Riley was my 5 year old English Pointer mix but he might as well have been human. I got him off Craigslist about 3 years ago - a couple of girls had rescued him from a shelter but didn't have time for him. I got him for free and they threw in a bag of food in too...to date, it's the best deal I've ever found on Craigslist.
He had this funny way of sitting. It looked like a little old man with a hunched back...the first time he did it, I couldn't help but laugh and wonder if he was doing something weird to get my attention. I can only guess it was due to being house in a crate too small for him. The tip of his tail had been broken and never healed right so it was bent in a right angle. Didn't slow down the speed of wagging it though. He had a habit of running in circles over and over until I would open a door for him - never seen another dog do that before. He was extremely shy of loud noises or sudden movements. Skittish when scooting furniture around or sweeping the floor (especially the vacuum). I would be extra careful to avoid any of those things around him...
He almost died not long after I got him. The vet didn't know what happened but guessed it was poison. I spent almost $1000 in bills (I didn't have it) but I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Afterwards, I joked that he was the most expensive free dog I'd ever had.
A group of buddies and I were playing cards in the garage the night before and, as is customary with our cigar smoking, we had the garage door open a bit. Riley never liked being alone so I would let him come out sometimes but he would always sneak towards the door to see if he could get out. I would always catch him and call him back but this night I was too busy focusing on the game and he snuck out without my noticing...that moment will haunt me forever.
I launched a mini rescue campaign with my friend and the neighbor but it was much too dark to see anything. I knew I would have to hit it again the next day and I did - fliers, pics, biz cards, etc. It was then I came across a lady who said she saw a dog matching his description lying in the road earlier that morning and I prayed she was wrong. I had just returned from Animal Services but decided to call and ask if they had picked up any dead animals that morning and they said yes... I needed to come by and identify.
The whole way there I had a knot in my stomach and knew what I would find when I got there. Surely enough, it was him and I thought it hurt then but I find the grief is amplified even more so now... It's only been a day but I don't see this leaving anytime soon. I can barely breathe. I'm so depressed I don't want to do anything. I walk around the house and see him everywhere. I go in the back yard and he's not chasing the birds or squirrels...no happy Riley to greet me...nothing. I feel completely devastated and undeserving. I don't know how to handle this sort of thing. I was clinically depressed years ago and I've not been that sad until now...I'm in utter despair.
Click to view attachment
Full Version: My Riley - Taken From Me 4/7/12
Hi, texas, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Riley. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion under tragic circumstances intensifies the grief.
Texas, for different tragic reasons I do so understand what you are feeling - - "if only I could turn back the time to . . . " I understand the haunting feeling of what happened to your beloved Riley that is in your heart. Please let me try to reassure you that you did everything humanly and humanely possible to give your beloved Riley a happy, healthy, and safe earthly journey with you. Our companions are like little children - - they can be told not to do something and take unfair advantage of us when we are distracted or focused on something else. Sometimes the mischief they get into is harmless, while other times, such as in the case of your beloved Riley, the mischief has a tragic outcome. I'm sure that your beloved Riley is trying to reassure you now, "hey, dad, what happened is not your fault. Please don't blame yourself. I'm sorry for the sadness in your heart now, dad. I love you always, dad - - you are my Forever Dad. Thank you for loving me."
Texas, this grief journey is filled with many different emotions which can overwhelm us all at one time, and it is normal to have feelings of depression during the deep grief. However, if you find yourself truly not being able to cope, you may want to talk to your doctor. Grieving can change the chemical balance in our brains which may require prescription medicine to help restore a proper balance. At one point in time in my life I went through a very deep depression and needed the help of a professional counselor to sort through the circumstances. So, I do understand what you are going through.
One of the many things you need to remember during your grief journey is that you are not alone, texas. Each of us here do understand what you are going through and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. This grief journey can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. It doesn't go away overnight, or in a day, a week, or even a month. There are many "firsts" that need to be navigated through this grief journey, each of them with the potential of making us feel as though it is the first moment of realizing that our companions are no longer physically with us. Please let me try to reassure you that your beloved Riley's sweet Living Spirit is forever with you in your heart and your memories. He continues to sahre your earthly journey just as he always has and always will. The love bond you and your beloved Riley share is eternal - - he is forever a heartbeat close to you.
