I'm new to the forums so hi everyone
Had a tough few months. I've lost 3 of my mice, our family cat, our family dog and one of the family rats since October but t oday I lost my baby...well not such much a baby as she was 9 years old
Probably one of the worlds most temperamental kittys who acted more like she was a Lion or Tiger than a lil domestic cat, putting the dog and the puppies in their place. She might have been grumpy and a little psychotic at times but she was also a loving and affectionate cat when she wanted to be and she was a fighter and never failed to cheer me up during tough times.
My gorgeous tortoise shell Bex:
Click to view attachment
Click to view attachment
We never really set out to have her. My mum was running a pub 9 years ago and someone who lived close by said she kept crying and they were keeping her in a rabbit hutch and wanted rid of her. Obviously kittens are hard to resist so I begged my mum to let me have her.
We don't know what would have happened to her if we hadn't stepped in and adopted her. Anyway's we took her to the vets and found out she was crying because she had a broken hip. The ball-joint connecting her leg to her pelvis had snapped and they had to remove it. I was 15 at the time but spent all my spare time looking after her and nursing her back to health.
We noticed a couple of years later that she had blood when she peed and it turned out she suffered with kidney stones bought on by stress. She had to go on a prescription diet and had a couple of trips to the vets for anti-biotics if she had a bad bought of it.
Despite everything she was an amazing cat. A bit crazy at time (but aren't all cats really?) and quick with her claws but when she wanted affection we knew about it.
Last Tuesday she didn't really move from her bed and hadn't eaten and having lost our other cat a month before after she showed similar symptoms, we rushed her to the vet.
They said she had cystitis and gave her an injection and said to take her back the next day.
We did and I noticed her breathing had been a bit jerky but the vet didn't look into it, just gave us anti-biotics and sent us home, said to bring her back on the Friday if she hadn't improved on appetite and activity.
Se picked up a bit but on Saturday night she was struggling to breathe and had barely eaten and was making strange noises when she tried to meow.
We took her to the emergency vets where they said she had a lot fluid on the lungs. They kept her in until the Tuesday and stabilised her breathing before transferring her back to the regular vets for X-Rays.
When we got her there, there were conflicting comments on her record. one saying she needed X-Rays and one saying she didn't. The vet wasn't going to do them but I was adamant that they needed to find out what was wrong so we could try and prevent it from happening again.
They X-Rayed her and did a scan on her heart which revealed her Heart was enlarged and she was going into heart failure.
They gave us some tablets to prevent fluid build up and some tablets to keep her blood pressure down, saying that she could have a few years left if she responded to the tablets.
She perked up the next day but stopped eating again.
She had an appointment booked for a check-up today to see how the meds were working.
The vet said that her condition was so advanced that they could only try to ease the problems, they couldn't cure them. They also said that she didn't really have a lot of time left and would have to be confined to one room for the rest of her life and that when she eventually did go that it wouldn't be peaceful and would be quite traumatic for her and for us.
After talking with the vet and my mum we decided that it would be best to have her put to sleep as she would have no quality of life and had given up on eating already.
Her heart stopped before they even gave her a quarter of the injection. We figured if we'd have taken her home she probably wouldn't have made it through the weekend and our emergency vets is an hours drive away so it would've caused even more suffering and stress for her if anything had have happened.
It's probably the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life and I'm absolutely heartbroken.
I'm trying to take comfort in the fact that she's no longer in pain or suffering and that she is at peace but there's still a tiny part of me questioning whether I made the right decision even though I think I did deep down.

Sorry this is so long. I wanted to get it all out and she meant the world to me. I miss her so much already :'(

Hi, GhostsInSnow, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Bex. Losing a companion in never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels. Losing multiple companions in a short period of time can intensify the grief.

GIS, as I read through your and your beloved Bex's journey together there is no doubt in my mind that you did everything in your power to give her a happy and healthy earthly journey. This grief journey is one of adjustment to the physical absence of your beloved Bex, and it is a very painful journey both emotionally and physically. Please let me try to reassure you that the sorrow you are feeling is very normal - - very painful, yes, - - still very normal. This grief journey can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time.

