Sunday, May 11, 2012 around 9:00 AM, on this day I had to euthanize my cat.
Willie Bigg Stubb, is an all black, long haired, green eyed, Manx.
I had him since he was just a kitten in fact I had his mother as well
Winson who lived to be 19 years old before she passed on.

It is very difficult for me to write about all this for the pain is still so great.
Time it seems so distorted during this hardship.
On the evening before I had decided it was time to euthanize Willie Bigg Stubb.
That time flew by like nothing, hours seems to pass by like minutes.
Yet the time since Willie Bigg Stubb has been euthanized even though
only a few days have gone by since then, to me feels like weeks.

My emotions come in waves of sorrow, guilt, anger and hopelessness.
Guilt, anger and the hopelessness I can put in check fairly quickly.
However the sorrow, pain and grieving at times is uncontrollable.
This pain runs so deep and hurts so bad both mentally and physically.
Making me sick to my stomach depriving me of sleep and loss of appetite.

I have so much more to write about but for now Im going to try and get some sleep.

Hi, Willie Bigg Stubb, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Willie. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

WBS, this grief journey is one of the hardest experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is filled with so many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time that can make us literally feel like we are going insane. It is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal grief -- very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal. The symptoms of the stress of grief you are experiencing are also very normal, - - nausea, insomnia, difficulty concentrating, etc.. It is important that you take special care of yourself until you are feeling better and stronger. It is vitally important that you drink plenty of fluids for you can easily become dehydrated, and that you eat something - - even if it's just drinking broth several times a day. Your body needs this to be able to cope with the stress of grieving, as the stress of grieving also compromises the immune system.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of loss that is in your heart, Willie Bigg Stubb. This grief journey is one of adjustment to the physical absence of your beloved Willie, and it can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time. It doesn't happen overnight, or in a day, a week, a month - - or even 6 months. Clinical professionals now recognize that the first year of adjustment is the hardest as it is filled with all the "firsts without" - - each day, each holiday, each birthday, each vacation - - are reminders that your beloved Willie is no longer physically with you.

The good news is that your beloved Willie's sweet Living Spirit is forever with you in your heart and your memories. He continues to share your earthly journey just as he always has and always will. The love bond you and your beloved Willie share is eternal, Willie Bigg Stubb. Your beloved Willie is always and forever a part of you - - he is always a heartbeat close to you.

One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone in your grief adjustment journey. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, Willie Bigg Stubb, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Willie with us, Willie Bigg Stubb. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of him with us - - but only if / when you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Please accept my sincere sympathies on the loss of your beloved Willie Bigg Stubb. I am very sorry for your loss. You were incredibly blessed with his company for 26 cat years, which is 120 in human years. Your beautiful Willie came from the deep end of the gene pool, and you must have had such a strong bond with each other. I know there is very little I can say to ease your pain. I lost my sweet Tina just a couple of weeks ago. It must be so difficult for you right now, but please know that your Willie is in a better place and restored to his former youthfulness in the company of the angels as moon_beam would say. Willie must have been quite a cat.


Hugs,
DannysMom

Dear Willie Bigg Stubb

My heart, too, is weeping along with yours at the passing of your precious Willie. Twenty six years - that's an amazing earthly lifetime for a kittie. It's practically half a HUMAN life span - or at least 1/3. Your heart must be shattered in a million pieces.

Moonbeam is right - and I clung to her words during my loss last year. Willie's spirit DOES live. Here's how I know: True love never diminishes or dies - ever. You and Willie were a special pair of soul-mates, sharing a single soul. That's the truest love there is. So ... Willie IS right there beside you, just like always. ONly thing is - you can't see or hear or touch him. And to us human's that means "gone." But it's NOT! Willie has carried a piece of your soul ever since the beginning of time and will carry it until the end of time. You, too, carry a piece of Willie's soul, from all time, for all time. Some people around the world call these special animals "spirit animals". Some American Indians call them white buffaloes. You call him Willie. And he calls you dad. Since forever, for forever.

All this means that not only does Willie live (albeit in a different form - and one that hurts we humans like H*()*), it means that you will one day pass into that life form. And you WILL be reunited with Willie - only thousands of times closer than before.