I know right now there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of loss you are feeling in your heart. I can only hope and pray that somehow the words I share with you will bring some form of comfort, support, envouragement, and hope to you as you travel your grief journey. Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Riley with us, texas, and the wonderful picture. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, texas, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Texas, for different tragic reasons I do so understand what you are feeling - - "if only I could turn back the time to . . . " I understand the haunting feeling of what happened to your beloved Riley that is in your heart. Please let me try to reassure you that you did everything humanly and humanely possible to give your beloved Riley a happy, healthy, and safe earthly journey with you. Our companions are like little children - - they can be told not to do something and take unfair advantage of us when we are distracted or focused on something else. Sometimes the mischief they get into is harmless, while other times, such as in the case of your beloved Riley, the mischief has a tragic outcome. I'm sure that your beloved Riley is trying to reassure you now, "hey, dad, what happened is not your fault. Please don't blame yourself. I'm sorry for the sadness in your heart now, dad. I love you always, dad - - you are my Forever Dad. Thank you for loving me."
Texas, this grief journey is filled with many different emotions which can overwhelm us all at one time, and it is normal to have feelings of depression during the deep grief. However, if you find yourself truly not being able to cope, you may want to talk to your doctor. Grieving can change the chemical balance in our brains which may require prescription medicine to help restore a proper balance. At one point in time in my life I went through a very deep depression and needed the help of a professional counselor to sort through the circumstances. So, I do understand what you are going through.
One of the many things you need to remember during your grief journey is that you are not alone, texas. Each of us here do understand what you are going through and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. This grief journey can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. It doesn't go away overnight, or in a day, a week, or even a month. There are many "firsts" that need to be navigated through this grief journey, each of them with the potential of making us feel as though it is the first moment of realizing that our companions are no longer physically with us. Please let me try to reassure you that your beloved Riley's sweet Living Spirit is forever with you in your heart and your memories. He continues to sahre your earthly journey just as he always has and always will. The love bond you and your beloved Riley share is eternal - - he is forever a heartbeat close to you.
I know right now there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of loss you are feeling in your heart. I can only hope and pray that somehow the words I share with you will bring some form of comfort, support, envouragement, and hope to you as you travel your grief journey. Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Riley with us, texas, and the wonderful picture. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, texas, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Hello Texas
What a GREAT guy, Mr Riley! My heart goes out to you in his passing back into the Perfect World. Texas, like Moonbeam says, there is no pain this side of eternity greater than the disappearance of one's soul-mate. Not evey furbaby IS a soul-mate, but those like Riley, who come to us via an unusual and improbable path - they are. We carry parts of each others' souls. They come from the Perfect World on a mission to find, out of the billions of people on the planet, their one-and-only. How amazing is that! Riley found you, put himself in your path and your instant rush of love told both of you that your "other half" had been found. Soul-mate love overcomes all - even the guilt that overwhelms us when we think we have had a hand in their going back home. Someone wrote me a verse of a song when I was deep in guilt and grief at having to send my Gretta (the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived) back home. It said
Oh mommy, in the end as always
Nothing that you did was wrong.
No matter where I was I felt it
Your love for me was oh so strong.
Moonbeam has taught us that our soul-mates are still where they always were - right beside us - guiding us, teaching us, and most important loving us and being loved. We just can't see or hear or touch them - and THAT HURTS! Yes, you'll make it through - Riley will see to that! At first. it feels like being constantly shot in the heart with a high-powered rifle. You're there now. After some weeks, you might pass into the robot-walk phase - just walking through life's tasks - without bursting into tears a hundred times a day (maybe only 5 or 10). The most important thing - the only thing - is to keep breathing - I mean it - exhale after you inhale.
Each of us deals with this grief in our own way. Don't feel strange if you find yourself doing strange things related to Riley's passing. Everything reminds you of him - and everything hurts. (The first week after Gretta went home I made a pillow out of two of her snowsuits and slept on her huge orthpedic bed.) It's been almost exatly a year and the grief has lessened to about 80% of what it was at first. And I suspect it will stay there until I meet Gretta again in the Perfect World. Another verse of the song said
Up here we live and laugh in sunshine
We understand each other's words
For we are all God's special creatures
Protected by a loving Lord.
Texas, you've come to the right place. LS is a band of brothers and sisters who share the amazing experience of crossing the species barier and loving and being loved by a special animal. Then, for some reason unknown to us, they go back home - taking a part of our soul with them. But we WILL see them again. And meanwhile we try our best to live lives worthy of their love.
We're with you, Texas. Welcome.
Gretta's mom
What a GREAT guy, Mr Riley! My heart goes out to you in his passing back into the Perfect World. Texas, like Moonbeam says, there is no pain this side of eternity greater than the disappearance of one's soul-mate. Not evey furbaby IS a soul-mate, but those like Riley, who come to us via an unusual and improbable path - they are. We carry parts of each others' souls. They come from the Perfect World on a mission to find, out of the billions of people on the planet, their one-and-only. How amazing is that! Riley found you, put himself in your path and your instant rush of love told both of you that your "other half" had been found. Soul-mate love overcomes all - even the guilt that overwhelms us when we think we have had a hand in their going back home. Someone wrote me a verse of a song when I was deep in guilt and grief at having to send my Gretta (the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived) back home. It said
Oh mommy, in the end as always
Nothing that you did was wrong.