The good news is that love is eternal - - it is not dependent upon the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Bex's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey just as she always has and always will. She is always and forever a part of you, GIS - - she is forever in your heart and your memories - - she is eternally a heartbeat close to you.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of loss you are feeling. I can only hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, encouragement, support, and hope as you travel your grief journey. One of the many important things for you to remember is that you are not alone in your journey, GIS. Each of us here do understanad what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Bex with us, GIS. She is a very pretty little lady, and from the expression in her eyes she knows she is loved. I hope today is treating you kindly, GIS. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hello Ghosts in Snow
My post to you last night sent my computer into some kind of fit - but I want to be with you today. My heart is weeping with yours at the passing of the most beautiful Bex. The pictures are incredible - they go straight to my heart. Her love for you shines through those gorgeous eyes. And what a stupendous view she must have presented when walking around regally.

GhostInSnow, please be assured that Ms Bex us NOT gone - any more than true, soul-deep love like you and she shared can diminish or go away. She has taken off her beautiful - though painful - body. And her spirit, her heart, her soul - your soul - is right there where it always was: by your side. She's on her job - watching over you, guiding your steps, and most of all, loving you and soaking in your eternal love for her. That's been going on since the beginning of time and will last until time is no more.

Bex-ie is with Gretta now, in the words of my vet, the ultimate man of science, they are "in a safe place now." And they are. NO more sickness, no more pain, no more getting old - just backing in the warm sunshine, romping in the soft green grass, eating the healthy food, and having millions of friends to hang out with. And the best thing about it is that one day we will join them in that beautiful state. If my vet says so - that's good enough to me

As Moonbeam so often says, each grief journey is its own - its own time, its own pain, its own response, its own everything. No matter what anyone tells you, there are no 'shoulds' involved. It's between you and Bex ONLY. I was so sad that the first week I velcro-ed two of her snowsuits (it's cold here) together to make a pillow and then slept on Gretta's huge orthopedic bed for many nights. (I'm a solo, so I can do things that people who live with others maybe can't do.) When I was ready, I went back to the couch where I had slept next to her bed every day she was with me. The smallest thing can bring on an attack of shattered heart. Don't be afraid. Thank God you have a caring and understanding husband to share the pain.

It's been 13 months and although I can say that the shot-in-the-heart-with-a-high-powered-rifle feeling has subsided, only about a fourth of the pain has "gone away". i think it will be this way for the rest of my life - and that's OK with me.

We're here for you, Ghost In Snow (what a beautiful and intriguing moniker), 24/7. Everybody here has gone or is going through the heart shattering experience of begin separated from their soul-mate. We're ready to support and care for all our Lightning Strike family.

Have the best day you can, GIS.

Gretta's mom

Thank you both for your lovely replies
You've offered such kind words to me and that means a lot and I'm sure they'd have meant a lot to Bex too.
I live with my parents and they've been a major help to me. My dad normally goes with my mum to work but he stayed at home with me all yesterday to make sure I was okay.
I feel a little worse today. Probably because I'm used to her being there when I get up and I've been feeling guilty about making the decision to have her put to sleep. And I stupidly felt under my bed last night before going to sleep, as I'd do that to stroke her goodnight whilst she's been ill because that's where she was sleeping. I felt a bit silly after because I knew she wouldn't be there.
She lay on one of my pillows yesterday by the door because she wasn't allowed out of the room and was sulking. I slept with my head on that last night. And I kept her collar. Not sure if I want to bury it in the garden or keep it yet.
I keep thinking I could've had just one or two more days with her but I know I'd be feeling like this in one or two days if I'd have done that. plus it would've caused her unnecessary suffering and I would never ever want that for any of my pets.
We had a condolence card in the post today from the vets which I thought was really sweet.
I miss her so much, it really hurts and I know it's going to take me a very long time to get over it as she was so special to me. She's got me through some really difficult times in my life. I guess even though I live at home, me and Bex kind of looked after each other if that makes sense.

Sorry i've kind of gone on a bit there
I feel comfortable talking about all of this here. It's difficult to say it all out-loud to someone.
This is a brilliant forum and I'm glad I found it

Sorry t hear about Gretta, Gretta's Mom. She certainly had a wonderful mummy to look after her

Hello GhostsInSnow, please accept my sincere sympathies on the loss of your little Bex. I lost my calico cat Tina just two weeks ago today. My little Danny boy had congestive heart failure, and he died last December. I think you made the right decision in that you spared your little baby unnecessary suffering. She sure was beautiful, and I too know about their spunky personality. My little Tina could get grumpy at times, but she loved me so and I loved her. I wish I could say something to make it all better. Going through the grief journey is so hard, and it's very lonely. Even though we receive comfort and support from other people we still have to go through the pain by ourselves. Please take good care of yourself.

Hugs,
DannysMom

Hi, GhostsInSnow, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. GIS, please let me try to offer you some words of comfort and support. There truly is no way we can ever "get over" the physical absence of our beloved companions. The words "get over", "closure", "move on" all imply the word FORGET, and this is simply impossible.

Rather this grief journey is one of adjustment to the physical absence of our beloved companions, and it is a very painful adjustment both emotionally and physically. It doesn't happen overnight, or in a day, a week, a month, or even six months. Eventually, though, the deep seering pain of loss does ease, and we can remember our beloved companions without the crushing pain of deep sorrow overwhelming us. We can even find ourselves smiling and talking to our companions "Do you remember when we did this, when you did that and it made us both laugh" and on and on and on. But until this time comes for you, GIS, please know each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Also, it isn't silly at all that you reached down to give your beloved Bex a "good night" caress. This has been a part of your life together, and is one of the many "rituals" you shared together. So ahead and reach out to her to give her good night hugs, and talk to her as you always have, for the sound of your voice is like sweet incense rising heavenward to her ears. Even though she is no longer physically with you, GIS, her sweet Living Spirit is forever a part of you.

I hope today is treating you kindly, GhostsInSnow, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Bex's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Bex with us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, GIS, and that I look forward to sharing how you're doing and your treasured memories of your beloved Bex.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you DannysMom I'm sorry to hear that you lost both of yours. I saw the pictures of your little calico and she's beautiful
You're right about their personality. Bex used to lie on the bed and meow for cuddles and fuss and instead of moving when she got fed up she'd turn and swipe or quite literally grab your hand and sink teeth and claws in. It was quite funny though. It's what makes them who they are and what makes them so special
Thank you for the hugs and kind words

Hi moon beam thank you again for your words of comfort and support. You've been really supportive of me and I can't express how much I appreciate your replies and everyone elses replies on here.
I've cried a lot and looked at some pictures and said a few words to her.
I was talking to my dad earlier about it all and the fact that losing Bex seems to have hit me a lot harder than losing any of the other pets. but we knew with the others and losing Bex came as a complete shock. We all thought she'd come home from her vets appointment. I'm not saying that it doesn't hurt any less when you're expecting it because it doesn't, it hurts a lot. I just think that losing her so quickly and suddenly is what's making it harder.
I want to thank you again and everyone else
You offer such wonderful and kind support here, you all do an amazing thing
I hope that when I'm feeling a little better I can offer some words of support to others in at least half as supportive a way as you all do

Hi, GhostsInSnow, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Sadly there is no way we can ever "prepare" ourselves for the moment when our companions transition home to the angels. But when it happens suddenly this does intensify our grief. So what you are feeling is very normal, GIS. You are so right - - it doesn't diminish the sorrow we feel when our companions transition home to the angels due to a prolonged illness or other circumstances.

I hope today is treating you kindly, GhostsInSnow. Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Bex with us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing to sharing your treasured memories of your beloved Bex.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you
I worked Friday Night plus yesterday lunch time and lunch time today. A lot of the people I work with are pet owners so they could kind of understand what I was going through.
Still not as amazing as the support you wonderful people here give (Which I continue to thank you all for)
I felt guilty again today for letting her go. I know I'll probably feel guilty for a long time though, even though I know it was right.
Me and my parents were talking about her earlier. She hated any sort of deodorant (as a lot of cats do) she'd only have to see a deodorant can or a roll-on deodorant thing and she'd scrunch her little face up and attack it. It was so funny to watch. And we talked about her affectionate moments. If she was close by and I asked her for a kiss, she'd lick my nose I really miss the little things

I'm dreading tomorrow. I'm back at college. I didn't go in on Friday and my lecturers were really understanding and my mates in my classes have been too but it's just the thought of actually seeing everyone who already knows. At work it was different because I chose when to tell. Tomorrow is out of my control really>
It's also tough because last Monday the vets were telling us they'd stabilised her. I thought she'd be okay, I never thought then that I'd be going through this nearly a week later.

I had a little cuddle with our neighbours cat yesterday.
It didn't feel right though, I know it wouldn't be the same. He didn't smell like you or snuggle like you or feel as soft as you.
Of course he wouldn't, he's not my Bex-ie is he
I can't believe that a week ago today we got you back. That they told us what was wrong and that if you responded to the medication I could have another 2-3 years with you.
2-3 years and all I got was 3 days
I'd give anything to have those 3 days again

Hi, GhostsInSnow, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I'm hoping your return to college yesterday went okay for you. It will be hard to concentrate for awhile, but please know your beloved Bex is with you and is encouraging you to do the very best you can. Please know each of us understand how deep your sorrow is in not having your beloved Bex physically with you. Veterinary practitioners are similar to human doctors - - they try to hope for the best when they are treating their patients. It is very difficult when treatments fail, and our beloved companions must precede us to the angels. It is heartbreaking, and it takes a very long time to "pick up the pieces" in the process of establishing a "new normal".

