So its been almost 4 months since i lost my babygirl Casper, thinking its almost 4 months since she was put down i would feel idk sumwat at peace wit it but im not. I miss her so much my life kinda feels empty witout her. Her being around for 15 yrs being more then half my life now being witout her its not the same. I would be coming home thinking i cant wait to c her but having to realize she isnt here anymore. When she was alive i would go to my boyfriends for the weekend and come home and look for her and put her on my bed now i come home and have no Casper to look for. I still clean the sink after i brush my teeth because wen she was alive she use to sit in the sink even if it was wet nd use to get tooth paste on her.
Its the little things that i miss bout her.
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I have an photo album just for her pictures and look at it everytime i feel like im missing her but thats more then once a day.
Even after 4 months im still not use to being witout her I remember she was my fat cat she use to eat anything at anytime my mother use to feed her cat food in the mornin nd i would have sum cereal she would run behind me jump on my bed and meow till i gave her some milk no matter how much she ate she still wanted more
Click to view attachment she use to find any place in my room to sleep no matter how messy it got she would always manage to find a place
she was my everything and she woulda been 16 yrs old last month and it really does hurt knowing she didnt see the age of 16 i wanted her so badly to see the age of 20 she was just 5 years away
Whats been bothering me lately is..ill read stories on here about how pplz stayed with their animals and held them as they were being put down when Casper was put down i made the choice of not being in the room because all i was doing was crying in the waitin room..my mother was in the room while she was being put down and wen i went in their all i saw was my babygirl dead on that table and i just lost it from there i regret not being in there holdin her while she was being injected because now i feel like her last moments she was thinking that i dont love her and i still and always will love her wit all my heart
I hope that she is on the other side not in any pain hanging out with flash(my aunts deceased dog) and precious(my aunts deceased cat) and i hope they are showing my Casper the ropes up there. I hope she is with my grandfather and nanny looking down at me proud of me and i hope they realize im trying to go on in life.
I just hope she knos how much i love her and i miss her sooo much and i just wish i had one more moment wit her and its hard to kno ill neva get that

EvEf
Its so hard, its so damn hard, beauty died 2 months ago and it always feels like it just happened today, always feels like it just happened today. I can't stand the world anymore, can't stand humans, utterly devastated.

Your babygirl is so beautiful, she is an angel, she was the angel of your life

EvEf, it is not for everyone to stay with their babies when they die. It takes a LOT of strength and it is VERY VERY traumatic. There is nothing wrong with opting not to be in the room with them when they die. If you simply couldn't do it then that is okay, and Casper knew that. I was with my sweet Danny boy when he died, and it tore me apart on the inside. I thought I was going to die right with him. For days I couldn't get that image out of my mind with him staring at me with those lifeless eyes. Trust me on this, if you couldn't handle it then that was perfectly okay. It was a bit easier for me with Tina, but still VERY VERY painful. EvEf, your Casper did not think that you didn't love her. She understood, and she still understands.

Hugs,
DannysMom

I saw her after the vet put her down lookin at her lifeless body that was hard just to do that

Thank u
but it sucks wen just noone understands how u feel
every1 says she was just a cat but she was my cat

Dear EvEf, not everyone thinks that Casper was 'just a cat'. You know we are here for you, and I know that life 'sucks' without your baby-girl. I always called Tina my 'baby-girl' as well. I know that I don't have to tell you how special Calico cats are. They are extremely devoted to their human and enthusiastically dedicate themselves to giving their human unconditional love. None of my other cats loved me as much as Tina did.

I am certain that your sweet Casper knows how much you love her and miss her. I am sorry that it was so traumatic for you to look at her dead body. Rest assured that your sweet Casper is restored to her former youthfulness in the company of the angels as moon_beam would say. And maybe Casper and my Tina are playing together. Casper has such a sweet little face and such pretty markings.


Hugs,
DannysMom

EvEf,
Unless a person has had the indescribable honor of being in total love with a cat, and had a relationship with a cat closer than two people could ever dream of being then no one who has not experienced this can understand the horror of despair we feel when they die

Dear EvEf

First - what an incredible cat! Thank you SO much for posting her pictures so we can all see how wonderful she IS (not was). Danny's mom is right - only those of us who have shared a soul-sharing life with our other-half animal can understand this shattering agony we go through when they go back to where they came from - the Perfect World. And please try not to feel so badly about waiting in the waiting room during her passing. I was with my Gretta when she passed but I had left her at the Vet School hospital the night before b/c i felt I wouldn't be able to take care of her (no, actually I was too scared to take her home). For months and months I sang a verse of a folk song with Gretta-words that said

I'm sorry that I left you with them
On what would be your last night here.
Can you forgive me for that, Gretta?
That's whwat my heart most wants to hear.

Then a wonderful friend here wrote two more verses as an answer

Oh mommie in the end always
Nothing that you did was wrong
No matter where I was I felt it
Your love for me was oh so strong

So mommie, mommie please don't worry
For there is nothing to forgive
A life of peace and joy and gladness
Is what I want for you to live.

I found these words incredibly consoling and I know that your beautiful kittie is singing the same song in her heart about you.Yes, most people really do not understand. It's sort of like if you were in, say, Swaziland and, no matter how hard the people tried or how good their hearts were, they just couldn't understnad you when you spole English. But, EvEf, we Lightning Strikers DO. Adn we're here, just for YOU, for as long as this site lasts.

Peace and blessing today,

Gretta's mom

Sometimes i feel horrible cuz i dont realize the time passing witout her here i think i got use to havin her not here tomorrow is the 9th meanin 4 months since she had passed and it honestly really does kill me to think i finally got use to bein witout her cuz it makes me feel like im forgettin bout her wen i kno i neva will

She was the smallest thing i use to b able to hold her in one arm witout a problem but she aint like it so much but got use to it...like i kno rite now she would b on mi bed hangin out wit me

I know, I never want to get used to beautys death, I never want her abcence to feel normal. That scares me.

Im begining to feel tha Caspers absence is normal now and i hate feelin like tha

EvEf, your feelings are very normal in themselves. There is nothing wrong with that. It means that you are recovering. On the grief journey we learn how to live without our little babies. It doesn't mean that you are forgetting Casper. She'll live forever in your heart. It just means that you are moving beyond your grief, and that in itself is good. Life is a series of gains and losses. There's not much we can do about the losses. They will happen. But how we deal with them is up to us.

Eve Im one of the ones who couldn't stay in the room either. My dog Bob had to be let go 5 days before this past Christmas and the only thing that bothers me was that I couldn't be with him when they put him to sleep. To me it seemed morbid and frankly I couldn't handle it. Even though he had Lymphoma cancer he was normal and exercised 30 minutes a day and was about to go into remission a 2nd time before the cancer traveled to his spine and rendered his back legs useless so it was a shock how fast things happened. Im sorry for you and casper but I understand what you went thru and even though I think about not being with Bob when he was put to sleep If I had to do it all over again I wouldn't go in there this time either. Things will be tough as its been almost 5 months and I always think about Bob but life goes on and I have other pets to get me through it including Bobs dad Romeo.

Bob, Romeo, and Max
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Its been 4 months now since i lost Casper, if i had to go bac i would b in the room wit her cuz i feel like i let her down
It just really sucks without her sometimes