Hello, everyone. I'm Grace and up until this past Wednesday I never thought that I'd find myself on a board like this one, pouring my heart out to other pet owners. The day after Valentine's Day, I had my heart broken by the passing of my beloved orange and white classic tabby, Percy. I adopted Percy when I was fresh out of graduate school and he was just 1 month old. I was his "Mummy" and he trusted me completely. He kept me company on the lonely days I was searching for a job, on 9/11, and he was there when I was studying for a teaching certificate. It was his meows that kept me from falling asleep about a year after I adopted him that helped to save me from an apartment fire. We were one of the last ones out of the building and I owe my life to him. It is because of that where I feel a bit guilty that I wasn't able to save him.


All hell broke loose last Saturday. I had noticed that Percy had been napping more than usual but never thought anything of it because that's what older cats do. He was still eating and drinking, so I thought everything was okay. Then my fiance picked him up to bring him over to me for a snuggle (which he LOVED), but he let out this terrible meow like he was in pain. We immediately set him down and he flopped over onto his side. I wanted to take him to the vet then and there, but because of an unforeseen circumstance, I was severely short on money (thanks a lot, economy!). I knew then and there that there was nothing I could do. I'm too proud to ask other people for money, and even if I did accept money from others, I would've felt guilty. So, all I could do the entire weekend was watch Percy helplessly. He continued to sleep, and when he was awake, he hobbled around weakly, struggling to sit up, falling over, and often times ended up in front of his water dish, where he tried in vain to drink. It was so hard to watch. His firm body now felt squishy, he laid down in his food, and when he drank, he only succeeded in drooling and letting all the water soak his bright orange fur. I now know what claimed the life of my baby boy: renal failure.

I still held out slight hope for a miracle that Percy would somehow get better, but I knew deep down in my gut that it wouldn't happen. Monday came and his condition worsened. His breathing was labored as the toxins continued to collect in his body. It was so hard to watch him in this condition, and I feel really rotten for hanging out in my bedroom away from him so that I wouldn't have to see him wasting away. I felt so guilty for not getting him help, but still too damn proud to ask for help. I told him over and over that I loved him and that if he needed to go, then it would be okay. I had secretly hoped since it was so close to Valentine's Day that he would just hold on, or else my heart would really be shattered.

He did hold on. Percy spent his last night with us on Valentine's Day. Even though he was so very weak, I think he knew that his time was coming very soon. Somehow, he made his way over to our bed and he climbed up and took his regular spot at the foot of the bed against my feet. He had been crying out for most of the day, but for some reason he was silent--it was almost as if HE was the one being strong for me. We then fell asleep for a couple of hours--him nestled against my feet. I felt him stir a while later, and by then Percy looked absolutely terrible. His fur was completely soaked, he smelled of death, and he had gotten up and was trying to walk toward me. At that point, I freaked out. I was afraid. I was scared at how he looked....I was scared that he would fall over dead in front of me. I freaked out and cried. Even my other cat started to his at him. Eventually, he crawled off the bed and laid on the floor next to me, where he fell asleep for the rest of the night.

When I returned from work that day, Percy was gone and had passed over to Rainbow Bridge. I never thought that losing a pet would be so hard. He was my first. I feel as if a part of me is missing. I'm not crying constantly or anything, but I do cry every now and then and just feel so empty.

Thank you for listening.


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My Percy in happier days

Hi, grace, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Percy. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company.

I am so sorry you were financially unable to provide emergency care for your Percy. There are many people who find themselves in economic crisis these days. Probably if you had taken your Percy to the vet the only advice they could have given to you was to release him from his failing physical body. Unfortuantely there comes a time when all the money in the world cannot change the devastation of illness on the physical body.

Our companions are very adept at disguising how they are feeling. This is genetically inherited from their wild cousins. Any sign of weakness, illness, injury makes them vulnerable and easy prey. By the time they can no longer disguise how they are feeling the illness / injury has taken hold of their body. Unfortunately this is of little help to us - - their caregivers. Sometimes veterinary medicine can intervene and provide a good quality of life, while at other times the only thing that can be done is to release them from their frail, painful physical body.