Meanwhile Willie is on his job just like always - watching over you, guiding your steps, and most important, loving you and being loved by you.

These words are hardly comforting to you right you. Your heart is being shot over and over again by the high-powered rifle of not seeing Willie. This will dull somewhat sometime - every person's timing is different. Your only job right now is to keep breathing. THAT"S IT! Take some nourishment and liquids, as Moonbeam says. And beyond that, do what ever your heart tells you to do. Cry, scream, pound (soft) things, curse and swear (but not in front of children ), curl up in fetal position and just sob your heart out .... anything. We at LS have done almost everything that can be imagined during our "rolloer coaster ride from Hades." The night after I sent my Gretta (the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived) to the perfect World, I was so devastated that I took two of her snowsuits and velcro-ed them together to make myself a pillow. Then I slept on her big orthopedica dog bed for over a week. (And the men with straight-jackets haven't come to get me yet!)

Willie Bigg Stubb, we hurt in proportion as we love. Some people say that eventually the pain turns to happy memories but I'm not sure i believe that. I'm 13 months in and only about 1/4 of the pain has ebbed. And that's OK. It's manageable.

Please let me know how you're doing (if you feel like posting). I cannot imagine the magnitude of suffering after 26 years of love. But I can try. And we here at LS are a band of brothers and sisters who individually are weak and crushed, but who together lift each other up and give each other the strength to go on.

I know my Gretta has taken Willie under her wing (?) and is introducing him all around the perfect World. To her cousins Birney, crocker, Kelly, precious Trevor-Forever, Hermy the bunnie, Gino, Mickey and all the beautiful animals that are waiting for their moms and dads. Even little Aloo, a street dog I met in India last year. Like Willie, Aloo was VERY lucky - he had a name and a home and a dad who loved him - rare in that place in the world.

Willie Big Stubb, until we post again, go in peace. The world is with you - and it is good.

Gretta's mom

Hi Willie

Just stopping by to see how you are. (Like I need to ask!) Here's some strength for you to use when you need it. And some love for Willie Bigg Stubb.

Gretta's Mom

Im so sorry about your lost. I know how bad it hurts to lose a bestfriend. I hope u can get over these horrible few days the first few days r the worst. Just know it does get alil better but never easy.

Thank you so much "moon beam" - "DannysMom" - "Gretta's Mom" and "EvEf".
All you responses matter and give me strength.
I have tried to write back but the pain overtakes me and I just can't bare to do so.
I will be sharing more stories and photos hopefully soon.

Today I got hit hard with pain, I have been doing pretty good,
Keeping things under control. I don't think the shock and pain
really ever do go away rather you just find ways of dealing with it.
You decided not to let the pain have such control over your life.

Willie Bigg Stubb's ashes are ready for me to pickup...
It's as part of me wants to believe as long as I don't go
get the ashes, perhaps my Willie could still come back.
Then the cold harsh reality sets in and I miss him so.

Hi, Willie Big Stubb, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Yes, getting your beloved Willie's ashes back is a two-sided coin: On the one side it can be comforting to have him back home with you where he belongs, while the other side it is yet another blatant "reality" that he is no longer physically with you the way your heart longs for.

Please do not worry about writing back for each of us do understand how deeply painful your heart and world are adjusting to the physical absence of your beloved Willie. Just take your time - - we are here for you, with you, and beside you through every step of your journey.

I hope today is being kind to you, Willie Big Stub. Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Willie with us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, that I look forward to knowing how you're doing, and to sharing your treasured memories of your beloved Willie.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Willie's dad,

Oh how well I know the excruciating pain of the first few days, weeks and months after your soul-animal goes back to the Perfect World. Please don't worry about not posting here. There will come a time when you may want to and be able to - then's the time. Even now (14 months after the homegoing of my babyface Gretta, the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived) there are days and weeks I don't even open this site because I know it would hurt too much.

Just know that Willie IS with you - you just can't see or hear or hug him. And that hurts like *(&)&%W(*$#&%)(. All of your Lightning Stirke friends are with you in spirit, too, even if not in actual typed posts. Here's some strength you can use today, Willie's dad. Be kind to yourself - do whatever you have to do to grieve the passing "the Big Stubb."

Gretta's mom