My beautiful boy Goran passed on Friday night/Saturday morning and I just can't stop crying. He's had severe arthritis since new year and hip problems (common in German Shepherds) but seemed to be doing ok on medication until the last couple of weeks, vet thinks his heart was starting to fail. My big gorgeous Goran became lethargic and uninterested, even his food which was a major part of his life didn't tempt him. On Friday night he seemed to be having breathing difficulties, I was about to phone the vet when he seemed to become more comfortable and fell asleep. I, stupidly, decided to leave the vet and see how he was in the morning! A little later he woke up and seemed content to be stroked and cuddled, he really didn't appear uncomfortable so I went to bed. Now I just can't forgive myself, why didn't I recognise what was happening? I've always prided myself on knowing what he was thinking and vice versa. Why didn't I phone the vet, why did I think the most important part of my life could wait til morning? Why didn't I stay with him? And why did I leave him alone in the dark when he must've been so scared?
My ex husband came to the house and buried Goran in his favourite spot of the garden, I was there, I watched him do why did I come back into the house expecting to see my boy? Why, even now, am I sitting typing this, crying but have a feeling that he's just in the other room?
I've read some of the other posts and know I'm not alone and send my sincerest sympathy to every one of you. I don't know what I expect to get from this site, it's not going to bring him back and that's all I want but it's like I just have to put down in black and white for all eternity how much I love (I won't say loved) my Goran. I just hope he knows.
Am I a bad person that when I lost my brother 2 years ago it didn't hurt half as much as this? How do I get through work tomorrow when I know I'll get well meaning people asking if I'll "get another one" like he's a domestic appliance? and I know at least one will say that he's just a dog, how do I keep my hands off her?
Sorry to ramble on but I don't know I feel I'm validating Goran by coming on here. I love you little man and always will.
Val
Full Version: Why?
Hi,Valri, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Goran. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company.
Valri, please do not be upset with yourself for not taking your beloved Goran to the vet on Friday night, early Saturday morning. From what you have shared with us it is quite likely that he may not have survived the trip. Instead, your beloved Goran transitioned home to the angels in the place that he loves the most - - surrounded by the sights and sounds and smells of his home and his human loved ones. Please do not think of him being afraid - - he was surrounded by love of his earthly home and the love of the angels who carried him to heaven's perfect garden.
This grief journey is one the hardest experiences you will know on this side of eternity, Valri. You ask "Am I a bad person that when I lost my brother 2 years ago it didn't hurt half as much as this?" This does not mean you love your brother less. Your beloved Goran gave to you his unconditional love and undvidied attention during his earthly journey with you. His love for you is perfect in every way - - loving and accepting you for who you are. Unfortunately this is not the case with our human relationships - - even the best of ones - - for with our human relationships we have expectations and when they are not fulfilled we are disappointed. Some human relationsihps do not survive the disappointments. When our companions come into our hearts and homes, our lives are changed for the better. We have their faithful company and devotion no matter what is happening in our lives. They only ask that we love them in return. We surrender ourselves to them completely and without any fear of rejection, and this is one of the many reasons why our hearts grieve so deeply for them when they precede us to the angels.
Although clinical professionals now recognize that the grief journey of the physical loss of a beloved companion is the same as for a human family member or friend, our society in general, and sadly some the people who are closest to us in our lives, do not. I do so understand your questions "How do I get through work tomorrow when I know I'll get well meaning people asking if I'll "get another one" like he's a domestic appliance? and I know at least one will say that he's just a dog, how do I keep my hands off her?" I remember so well the gut-wrenching sobbing driving to work, and was ever so thankful for the privacy of the restroom where I could retreat to try to regain my composure so that I could go back to my desk and continue on with my work. I had learned over the past experiences that my co-workers were not sympathetic to my feelings, so I did not share with them my private life. I did not want to subject myself to their laughter over my pain. And, unfortunately this also includes most of my human family members as well. There are some people who have "animals" in their homes and they take them to the vet when needed and feed them but that is the extent of their "bond" with them. So naturally when their "animals" join the angels they feel little emotional contact to the experience. To me, my companions are my children. They are the center of my universe, and when they precede me to the angels my life is deeply affected by this. It would be fruitless for me to share my heartbreak with people who do not possess the compassion to understand and offer comfort. I do not know the work environment you have to deal with, but may I assure you that in no way do you have to offer any explanations to anyone. If you are asked you can simply say that you are very concerned about a family member and that you really cannot talk about it, and let it go at that.
