Hi everyone. I just joined today, was looking on Google for a group that may be able to just give me a place to vent and tell my story of my little baby boy

He is my very first ferret, I've had him since he was very, very young and could fit in the palm of my hand. He is now 5 years old. Last July, he was diagnosed with insulinoma (pancreatic cancer). His cancer is really aggressive and in just 7 months he maxed out the dose of his medicine. If his blood sugar drops too low, he can have a seizure and die from it. So far, I've always caught him right before having a seizure, but I am so stressed and anxious. I keep thinking "What if he has one when I'm sleeping and I don't hear him?" or "What if he has one right now while I'm at the store?" My life seems to be revolving around his cancer. He has his ups and downs, and unfortunately he's had less and less ups. He's on the last ditch effort to keep him alive, we have him on a second drug on top of the original one. It seemed to work for the first 2 days, and now today he's crashing again. He looks sick, he acts sick, he's not moving around much.

I am scared to death of losing him. I don't want him to die. I hate this cancer so, so much. I wish I could take it, I wish I could make him all better. I don't know what's wrong with him today but he just doesn't feel good. I stayed at home all day to watch over him, and I feel like I won't be able to sleep tonight cause I'll be so worried about him.

What kills me is that he feels so sick from this. I hate it! I hate that it affects him! Then one day he looks fine and he'll play! Then the next day he'll be real slow and look like he's feeling nauseous. Then the next he'll have diarrhea and not want to eat. Then the next he'll be okay. I'm so sick of the rollercoaster, I just want him to be okay. I guess I'm asking the world for way too much. I guess a healthy, happy pet is just too much to ask for.

I hate seeing him not feeling good. I hate it I hate it I hate it. And I'm scared of losing him. I'm not ready to make the decision to end his life. He just tuned 5 years old life month! He's too young!!

Hi, spurr, thank you so much for sharing your precious little boy with us. I am so sorry for his diagnosis. Cancer is a very unpleasant illness which robs our companions of their life's energy and dignity, and it does not discriminate against age, life form, or gender. What you are going through right now is known as Anticipatory Grief. It is a horrer roller coaster ride filled with its own heartbreak. The question you need to ask yourself revolves around the quality of life your little boy is having. Your little boy is totally dependent upon you to make the best decision on his behalf - - even and especially when your heart is breaking. There comes a time when the only way our companions can be healed is to release them from their failing painful physical body. This is not an easy decision to make, but it is one that we as their caregivers are responsible for when we embrace them into our hearts and lives.

Spurr, please know you and your little boy are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how things go.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Spurr,

I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this I can just imagine the horror that you are going through - that you're walking around with this heavy, twisting, ball of worry in the pit of your stomach. And even when you're trying to get on with every day tasks, it's always there, nagging away at you until you feel sick. You're always checking him, and any little of sign of brightness, or indication that he's doing okay today, just fills your heart with joy. And any little sign of the opposite, just tears your heart apart. It takes over your life. You just wish and pray for a miracle, while fearing the worst. I've been through this very thing with my beloved house-bunny, Daisy, who died of cancer (actually from an operation trying to remove the cancer) at just 5 years old.

Spurr, you are doing everything you can for your precious boy. Just keeping letting him know how loved his is (I'm sure he already knows though!) Take each day at a time, and follow your heart and your gut instinct.

Please let us know how he is getting on. I will keep you and your little ferret boy in my thoughts and prayers.

Take care,
Cheryl x

Sorry for taking so long to reply. My life has been chaotic.

moon_beam: Thanks for keeping me and my fuzzy in your prayers. I'm not ready to make that kind of decision yet. He only turned 5, he's so young. He's been feeling better lately, but I think today is another one of his down days. I'm being selfish, but if I can fight for his life, then I will. I can't help it. I love him so, so much. He's my baby. I wish I wasn't going through anticipatory grief, I know I'm going to be grieving over him sooner rather than later, I'd rather enjoy my time with him. I wish I could shake off this anxiety and depression.

Cheryl: You nailed it. The pit in my stomach is what I feel 24/7. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't do anything except obsess over his disease. I feel like I can't enjoy my ferret anymore because I'm scared of him dying. Every time he feels better I'm just so excited, and the moment he doesn't feel good I just feel beaten down. Every day I spend time with him, and every night he cuddles up next to me in bed and sleeps next to me. I love him so much. He's my little teddy bear. I'm sorry about your bunny I will never forgive this cancer for what it has done to my baby boy. It's robbing his livelihood away from him, and it's robbing my baby from me. I have never felt such strong hatred in my life until this cancer appeared.