Hi everyone

I have been reading the forum topics on here for about a week now as I have been trying to find advice on how to cope with my loss and I think the time is right now to tell my story.

My cat was called Chewy. We got him when he was a kitten as the family that had his sister couldn't cope with them both so I couldn't resist his cute mischievous looks. He moved in with me and my fiancé. Straight away we knew he was special. He used to play fetch. We would throw a toy mouse, he would run and get it and then bring it back to us and drop it at our feet.

Now I'm a student and I only work part time around it so I have spent most of my time at home for the last 2 and a half years so Chewy has been my best friend cuddling up to me in the mornings, laying with my when I'm working on the laptop, laying outside with me in the summer. Everything I did, I thought about my baby boy first. For example if we were going out my first thing would be right see if I can get Chewy in or give him a stroke before I go out. When I came home from places I would just be thinking about seeing my Chewy. Even when me and my fiancé went on holiday for 2 weeks everyday I kept saying I miss my Chew Chew. EVERYTHING I did I thought of my mr Chew Chew first.

Then last year me and my fiancé found out we would be moving so all year we had been looking for the perfect family house.....as we were planning on starting a family this year. Still my first thoughts when looking at houses though was will it be suitable for Chewy, what's the road like, the garden etc

Finally we view a house in august and the house and garden are perfect the only thing I was worried about was the road....even though I was not a main road. But we decided as there was a wood near by it would be fine and Chewy has always had good road sense.

December 12th comes and we move. We let him out the following Sunday after a week and he settles in well playing with next door neighbours cat. Had a fab Christmas and new years eve and day I was the happiest girl on the planet with my house and lil family and plans for the year. Then tragedy strikes.

January 2nd Chewy had spent the night on the bed with us and then my fiancé let him out at about half 8. I was doing the washing getting ready to go into town with my dad and I heard a meow, the type when two cats are watching each other. So I went outside to see what Chewy was doing and he was underneath next door neighbours car with the other cat. I saw a tiny bit of blood and assumed they had had a lil fight. I brought him out from underneath the car and noticed something was badly wrong. Took him inside and he tried to drag his backside to the kitchen. But gave up and just laid there. I got my fiancé home and we rushed him to the emergency vets. He had ben attacked. His tail was fractured and they weren't sure about how his toilet abilities would be like. We left him there thinking he would be fine. They mentioned amputating his tail but I didn't care as long as he survived. Then the next morning we had to transfer him to our local vets and he was meowing in the car so we thought he would be fine. The vet said it looked worse than she thought. I told her to go ahead with the tail surgery about midday knowing he might not make it. He made it but they decided the damage was to severe to his back so he wouldn't have a good quality of life. Putting him down at 3 and a half was the hardest thing I have done. All because of a dog....the one thing I never thought. Would lose my Chewy to!

And now I'm lost. I can't eat, think, socialise. I can't stop crying. I don't want to be without him. I can't imagine have a baby this year anymore. And then there's the kittens. We pulled them out of a ditch last summer, Chewy wasn't impressed to start with and now I feel like I shouldn't have given him at least his last 8 months or so without them. Baring in mi d when Chewy was in the house I always gave my heart to him first. I am now broken, my heart is broken.

I'm sorry it is so long.

xxForeverxx

Hi, Forever, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Chewy. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions on this side of eternity at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be once again be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Forever, please permit me to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal grief -- yet very painful both physically and emotionally. I am so sorry that the happiness of moving into a new home has turned into such a tragic experience for you, for you did everything you possibly could to ensure your beloved Chewy's safety. Unfortunately we do not possess the gift of foreknowledge. We are not omnipotent - - we are mere human beings who have limitations. Your beloved Chewy knows that you did everything humanly and humanely possible within your limited power to give him a healthy, safe, and happy earthly journey. He knows that if you had known he would be attacked you would have moved heaven and earth or walked through hot roiling lava or hot burning coals to protect him.

For different tragic reasons I do so understand the piercing pain of grief that is in your heart -- for your heart is breaking with the pain that all your best efforts were not good enough. But I promise you, Forever, that your beloved Chewy is eternally grateful to you for making the hardest decision on his behalf that you will ever make on this side of eternity - - the deicision to mercifully release him from the pain of his physical body so that his sweet Living Spirit can now always be with you in your heart and your memories. Forever, the love bond you and your beloved Chewy share is eternal - - it is not dependent upon the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Chewy is forever a part of you - - he is forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of loss and grief that is in your heart. This grief journey can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time - - in your own way and in your own time. But I promise you, Forever, that you are not alone in your grief journey. You are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. And I promise you, Forever, that someday - - when you least expect it - - you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Chewy and you will be smiling - - truly smiling - - and you will feel your heart fill with the warmth of your beloved Chewy's sweet Living Spirit.

Forever, thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Chewy with us. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of him with us - - but only when / if you are up to it. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Forever, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you moon_beam

Your words are so kind. And this forum is brilliant for people in need as it does show we are not alone....although of course it would be nice if we could outlive our pets.

The last few days iv tried to spend as much time as possible at home to help me try and like the new house again. My fiancé has been amazing. Going in the garden to feed the rabbits or clean them out still hurts as Chewy used loved the garden. He rolled around on the grass and him and my girl rabbit would chase each other round the garden. Sitting in the conservatory hurts as well as that is where we would sit while my fiancé would smoke and I would wait for Chewys face to appear at the door

We got his ashes in a lovely casket on thursday. Maybe that has helped slightly in the way that at least I k ow he is with us again. Hurts to finally realise he is definately gone though.

I am now grateful for the kittens. I still have regrets but I find myself getting strangely attached to the boy kitten but I don't know weather I'm using him although I try not to compare him to Chewy.

I can finally cook again although I still do it thinking I wish Chewy was here. One thing I can not d is go the old house....which my fiancée my now lives in. It devastates me to much knowing how happy Chewy was there.

I will say though the tears have got less although I still cry everyday I think because number one I'm running out of water in my body to cry but also because I am just so grateful for Chewy coming into my life as he taught me so much about love.

Thank you moon_beam. I will post a picture of him soon. He was a gorgeous big cat. I will miss him everyday.

xxForeverxx

Dear Forever,

I wanted to add my expression of condolence at your loss of precious Chewy. I am so very sorry for your loss. I also had to make the very difficult decision to let my dog Sweetie go on Saturday 1/14, for different reasons (she had cancer that had become very painful and debilitating) so I can understand a bit what you are going through. The pain of this loss is so heartbreaking to me and I am bearly able to function at all. It is as if my world has come to an end. Please know there are others like myself who understand what you are going through. I wish we didn't have to go through this. I would give anything for just one more day with my baby and I imagine you feel the same about your Chewy. I wish you peace and strength as you go through this difficult time.

Hi, Forever, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please permit me to offer you reassurance that the grief you are feeling is normal. It is important that you allow yourself the opportunity to do what you feel up to doing, and not forcing yourself to do what you do not feel up to. Getting the ashes back of our beloved companions is normally very comforting, although it is yet another reminder, as with your beloved Chewy, that our companions are no longer physically with us in the way that our hearts long for them to be. The grief adjustment journey is both physical and emotional, Forever, and it is important to take one day at a time as you feel up to them.

I'm glad you are beginning to be able to bond with the kittens. This can be very comforting for you, as well as for the kittens who are also missing the physical presence of their housemate Chewy.

Forever, thank you again so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how things are going for you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you moon_beam and merlin86

It really does help knowing there are people out there who truly do understand what you are going through and that there is a place as wonderful as this website where you can go to listen to others who are going through the same thing and also receive some advice some truly amazing people.

I wanted to show some of my favourite photos of him. The first one is obviously of him when he was a kitten.

xxForeverxx

and this is him as the cute loving Chewy who I ant back so much.

xxForeverxx

Hi, Forever, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing and these precious pictures of your beloved Chewy. What a sweet precious boy he is!!! I do know how difficult it is for you not being able to hold him in your arms, to feel him snuggled next to you, to listen to the rhythm of his purring, -- to have the blessing of his physical presence with you. This is a very difficult adjustment, and I share your heartache. I hope and pray that you will feel his sweet Living Spirit forever with you - - for he is forever a heartbeat close to you. Nothing can ever change or erase the eternal love bond you and your beloved Chewy share.

Forever, I hope today is being kind to you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing and sharing your treasured memories of your beloved Chewy.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Forever,

Your Chewy is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing the lovely pictures of him. I know what you mean when you say that this is the Chewy that you want back so much. As this week as sluggishly moved forward, minute by minute, and I now realize that the day after tomorrow will be one week that Sweetie has gone, I think that of all the many emotions I feel - shock, sadness, anger, dispair -- one of the most predominant is that feeling of just wanting her back. I would do anything to have her back, if just for one more walk, one more kiss, one more hug. I know it's so hard, Forever, that feeling of your arms being so empty and knowing that never again will your beloved friend be in them. It is the worse feeling. I know there is really nothing I can say to ease your pain but maybe just by knowing I understand, it will help you just a little. ((((Forever))))

Hi moon_beam and merlin96

Thank you so much for your replies and support. I thought I was doing better, I would have a little cry each day but then do this to take my off it. Then thursday night came and I broke down again and then Friday and I feel like I'm back on auto pilot again. How could this have happened? I should have chosen a better house to move to.....or if I hadn't been so intent on moving from our last house where Chewy was happy in the first place this would not have happened.

Iv been trying to pour the love I can give into my younger cats by buying them toys and new beds etc the hardest thing with them is I'm in a dilemma about letting them out or not now (they have not been outside yet since I got them).

This whole in my heart just makes me feel so sad and nauseous. Like I said before me and my fancy are planning a baby this year....I'm no where near as excited now as even the thought of having a baby makes me think well it won't be the same without my whole family being there and obviously my family is broken now Chewy is gone.

I just feel so down today.

xxForeverxx

Hi, Forever, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. This grief journey is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride, so all the ups and downs and twists and turns and turnarounds you are feeling are very normal - - very painful for sure - - but very normal.

As for letting your kittens outside - - only you can decide if it is safe for them. As a very young child all of the family feline companions were allowed to roam and take their chances on survival. I was the only one in the family who worried about their safety. In my adult years I let my feline companions outside on a long tether so that they could explore their home territory and so that I could keep a watch on them. My precious Noah has transitioned to being an inside only kitty, and for this I am very grateful. I no longer need to put poison on him such as Frontline to protect him from ticks and flees. And he now no longer requires the annual vaccinations for diseases. He still has his annual check ups and only receives the vaccination boosters every 2 to 3 years and the ones that are required by law - - such as for Rabies. What I do when the weather is appropriate is to open the outside door and gate it off so that he can still get fresh air in his lungs and hear the woodland critters from the safety and security of the inside of his house.

So, this is something you can take your time to think about. Your kittens are not being "deprived" of anything by not getting outside. There are playpens you can get for your yard that will give them space to play in and provide a bit of protection. This is not a decision you have to make right now or any time soon. For now just try to enjoy their company.

There will always be a place in your heart reserved specifically for your beloved Chewy. Nothing will ever change that. Your beloved Chewy wants you to be happy, and to go on with your plans with your fiance to welcome a human child into your hearts and home. Whatever you and your fiance decide together will be the right decision.

I hope you will have a peaceful evening, Forever, blessed with your beloved Chewy's sweet Living Spirit to comfort and cheer you. Thank you again so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how things are going for you whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi moon_beam

Thank you for your reply. I have decided that you are right my kittens are fine inside as I have a big enough house and I have brought them plenty of toys and beds to keep them occupied when we are out and we have brought them a couple of harness so if they want to go out in the back garden they can although first time we tried they were so scared! Maybe it's because we found them in a ditch I don't know as Chewy was raring to go out and was never afraid.

I just feel like I should have saved him by not letting him out so soon. Also I use to get my fiancé after he had fed the cats to bring Chewy back upstairs to bed with me for a lay in and this one particular day as Chewy was loving going out and then coming in for a lay down I let him let Chewy out. If I had just said bring him up to me it would not have happened.

Wow the guilt of thinking you should have done more is horrible. I am happy to have a child with my fiancé now but it still breaks my heart that Chewy will not be here to see it and share the moments with us.

How could I let is happen?

xxForeverxx

Hi Forever,

Just wanted to pop in and let you know I'm thinking about you. It sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself and maybe if Chewy could come back and say one thing it would be to be kinder to yourself. I think we always have a tendency to be so hard on ourselves but I don't think our animals view things that way.

I found a link on another forum and I would like to post it here. The link goes to a page about pet loss and guilt. I found it very comforting. If you go to the home page, there are other parts of the website that also have some really cool things on them. I have no affiliation with this website but found many comforting things on it: http://www.angelbluemist.com/frames/guilt.html

Take care of yourself Forever. You are in my thoughts - ((((Forever)))) --

Sweetie's Mom

Hi, Forever, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. I do so understand the "what ifs" "why didn't Is" and on and on and on. It is important to re-focus your thoughts when you begin to feel the stress of the grief guilt overtake you. Guilt can become an emotional trap, - - which is so very easy when we are so vulnerable in our deep grief. I know you always did everything in your power to give your beloved Chewy a happy and healthy and safe earthly journey, and most importantly your beloved Chewy knows this. Guilt robs us of the joy that we shared with our beloved companions during their earthly journey, and clouds the joy they want us to have. Although your beloved Chewy is not physically with you anymore, please rest assure that he is always with you continuing to share your earthly journey - - including the joy of welcoming a human child into your heart and home. He will be sharing this joyous time in your.

I hope what I have shared with you will bring some comfort to you, Forever. I hope today is treating you kindly. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Forever, I do believe that there is a special place in Heaven for our pets and that their little bodies are fully restored. God bless you. Jennifer

I read your post to Merlin today. Chewy has not been gone that long. I do believe that you are still in the beginning part of your grief journey, which often mimics symptoms of depression. Grief is somewhat like being tested by fire and coming out on the other side emotionally stronger. Believe me, I know. I don't know what other lossed you have had in your life, but in 1999 my father went off riding his ATV in the woods and it was 3 months before we found his body. He had an accident and was found dead at the bottom of a ravine. It was a horrible experience that I did not fully grieve over until 2006 wihen my 18 year old cat died. I'm telling you this, not so that you will feel sorry for me, but to let you know that you need to take your time to sort it out and heal your wounds. God is with you through all of this. Blessings to you today. Jennifer

Hi everyone

My darling Chewy. One month today. It doesn't get any easier but I do find myself being able to talk about silly and cute things you use to do to other people. I haven't been very well. Just a stinking cold but the last time I had a cold I had you to sit on the bed with me and make me feel better. I miss you everyday baby boy. Fudge keeps looking into other rooms as if he has seen something and sometimes I wander if he sees you and your with me? I know people say look forward to the day we meet again which sounds wonderful but when I am still so young all I can think about is how long it is going to be before I see you again. I'm going to make a photo album of you and honey (who misses chasing you around the garden) and Shadow....do you remember her? She was a big ball of fur and you was never quite sure what to make of her. I have also got some wonderful photos of yo and the kittens especially one daddy got a few days before the accident where you are laying with your head against pixie and fudge is laying against fudge. They are the hardest ones to look at baby as you were showing just how loving you were and we were just settling into our new house. I love you Chewy so so much and I always will. I hope you are having fun where you are. Maybe you could give me a sign to let me know you are ok.

Love mummy ***x

merlin96 that website is wonderful. The guilt conversations are so true and it's amazing how you can imagine yourself saying all of that. The rest of the website it brilliant as well and I think it has helped a little bit so I can not thank you enough.
Your right we do tend to be harder on ourselves of course we were the ones that were suppose to protect them and we failed but then even with a human child you can never know what is round the corner.

moon_beam thank you for your constant support. It means so much to have you wonderful people on here that,even if we are having a bad day, will still constantly give advice and support. Your right about the guilt. I am trying to focus more on the fact that I could not have done anything about it and If anything my bid to keep him safe all the time led me to him earlier than if I wasn't too worried about him as I was due to go out 10 minutes after I found him and then if I hadn't been looking for him he would have been left outside most of the day in pain, alone. I still find our old house the hardest part though that is what makes me upset. Wishing we had just stayed put.

Snicky's Mom....thank you so much for your comments. I am ever so sorry to hear about your dad and your beloved cat. I can not begin to know how you felt other than utter devastation. You must be a very strong person. I have taken your advice into account and I am working on my guilt and how I can talk about my baby smiling instead of just crying all the time.

Thank you all for taking time to give me some advice. It does help a lot.

xxForeverxx

Hi, Forever, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing and your and your beloved Chewy's angel-versary. I do understand how you feel about the waiting until you are reunited with your beloved baby boy: " I know people say look forward to the day we meet again which sounds wonderful but when I am still so young all I can think about is how long it is going to be before I see you again." Doing the scrapbook will help you focus on your and your beloved Chewy's treasured memories. Rest assured that your beloved Chewy is now sharing with all of the many residents of heaven's perfect garden all the wonderful things he shared with you during your earthly journey together, as well as keeping a close vigil over you. Your and your beloved Chewy's hearts are joined as one through all eternity, Forever.

Forever, I hope today is being kind to you. Thank you again so much for sharing your and your beloved Chewy's angel-versary with us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Forever, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

xxForeverxx, I pray that you are able to feel some sense of peace in this storm of life that you are going through. I always prided myself as being tough as nails, but I found that I am not. No one really is. What I did find is that you have to rely and surround yourself with people that love you and care about you.. If you isolate yourself to much, it will be much harder to heal in the long run. So, surround yourself with caring people and with their help and God's, you will be able to get through this. Let their love heal you. Jennifer

Hi everyone thank you for your kind words.

I have tried to think about the good times....and there were many. Moon_beam the photo album is helping, although taking time as I have over 250 photos and it is so hard trying to choose which ones for the first album as they are all brilliant photos. Plus it makes me cry a lot so have to do it in stages.

Thank you too Snicky's Mom. Your support and words of comfort has been helpful and i know you know the best advice as you have experienced loss, not just your animal friends loss.

I thought of one thing today though which has made me really upset just when I thought I was starting to think more about my Chewy happily. I was standing in a shop earlier about to get a key cut when I noticed the pet tags you can have made. I then remembered at Xmas time I got one done for Chewy. I cannot for the life of me remember if I had put it on his collar before the accident. At the time we had to let him go I touched his collar and the vet asked me if I wanted it and I said no....but now I regret it especially if I had put his tag on it. I wish I had kept it, I feel so horrible for saying no. The vet must of thought I was horrible for not wanting to keep it. They would have thrown it in the bin and that was my Chewy's collar. How could I be so stupid

xxForeverxx

Hi, Forever, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. I am so sorry about your Chewy's collar. When we are in deep grief it is extremely difficult for us to make decisions as "competently" as we are normally able to do. Have you thought about calling or visiting the vet office to ask if by chance they still have your beloved Chewy's collar? Sometimes folks who work at the vet offfices keep things for awhile just in case the human guardian comes looking for their beloved companion's collar, leash, etc.. It's worth a try, - - perhaps?

Forever, please know that with or without your beloved Chewy's collar your beloved Chewy is forever with you in your heart and your memories. I hope life is treating you kindly. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Forever, and look forward to sharing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, I too have lost my cat recently and I can understand completly how you feel.
The loss is overwhelming and it keeps sneaking up, fine one minute, complete blubbering mess the next. But you can't blame yourself. You loved Chewy, built amazing memories together and loved eachother. I know the grief can pull you down, at the moment I feel exactly the same, thinking of all the things that could have been done differently but somewhere Chewy is still with you. Im certain he knew how much he was loved and you gave him a comfortable, happy life.
You say you and your partner were hoping to try for a baby this year, which is the same for me, right now I couldn't imagine having a child while I'm still grieving either but with time comes acceptance, and the fond memories will remain.
My thoughts are with you at such a hard time x x x

xxForeverxx, please allow me to add my sincere sympathies for the loss of your precious Chewy. What a sweet little boy! I love the photo of him as a kitten. I find myself in the same position as I keep searching for Danny's collar. He only wore it for about 10 minutes or so that it took for him to bite clean through the plastic tab. That was his way of saying:"No, Mom, I do not like this thing!" It was so pretty, in green with little paw prints on it. I had kept it all these years as a reminder of this incident, but for the life of me I cannot find it now. xxForeverxx, please do not beat yourself up over having not wanted Chewy's collar at the time. At a time like this we simply don't make rational decisions as our hearts are so heavy and the pain is so deep and the whole thing is just too much to deal with. Hang on to Chewy's toys and treasure them. Peace and blessings to you!

Hi everyone

Thank you all for your lovely replies. The support is once again amazing.

moon_beam thank you so much for your reply. After reading your post about asking them I straight away thought your right I should just ask....but I can't face talking to them without crying, so instead I wrote them a letter explaining everything. Yesterday I got a small package and a reply....it had his collar and his tag on it....I just cried with sadness but I also found myself smiling as I finally had every part of him back with me. If it hadn't been for this site and your words I probably would not have thought sensibly about asking for it and just wallowed in my grief. It is now sat on top of Chewy's ashes. My boy kitten Fudge keeps jumping up and sniffing the collar...I get a little upset but this as I do not want him to touch it but then I also think does he recognise the smell?

Kate thank you so much for your support and I am very sorry for your loss. The whole concept of time healing does not seem true yet but then it has been still such a short time since we lost our loved ones. I do find myself wanting a child with my fiancé again though. Not in the way I did before as no matter what it won't be as perfect, as having my family with a human child meant my Chewy being there as it would have been complete. That is now broken. But I am starting to feel like I do have so much love to give. Being around my friend and her little girl has helped remind me why I wanted a child though. Give it time and you will as well want that again even if it feels wrong.

DannysMom thank you for your kind reply.it is amazing how we can just read what they do in a way that let's us know what they are thinking. I am sure he probably was saying "is collar does not suit me!" I am so sorry for the loss of your Danny. I didn't have loads of toys for my little boy as he either loved going outside and playing or when he came in he either played with my fiancé or laid asleep with me....but I do find myself buying things for the kittens now thinking I wander whether he would have laid on that or played with that? The one toy he did love was this willow sack which had catnip in it. He would go mental over that!

My photo album I am constructing is coming along nicely. I have to do it in parts at the moment though as it's hard to see all the pictures of him so happy when he was taken away so cruelly at such a young age.

xxForeverxx

Hi, Forever, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. I am so glad you were able to get your beloved Chewy's collar back from the vet. I know you treasure his collar and tag. Your precious Fudge is honoring your beloved Chewy by sniffing his collar, so please don't be upset about this. Instead you may want to softly talk to your litte Fudge as he's doing it, "Yes, Fudge, that collar belongs to our beloved Chewy. Although he's with the angels, his sweet Living Spirit is forever with us."

I'm so glad you are pleased with how your memory photo album is coming along. I hope it will bring many good memories to you as you work on it.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Forever. Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Chewy with us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Forever, and look forward to knowing how things are going for you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi moon_beam

Thank you for your reply. I was doing ok...still ready eyed whenever I had the chance to think about my baby which is a lot when your a student and spend a lot of time at home but I was able to go out with people etc and then today came. Me and my fiancé were bored out of our minds....could not think of anything to do....and then the wave just hit me again....everything would be fine if my Chewy was here. If I was ever bored before it didn't matter as I would just go upstairs and lay with him or go outside and look for him so he could play hide and seek! What do I do when there is nothing to do and I'm that bored? I can just see now that every problem I used to have actually never mattered before as long as I had Chewy.

Then my other half said he was just quickly going to his mums to pay our rent and asked if I wanted to come but it's our old house and I can't bring myself to go there. I have not been there since Christmas and I'm not sure I can. But it is his families house now and I can't just never ever go there again.....but the memories are too painful.

xxForeverxx

xxForeverxx, I am so glad that you got Chewy's collar back from the vet. This is really wonderful, and I know it must make you feel so much better to have it. I still haven't found Danny's collar, but it's got to be here somewhere.
Your Chewy was such a cute little boy! I love both the kitten photo and the adult photo of him. He looks so alert and lovable in the kitten photo. It is good that you have the kittens to help you cope. I know they're not Chewy, because every cat is unique and different, but I think it helps if you have another pet to help you with the grief. It's certainly helped me to have Tina, my surviving pet, and Mindy, my new kitten. Putting together a journal or photo album helps too. There just is no easy remedy for grief, and it will hurt for a while. We are here for you.

Dear xxForeverxx,

I've told Trevor about Chewy and he's on the prowl already. They should be good friends by morning!

Love.
Bobbie

Thank you once again for the kind replies.

DannysMom I hope you do find your babies collar somewhere. Like you say it must be somewhere in the house....although if he hated it maybe he has hidden it and is looking down thinking don't you dare find that!!

Bobbie thank you for reassuring me Chewy has a friend and someone looking out for him. That is some comfort.

I just want to say today happy valentines day my baby boy. Chewy....you were my valentine each day for the last three years and I miss you so much. I'm sending my kisses to you tonight and I hope your ok wherever you are. I know I have daddy but I wish I could spend it with you. I love you more than anything in the world and always will. Stay safe Mr Chew Chew. <3 ***************x

xxForeverxx

I love you Chewy.

I am trying so hard to get used to this house as I still blame it for you losing your life that was still so young and ready for more of the world. I just want to come home and find you sitting at the door waiting for me or go upstairs and finding you laying on the bed ready for a stroke. I even look at our bunny Honey and thi you can't chase each other around the garden anymore.

It's that constant thought in my mind that I can no longer hold you and never will again in this life. It is so painful. But no matter what baby I love you and I will forever and I hope your happy and know that I am sorry.

Love your mummy ***x

xxForeverxx

xxForeverxx...I am so sorry to hear about the circumstances of your loss of Chewy. I know that it's hard to lose such a precious fur baby at such a young age. I believe that the young (both animals and humans) have a special place in the next world, where they will be loved and especially cared for until their humans come. I'm sure that my Percy is keeping him company--he was young at heart, so I think that they'll get along quite well. In the meantime, it's nice to know that there are so many of us in the same situation.

Thank you gracelysprocket for your reply. I truly hope Percy and Chewy are firm friends now.

I have a dilemma baby boy and I do not know what to do....I feel bad even talking about the dilemma but think the guys on here are more likely to know the answer....I would say I wish you were here to help me decide like you use to....but of course if you were here there wouldn't be a dilemma as I wouldn't even need to think about it
What to do?

I'm sad today baby. I miss you so much. I think Fudge misses playing with you as and I wish you had had more time to help them grow into the wonderful cat you were. Maybe you can give them some guidance from above over the years as I will think of you every single day for the rest of my life.

I love you baby boy. My mr Chew Chew. Forever and ever <3

Mummy ***x

My Chewy

It has been just over two months....I cannot believe where the time has gone. I cannot believe I have survived this long without you. If I could I would change places with you. I am feeling a little better though as I realise just how much I love you and just how much you made me smile. Those thoughts still make me cry too but you would want me to smile about you I think so I try to as much I can.

We have brought the rabbits Chase and Honey inside into the conservatory....the kittens are a little unsure....they havent learnt yet that Honey will happily bite them if they try and attack them....you learn't that the hard way but soon loved playing with your bunny rabbit. I am sure she misses seeing you around too.

Fudge looks a bit bored now. I know you use to get annoyed when he tried to play with you but occasionally you would give in and play with him and now he does not have that as much. I think you use to give in and play with him when you thought we weren't looking and then when we did you would pretend like you still hated him!!

I am sorry if the kittens were a nuisance to you last year baby. I didn't expect something like this to happen to you at such a young age so thought you would have more time to have happy days with them so I feel a bit guilty for pretty much forcing them on you. You were such a good boy though and put up with them.

I miss you baby. And I hope you are safe and happy.

Love you always.

Mummy ***x

Hi, Forever, thank you for sharing with us how you're doing, and your beautiful love letter to your beloved Chewy. I'm smiling at your Chewy mentoring the kittens, and your observation: "I think you use to give in and play with him when you thought we weren't looking and then when we did you would pretend like you still hated him!!" I truly believe your beloved Chewy enjoyed his kitten siblings. I remember when my mom wanted us to get a canine companion. We had a cat, and I wasn't "sold" on the idea of undertaking the care of a dog on top of so many other things. We did eventually bring home a baby boy - - mixed Lab / Border Collie and our Holly was not pleased to say the least. She would heckle Samson no end - - until one night when she had him chasing her all over the house and she stopped short in the living room. Poor Samson tried putting on the brakes but ended up right on top of her. This time instead of reaching up to give him a smack on the nose, she licked his tummy, and they were good friends after that. So, I firmly believe your beloved Chewy is ever so happy to have kitty siblings to mentor from the garden.

Forever, thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Chewy with us. I hope today is treating you kindly. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you for that story moon_beam it really put a smile on my face

My baby boy Chewy....I missed you yesterday on my birthday. I wish I could have had a cuddle as that would have been the perfect birthday present.

I have something to tell you although I am sure you already know.

Back when we had to let you go I went on cat sanctuary websites as it made me feel a little better. I came across a little girl 10 months old, looked like you, had been a stray pregnant kitten. I don't think anything of it as I did not want to get another cat....I felt bad enough having the kittens. Something kept taking me back to the site....maybe it was because she looked like you but wasn't you so I could see the photo without smiling. 2 months later though she still had not been adopted....all the other cats on the site had been. I said to your dad that we should go an have a look as I feel like something is pulling me to her. We went on Saturday and ended up coming home with her....weird thing is they had put her birthday as march the 5th last year....same as my birthday!? Was that the sign I needed? I keep looking for signs baby that you are ok....please don't be mad that Ellie has come into our lives. I would give anything to have you back you know that. You made me love and understand the beautiful creatures that you are. I will always love you.

Mummy xx

Forever,

I think you've answered your own question - that lovely little girl was meant to be yours. I believe Chewy helped you find her - and helped her find you. What a beautiful gift he has given you: new love. I am sure that Chewy couldn't possibly be angry at you for loving Ellie, and I imagine he's happy to know you have someone to love you as much as he did.

I was reading about you being angry at your new house for contributing to your loss of Chewy; I remember how that felt. Our first cat, Cleo, died a week after we moved into our new home - the first house my husband and I bought together. Now, nearly eight years later, our house has become our home, and seven cats have lived and played here. Not all of them are with me in the flesh, but I think all their little spirits are here, blessing us. I like to think that Chewy's spirit is there, blessing you and your home.

Hi, Forever, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Congratulations on your new furchild Ellie. May you and your little girl have a long, healthy, and happy earthly journey together.

My I add my support to Pippins' Mom in that I, too, firmly believe that your beloved Chewy had a paw in guiding your and Ellie's paths together. So enjoy your precious little girl.

Thank you again so much for sharing your wonderful news with us. I hope today is treating you, your husband, and your precious Ellie kindly. Please know each of you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi

Kel thank you so much for your added support. I think that has been the most difficult thing....moving house. As I do feel I took him away from his home where he rarely saw harm. But then now my head is slightly clearer I can see that he loved going outside here as well as for the two weeks he was here he loved running around the garden and playing with the next door neighbours cat. I think it is still the what ifs I think about sometimes but then I know you can not think like that as I could have moved next year and it still happened. I do think sometimes I can feel his spirit in the home usually when my other boy Fudge looks round and stares at something that is not there....but then maybe there is? who knows!

moon_beam Ellie is a lovely cat and extremely friendly with any adult she comes across....we are having a little problem with them all getting along though. She is currently in the spare room with toys, beds, scratching posts, litter tray and food ad drink but I would love for her to soon be able to run around the house....but she has a problem with my cats. I am trying to think of things to try to make her like them....any suggestions from you or anyone would be much appreciated!

My Chewy....I was not going to write a post without saying hello to you. I can not believe it has almost been 10 weeks. I still cry for you every day baby but I also shed tears of happiness from the joy I had with you. You really were the best cat I ever could have had and you taught me so much. You pop into my dreams occasionally and that does hurt but for the first time I also find myself dreaming about the kittens which makes me think you are trying to get me to think about them more. I see now just how much of a good boy you were with the kittens. Ellie is struggling and goes to hurt them sometimes. You never once laid a paw on them only to play fight but there were no claws. I think i under estimated just how good of boy you were with them and I thank you for your patience. I love you Chewy and I always will for the rest of my life. I will always be sorry I could not have done more to help you. I hope today at the bridge you are having lots of fun with your new friends.

Mummy xx

Hello xxForeverxx, and a happy belated birthday to you. Your Chewy was such a cute little boy. I am glad that you found a little kitten. And I agree with moon_beam that your little Chewy had a paw in this. I hope that little Ellie will adjust to life in your home and that she will bring you much joy.

xxForeverxx, it's best not to force them on each other and to keep them separate for a while. It also helps exchanging blankets and letting Ellie sleep on the kittens blankets and letting them get used to each others scents. Ellie may be defending her territory, so it's best trying to make her feel safe and giving her a separate place of her own where she can be comfortable. It may take a few weeks for them to get along better.

Hi, Forever, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Danny'sMom has given you some very excellent suggestions. If I may add one more: if you have a door gate, and two would be great, you can gate off the door way to the room that Ellie is in - - putting one gate on top of the other to discourage jumping over the gate - - so that Ellie and her house mates can get acquainted with one another with the safety of the gate between them. Then when you're able to, introduce them under supervised visits, keeping the first visit brief then extending the time little by little until you see them relaxing in each other's company. I hope this helps in addition to Danny'sMom's excellent suggestions.

I hope today is being kind to you and your precious furkids, Forever. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you and your precious fur tribe are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

My Chewy

I wanted to stop by and say how much I miss you. Although it seems to get easier carrying out activities getting upset it doesn't stop me having a little cry for you when I'm driving home or on my own. It still hurts that I couldn't do anything to help you. But then part of me does understand now that hints happen out of our control and you know I would have given the world to get you back. One thing I do keep thinking though....I spent so much time loving you, worrying about you when I was out of the house, doing everything for you first over anything else or anyone else in the house (not because you were needy but because I love you and you gave me something better....unconditional love) maybe I was punished for loving you to much and being too paranoid about losing you.....and maybe that is why you were so cruelly taken from me....to teach me a lesson that bad things happen know matter what.....I know I shouldn't think like that baby but. Ant help it sometimes as I have to wander why it happened.