Valri, as I mentioned before, this grief journey is one of the hardest experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is filled with so many different emotions frequently overwhelming us all at one time that sometimes we can feel like we are literally going insane. This grief journey is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. This grief journey is not one of "getting over" or "moving on" but rather one of adjustment to the physical absence of your beloved Goran. So it is perfectly natural that even now when you enter a room or go to fix something to eat you will expect to see your beloved Goran there with you greeting you or eagerly anticipating sharing the tastes of what you are preparing. This is normal, and it really is okay to continue the routines you and Goran shared if they will bring comfort to you. Because even though your beloved Goran is no physically present with you, his sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey just as he always has and always will. He is forever a part of your heart and your memories, Valri - - he is forever a heartbeat close to you. The love bond you and your beloved Goran share is eternal, Valri - - and nothing in heaven or on earth will ever change this or diminish it.
I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of loss that is in your heart, Valri. This grief adjustment journey can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time. One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.
Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Goran with us, Valri. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of him - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Valri, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Valri, please do not be upset with yourself for not taking your beloved Goran to the vet on Friday night, early Saturday morning. From what you have shared with us it is quite likely that he may not have survived the trip. Instead, your beloved Goran transitioned home to the angels in the place that he loves the most - - surrounded by the sights and sounds and smells of his home and his human loved ones. Please do not think of him being afraid - - he was surrounded by love of his earthly home and the love of the angels who carried him to heaven's perfect garden.
This grief journey is one the hardest experiences you will know on this side of eternity, Valri. You ask "Am I a bad person that when I lost my brother 2 years ago it didn't hurt half as much as this?" This does not mean you love your brother less. Your beloved Goran gave to you his unconditional love and undvidied attention during his earthly journey with you. His love for you is perfect in every way - - loving and accepting you for who you are. Unfortunately this is not the case with our human relationships - - even the best of ones - - for with our human relationships we have expectations and when they are not fulfilled we are disappointed. Some human relationsihps do not survive the disappointments. When our companions come into our hearts and homes, our lives are changed for the better. We have their faithful company and devotion no matter what is happening in our lives. They only ask that we love them in return. We surrender ourselves to them completely and without any fear of rejection, and this is one of the many reasons why our hearts grieve so deeply for them when they precede us to the angels.
Although clinical professionals now recognize that the grief journey of the physical loss of a beloved companion is the same as for a human family member or friend, our society in general, and sadly some the people who are closest to us in our lives, do not. I do so understand your questions "How do I get through work tomorrow when I know I'll get well meaning people asking if I'll "get another one" like he's a domestic appliance? and I know at least one will say that he's just a dog, how do I keep my hands off her?" I remember so well the gut-wrenching sobbing driving to work, and was ever so thankful for the privacy of the restroom where I could retreat to try to regain my composure so that I could go back to my desk and continue on with my work. I had learned over the past experiences that my co-workers were not sympathetic to my feelings, so I did not share with them my private life. I did not want to subject myself to their laughter over my pain. And, unfortunately this also includes most of my human family members as well. There are some people who have "animals" in their homes and they take them to the vet when needed and feed them but that is the extent of their "bond" with them. So naturally when their "animals" join the angels they feel little emotional contact to the experience. To me, my companions are my children. They are the center of my universe, and when they precede me to the angels my life is deeply affected by this. It would be fruitless for me to share my heartbreak with people who do not possess the compassion to understand and offer comfort. I do not know the work environment you have to deal with, but may I assure you that in no way do you have to offer any explanations to anyone. If you are asked you can simply say that you are very concerned about a family member and that you really cannot talk about it, and let it go at that.
