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Hi everyone--

I found this site last night, while searching desperately for some comfort. We put my wonderful, loyal, loving, strong, 12 year old yellow lab, Brady, to sleep on Monday morning. Since then I feel like I am living in a nightmare. I am having trouble sleeping, eating, or doing anything that takes my attention away from focusing on the unbearable feelings of loss I have. I cannot stand the thought of not seeing Brady again. I keep running through my head all of the "do overs" I would like with him--the things I could have done to be a better mom to him. I am in so much pain, that I am not entirely sure what I am searching for other than to have him back.

I want to believe that it will get better, but right now I am so consumed with guilt, anger, and overwhelming sadness. I would give anything to have five more minutes with him. The pain is excuciating.

Thanks for listening.

(Brady's very sad mom)

Hi, bradysmom, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Brady. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company.

Bradysmom, this grief journey is a very painful one - - both physically and emotionally. Unfortunately it can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. Please let me try to reassure you that you are feeling very normal in this time of deep grief from the lack of concentration, lack of appetite, to the "second guessing" - - and the longing to have just one more minute, one more hour, one more day, - - one more lifetime - - with your beloved Brady. Even though your beloved Brady is no longer physically present with you, please know that his sweet Living Spirit is forever with you in your heart and your memories. He continues to share your earthly journey just as he always has and always will. He is forever a heartbeat close to you.

I hope in time you will feel up to sharing with us what happened - - if / when you want to. I know right now there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of loss in your heart. One of the many things you need to remember is that you are never alone during your grief journey. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Bradysmom, thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Brady with us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

bradysmom, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. All of us here know what you are going through and are here for you. Try and hang in there and GOD bless.

Thanks to you both. It is comforting to know I'm not alone.

Moonbeam-- Brady started having some serious arthritis about a year ago.  He was on prescription meds, supplements, etc., which comforted him for quite a while and he seemed like his happy normal self.  Around the new year, the arthritis started getting worse and he was more lethargic, sleeping more, not as much excitement about things, etc. which we figured was his old age.  He was a large (tall) lab and weighed about 115 pounds.  He was so athletic and muscular, it was hard to see him have difficulty moving.  Over this past weekend my husband and I were out of town, so he stayed with my sister.  He seemed unusually tired and not as excited about his food while staying at her house--he was always excited about his food.  I thought maybe it was because he wasnt at he wasnt at home.   
 
On Sunday night when we returned home with him, he wouldnt eat his dinner and I could tell he wasn't feeling well.  He slept through the night.  On Monday morning he didnt even want to get out of his bed.  He also still would not eat.  I made an appt with the vet that morning.  She said his heart rhythm was irregular and skipping every few beats and his breathing was also irregular.  She said he was likely in the beginning stages of heart failure, or that his heart irregularities were secondary to cancer. He was weak and uncomfortable.   My husband and I made the excruciatingingly painful decision to give Brady peace. I would give anything to have more time with him. I question if I should have done it sooner. Or, did i do it too soon??? I'm in such pain. I wrote a three page letter to him last night outlining all of my wonderful memories--I never want to forget! I feel like I took our time together for granted. I feel awful that I wasnt strong for him when we put him down. Instead I sobbed and was weak during his last moments on eartg. He was always strong and when he needed me to be, I failed him. I can't stop crying and wishing for him back.

Bradysmom, I am so very sorry for your loss of Brady. I too came home from a short 5 day trip at Christmas to find my baby, Diego not wanting to eat and having some obvious pain. The decision to let him go to be pain free and running freely up in heaven was very tough on me. But I didn't want to keep him in pain even for one more day, knowing it would be only to serve me. So I made the same one you just faced. I know in my heart it was the right thing to do, but i do know how very difficult this is. We all do here. You have come to the best place, the people here will help you every step of the way. Just remember, you gave Brady sooo much love, he was given the very best life with you. I promise you will one day smile when you remember him, until then take everyday one moment at a time. Rely on the people who support you and never, ever stop talking about Brady. He is there with you, every memory will remain in your heart and mind forever. Keep seeing him on the other side, smiling and running and healthy!!
You are in my thoughts
Cheri

Hi Brady's mom. Shamanism has helped me immeasurably with pet loss and I am sure it can help you too. Many people have likely not heard about Shamanism, and if they have, it conjurers up images of native medicine-men running around in the jungle. Shamanism is the oldest form of healing on the planet and is practiced today by modern people in urban areas. If you cannot locate a shamanic practitioner in your area, you can have a shamanic distance journey done for you and your pet. That is what I did and I recommend it very highly. You can communicate with Brady and ask him the questions that are burning in your heart, hear his advice and receive his blessings. There are also things you really need to do yourself, for example:

• Three easy steps to make your own pet memorial ceremony
• Journaling to help you heal after pet loss

If you search, I am sure you can find other sites out there too, This site just speaks to me. All the best!

Brady's Mom,

Brady sure is a handsome boy. Your story reminds me of my lab Brutus...it's been over 2 years now that he is gone. He was also 12, just a week away from his 13th birthday. Basically old age took over, like Brady, Brutus was a big/tall lab, at his healthiest weight 110 with arthritis and a history of cancer/seizures/ibs. I still question my decisions at time and of course still miss him, sometimes just like it was yesterday. Me and my husband talk about him constantly and I don't think a day goes by that I don't think of him in some small way. Like you, I was devistated....couldn't eat/sleep/function...I couldn't breathe...felt like I was being smothered.

All I can tell you is that it will get better...the rollercoaster of emotions is despairaging for sure. There are no rules or time limits in this healing process and just when you feel you have conquered a step, you fall right back. I did alot of things to memorialize Brutus that seemed to help me cope....wrote a poem, had a shelf put up in my bedroom (above where his bed was) with many pics, the poem, one of his fav toys, and his urn, had a painting done of him. I had a license plate made of the pic in my avatar so that everywhere I drive he is my pilot. I had a necklace made with his name on it, even got a tattoo on his one year angelversary with a heart and his name on the top of my foot so that everywhere I journey he is with me. Of course, these things are not necesary but they helped me. Everyone is different in how they grieve, there is no right/wrong way.

My thoughts and prayers are with you...take care of yourself.

Many hugs,
Brutus' Mom

Hi, bradysmom, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing and what happened with your beloved Brady. Unfortunately our furkids are masters at disguising how they are feeling. This is genetically inherited from their wild cousins. Any form of weakness or illness or injury makes them vulnerable and easy prey. So what seems like a "sudden onset" to us is actually a process of illness / aging that has been going on for awhile which they have cleverly concealed from us until they can no longer do it. This is why we find ourselves frequently asking "How did I not see this happening?" "How could I not have known?" Unfortunately we are mere mortals. We do not have the wisdom of foreknowledge, nor do we possess x-ray eyes that can see what is happening with our furkids heart, lungs, kidneys, bones, joints, etc.. As the guardians and caregivers of our beloved companions we can only do the very best we can with the information and resources we have available to us at any given moment in time. You did the very best for your beloved Brady by releasing him from his failing painful physical body - - at great sacrifice to yourself - - so that he is now restored to his former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Bradysmom, please do not feel bad about not being able to "control" your feelings during the last moments you shared with your Brady during his transition journey to the angels. Your beloved Brady knew your heart was breaking - - he was always ready to comfort you whenever you were feeling sorrowful during his earthly journey. It would have been unnatural for you to try to conceal your feelings from him during the last few moments of his earthly journey with you - - for he knows your heart and how much you love him. He has taken your tears with him so that he can hold them up to the heavenly light like a precious jewel to see the beautiful rainbow of your eternal love for him until it is your appropriate time to join him in eternal joy.

I promise you, Bradysmom, one day - - most likely when you least expect it - - you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Brady and finding yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and then your heart filling with the warmth of your beloved Brady's eternal love for you. The only reason why you can't feel this right now is because your heart is consumed with the seering pain of sorrow. I promise you, Bradysmom, this deep sorrow will ease -- in your own way in your own time.

I truly wish there were some magic words I could say that could take this burden from your heart, but unfortunately I know there aren't any in any language that can come close to doing this. I can only hope and pray that the words I share witih you will bring you some form of encouragement, support, comfort, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Bradysmom, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you for your thoughtful replies. I'm having a rough night. It's the first weekend without Brady. I'm so sad. . I have such tremendous guilt that we were out of town the weekend before we put him to sleep. If I knew we would be putting him to sleep so soon, I would have never gone. He stayed with my sister and niece, two of his favorite people who love Brady dearly, but I hate that he wasn't at home with his mom and dad . Ugh. i hate myself for that. I'd give anything for that time with him. I'm so glad we came back earlier on Sunday so I had Sunday night and Monday morning with him at home. This pain is like none I've ever felt.

I miss you desperately my big Brady boy and love you so much.

I am so sorry for you loss, you and I are feeling a lot of the same things right now. Today marks one week and it has been so tough. I feel just like you, guilty. Friday morning other then Athena vomiting was acting 'normal' I went to see a movie with a friend and run a few errands, when I got back she was so bad off. I feel guilty for going to see that movie, I could've spent that time with her. I hate how she was alone when she started to feel bad. I didn't leave her side for most of the next 24 hours.

I truly am so sorry for your loss. I wish I had words to comfort you, but I'm at such a loss due to my own grief of my baby girl. All I can say is stay strong, and like you told me take it one moment at a time. It's hard, I know, but it's the only thing we can do right now.

love and prayers, Kate

Hi, bradysmom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. During the deep grief it is very hard for us to find "meaning" to what is in our world now. Your life as you have known it with your Brady by your side is now changed. You are now faced with the incredible challenge of "re-inventing" your life - - of establishing a "new normal" - - that no longer includes the physical presence of your beloved Brady. Each minute, each hour, each day, each week is a constant reminder of this "new reality" and it reinforces the piercing pain that now occupies your heart.

For awhile it will feel like nothing is getting better - - like the deep grief has taken possession of your heart and life and there seems no way to make things "better." But I promise you, bradysmom, that one day your heart will begin to feel less painful, and this will be a good thing because this will mean that your heart is once again being able to embrace the many treasured memories you and your beloved Brady share. His sweet Living Spirit is replacing the emptiness and pain that is now in your heart. But this just takes time, bradysmom - - one day at a time in your own way and in your own time.

I truly wish there were an easier way through this grief adjustment journey, and if there were I would most certainly share it with you. The only thing I can offer you through your journey is my sincerest friendship in the hope that it will bring comfort, encouragement, support, and hope to you.

I hope today is treating you kindly, bradysmom. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you all again for the replies. This morning marked the one week point, since we lost our big brady boy. This has truly been the hardest week of my life. I miss him so much, that I get worried the pain will never go away. I know Brady wouldnt want this for us--he wouldnt want to see his mom crying every day, yet the sense of loss feel so incredible that I cannot help but only feel pain. I want to think of him and smile. We shared 12 plus wonderful, memorable years together.

I love you so much Brady! My life will never be the same. I hope you are happy, comfortable, and at peace. I will remember you, always.

I picked up Brady's ashes last night. Part of me felt good to have him back with me. Another part of me sobbed that my beautiful boy was now ashes in a cardboard box.

Its been 9 days Brady Boo. I know you know that mom misses you so much. I will get better with time, I promise. I love you sweet boy. I hope there are plenty of balls and sticks for you to carry with the angels.

There are, Brady's Mom! This is Trevor's mom writing to say hello and offer my deepest sympathies on the loss of such a magnificent gentleman. My Trevor passed over the Rainbow Bridge into Heaven exactly 7 months ago today (July 22). And I KNOW he is completely healthy and happy. Every creature that goes to Heaven (and that's all of them, by the way) are greeted by Trevor, Gretta, Hermy, Curly, Mickey and so many, many others. Some have made Heaven their home for a long time and others are still quite new as I'm sure Brady is But they are all friends and cannot stop sharing stories about their lives and loves here on earth. I can assure you that Brady is telling all about you and the wonderful adventures you shared. He is also bragging about what a good and loving mother you were on earth and still are even though you are physically separated.

I have to go for some errends with my 84 year old dad, but I'll be back tonight.

Be assured of my continued thoughts and prayers. You can always talk to Trevor, too, if you need to!

Blessings..........................
Bobbie

Hi, bradysmom, thank you very much for sharing with us how you're doing. Getting our beloved companions' ashes back is a two sided coin - - on one side there is the relief of having them home again even though it's not in the physical form our hearts long for - - and the other side of the coin is yet another "reality" that our beloved companions are no longer with us in the physical form our hearts long for. The good news is that your beloved Brady's sweet Living Spirit is forever with you in your heart and your memories. He continues to share your earthly journey just as he always has and always will. He is forever a heartbeat close to you.

It seems like every day is an "angel-versary" particularly during the deep grief. I hope today is being kind to you, and that your evening will be peaceful blessed with your beloved Brady's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, bradysmom, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Brady boo!

It's been two weeks since we said goodbye to each other. I miss you so much. Losing you has been the most painful thing I've ever experienced. I'm still looking forward to when I can think about my memories of you and smile. I still think of you and hurt so much. I took our time for granted. 12 years went by so quickly!!

I have no doubt you are watching over me my sweet, big boy. I will love you forever.

Hello Brady's mom

Brady is right there beside you - just a breath away. Only thing is, you can't see him - and BOY does THAT hurt. I lost my precious Gretta last April 11. She was/is the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived. I cried over the guilt of having left her at the vet school on what would be her last night on earth. I held her in my arms and sobbed as she sighed her last and crossed back over into the Perfect World from where she came. Oh yes, the ashes. A dear friend and colleague of mine made a beautiful wooden box with her name burned into it. And i was lucky enough to get one of the last soft memorial pillows they used to sell on this site.

Like you, this was the most incredible, worst sorrow I've had in my entire (long) life. I gathered up her 'clothes' - a pink sweater and two snowsuits that she absolutely hated and velcro-ed them together to make a pillow to sleep on. And only those who have truly TRULY grieved will understand why I slept in her dog bed for almost a week. (It is a very good orthopedic bed - better than mine only shorter).

At first, you feel like you're being constantly shot in the heart. Then after a while you go on autopilot - sort of a zombie, jst sleepwalking through things that have to get done - like bills! But always with tears just a heartbeat away - and sometimes you cry anywhere, any time.

It's been almost a year since Gretta hopped on the bus and went home. Every day this year is a "first day without" or a "remember last year how we used to ....". And on stressful days, you just curl up in a heap and cry your heart out. Gretta was/ is the first dog I had as an adult. I think the sadness will never go away completely. I think mine has eased about 5%.

But you know what? They're still here. Here watching over you and caring for you and protecting you and loving you and being loved by you exactly as they were before - only you can't see or hear or touch them. But every animal who ever lived has come from and gone back to the perfect World - where they are forever young and happy and healthy and warm and well-fed and loved .... and BOY do they have a PACK!! Gretta's already found Brady - after all he's her lab-cousin. They're lying in the warm sun (every day's a sunny day in the Perfect World) swapping stories about their adventures on earth, and braggin about their moms and dads. (The newbie always gets first dibs on bragging rights.) You go, Brady dog.

Brady's mom, please know that I'm here for you 24/7 - like all of your LS friends. We're a family united by our love of and understanding of animals - not just as "property" or "entertainment" but as family - closer than our earthly family sometimes.

Please take care of yourself. May your night have at least a few moments of peace. Brady is on the job. I can see him - he's lying right there beside you. Gretta is here with me and things are (almost) right in the world.

Peace and blessings,

Gretta's mom

Im sry for your lost.. i lost my babygirl casper almost 2 months ago and it sucks honestly i would love to tell u it gets alil easier but to me it dont i still cry ova her nd i feel like life witout her is still hard

Hi Brady Boy--yesterday was a month since I said my painful goodbye. There hasnt been a minute of any day that has gone by where I have not thought of you. I miss you so much--there truly are no words to express the heart wrenching feelings I have had over losing you. Every once in a while, I feel like I can feel you with me. I hope that is what I am feeling. You were such a strong, courageous, boy. I know you would want me to think of our 12 years together and smile and laugh. Until I can get there, please give me strength. I will always love you with all of my heart, Brady.

Oh Brady's Mom

How well I remember Gretta's one=month anniversary. I miss(ed) her SOOOOOOOOO much. Everywhere I looked, there was something of hers or something that reminded me of her or something we had done together. It JUST PLAIN HURTS!!

Putting together some things that MoonBeam said (isn't she wonderful) and some things from my life with people from South and Southeast Asia, I developed this set of what i believe are certainties.

Aminals and people are made of the same soul-stuff. Ergo, if we live on after we leave this earth, so do they.
Animals have no evil in them, ergo, they go to what, for people we call heaven and for everyone I call the Perfect World.
There is perfect happiness in this Perfect World - as many food bowls and sticks and toys and grass lawns and dead fish .... whatever a (in our cases) dog could want.
They can still see and hear us and they now understand our words perfectly. They can also read our hearts (an maybe even our minds).
One day, if we live our lives to be worthy of theirs, we will go there too - never, ever to be parted.
Once in a great while, an animal and a person are actually a single being - like Gretta and me and like you and Brady. This means we carry a part of each other's souls - forever and always. You have a Brady-shaped piece in your soul and Brady has a mom-piece in his soul - sort of like a jigsaw puzzle.
These are our spirit-animals or soul-mates. Not everyone has one but those of us who are blessed enough to have been found by our spirit-animal are exceptionally blessed.
These incredible animals have searched all over the universe looking for their one and only soul-mate. And then, even more miraculously, after they have found us, they put themselves in our paths in some way so that WE will find THEM. And when we do the rush of instant, overwhelming love tells us that this is THE one.
Our spirit-animals love us like no other being can, they teach us life lessons by showing us, they teach us love, patience, forgiveness, optimism, courage ... all kinds of things we need to live this earthly life. And they do this without saying a word!
Then, when their earthly work with us is strong and can endure, they go back to the Perfect World from which they came. There they have all the animal fun and perfect lives that are possible. In the words of my most wonderful cet, a kindly gentleman from Ghana, "She's in a safe place now." (I was amazed that a scinetifically-trained vet would say this. It definitely confrimed my emerging beliefs.)
But .... they are still on their missions: watching over us, guiding our steps, protecting us, and most importantly of all, loving us. Some lucky people get glimpses or other signs of their just-a-breath-away presence. Many don't. It doesn't matter.
And they are waiting for us ... having bragging sessions about their earthly person ... or giving all their love to the jillions of animals who went to earth and came back without being loved. Newbies have the longest bragging rights!
We can ask our spirit-animals for advice and help any time. I often ask Gretta to take care of the 'returned unloved' ones or the newly arrived ones. And I send up mourning for all the forgotten ones, so that no animal dies without being mourned.

My heart is with you as you struggle through the first days of separation. At first it's like constantly being shot in the heart with a high-powered rifle. Then, for a very long time, it's like being a robot, robot-walking through the "stuff" of life. It's coming up on a year (April 10) since Gretta, the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived, went back home. The hurt never stops - it falls to a tolerable level - one where EVERYTHING doesn't make you burst into tears, but many things do. I've got "leaky eyes" writing this.

Brady's mom, your LS family is all around you, surrounding you with love. Brady is up there loving you just the same as always. I can see him running and playing with Gretta and Trevor (my sister's spirit dog) - no pain, no sadness - well, just a little twinge missing mom.

One day you WILL be reunited never again to part. Hold fast to that, Brady's mom. he came to you for a reason and that reason is still alive!

I wish you an evening of peace and blessings.

Gretta's mom