Grace, this grief journey is one of adjustment to the physical absence of your beloved Percy. It is a one day at a time journey, sometimes one moment at a time journey. There are many different emotions we experience during this journey, and unfortunately guilt is one of them and is one of the hardest to reconcile. I can only hope that in time you will come to know that your beloved Percy's love for your is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space - - it is not dependent on whether or not you had the money to seek medical help for him. He is now safely in the presence of the angels restored to his former youthfulness. His sweet Living Spirit is forever with you in your heart and your memories - - he is forever a heartbeat close to you.

Grace, one of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone in your grief journey. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Percy with us, and for the wonderful picture of your baby boy. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Grace, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you so much for your kind words, moon_beam. You helped to put a lot of things into perspective for me. I now feel less guilty about "allowing" Percy's health to slip away to that point--there was nothing that I could do. I do believe that he his now one of my guardian angels who will continue to watch over me, just like how he protected me while he was still alive. I've no doubt that we will be together again when my time comes, but for now I will miss him horribly.

Grace, permit me to express my condoleneces on the loss of your Percy. I know all to well (in my own posts about my Sir Thomas passing while I was at work) what it's like to be helpless due to financial troubles to help the ones we love so much. I cannot express anything as eloquently as moon_beam, but know that this a good place to come for comfort and support. Percy was a handsome man cat who knew how much he was loved. I'm sure Tom and he are becoming friends over the Bridge.

Thank you so much for your support, Tom's Dad. I just looked over some of your posts and can definitely see that Tom was very special to you. It's so hard to lose a best friend who loved you totally and absolutely, and deep down in my heart I know that our man cats are watching over us, thanking us for the lives we gave them. I do hope that they are playing with each other at the Bridge. With Percy being new and all, I'm pretty sure that he needs some guidance.

Hi gracelysprocket

I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my baby boy cat at the start of January aged 3 and a half and I'm truly devastated. I believe that it was him that taught me to love. You gave your baby 10 years of happiness that he will be so grateful for as well as you receiving 10 years of happiness that you are grateful for.

Financial problems are difficult when it comes to our loved ones but by the sounds of it treatment would not have helped much anyways. You did everything you physically could for him and he will always love you.

I have never really been a believer in heaven etc but since losing Chewy I start to feel i do now, whether it is because I long for him to be having a happy life somewhere or I generally believe now but I hope that Chewy and Percy have found each other to play as he loved to play with other cats.

xxForeverxx

Grace, please allow me to extend to you my sincere sympathies on the loss of your beloved Curly. I too lost a precious kitty boy who had been with me 10 years. Your Percy was such a beautiful boy, and I know you must miss him so much. It is especially difficult for you to cope since you could not afford to take him to the vet. I am so sorry. I have posted a link to some resources that help with vet bills in the other forum here, but I know it is too late for your precious Percy. There is nothing more heartbreaking than not being able to give your feline friend the care that he needs. I am so sorry you and Percy both had to suffer so much through this.

I know that I felt so helpless when Danny got so sick last December. Even though I was able to take him to the vet it didn't help all that much as I had to have him euthanized just a few days later. Grace, please know that we are here for you to offer comfort and support to help you get through your period of grief.

Once again, I'd like to thank you all for your wonderful words of support. I'm still missing my Percy very dreadfully and know full well that no matter the amount of tears that I'll shed, I won't get him back in this lifetime. That, to me, is very painful, but I am looking forward to being together with him again. I hope that my baby boy is keeping your precious babies company at the Bridge.

Like all of you, losing Percy has been tough. In fact, I even had second thoughts about entering a race that I had signed up for prior to his death. One of my loves is running (I'm just an average runner, but I love it anyway), and since his death I haven't had the heart to train, even though I know that exercise helps quite a bit with feelings of depression and despair. Somehow, a friend convinced me to run in today's race. She told me that Percy would be running alongside me. I think she was right because I ended up getting a PR (personal record)! I like to believe that Percy loaned me his angel wings for the race.

I'd like to share another picture with all of you of my Percy--this one was taken a few days after I had adopted him. He put his paw prints all over my heart when I first saw him, and I am so glad that this picture survived the fire that he saved me from.

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Hi, Grace, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing and this wonderful picture of your beloved Percy. What an adorable little fellow he is. I do so know that his sweet Living Spirit was with you today as you ran the race cheering you on and celebrating with you your new personal record. He is so very, very proud of you and is telling all of his heavenly friends, "That's my mom - - she is the best!!!"

This grief journey is one of the hardest experiences you will have on this side of eternity. But I assure you, Grace, it is a journey you do not travel alone. Each of us are here for you, with you, and beside you through every step of your journey, and your beloved Percy's sweet Living Spirit is forever in your heart and your memories - - he is forever a heartbeat close to you.

I hope you will have a peaceful evening, Grace, and thank you again so much for sharing your beloved Percy with us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Grace, that is such a beautiful photo of your Percy!!! And he still has his baby blue eyes too! So precious! It makes me just want to pick him up and cuddle him. And such a hero he was, saving you from the fire. Our furry friends give us so much, in so many ways. I am glad that you were able to run the race after all. When we are grieving it is just so hard to function sometimes, and we wonder when it's going to get better or if it ever will. Percy was truly special.

Hello again, everyone. I'd like to thank each and every one of you for your continued support in helping to ease my pain and sadness over my beloved Percy's death. It's hard to believe that I lost him a week ago today, and his absence is strongly felt in my place. Thunder, my surviving cat, continues to cry out for him before meals and most especially in the middle of the night. Sometimes I do see her staring off into space with her tail twitching, so I wonder if she sees Percy's spirit hanging around. Percy continues to live in my heart, particularly while I am at work. I work with kids, and they are genuinely concerned about how I am doing. They'll sometimes have me talk about my dearest Percy, which although painful at times, helps me to honor his memory. I am still taking things day by day and some days are better than others. I hope that my special angel will continue to watch over me, and I also hope that he isn't causing too much trouble to all of your beloved furbabies.

I just wanted to share another picture of my Perce Perce with you--this one is a little on the humorous side.

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Hi, grace, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Yes, this grief journey is filled with many ups and downs, twists and turns, and turnarounds - - exactly as you say "I am still taking things day by day and some days are better than others."

I am so glad the children you work with are offering you comfort and the opportunity to share your beloved Percy with them. And it would not surprise me one little bit that your precious Thunder may be seeing your beloved Percy's sweet Spirit visiting his earthly home. Wherever you are, grace, your beloved Percy will always be with you. He is forever in your heart and your memories. He is forever a heartbeat close to you.

Thank you for sharing this new picture of your beloved Percy with us. I hope today is being kind to you, and that you and your precious Thunder will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Percy's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Thunder are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to sharing your news and your treasured memories of your beloved Percy.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hello, gracelysprocket

What a lovley picture of your handsome boy Percy! I have little doubt he is visiting you from time to time. Both Theresa and Tang have very similar reactions from time to time, and I can feel Tom's presence at those times. (it's actually happening as I write this) It's a precious gift indeed Percy is giving you. I hope it brings you some measure of comfort. I do not believe he is any trouble at all to the fur kids up in heaven. At least that's the good word from one certain fur kid. Peace and Blessings

TTT

Hello again, everyone! It has been a little over a week since my Percy went home to the Bridge, and I have another story to share with you today. First of all, being able to go to work and be around the children has helped me immensely with dealing with my grief, and it is here in my classroom where I seem to get a lot of signs from the beyond that everything's going to be okay. For instance, practically every day that I'm in my classroom, there are these two birds that come up to my window: one is obviously a boy (it has bright red colors on its face) and the other is a girl. Those two birds never really came around to my window until after my Grandfather passed away last year. I like to think that they are a sign from my grandparents: that they still love me and that they are around. The boy bird even "knocks" on my classroom window to get my attention, much like how my Grandpa used to knock on my bedroom window to get my attention. The Grandma bird, I think is here because my Grandma never really got to know me while I was growing up (she was sick). So now, she gets to watch me when she comes by with Grandpa.

Well, this morning something interesting happened. I saw Grandpa and Grandma bird perch at my window, and a few moments later a third bird perched next to them--one that I had not seen before. I'd like to think that they brought Percy along with them for a visit and to show that they have him at the Bridge. I now know in my heart that they are taking care of him until it's my turn.

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Hi, grace, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. Your account of the birds is so heart warming, and I'm so glad these birds are letting you know that your grandpa, grandma, and Percy are well and are always with you. It is so cute the way the grandpa bird knocks on the window to let you know they are there as your grandpa did during his earthly journey.

Grace, thank you for sharing this adorable picture of your beloved Percy with us. He is so photogenic. I hope today is being kind to you, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Percy's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Plesae know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing and to sharing your treasured memories of your beloved Percy.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Happy Caturday, everyone! I'm still finding it hard to believe that it's been about a week and a half since my Percy went home to the Bridge. It's been quiet around my place, save for little Thunder still calling out for her friend, and I'm really missing the ruckus that Perce used to cause around here. For the past week or so I've refrained from going out and having fun--simply because my heart was too heavy, but tonight I actually went out to the mall. I'm glad I did because one of the scrapbook stores is closing down and they had a bunch of cat themed paper and accents on sale for a steep discount. What better way to keep Percy's memory alive than with a scrapbook and some journaling! I'm so glad that I went out!

Thank you all for keeping me in your thoughts. I'm dealing with all of this the best I can and am still keeping my mind and heart open for special signs from my beloved baby boy cat. Bless you all!

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Hi, grace, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. How wonderful that you were able to take advantage of the "fire sale" to get the scrapbook and paper. It is so wise of you to do what you feel up to doing rigiht now. I know what it is like to put on the "public face" to get through work and errands, and the relief it is to get home and finally allow myself to "crash" from the sorrow and pain and exhaustion from the grief journey. I'm so glad you have your precious Thunder to comfort and be with, and your beloved Percy's loving vigil over the both of you.

Thank you for sharing your treasured memory of your beloved Percy with this picture: "hey, mom, it's MY turn on the computer now!!" I hope today is treating you and your precious Thunder kindly, and that you both will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Percy's sweet Living Spirit to comfort and cheer you. Please know you and your precious Thunder are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi gracelysprocket

I'm so glad to hear you went out and found the scrapbooks etc. I'm trying to do a tribute book of my journey down this path and with him and also a massive photo album....or two as I have hundreds of photos!

What better way to remember the ones that gave us everything and asked for little in return.

Hope you are being treated well today.

xxForeverxx

Hi again, everyone. I'd like to thank you all for your continued support after Percy went back home to the big catbed in the sky. I still cannot believe that he's been gone for two weeks--it certainly seems so much longer than that. As I write this, it is currently rainy and gray outside, almost as if nature is crying along with what I'm feeling inside. My place feels so lonely without him, and I miss hearing his meows and having him jump up on the bed with my to snuggle for the entire night.

Yesterday was especially hard for me because I really felt his absence then. Thunder continues to call out for him, and she looks out the window, thinking that he'd walk into the house at any time. As much as I love my little Thunder-cat, she's not as snuggly and clingy as Percy, and that's what I miss. Heck, I was even at the grocery store yesterday and I felt so sad when I passed the Cornish game hens in the meat section. Because of Percy's grain allergies I fed him Cornish hens. That was the only think he could eat without breaking out into a rash.

It's true that some days are better than others. I guess I'm just really feeling it because he did pass away on a Wednesday. Here's another picture I'd like to share with you. I lost this picture a while back, but a friend of mine who happened to still have it sent me a copy of it. It was taken not too long after I adopted Thunder. Percy was just that full of love.

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Hi gracelysprocket

That picture is a lovely picture of them both. He really looks like he was a warm loving cat.

The emotions are so up and down when grieving it is hard to keep up! Sometimes I think i push myself back into grief as if I have a day when i feel a little better i find myself getting upset about the fact that i am a horrible person for feeling better. I know I am not though. I hope you are feeling a little better today as it is now Thursday.