Valri, as I mentioned before, this grief journey is one of the hardest experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is filled with so many different emotions frequently overwhelming us all at one time that sometimes we can feel like we are literally going insane. This grief journey is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. This grief journey is not one of "getting over" or "moving on" but rather one of adjustment to the physical absence of your beloved Goran. So it is perfectly natural that even now when you enter a room or go to fix something to eat you will expect to see your beloved Goran there with you greeting you or eagerly anticipating sharing the tastes of what you are preparing. This is normal, and it really is okay to continue the routines you and Goran shared if they will bring comfort to you. Because even though your beloved Goran is no physically present with you, his sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey just as he always has and always will. He is forever a part of your heart and your memories, Valri - - he is forever a heartbeat close to you. The love bond you and your beloved Goran share is eternal, Valri - - and nothing in heaven or on earth will ever change this or diminish it.
I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of loss that is in your heart, Valri. This grief adjustment journey can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time. One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.
Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Goran with us, Valri. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of him - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Valri, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Dear Valri, I am so very sorry for this enormous loss, moon_beam has so completely articulated all I would wish to say to you, I can only echo her words that Goran was not alone when he had to leave you, he knew he was loved, so loved. This grief journey is so hard, especially in these first days, weeks, sending you huge hugs , Leejaye
Dear Valri,
I am so sorry for your loss of the magnificent Goran, your comanion and your love. I am, but one of many on this site that know the agony, guilt, sorrow, remorse and wishful thinking that are whirling about you right now. Both moon_beam and leejaye have given you many good ideas about what you are feeling and going through and will go through over the next days, weeks, months and even longer sometimes.
Let me try to reassure you that you did nothing wrong by going to your bed to sleep that night. That was yours and Goran's routine and there is an incredible amount of comfort in routine, especially when one doesn't feel well. Goran knew exactly where you were and was totally OK with that or you would have heard otherwise. And it is so normal to wonder or presume that Goran was scared at the end. Again, I think you would have known if he was by some sound that was out of the ordinary. As moon_beam said, Goran was surrounded by the angels and the Spirits of many, many dogs as he prepared for and took his journey from our physical earth to the glorious world we all wait for. I'm positive that Goran was immediately surrounded by more and more animal spirits, cats, bunnies, ferrets, birds, lizards and enough dogs to fill any void there might have been. In that group was Trevor, my C. Spaniel whom I lost last July 22nd. Alther there were his 5 other "brothers", cousin Gretta, Hermy the bunny, Mickey the doggie, Tucker, Nica, and so many others whose names I canot remember now. Goran was in NO pain, discomfort or fear. He was healthy again, he could eat any and everything he wanted to, the water is always just cool enough. Goran could run with the other animals, jump, bark, rolll over and have enormous fun that had eluded him for a long time.
Most important, Goran was telling (bragging actually) about YOU, his mommy and what a wonderful, loving mom you were on earth and still are until the two of you meet again, never to part. The other animals are asking all sorts of questions and agreeing with Goran about you. Of course, Goran was shown around the Heavenly land and is comfortable and never, never alone.
I also want to remind you about what moon_beam said: you are never alone here, either. Everyone on this site has experienced deep, deep loss of at least one beloved companion and know the grief, dispair, confusion and all the other things that go with your physical loss of Goran. That is why we are here. LS members were here for us and still are here for us whenever we need them. We will listen, cry with you, laugh when you can, sometimes add a comment if appropriate, but mostly we are here to give you what strength we have regained on our grief journies. We, especially some of us, are here to hold you up when you cannot even fathom faling to the ground in sorrow. We will hold you as long as you need. Because we DO understand what you say, think and feel. We have all experienced the idiots that do not even deserve our attention when stupid remarks come flying out of their mouths.
The best thing I did was simply turn away from them and walk away as quickly as I could. I wasn't going to give them a chance to add to their stupidity and my pain.