No matter where I was I felt it
Your love for me was oh so strong.
Moonbeam has taught us that our soul-mates are still where they always were - right beside us - guiding us, teaching us, and most important loving us and being loved. We just can't see or hear or touch them - and THAT HURTS! Yes, you'll make it through - Riley will see to that! At first. it feels like being constantly shot in the heart with a high-powered rifle. You're there now. After some weeks, you might pass into the robot-walk phase - just walking through life's tasks - without bursting into tears a hundred times a day (maybe only 5 or 10). The most important thing - the only thing - is to keep breathing - I mean it - exhale after you inhale.
Each of us deals with this grief in our own way. Don't feel strange if you find yourself doing strange things related to Riley's passing. Everything reminds you of him - and everything hurts. (The first week after Gretta went home I made a pillow out of two of her snowsuits and slept on her huge orthpedic bed.) It's been almost exatly a year and the grief has lessened to about 80% of what it was at first. And I suspect it will stay there until I meet Gretta again in the Perfect World. Another verse of the song said
Up here we live and laugh in sunshine
We understand each other's words
For we are all God's special creatures
Protected by a loving Lord.
Texas, you've come to the right place. LS is a band of brothers and sisters who share the amazing experience of crossing the species barier and loving and being loved by a special animal. Then, for some reason unknown to us, they go back home - taking a part of our soul with them. But we WILL see them again. And meanwhile we try our best to live lives worthy of their love.
We're with you, Texas. Welcome.
Gretta's mom
Moon_beam & Gretta's Mom, I appreciate the kind words. I am feeling better as time goes by but you're right, it won't ever fully go away. I've had animals all my life as I was raised on a small ranch (my grandfather had one too), but I can't say, short of 1 other experience when I was a small kiddo, that I've ever felt the bond so strongly between myself and a pet. Riley truly was my soul friend - sometimes I thought I could understand his body language and vocals like I could English and I felt he could understand mine. We were 2 peas in a pod and I felt like it was Riley & Me vs the World. I had high hopes and dreams of our life together as I am about to write another chapter in my life - becoming a teacher (my last week of student teaching is this week). I was dreaming of where we would move for my first teaching job and how we would experience the "new" together and now all that is gone.
I wrote a poem for Riley. I used to write when things got pretty bad and it would always help me...I haven't written in a long time. Funny thing is, it didn't make me feel better. Here it is though:
It was just like any other day
Groceries, a haircut, then…fray!
A whim turned to action,
The search was underway!
To take on this responsibility,
I had waited for so long
The conditions were now right
A yard, a fence, the need to jog…
He had to be special
This I knew.
The search was short but fruitful
Craigslist would do!
Money was tight
These things are delicate
To find the right one
With energy, smarts, and etiquette
Then, like a beacon
The headline grabbed
“Free to good home”
This I had to have!
The ad was quite simple:
“Take him. We don’t have time”
A picture of him in a backseat
That happy face was gonna be mine
45 minutes of chasing in an alley
He sure liked to run
A free bag of food too
The ride back home plus one!
We took to each other fast
You, with your peculiar ways
I liked how you would sit funny
And run in circles when ready to play
The time flew by
So did our addresses
I never worried about pet deposits
You hardly made any messes
I thought we were inseparable
Then the day came I nearly lost you
You got sick and I panicked
But somehow you pulled through
The vet bill was large
I joked a lot afterwards
“Most expensive free dog ever!”
I could see your eyes roll backwards
More time came and went
You became like a son
I didn’t know the end was near
The blow hit me like a ton
You were always curious
What lied beyond the front yard?
The garage was your way to freedom
I got busy – you ran far
That night was a frenzy
Search and rescue to commence
I walked and drove all over
Sick with worry about what comes next
The next day with efforts diligent
Flyers and cards handed out
Then I came across a lady
The news was grim and stout
I called Animal Services
I had been there once before
This time I asked a different question
And got a different score
I went back to see
The tears were already flowing
I knew you were waiting
But you wouldn’t be wagging
You looked like you were sleeping
I didn’t see pain
I hope you didn’t suffer
Can’t say I’ll be the same
You left me here alone
Everywhere I look, you’re there
Why didn’t you just stay put??
I don’t know what to do… or where
I suppose I have your pictures
Your collar and some toy stuffing
I hope I made you happy as you made me
Riley, you will always be my Craigslist puppy.
Click to view attachment
I wrote a poem for Riley. I used to write when things got pretty bad and it would always help me...I haven't written in a long time. Funny thing is, it didn't make me feel better. Here it is though:
It was just like any other day
Groceries, a haircut, then…fray!
