I lost my 7-yr old cat, Spanky, on Monday Jan 30th through euthanasia and I feel so hurt and the pain is horrible. I've never had to do that before and never want to do it again. It's bad enough when they go on their own but it's worse when we have to help them. It was horrible, not the euthanasia but just the whole thing of it all.. My heart was torn into peices and is still hurting so bad and I cry all the time. When I got his cremains back I felt a little better but not the best and cried and cried and cried.

My furbaby was sick and I thought it was a 24-hr thing not realizing it was far worse then I thought. He wouldn't eat from Fri, 27th, to Sunday morning and that's when he threw up and not acting right. I called our Vet and took him in and right away he was saying my baby's blood cells were breaking down and it's called IMHA-Immune Mediated Hemolytic Anemea. He said we could put him on meds and do blood tranfusions and he wanted to keep my baby there but there wouldn't be anybody there again until Monday morning and I said no I want him home with me if anything should happen and didn't want him alone if anything happened. He gave me meds to take home for my baby. Later on at home my baby was getting worse and could no longer walk on his hind legs and was crawling and looking back at his hind legs meowing horribly. I picked him up, rocked him, cuddled him (he loved being cuddled), gave him lovins, and told him how much I love him, and I cried. I really did try to be calm for him but I just couldn't do it. He did rub his nose hard on my chin and into my cheek and I love him for it. I made the call at 11:30 pm, Sunday and by 12:30 am Monday my baby was gone and I was with him the whole time. I was crying really hard by then and before and did not want to leave my baby there and wanted my husband to go back to the Dr and get him but of course he wouldn't. I want my baby back so I can once again hold him and cuddle him! I love him so much and miss him so very much! His brother misses him and is grieving and doing as well as can be expected and I am keeping close watch of him.....they were so close to each other. He's keeping watch of me too and we are comforting each other as much as possible.

I have so much guilt about all of it. Why didn't I see that something was going on with him? Why didn't I see his eyes, inside of his ears , and mouth were yellow? Why? why? why? Why didn't I wait for Monday mornings appt for blood work etc before putting him to sleep? I feel I made the wrong decision and the Dr could have saved him with the meds and the transfusions and I'd still have my baby here alive. I feel so bad because I didn't have the money to take him, his brother and my four females for thier regular checkups and vaccines and if I had had the money for it then maybe the Dr would have caught it. It's all my fault!!!!!

Why hasn't my baby come to me? I just know he's upset with me for what I did and will never come to me I know he loves me but......
I just want my baby back!!!!!!

Hi, Wnd, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Spanky. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Wnd, please let me try to reassure you that you did the very best for your beloved Spanky by releasing him from his very sick, failing physical body. There is no guarantee that the blood transfusions would have "cured" your beloved Spanky. Our companions are very adept at disgusing how they are feeling, particularly when they are ill or injured, until they are no longer able to disguise it. It's part of their survival mechanisms that they have inherited from their wild cousins. Unfortunately by the time they can no longer disguise the fact they aren't feeling well the illness has usually taken ahold of their bodies. Sometimes veterinary medicine can provide a good quality of life for them for awhile, and sometimes - - such as the case of your beloved Spanky - - the illness has taken an irreversible hold that the only thing we can do is to ease their journey home to the angels. It is a very difficult decision to make - - it is a very heartbreaking decision to make - - but it is done for them from the deeepest depths of our love for them.

Your beloved Spanky is eternally grateful to you for releasing him from his physical body. Even though he is no longer physically with you, I assure you that his sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey just as he always has and always will. The love bond you share is eternal, Wnd. It is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Spanky is forever in your heart and your memories - - he is forever and always a heartbeat close to you.

Unfortunately this grief journey is filled with many emotions that make us feel like we are on a horror roller coaster ride. But I assure you, Wnd, that eventually - - one day - - probably when you least expect it you will be thinking of your beloved Spanky and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and your heart will once again feel the warmth of your beloved Spanky close to you. I promise you this will happen, Wnd. But it can only happen one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. There is no date you can circle on your calendar that you can say this is the day the sorrow will be gone. But I assure you, Wnd, when you feel the deep grief ease you will be able to remember your beloved Spanky and smile agian.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of loss you are feeling in your heart. I can only hope the words I have shared with you today will bring some comfort, support, encouragement, and hope to you as you travel your grief journey. Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Spanky with us, Wnd. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Wnd, please allow me to offer my sincere sympathies on the passing of your precious cat, Spanky. I know how horrible the pain is and how you felt about the euthanasia. I had to euthanize my cat Danny last December, and I thought my heart would break. The pain is so excruciating, it is the worst pain one could feel. Wnd, I'm sure Spanky knows how much you love him and he is not upset with you. In Heaven there is only love, and your Spanky is whole again, waiting for you to join him one day never to part again. I know how you feel when you say you want him back. I also want my Danny boy back. I am sorry that my words are so inadequate. I wish I could say the right things to comfort you, but in this time of intense grief there is little comfort because the pain is just too deep. Please know that we are here for you any time you need us. Let us know how you are doing. Do you have a photo of Spanky that you would like to post?

how do I put a picture of Spanky on here?

I am so sorry for your loss. I had to put my precious Chewy to sleep on the 3rd of January and I have been left with a gaping hole.

This website and my family have been my only saving grace though and without them I do not know where I would be. S whenever you are feeling down this site is wonderful to come to. There are some truly amazing people here.

For now try and look after yourself as your baby would not want you to suffer as he loves you and knows how much you loved him and would give the world to have him back.

As for a photo if you look below where you write and then post it gives you an option to upload a photo.

xxForeverxx

Wnd, if you continue to have challenges in uploading a picture, you can e-mail the L S Administrator and he will be very happy to help you, as he has helped me from tmie to time. I hope this helps.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam