Hello Everyone

I am new here.We just had our 11 year old American Eskimo,Maggie put down 2 weeks ago today.

I joined this forum 10 days again but didn't have the strength to post.

Maggie was a great dog!She was funny,unique,lovable and so caring.This dog tried to feed stray kittens until she bled.She bathed them and played with them,Laid in bed with me while I was sick for 6 months.She was everything to us!

Toward the end of February,Maggie threw up and was shaking so we took her to the Vet.They ran tests and said everything looked normal and that she had probably eaten something she shouldn't have.After 5 days of feeding her baby food and Pedialyte,she began to rally.Though she was not 100% ,maybe about 70%.The vet said dogs take awhile to get back to normal.She was jumping around,eating and barking again.We were thrilled!!

On March 16th she was back in bed,wouldn't eat,wouldn't get out of bed.On the 17th she was vomitting alot so we drove an hour to a different Vet.She was so sick,she wouldn't lift her head and vomitted all over herself.I used baby wipes to clean her fur and gave her ice cubes to lick(she didn't even lick the ice cubes).The vet took one look at her laying on the table and before even running tests said"your dog's body is shutting down,she's suffering and depressed"

We had blood work done and x-rays.Her blood leverls were ALL abnormal yet 2 weeks before EVERYTHING WAS FINE and she seemed to be her old self again.We were is shock!

The x-rays came back.Enlarged kidneys and liver.The Vet said they could put her in the hospital and try to get her stabilized and IF she became stable,they could operate.The vet said the chances of her becoming stable were about 30% and IF she did stabilize she likely wouldn't make it through surgery but there was a slim chance.I asked him (through tears)"Dr.,what would YOU do if this was YOUR dog"He said"I would give her a humane exit"My husband and I lost it,the teras were flowing and the vet left us to make the toughest decision.We decided to not put her through all this invasive nedical stuff and to just let her go.I said my goodbyes,kissed her,hugged her and thanked her for everything!My husband stayed in the room and held her while she slipped away.

I am living everyday with the "what ifs".Maybe she would have stabilized?MAybe she would have survived surgery?Maybe we could have had her another 5 years?Did we do the right thing????

I miss her and love her so much and have gut pain at the the thought that maybe we should have done more for her.

Anyway,that's my story about my little girl Maggie.

Dear MaggiesMama,

I'm so sorry for the physical loss of your little girl. I know this is so very heartbreaking for you, and that you feel like the pain will never go away. I promise you that with time and lot's of tears, the pain will become less intense. One day you'll be able to think of your girl, and smile at the memories, perhaps with only a twinge of sadness in your heart. Once the intense grief begins to ease, you'll begin to realize that little Maggie is still very much with you - always a part of you - just in a different way.



I just have to say that Maggie sounds like an unbelievable dog! Reading this made me smile. I believe that there's a special place at the bridge for dogs like Maggie.




MaggiesMama, I know you're suffering with guilt after your decision. People questioning whether or not they "did the right thing" is something we see an awful lot on this forum. Well, I will give you my honest, unbiased opinion - just from reading that above sentence alone, I truly believe that you made the right decision. Your Maggie was ready. Deep down in your heart, you know this too, because you know your girl. The decision you made was out of pure love. It was a decision that would cause you a lot of pain - but free your little girl from pain. How can a completely unselfish decision made out of love ever be wrong? Please try to let go of the guilt. Maggie knows you love her... and she is so very grateful for you helping her to join the angels!

Take care of yourself, and please let us know how you're doing. Take it one day at a time. We're here for you.
Cheryl x

Hi, MaggiesMama, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Maggie. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions on this side of eternity - - at great sacrifice to ourselves - - so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Our forum correspondent Cheryl has shared many thoughts that are also in my heart, and I hope you will be comforted by them. It is not unusual for initial test results to not show anything wrong. It's the process of the illness. Our companions are very adept at disguising how they are feeling. It's a genetic trait they inherit from their wild cousins. Any sign of illness, injury, weakness makes them vulnerable and easy prey. So by the time they can no longer disguise how they are feeling the illness / injury has already taken hold of their physical bodies. Sometimes veterinary medicine can help restore health and / or provide a good quality of life. Other times, such as in the case of your beloved Maggie, we are faced with making the most incredibly painful decision our hearts will bear in our earthly journey: to put aside OUR wants so that our companions will no longer have to be in pain and suffering in their physical bodies. As Cheryl has to poignantly said, "The decision you made was out of pure love. It was a decision that would cause you a lot of pain - but free your little girl from pain. How can a completely unselfish decision made out of love ever be wrong?"

The good news is that your beloved Maggie's sweet Living Spirit is forever with you in your heart and your memories. She continues to share your earthly journey just as she always has and always will - - just differently. The love bond you and your beloved Maggie share is eternal - - it is not dependent upon the physical laws of time and space. Hopefully as your deep grief eases you will feel your beloved Maggie's Presence with you - - for she is forever a part of you - - she is forever a heartbeat close to you.

This grief journey is one of adjustment to the physical absence of our beloved companions, and it is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. There are so many different emotions that we experience that can overwhelm us all at once and make us feel like we are literally going insane. I promise you, MaggiesMama, that what you are feeling is very normal -- very painful both emotionally and physically - - yet still very normal. One of the many things you need to remember during your journey is that you are not alone. You are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I know right now there are no adequate words in any language that can begin to soothe the seering pain of loss that is in your heart. I can only hope that the words I share with you will somehow bring comfort, support, encouragement, and hope to you as you travel your grief jourey.

MaggiesMama, thank you so much for sharing your beloved Maggie with us. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of her with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, MaggiesMama, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you both so much for your kind words and understanding.I read both of your posts through tears as this is all still so fresh and painful.

We have a Sheltie who misses her buddy very much so I have been helping her try to get through this too.

She won't go into the kitchen to sleep anymore(her and Maggie each had their beds in there at nightime).It is sad but I know she needs me so I am trying very hard to help her through as well as the whole family.

Here is a picture of my beautiful Maggie.I also had a necklace and bracelet made with this same picture(my favourite)

I have only started on this path so I will be back and thank you again.It means the world to me.

Dear MaggiesMama, please accept my sincere sympathies on the loss of your precious Maggie. What a beautiful little dog! I like the photo that you posted. I am very sorry for your loss. I know from my own experience that it hurts so much to say good-bye to our fur babies even when it's the right thing to do. MaggiesMama, I understand how you keep asking yourself "what if", but I believe that you made the right decision and spared your sweet Maggie further pain and suffering. You made this decision out of love, after asking the advice of the vet. I think we do tend to question our decisions because we love our fur babies so much and we would do anything to save them. MaggiesMama, your sweet Maggies is now made whole again in the company of the angels as moon_beam would say. I know it hurts so much to be physically separated from her, but she lives on in your heart and in your memories of her. I pray that you may find comfort during this difficult time.


Hugs,
DannysMom

Hi, MaggiesMama, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing and this wonderful picture of your beloved Maggie. You can see the love in her eyes for you, and her eyes continue to reflect the love you have for her. It is heartbreaking to see our companions grieving the physical absence of their house mates, but in comforting her you will be comforting one another.

I hope today is treating you kindly, MaggiesMama, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Maggie's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi MaggiesMama,

How are you feeling today?

Thank you for sharing the WONDERFUL photograph of your precious Maggie. What a BEAUTIFUL little girl. A true angel here on earth; sadly heaven needed such a special little doggy back. I once heard our fur-babies described as "angels on loan". How heartbreakingly true this is.

Thinking of you.
Cheryl x

Hi Cheryl

I am still not doing too well.Just when I think I am doing better something sets the tears off again.When the warmer weather came,I got sad because Maggie used to love laying on the deck or coming out with me to hang the laundry our or chasing the squirrels.It's so sad and heartbreaking to know she will never get to do these things again.She deserves to lay in the sun and chase squirrels.

I knew it was going to hurt when I used to think about the day she would pass but when that day actually came,I had no idea it was going to hit so hard!!

She was ahuge part of our lives and the heartache will not go away.It's been 19 days and not one day has gone by where I have not cried and felt that pain in my heart.

I know it will take time I just want that time to be now!

I have her picture and her collar with her ashes and I want to be able to look at that picture and smile but right now all I can do is cry.

Thank you for asking about me.I appreciate your concern.

MaggiesMama,

Oh, I know too well the grief you're feeling right now. Early stage grief is so intense that sometimes it actually cause physical pain. I also know EXACTLY what you mean when you say that sometimes you feel like you're finally doing 'a little better', then the next minute, you're sobbing uncontrollably and right back at the beginning again. This was the most confusing part of the grief journey for me personally, when my baby-girl housebunny (who thought she was a dog), Daisy, joined the angels almost two years ago now. My own thread was even called "Just when I thought I was doing well..." At times you feel like you're never going to start to 'feel a little better' or accept what has happened. All I can say is that the time between the "going right back to the beginning" eventually starts to get longer, until you finally reach a solid point where you can slowly start to move forward. Unfortunately, there is no way we can "rush through this" all we can do is try to ride it out, and try to figure out what eases the pain a little. Some people find that writing letters to their furbabies who have passed over helps. Some people use their thread on here to do this. I still used to talk to my Daisy in the little baby-voice I used 'only for her' and I still told her that I loved her every day. Some people make scrap-books filled with precious memories of their babies. I understand that any of this might be too painful to do right now, but it may be something to consider a little further down the road. It's important that you do whatever feels best for you.

I hope you return and let us know how you're getting on. We're here for you during the bad days and the 'feeling a little better' days too.

Take care of yourself - Cheryl

Hi, MaggiesMama, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Our forum friend Cheryl has shared with you what is in my heart about the horror roller coaster ride of this grief adjustment journey, so please read her response often.

May I try to offer you some comfort in saying that your beloved Maggie IS enjoying laying in the sunshine and doing all the things she used to do that brought her joy and comfort during her earthly journey - - for she is now in the company of the angels in eternal joy. AND she is also right with you as you continue on your earthly journey sharing in your daily activiites just as she always has and always will - - just differently. The adjustment to not being able to see, hear, touch, smell, and taste our companions is very painful. We literally go through a physical withdrawal when they precede us to the angels. But I promise you, MaggiesMama, your beloved Maggie is forever with you - - she is always a heartbeat close to you.

I hope today is treating you kindly, MaggiesMama. Cheryl has made some excellent suggestions for you to consider - - perhaps they will offer you some ideas of your own that can help you through this deep grief. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, MaggiesMama, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Im so sorry for your lost of Maggie, three month ago i lost my babygirl casper a callico cat she was 15 year old. I also live with the "what ifs" what if there was something else i coulda done or what if the vet coulda done something else for her. I also live with the whys y couldnt she last to c the age of 16 y couldnt she live to c me turn 23. I had casper since i was 6 and honestly dont remember a bday without her turning 23 sucked becuase she wasnt her. I wish i could tell her time heals all but everyone heals on their own all i could tell u is cry all u need to