A whim turned to action,
The search was underway!
To take on this responsibility,
I had waited for so long
The conditions were now right
A yard, a fence, the need to jog…
He had to be special
This I knew.
The search was short but fruitful
Craigslist would do!
Money was tight
These things are delicate
To find the right one
With energy, smarts, and etiquette
Then, like a beacon
The headline grabbed
“Free to good home”
This I had to have!
The ad was quite simple:
“Take him. We don’t have time”
A picture of him in a backseat
That happy face was gonna be mine
45 minutes of chasing in an alley
He sure liked to run
A free bag of food too
The ride back home plus one!
We took to each other fast
You, with your peculiar ways
I liked how you would sit funny
And run in circles when ready to play
The time flew by
So did our addresses
I never worried about pet deposits
You hardly made any messes
I thought we were inseparable
Then the day came I nearly lost you
You got sick and I panicked
But somehow you pulled through
The vet bill was large
I joked a lot afterwards
“Most expensive free dog ever!”
I could see your eyes roll backwards
More time came and went
You became like a son
I didn’t know the end was near
The blow hit me like a ton
You were always curious
What lied beyond the front yard?
The garage was your way to freedom
I got busy – you ran far
That night was a frenzy
Search and rescue to commence
I walked and drove all over
Sick with worry about what comes next
The next day with efforts diligent
Flyers and cards handed out
Then I came across a lady
The news was grim and stout
I called Animal Services
I had been there once before
This time I asked a different question
And got a different score
I went back to see
The tears were already flowing
I knew you were waiting
But you wouldn’t be wagging
You looked like you were sleeping
I didn’t see pain
I hope you didn’t suffer
Can’t say I’ll be the same
You left me here alone
Everywhere I look, you’re there
Why didn’t you just stay put??
I don’t know what to do… or where
I suppose I have your pictures
Your collar and some toy stuffing
I hope I made you happy as you made me
Riley, you will always be my Craigslist puppy.
Click to view attachment
Texas
what a wonderful poem ... and picture. Riley, the Craigs List Dog - now and forever (Riley, looks like you're stuck with that name
)
Please have the best day you can, Texas. It's not easy when you're constantly being shot in the heart, I know. You're a strong and brave person to keep up student teaching after the passing of your precious Riley. Admiration and strength coming your way today.
Gretta's mom
what a wonderful poem ... and picture. Riley, the Craigs List Dog - now and forever (Riley, looks like you're stuck with that name
)Please have the best day you can, Texas. It's not easy when you're constantly being shot in the heart, I know. You're a strong and brave person to keep up student teaching after the passing of your precious Riley. Admiration and strength coming your way today.
Gretta's mom
Hi, texas, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing and your heart-filled love poem to your beloved Riley. When we are in deep grief things that we once enjoyed doing lose meaning for awhile because the source of our inspiration - - our beloved companions - - are no longer physically with us. Our hearts are burdened with the deep grief of sorrow, and it takes time - - one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time - - for us to find a "new normal" in our lives.
Please let me try to reassure you that wherever you go in your continued earthly journey, texas, that your beloved Riley's sweet Living Spirit will always be with you sharing your days just as he always has and always will He is now sharing each of your activities in real time. He no longer has to wait for you to get home from classes, or shopping, or whatever your travels may be for you to share your activities with him. He is always with you cheering you just as he always will.
One of the many hard parts of this grief adjustment journey is adjusting to the physical absence our beloved companions. We live in a physically-oriented world governed by the five senses of sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. Every time our companions touch us they literally chemically imprint themselves onto us so that they can identify us from all the other hundreds of millions of people on this planet. When they precede us to the angels our bodies literally go through a physical withdrawal from this physical contact, and it is very painful both physically and emotionally.
The good news is that your beloved Riley truly is forever a part of you, for he is forever in your heart and your memories, texas - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.
Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Riley with us, texas. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Please let me try to reassure you that wherever you go in your continued earthly journey, texas, that your beloved Riley's sweet Living Spirit will always be with you sharing your days just as he always has and always will He is now sharing each of your activities in real time. He no longer has to wait for you to get home from classes, or shopping, or whatever your travels may be for you to share your activities with him. He is always with you cheering you just as he always will.
One of the many hard parts of this grief adjustment journey is adjusting to the physical absence our beloved companions. We live in a physically-oriented world governed by the five senses of sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. Every time our companions touch us they literally chemically imprint themselves onto us so that they can identify us from all the other hundreds of millions of people on this planet. When they precede us to the angels our bodies literally go through a physical withdrawal from this physical contact, and it is very painful both physically and emotionally.
The good news is that your beloved Riley truly is forever a part of you, for he is forever in your heart and your memories, texas - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.
Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Riley with us, texas. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
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