If you notice, one day, I still write to Trevor every day (well, almost) and I've been doing that since he passed. This may not be the norm, but it hurts no one and really keeps me connected to Trevor, when all I still want to do is have him back for a moment to hold him, stroke his soft, soft fur and whisper love messages in his ear. But at the same time, I do not want Trevor back in the painful physical condition he was in when we put him to sleep. Trevor is buried with all his brothers at a private, Humane Society cemetery near my house, so I am out there all the time. I decorate everyones' graves for all the holidays and the Director even moved an old bench close to their graves so I can sit and talk to them for as long as I want, whenever I want. I also have pictures of Mr. Trevor all over the house and other momentoes, too. So much for me.
You will never forget Goran and, with time, will find the best and most healing way(s) to remember and celebrate the life you two had together. It will be yours, the two of you, unique and wonderful. Until that time, Valri, please know that all you HAVE to do right now is breathe, do the work at your job and that's it. I truly mean that. The tears (I call them my leaky eyes) will come when they are needed and are so helpful, mentally and physically. Oh, I've sobbed, cried and even screamed out my pain and am not ashamed of any of it.
My dear Valri, again, I am so sorry for your physical loss of Goran. I will tell Trevor about him right away today, but I'm sure they are already good friends and having a great time. Also, PLEASE remember that I am here for you any day, any time and will write ASAP. Meanwhile, you breathe and I'll do the rest.
Blessings..............................
Bobbie & Trevor
I am so sorry for your loss of the magnificent Goran, your comanion and your love. I am, but one of many on this site that know the agony, guilt, sorrow, remorse and wishful thinking that are whirling about you right now. Both moon_beam and leejaye have given you many good ideas about what you are feeling and going through and will go through over the next days, weeks, months and even longer sometimes.
Let me try to reassure you that you did nothing wrong by going to your bed to sleep that night. That was yours and Goran's routine and there is an incredible amount of comfort in routine, especially when one doesn't feel well. Goran knew exactly where you were and was totally OK with that or you would have heard otherwise. And it is so normal to wonder or presume that Goran was scared at the end. Again, I think you would have known if he was by some sound that was out of the ordinary. As moon_beam said, Goran was surrounded by the angels and the Spirits of many, many dogs as he prepared for and took his journey from our physical earth to the glorious world we all wait for. I'm positive that Goran was immediately surrounded by more and more animal spirits, cats, bunnies, ferrets, birds, lizards and enough dogs to fill any void there might have been. In that group was Trevor, my C. Spaniel whom I lost last July 22nd. Alther there were his 5 other "brothers", cousin Gretta, Hermy the bunny, Mickey the doggie, Tucker, Nica, and so many others whose names I canot remember now. Goran was in NO pain, discomfort or fear. He was healthy again, he could eat any and everything he wanted to, the water is always just cool enough. Goran could run with the other animals, jump, bark, rolll over and have enormous fun that had eluded him for a long time.
Most important, Goran was telling (bragging actually) about YOU, his mommy and what a wonderful, loving mom you were on earth and still are until the two of you meet again, never to part. The other animals are asking all sorts of questions and agreeing with Goran about you. Of course, Goran was shown around the Heavenly land and is comfortable and never, never alone.
I also want to remind you about what moon_beam said: you are never alone here, either. Everyone on this site has experienced deep, deep loss of at least one beloved companion and know the grief, dispair, confusion and all the other things that go with your physical loss of Goran. That is why we are here. LS members were here for us and still are here for us whenever we need them. We will listen, cry with you, laugh when you can, sometimes add a comment if appropriate, but mostly we are here to give you what strength we have regained on our grief journies. We, especially some of us, are here to hold you up when you cannot even fathom faling to the ground in sorrow. We will hold you as long as you need. Because we DO understand what you say, think and feel. We have all experienced the idiots that do not even deserve our attention when stupid remarks come flying out of their mouths.
The best thing I did was simply turn away from them and walk away as quickly as I could. I wasn't going to give them a chance to add to their stupidity and my pain.
If you notice, one day, I still write to Trevor every day (well, almost) and I've been doing that since he passed. This may not be the norm, but it hurts no one and really keeps me connected to Trevor, when all I still want to do is have him back for a moment to hold him, stroke his soft, soft fur and whisper love messages in his ear. But at the same time, I do not want Trevor back in the painful physical condition he was in when we put him to sleep. Trevor is buried with all his brothers at a private, Humane Society cemetery near my house, so I am out there all the time. I decorate everyones' graves for all the holidays and the Director even moved an old bench close to their graves so I can sit and talk to them for as long as I want, whenever I want. I also have pictures of Mr. Trevor all over the house and other momentoes, too. So much for me.
You will never forget Goran and, with time, will find the best and most healing way(s) to remember and celebrate the life you two had together. It will be yours, the two of you, unique and wonderful. Until that time, Valri, please know that all you HAVE to do right now is breathe, do the work at your job and that's it. I truly mean that. The tears (I call them my leaky eyes) will come when they are needed and are so helpful, mentally and physically. Oh, I've sobbed, cried and even screamed out my pain and am not ashamed of any of it.
My dear Valri, again, I am so sorry for your physical loss of Goran. I will tell Trevor about him right away today, but I'm sure they are already good friends and having a great time. Also, PLEASE remember that I am here for you any day, any time and will write ASAP. Meanwhile, you breathe and I'll do the rest.
Blessings..............................
Bobbie & Trevor
QUOTE (Valri @ May 13 2012, 01:13 PM) 
My beautiful boy Goran passed on Friday night/Saturday morning and I just can't stop crying. He's had severe arthritis since new year and hip problems (common in German Shepherds) but seemed to be doing ok on medication until the last couple of weeks, vet thinks his heart was starting to fail. My big gorgeous Goran became lethargic and uninterested, even his food which was a major part of his life didn't tempt him. On Friday night he seemed to be having breathing difficulties, I was about to phone the vet when he seemed to become more comfortable and fell asleep. I, stupidly, decided to leave the vet and see how he was in the morning! A little later he woke up and seemed content to be stroked and cuddled, he really didn't appear uncomfortable so I went to bed. Now I just can't forgive myself, why didn't I recognise what was happening? I've always prided myself on knowing what he was thinking and vice versa. Why didn't I phone the vet, why did I think the most important part of my life could wait til morning? Why didn't I stay with him? And why did I leave him alone in the dark when he must've been so scared?
My ex husband came to the house and buried Goran in his favourite spot of the garden, I was there, I watched him do why did I come back into the house expecting to see my boy? Why, even now, am I sitting typing this, crying but have a feeling that he's just in the other room?
I've read some of the other posts and know I'm not alone and send my sincerest sympathy to every one of you. I don't know what I expect to get from this site, it's not going to bring him back and that's all I want but it's like I just have to put down in black and white for all eternity how much I love (I won't say loved) my Goran. I just hope he knows.
Am I a bad person that when I lost my brother 2 years ago it didn't hurt half as much as this? How do I get through work tomorrow when I know I'll get well meaning people asking if I'll "get another one" like he's a domestic appliance? and I know at least one will say that he's just a dog, how do I keep my hands off her?
Sorry to ramble on but I don't know I feel I'm validating Goran by coming on here. I love you little man and always will.
Val
My ex husband came to the house and buried Goran in his favourite spot of the garden, I was there, I watched him do why did I come back into the house expecting to see my boy? Why, even now, am I sitting typing this, crying but have a feeling that he's just in the other room?
I've read some of the other posts and know I'm not alone and send my sincerest sympathy to every one of you. I don't know what I expect to get from this site, it's not going to bring him back and that's all I want but it's like I just have to put down in black and white for all eternity how much I love (I won't say loved) my Goran. I just hope he knows.
Am I a bad person that when I lost my brother 2 years ago it didn't hurt half as much as this? How do I get through work tomorrow when I know I'll get well meaning people asking if I'll "get another one" like he's a domestic appliance? and I know at least one will say that he's just a dog, how do I keep my hands off her?
Sorry to ramble on but I don't know I feel I'm validating Goran by coming on here. I love you little man and always will.
Val
I definetly know your pain i lost my 15 yr old cat in jan its been 4 months now im 23 so i had her most of my life nd the pain kills.. I actually had a couple of people say shes just a cat so u will definetly hear tha nd yea wen i hear it i just wanna slap the person cuz to us they were our life not just an animal but apart of the family and im sry to hear about Goran.
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