I have to admit it is still hard for me every Tuesday but i do feel the pain associated with the day starting to ease a little bit. Just got to keep yourself busy. I am sure your little Thunder is helping you along the way though.

I hope you are being treated kindly today gracelysprocket.

xxForeverxx

Hi, grace, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and for this wonderful picture of your beloved Percy and precious Thunder. It brings a smile to my heart, as my Noah and his sibling baby sister Abbygayle were so loving together as well during my baby girl's brief earthly journey. Both Noah and I miss her very much,

Shopping can be a challenge - - going down the aisles and seeing the things that we "used to get" for our companions but now are no longer needed. It's part of this "adjustment" journey, and it's a challenge particularly during the deep grief.

I hope life is treating you and your precious Thunder kindly today, grace, and thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Percy with us. Please know you and your precious Thunder are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing, and to sharing your treasured memories of your beloved Percy.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hello everyone,

I'm just popping back in here for a bit. Even though my darling Percy has been gone for 2 1/2 weeks, I'm still riding that roller coaster of good days and bad days. I never imagined that losing a pet would be so hard on one's body (Percy was my first, which is why I'm taking it so hard). Shortly after Percy passed on, I got sick and just when I thought I was getting better, I suffered a relapse. I'm still fighting off this nasty cold, and I sure miss having my baby boy next to me trying to make me feel better. He definitely was full of love, as many of you have experienced with your fur babies, and I don't think I'll get used to him not being around. Anyhow, Thunder's crying again so I'll give her my attention.

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Sorry for your loss.
I lost my cat Lucy in January.
I still miss her.
She would've been 12 in August.
It does get better in time.

Hello Grace, how have you been doing? This is a beautiful photo of Percy and I am so glad that a friend of yours had a copy. What a sweet, loving little boy cat! Grace, the first few weeks are the toughest, and I know how much you miss your Percy snuggling with you. It has been over two months since my Danny boy passed on, but I still look for him on the bed sometimes and wonder why he isn't there. We love them so, and that is why we miss them so much when they have passed on. Please know that we are here for you anytime you need us. Percy was a very special cat. I hope that life is treating you kindly.

Hugs,
DannysMom

Thanks for checking up on me, DannysMom, and everyone else. I cannot believe that a month has passed since my beloved Percy's homecoming to the Rainbow Bridge. Things have been tough for me lately, and although I haven't been having crying fits for the past few weeks, my sadness definitely took its toll on my body. Shortly after Percy went home, I had gotten sick (some of you can recall). But just as I was getting better, I ended up relapsing. As it stands, I'm still trying to get my body healed. I've been sick for the past 3 weeks, and I'm really feeling Percy's absence.

However, today there were more signs that helped to affirm my belief that Percy's spirit is still around me. Remember those birds that I talked about that like to visit me at my classroom? They stopped visiting for a while, but they returned today, the fourth Wednesday since Percy's death (he died on a Wednesday). The amazing thing, though, was that the male bird, who already had orange coloring on his face, now had that same orange coloring on his chest. Percy was a very vivid colored orange and white classic tabby. Then, just half an hour ago when I was walking outside a store, I saw an orange kitten dart in front of me. I have no doubt that these are signs meant for me.

My heart is still broken over the loss of my little boy. I'm still trying to take things day by day.

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Hello Grace, I hope you're feeling a bit better today. I am sorry to hear that you have been sick so long. When we are grieving it does affect our immune system, so you need to take extra special care of yourself and maybe take some supplements or eat more fresh fruit and veggies. Grace, the first three months are the hardest in the grief journey. There are lots of sharp peaks of pain, and even though there will be some valleys of rest, they are very short. After four months it gets a bit easier. I'm hoping it helps you to know what to expect from the grief journey. It changes us. We have to learn to live life without our special little friend, and adjust our routines and habits. Your Percy was a very sweet and loving little boy. Please keep sharing photos and memories of him with us.

Hugs,
DannysMom