bad.

You have physically lost someone you loved very much. You didn't get a chance to fight for his life or even say good-bye and hold his paw. I don't know if you even had a chance at his ashes or not. But, he is now gone from your sight on this earth forever. However, Chuy's Living Spirit will always be right next to your heart! With every beat of your heart, he will feel your continued love for him. Yes, dogs and all animal companions have these spirit souls that stay right with us until we can actually be (re)united in that most wonderful of places, never to be apart again. (I just had a thought.....that is going to be one noisy reunion isn't it?) You may not be able to "feel" Chuy's presence and you may not get any sign from him that he is near, but please believe me, cici, Chuy is right with you all the way.

And as our "mentor", moon_beam, has told you, Chuy knew that he was loved BY YOU, that you had no way of knowing where he was or what was happening to him. Cici, I believe that other animals do not fear death as we humans do because death is part of all life. Animals may fear a host of other human actions, etc. but it sounds like Chuy didn't even fear that much. Chuy knew and continues to know that he loves you and you love him. That is a bond that is not easily, if ever, broken. I'm trying to tell you this because the next days, weeks, months, years, however long it is will be filled with searing pain and crushing emotions that are so very NORMAL to have and feel, especially under yours and Chuy's situation. The grief journey is very bumpy, tossing and turning us all over the place.

YOU ARE NEVER ALONE in your journey. We here at L.S. are here to help you in any way that we can. We have all experienced at least one grief journey and many of us are still on that path. We have the time and energy to listen to you, cry with you, sigh with you, be silent with you. We are here to hold you up when you just cannot do it on your own any more. And this is true. I don't know how I have survived the loss of my Trevor without having incredible support, suggestions and just simply love whenever I come to this site. (which is every day since last July) On the other hand, we are not pushy, we do not have agendas. We are simply here to help YOU and each other live day by day until it is our turn to reunite with our beloved companions. And, Oh what a day that will be.

I will stop for now, but will stop by, often. I will tell Trevor about Chuy and ask him to look Chuy up tonight so that they, too, can bcome friends.

Meanwhile, all you need to do right now, cici, is breathe and exist. Everything else will come in time.

With deepest sympathy,
XOBobbieXO

Dear Bobbie,

Thank you for your thoughtful message. I have been reaching out to clergy, counselors and to a local pet grief support group, and have yet to receive a response. Perhaps not that much time has passed in reality, but to me, right now, it is an eternity. I don't know what I would do without you and Moonbeam, who, out of the love of your heart, have reached out to me, a total stranger. It means so much to me because right now just breathing and existing is torture. I regret that in your times of despair, I was not there to do for you what you have done for me. Know that you have my sincerest and deepest sympathies as well for the loss of your beloved friends. There is much comfort knowing that Chuy has already made friends with your special babies and that he feels loved and wanted there. Thank you for that.

Dear cici,

Thank YOU for such a kind message, especially when this is such an awful time for you. Rarely have I found clergy to be much help when coming to the death of ANY animal, much less my own. We do have one priest in our diocese who writes a weekly column in our Catholic newspaper and he definitely relates to animals, esp. cats and doggies. If he writes any more columns on the subject I will find a way to get them to you. Also, finding counselors is just about as difficultm unless the person is a trained and certified Pet Loss Counselor or specializes in grief counseling. I found a pet loss counselor over 30 years ago and she was terrific, but sadly there are none listed here rigt now. Support groups can really vary from "right on the mark" to simply being a way to keep talking about your (NOT YOU!) problems in general, sort of like a captive audience. Don't you like my subtle opinions?

Actually, this site turns out to be the best that I've found. There are some rules of etiquette, but they are common sense and, as you know, it is not all that easy to be allowed into this site. Oh yes, anyone can read, but not everyone can participate. A couple rules I found out about: one concerns the breed type of my boys. They are either C-o-c-k-e-r Spaniels OR C. Spaniels. Foul language, even hidden in other common words are covered over (for good reason). AND do not use brand names of actual (addictive) medications. I did that once and was completely blocked from even thinking of sending my post. Other than that, the "rules" are common sense.

The MOST IMPORTANT thing about this site is the support you will begin to receive as others from around the world read of your story (actually Chuy's story). As with all good things, it does take some time to get going, but you WILL receive all the support and understanding you could ever want. And if there is something specific you need (a poem or song or quote, etc) someone will find it for you.

Just remind yourself, for now, that Chuy is SAFE and SOUND and in good company. AND his Spirit is right next to your heart which loves him so much that he is bragging all over the place (Heaven) about YOU! Oh yes, that goes on day and night up there. Bragging and telling stories of their humans is a continuous ritual. I can imagine the giggles and guffaws that erupt from time to time, as well as the tears that may fall. But mostly what I believe is that this Perfect World our animals companions are in will some day be our own, too! And then we will all be together......FOREVER! In fact, that is Trevor's middle name: Trevor Forever!

I did find a little book on Amazon that you may be interested in, depending on your beliefs. It's title is "I Will See You in Heaven". There is one for dogs and one for cats. The author is phenomenal and I just finished the book and ma keeping it at my bedside. Like I say, it is small with short chapters. It may be for you and then again not. The price is VERY reasonable.

So, for now, I need to say good-bye for the evening. When you feel up to it in the coming weeks or months, I would LOVE to hear more about Chuy and your times together. But for now, be good to yourself. That is what Chuy wants!

Love,
XObobbieXO

Dear Bobbie,Thank you for the tips you offered. I will keep them in mind when I am on site. I will also look for the book you suggested. I find that reading and writing always help, no matter what the problem. Your support has lifted me up and continues to stop the flow of tears. Thank you for sharing of yourself so generously and know that I am forever grateful. One day soon I hope we will both share stories of the friends we lost way too soon.

Lots of Blessings,

Cici

Cici,

that's a promise easily kept.


Have a blessed night!

XObobbieXO

i know how you feel.my dog muppie was put to sleep when i coldnt get to him.it was the worst day of my life.i still 2 and a half months later cannot come to terms with his death.god knows i would do anything to have him back.i am so sorry that u lost ur friend