Hi all...new here...was hurting very badly so came here...My beloved Finn...an orange tabby has died...about 36 hours ago...he was run over...I know, he should have been a house cat...and I have a girl housecat, but Finn was different...he HAD to go out...I didn't want it...but he was the total hunter...I live in the country in Vermont...and no matter how hard I tried, he would find a way so I gave up...my god, was he happy outside...and he made a serious dent in the evolution fabric via the birds and mice and rabbits...one time I saw him try to take down a deer..no kidding...just a big orange tabby lion...so he is dead...crushed by a car and it is tearing me to pieces...I am sobbing all the time at work...a grown man...I live in a household with another cat and my dog...Finn was our pack leader and now we feel rudderless...I have him buried here in our yard, but my god, I am hurting, we all are... I miss him terribly and cannot believe this has happened...any words of help from good folks who have been thru this please?

Hello Jeffery, please accept my sincere sympathies on the loss of your beloved cat Finn. I am sorry that your Finn died in such a tragic way. It must have been such a tremendous shock for you. Most cats adjust happily to a life indoors, but your Finn was different. And as clever as cats are they will find a way out. I am truly sorry you lost him like this. It must be so traumatic for you, and I know there is little I can say to ease the searing pain that you must be feeling. Please be especially loving to your other cat and dog, for they must be grieving too. There are some excellent pet loss hotlines you can call as well if you need a "live" person to talk to. I talked to a wonderful counselor from Tufts University's pet loss hotline after my Danny boy had passed on.

Hugs,
DannysMom

Dear Jeffrey, Please accept some huge hugs from me, I know it can't make up for the loss of Finn, but I know how very hard this road you are venturing down can be... please don't feel bad about Finn being an outdoor cat - I have a little ginger boy cat who just can't seem to stay inside, he loves the outdoors and hunting, and as much as I would like him to stay indoors, like Finn, he finds a way to get out (and he is so very happy when we are out!)...please don't torment yourself with "I should have..." or "What if..." (although I know this is much easier said than done) - adjusting your world around the Finn shaped hole is hard enough. As for being a grown man and crying, I would be concerned if you didn't, Finn was obviously such a huge part of your life...I don't know if I've said anything helpful here, just wanted you to know I understand your pain (and it's still so recent, I know how all consuming it can be), please come here whenever you need to, this place helped me immensley when I lost my Mischief girl cat 12 months ago, thinking of you and Finn, Leejaye

I live in the country in Vermont too, and have one cat who will not stay inside....tried for years. I lost my dear Peanut 18 days ago....an indoor cat, just six years old, had just gotten a good report from her Cardiologist concerning the heart problem she developed last winter. You don't know what's going to happen...please, don't add guilt to the terrible grief you're suffering through. Remember that he was happy. He was happy, he loved his life. Talk with him, write, put together a photo album, talk with people who understand.....you're in a good place here. My heart goes out to you tonight, and I'll be thinking of you as the days go by. Pam, Peanut's Mom

I want to thank those that replied...it helps to have someone respond who has been thru this. I do feel guilt at letting him be outside, but I do know he was just so happy out there and miserable inside. He would even just cut thru screens with his claws and saunter out. Our house now feels so rudderless as Finn was pretty much our pack leader...even over my 65 pound aussie Cash...and he was such a phenomenal big brother to little Anabel, the ferral I took in last year (funny, tho she was ferral, I have no problem with her being an indoor cat...she is totally happy inside)...she had lost her mother and didn't even know how to clean herself really as she was so tiny...Finn would wrap his paws around her and hold her down and clean her...and taught her so much...so I know I need to step up here for their sake...but the house does feel like a small ship without sails...
Neighbors and their children have been leaving things, flowers on his grave...Finn touched so many...ever since he was a kitten he had this thing of wrapping himself around your neck and shoulders...he loved to ride you like that if you were doing things...many times I would be out for a walk with Cash and pass a neighbors porch and sure enough someone would be sitting outside reading and there was Finn on their shoulders, asleep...big smile on the neighbors face...he had this way about him with people...just such a light...one of my favorite memories is that one time last year a construction crew were down here on our little dead end road, putting in new water lines...I looked out the window, and there was Finn, riding on the shoulders of the supervisor while he walked the site and spoke to workers...I went outside to ask him if Finn was bothering him and he said "oh my god no...what a fellow this cat is..."

Yesterday, I spent the afternoon at a friend's metal shop making a grave marker plate with his name, out of steel...we used stainless steel rod for his name...so the sign will take on a nice rust color while his name stays in silver...that helped alot to just be doing something for him...

I am trying to be tough here...but this is so much harder than I imagined...it's all I can do to drag myself to work and I really can't eat anything...reading these lovely responses and writing this helped this morning so thank you...and Pam, I am so sorry about your recent loss of Peanut.

Hi, Jeffery, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Finn. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion so tragically intensifies the grief.

I know how you feel about making the grave marker - - a gift of love to honor your beloved Finn. I am so very glad other people in your immediate world are offering you comfort during this time - - the people who have been blessed and privileged to know your beloved Finn. You gave your Finn a happy earthly journey. I, too, know about the feline personality who just NEEDS to be free. My number one kitty son Eli was like that for the first 3 years of our journey together. There was absolutely NOTHING I could do to curtail his need to go explore. I tried so hard to harness him with a long tether so that he could enjoy being outside in his wooded yard yet keeping him safe so that I knew where he was. He would wriggle out of every harness I bought that was "guaranteed" - - the manufacturers never met my Houdini Eli. It got to the place where I knew he had succeeded in his quest for freedom when I heard the birds and squirrels send out a chorus of sqwaks. But he always came home - - none the worse for his explorations and expeditions.

So, may I add my encouragement to our other wonderful correspondents - - please do not feel guilty for giving your beloved Finn the life he so enjoyed. None of us know the circumstances of how and when our companions will precede us to the angels. All we can do is love them and give them the best quality of life our circumstances and resources can provide. Your beloved Finn is eternally grateful to you for the love and devotion you shared together.

This grief journey is one of the hardest experiences you will know on this side of eternity, Jeffery. It can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time. The deep sorrow that is in your heart will not disappear overnight, or in a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months. But I promise you, Jeffery, that one day when you least expect it you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Finn and smiling - - truly smiling - -and then you will know that the deep sorrow in your heart is not so intense. Some people are afraid when the deep sorrow eases for fear they will forget their beloved companion. Please let me try to reassure you, Jeffery, that this will NEVER happen. Your beloved Finn is forever a part of you. His sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey just as he always has and always will - - he is forever a part of your heart and your memories - - he is forever a heartbeat close to you. NOTHING in heaven or on earth can ever change this, Jeffery.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Finn with us. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of him with us - - but only when / if you want to. One of the many things you need to remember during your grief journey is that you are never alone. Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Jeffery, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Moon Beam...thank you for that wonderful reply...it touched me...I was able to put a pic of Finn on my avatar...I believe it can be seen...or I hope so...he was an orange tabby...just a gorgeous, noble animal...