We euthanized our poodle boy Curly on Friday (3 days ago) on his 7th birthday and I've been crying & sick over it ever since. He was fine Wed & dead by Friday. I'm still in shock, angry for not getting a second opinion, and crying ALOT. My mom just told me to pull myself together, this is getting ridiculous. I'm 43 & she scolded me and then changed the subject so I'd stop talking about Curly.
Now I feel abnormal about the depth of grief I feel. After all, doesn't a mom tell you what you "need" to hear? In this case I just think she doesn't get it. I'm usually a Negative Nelly to begin with (sort of depressed but not so much to be on meds). Please tell me the honest truth about if it's normal or not to still be crying. ( I called to ask about Curly's ashes today and they said his body is going to the crematory today.....so he's not even cremated yet. This is still ongoing)

Peggy

This is totally normal Peggy. It's been 7 weeks tomorrow and I still cry every day. You need to talk to people who understand. Many people (mainly those who do not have pets) do not understand how you can feel that way about a non human but to me and everyone else on here the loss of a pet is a loss of a child as we still feed them, clear up after them, love them and cuddle them just like we would a child.

I understand he would not have been cremated yet. I had to wait just over a week to get my baby Chewy back.

Have you got any friends who have pets of their own who would understand that you cold talk to? What about your husband?

I know how you feel about how could this happen. Chewy was just out playing before he came in for cuddles and in a matter of a couple of hours cruelty made him suffer and I had to let him go the next day....three weeks after moving house too which devastates me. But from what I have seen on this site the guilt anger and depression keeps coming and going on a day to day basis and will do maybe for ever but it is how we learn to control the emotion which sees us through.

I too am yet to hit the controlled stage but with the help from is site at least I feel normal.

Sending my love to you.

xxForeverxx

Dearest Peggy,

Please accept my sympathy on the tragic loss of your beloved Curly. What a wonderful name for such a boy! He is sure to remember that choice and thank you for it time and time again.

Peggy, I really don't feel I can address the medical diagnoses and decisions that were made. They are done and over with now and nothing any of us can do, unfortunately will change the outcome. The best we can hope for is to learn any tidbits of information, tuck them in the back of our mind and go on. You WILL go on and there WILL be more loving companions in your life.

What I can say, from personal experience time and time again, is that the Grief Journey you have been forced onto is just that: a journey that takes time. And plenty of time at that. And it is the most difficult roller coaster ride from Hell that there is. Every person who has experienced your type of loss, be it dog, cat, mouse, horse, lizard, bunny, or whomever, goes through this incredibly painful journey. And as you will read on this site, the pain is not just emotional, but very physical indeed. Peggy, you formed a bond with Curly that goes far deeper than any human-human relationship goes. That is not dismissed easily or quickly.

I have said good bye to 6 dogs and 2 canaries and every one of them has been agonizing. Especially with my Trevor. He was my very special needs C. Spaniel who shared my life for only 2 years and 2 months. But those were the greatest months of my life. Trevor had many painful neurologic problems, but we were able to keep him happy and pretty much pain-free, thanks to a wonderful group of doctors from all over the place, until the final few weeks. Even then, knowing our decision to send Trevor to Heaven was so devastating.

In the months that have followed, my hills have been beautiful and my valleys totally hellish. There are still days that all I can do is sob, not cry, but sob over my loss. I have pictures of Trevor all over my house, written love messages scattered about and a beautiful grave in the local Human Society cemetery (where you will find me a lot). I will never forget Trevor and probably not even "put him" back in my mind. He's front and center, even though we've already gotten another rescue dog.

My point is this, Peggy: to those people who have no idea what you are going through and, thus, come up with the dumbest and sometimes cruelest remarks, I've chosen to reply: "I choose to grieve in my own way. Thank you." then quickly turn and walk away. You don't need to worry about their feelings, replies or anything else. for what you have spoken is the truth.

And the Truth is that Curly and you still love each other very much.

My thoughts and prayers are with you now and forever.....................................
Bobbie

Hi, Peggy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please permit me to add my support and encouragement to the wonderful replies from Forever and Bobbie. There is no "getting over" the physical loss of a beloved companion. It is rather an adjustment to the "new normal" of not having the physical presence of our beloved companion. And this takes time. It doesn't happen overnight, in a day, in a week, in a month, not even in three months. There is no date you can circle on the calendar that you can say "this is the date that my sorrow will all be gone." It's a one day at a time adjustment journey, and can only be traveled in your own way and in your own time.

Unfortunately sometimes the people who are closest to us are the least able to offer us the comfort, support, and encouragment that we need during our grief journey. This is one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum was stated. It is a safe place where everyone can come to share what is in their hearts and on their minds with people who truly do understand what we are going through. You are among friends here, Peggy, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope today is being kind to you, Peggy, and that you will have a peaceful evening. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Peggy, please allow me to offer you my sincere sympathies on the loss of your beloved Curly. As the others have said what you are feeling is normal. Losing a precious furry friend is just as traumatizing as losing a person, no difference. I am sorry that your Mom is not more sensitive to your needs. At a time like this we really don't need to hear someone telling us to 'get over it'. There is no 'getting over it', only 'getting THROUGH it'. That means a lot of tears, a lot of pain. It will hurt for a while, and this is normal. We are all here for you in this forum, to offer comfort and a cybershoulder to cry on. My beloved cat Danny was also gone in a matter of days from taking him to the vet, so I know how you feel. Please be especially kind to yourself and try to pamper yourself as much as possible and get enough rest. Sleep is restorative. If you are unable to sleep, try eating a banana or some popcorn. You can also try Nature's Herbs Valerian Extract or 'Natural Calm' (a magnesium supplement). Magnesium relaxes your muscles and helps you sleep, and it is easily lost during times of stress.

You may also feel some anxiety and chest pains. This is also normal during grief. Check out the articles in this forum on grief, they are very helpful. Some books I can recommend are: Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates by Gary Kurz, Coping with Sorrow on the Loss of your Pet by Moira K Anderson. I hope this helps. Please take care of yourself.