Anyways I love you baby....forever and one day we will meet again.

xxForeverxx

xxForeverxx, what a sweet and loving letter you wrote to your Chewy! What happened to your precious Chewy was very very traumatic. It was an unexpected death and a shock. xxForeverxx, you are trying to make sense of this tragic event and asking why it happened. This side of heaven we may never know why some things happened, but I don't believe you were punished for loving Chewy too much. God is Love -- that means his very nature is to be loving, and when we show these little creatures of his so much love and care that is always a good thing. It is human nature trying to make sense out of tragic events, trying to find some sort of explanation that will satisfy us in some small measure. It is also human nature to have some sense of being in control of our lives in some way.

I am so sorry that you are hurting so much. Please know that your beloved Chewy is right there in your heart and the sweet memories of him will be with you always.

Hugs,
DannysMom

Hi, Forever, thank you so much for sharing your beautiful love letter to your beloved Chewy with us. Please permit me to say that what our forum friend Cheri shared with you in her response to you is also in my heart, so please read her response frequently and know that it is also in my heart.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Forever, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Chewy's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you moon_beam and Dannysmom

You are right about Cheri's response. I have bad days where I feel like I could have done more but than I have been starting to have better days too now where I thank god for being able to have my Chewy to love and care and to find a cat that could give me so much love back.

Dannysmom your words are so true. I think the problem is some days I feel a bit better but then I feel guilty for having a good day as I feel like I shouldn't as my Chewy can not anymore. But I also know that it is silly and if we all felt like that every time we lost someone close to us then the whole population would not survive as there would be no happiness in the world. Grief is a hard path but thanks the knowing I owned such a wonderful, loving cat, the help of my two kittens Fudge and Pixie and my new cat Ellie I am starting to feel a little happier again.

My Chewy....when the sun comes out I smile again. This is because I am thinking of you and remembering how you use to love sleeping in the sun in the garden. I will always love you baby. And even when I am smiling it is because I knew you....you made me want to smile. I wander what mischieve you and the kittens would be getting up to now....no doubt they would be trying to playing with you and you would just want to sleep on the bed! But I am sure they miss you. Daddy misses you but he is better at keeping his emotions together. He always has been good at that. I will keep writing to you baby as it helps me to get out what I want to say. I hope you are having lots of fun wherever you are today and I hope it is sunny there too.

Love you baby....Mummy xx

Dear xxForeverxx,

I know what you mean, when you expressed wondering if you're being punished for loving too much - I, too, have wondered the same thing in the light of my Pippin's death. This is much easier for me to say to you than it is for me to say it to myself, though:

Of all the things we could do in this life, loving is the most important, most blessed, self-sacrificing, beautiful thing we can do.

Whatever anyone's beliefs are, I cannot imagine that loving is something we would ever be punished for. It is so, so hard to feel this way in the depths of our grief for this type of loss, but how very lucky are we to have known that type of love? I firmly believe that we will know it again, some day, when we meet our little friends and are reunited - and I believe that they're still right alongside us, in our hearts, even if we can't see them with our eyes.

It's okay to have good days, xxForeverxx. Chewy would want you to - and wherever Chewy is, he IS having a good day!

This is so hard, and I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Thank you for sharing how you're doing, and your loving thoughts of Chewy.

Thank you Kel

You are right of course. Love is the most important thing as if we did not have love then life would be meaningless. I hope you are having better days to. We all understand it is hard and it is much easier to give advice then follow advice. Its funny how half the time I find myself saying things to people but thinking why can't I follow my own advice.


Chewy....my baby....are you sending the sun to me? It has been a lovely sunny few days. It has made me smile when I am out. I still look at the garden though wishing I could see you run around that tree and lay down by it. And I wish I could hear your meow outside the door again. I am glad you came into my life though and I would not change anything for the world. You were my perfect baby even when you were getting up to mischieve!

I love you baby and I hope you are having a lovely day.

Mummyxx

My Chewy

It's been another sunny warm day here. I hope it's like that where you are. You would have loved lazing around in the sun today. I had lunch with my daddy today and he reminisced with me about his childhood and we talke about you two as you not only touched my heart living with me and your daddy but my daddy loved coming to see you too. He was upset when we had to let you go but he helps me remember the good times we had with you. See Chewy? That's just how special you are.....you touched everyone's hearts that came across you.

I love you baby....always.

xxMummyxx

Dear xxForeverxx, your Chewy was such a special little boy cat. I am glad that your Dad had lunch with you and reminisced with you. It is always good to have the loving support of family and friends to get us through the difficult times. My Danny boy also loved lounging and letting the sun shine on his body.

Hi DannysMom

Thank you for your reply. It is amazing how they love to be lazy when it's nice outside when you would think they would rather run around loads. When it got too hot for Chewy he would go and find shade in a bush and go to sleep for the rest of the afternoon.

It is hard on the sunny days we are having at the moment. I thought I was coping ok to start with but it's hard as that is when Chewy was his happiest on a a nice sunny day in the garden. I think I feel a bit upset that he was hurt outside near our house where he felt he should be safe as he was always safe before.

Chewy I love you baby.

xxMummyxx