I hope today is treating you kindly, GIS. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing, and to sharing your treasured memories of your beloved Bex.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Once again, thank you Moon Beam. Your continued support has been amazing and is much appreciated.
Returning to college has been okay. one of my other lectures said he was sorry for me loss which I thought was really nice. There's one person in my class who doesn't seem to get why I'm upset but I'm taking no notice of her at the moment.
I spent some time in the garden last night by her favourite spot.
It's nice that there's little things that can make me feel close to her

Hi, GhostsInSnow, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I'm glad the return to college has been easier for you than what you anticipated - - that is always helpful - - along with having people who are supportive of your sorrow. And I am so glad you are finding ways to feel the closeness of your beloved Bex with you. The garden sounds like a lovely peaceful place where you and your beloved Bex can commune together. Cherish these "little things", GhostsInSnow.

I hope today is treating you kindly, GIS, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Bex's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing, and to sharing your treasured memories of your beloved Bex.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Im sry for ur lost
I definetly kno how u feel i also had a callico cat her name is Casper, she was put to sleep in janurary at 15 yrs old. even after 4 months i miss her wit all my heart i had her since i was 6 and im now 23 so i had her more then half my life. She was apart of the family and without her its like something is missing it just dont feel the same. She had a blood clot tha paralyzed her hind legs and tail we got her to the vet he said if we tried helpin her it woulda cost 1000s and no guarantee in her life span she was already into and out of living my mother decided to put her down cuz i couldnt make tha decision for my bestfriend i always regret not bein apart of that decision
I know it sucks rite now but eventually it will get alittle easier
Im sry again

Thank you, I'm very sorry to hear about your cat
That must have been terribly hard
I just wanted to say (I don't know if it will help you at all but anyway) I know you regret not being part of the decision and I completely understand that. The problem I have, is that I pretty much made the decision, although I did discuss it with the vet and my mum and asked their opinions but (I don't know if it's the same for everyone) I'm racked with guilt for making the decision even though I know it was best.
I guess there are good and bad points to being part of the decision and not being part of it.
It sounds like your little Casper was very loved and looked after. I'm sorry she was so ill at the end *hugs*

Today I've felt pretty low again, missing my bex-ie so much. but today I've also, for the first time, really really missed having a cat around the house.
My parents have said no more cats because we have the puppies and they take a lot of looking after and I initially said even when I move out I don't think I could have another cat.
I think I've changed my mind though
There's something special about the bond between a human and their cat i think because the cat chooses you at the end of the day.

Can't believe you've been gone a week already
In a way it's gone so quickly and in another way it's gone really slow
I hope you found Stripey-Dog and Sabs the cat, I know you missed them when they were gone too
Miss you so much Bexie, love you always

Can't believe it will be 3 weeks tomorrow
3 whole weeks
Sometimes it feels like longer and sometimes it feels like less
Sometimes, for a second, I forget and I see something white when I'm walking past a room and I think it's you
And sometimes when I'm in bed and I'm half asleep, it feels like there's a soft little thud next to me as if you've just jumped up to go to sleep
I kind of hope it is you, letting me know that you're safe and happy and well again <3

Hi, GhostsInSnow, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. As we look back during our grief journey it is very hard to believe how time has continued to proceed - - how life continues to go on day after day while our hearts and minds are existing on what I call automatic pilot.

It is inspiring to share with you the "moments" that your beloved Bex lets you know she is still with you - - the glimpses when you see the white of her fur and feeling her join you in bed. These are not figments of your imagination, GhostsInSnow - - these are real visits by your beloved Bex to let you know she is always with you just as she always has been and always will be.

I hope today is treating you kindly, GhostsInSnow, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Bex's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing, and to sharing your treasured memories of your beloved Bex.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

GhostsInSnow, it's been a month now since my sweet Tina passed on, and I still miss her dearly. It helps to look at photos and videos of her, but every time I watch a video of Tina I just want to reach out and hold her again. I hope that you can find some comfort in writing about Bex. It helps to put into words what we feel inside and gives meaning to what we feel.

I know how you feel :/
I don't have any videos of Bex, although I really wish I'd taken some, I do have a lot of photos and I have one framed and her collar is next to it
It does help to write about her and although it's sad, it's nice to have people that truly understand what it's like to go through this
I went through about of week of not being able to stand any other cats, which was difficult because our neighbours cats are always coming into our garden.
I did think, about a week ago, that it would be nice to have a cat or kitten around the house but I still live at home and my parents have said no more cats unless one decides to come and move in xD
I do think, personally for me, it would be too soon to have another one
I just miss the kind of comfort and affection you get from a cat

Hi, GhostsInSnow, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Now that you are beginning to "think" about having another companion this could be that your beloved Bex is leading a new companion to your path, and perhaps it is a homeless waif that will show up on your doorstep looking for shelter and love. This way your parents will not be able to "object". When your heart is ready to embrace a new companion, GhostsInSnow, the circumstances will provide your beloved Bex to bring a new companion in your life.

I hope today is treating you kindly, GhostsInSnow, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Bex's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing, and to sharing your treasured memories of your beloved Bex.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

GhostsInSnow, I think you put it so well when you said "I just miss the kind of comfort and affection you get from a cat". Calico cats are especially loving and very devoted to their human. My Tina would always greet me at the door and snuggle with me at night. I find myself seconding what moon_beam wrote, that perhaps a homeless little cat will show up at your doorstep and that your Bex will guide her to you. If a little homeless cat does indeed find its way to your doorstep and you take her/him in don't be surprised when you have feelings of resentment. This is quite normal, and I'm speaking from my own experience here. It takes time to establish a new bond and to form a new relationship with a new cat who will possible be quite different. You're still grieving, and that process takes time. But cats do have a way of stealing our hearts. While my little Shelley may not be the lap cat that my Tina was she is very sweet and gentle. I also have to remind myself that Tina was a senior cat and that Shelley is a very young cat who wants to play more than cuddle. I can't expect Shelley to behave the same way Tina did. She is a different cat, and more than anything I have to find out how to meet her needs first and the rest will take care of itself. Adjusting to a new cat can be difficult, but also very rewarding. It takes time, patience, and a lot of love.

Hi everyone. I'm sorry I kinda disappeared. It was a really tough time, I was just finishing college the month after and then I started uni in September so it's been a hectic few months.
One of the reasons I wanted to come back was to start to offer support to others now that things have...not so much healed but aren't so raw.
Also, I wanted to acknowledge the fact my beautiful girl would have been 10 years old this month.
I still get times when I cry, mostly at night. I still get the sensation of a cat jumping onto the bed at the same time every night so I think she is still with me
I'm happy to say I found a video of her on my laptop that I didn't know I had I am starting to put together all of her photos and the video clip together in a special memorial video. I want to markt he fact that not only is it her birthday but a special birthday too.

I'm also happy to say that she did lead a new companion to us. In August a little abandoned Black and White kitten turned up outside our garden. We took him in, got him sexed and checked for a chip at the vets. No chip, no collar. We advertised for 2-3 weeks and no one came forward so we adopted him.
He's not the same as my girl, no cat ever will be but I like to think she led him to us. Especially since it was said we'd have no cats unless one turned up. She always had a habit of doing the opposite of what was wanted

I also want o say thank you for all the support you offered me during that time. It helped me so so much so thank you

GhostsInSnow, how wonderful to have you back! Thanks for updating us on how your life has been going and all the best to you in your studies. Thank you also for sharing Bex's 10th birthday with us. That would have made her an official "senior" cat. I am glad to hear that you did find a video of her. Once in a while I watch the videos I took of Tina in her last months, but they always make me cry and I always want to reach in there and just hold her one more time. Calicos are very special cats.

How wonderful that this little black and white kitten found his way into your home! I'm sure your Bex had a paw in guiding him to you. Building a relationship with a new feline companion takes time. It took my Shelley a few months to really warm up to me and to start cuddling with me. There is always a period of adjustment. I hope this little black and white kitten brings you much joy!

Hugs,
DannysMom

Hi, GhostsInSnow, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Like DannysMom, I am so very glad for you that you found a video of your beloved Bex - - it is always wonderful to find these treasures. I hope working the memorial video will bring you much comfort. Please let us know how it goes for you.

I also add my sincerest congratulations to your new precious companion. There is no doubt that your beloved Bex guided your and your new companion's paths knowing that he would be welcomed and loved. May you and your precious little boy have a long, happy, and healthy earthly journey together.

I hope today is treating you kindly, GhostsInSnow, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Bex's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you and your new companion are doing, and to sharing your treasured memories of your beloved Bex.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam