I so appreciated your concern and support when I had to make the decision to have my sweet Jeti euthanized because of complete system shutdown due to Rimadyl toxicity. You helped me so much. I am still grieving for her and now Nikki, my other baby, is gone.
I couldn't believe it when, just weeks after Jeti died, Nikki came into the sun room limping, holding up her right hind leg. My son took her to the vet right away. I was so scared because that's how Jeti's trouble started. Nikki's problem was a busted knee. The vet said if she was younger, she'd do surgery but didn't want to do it on Nikki because of her age (15) and her multiple problems, including a bad heart, dementia, blindness and deafness. She said we should watch her for 6 weeks and hope it healed. Well, it didn't heal and Nikki couldn't take the two medications that were prescribed. One made her throw up. The other made her restless and disoriented. So nothing else was done. On my own, I gave her that condritin combo. but I doubt that it helped much.
Nikki slept most of the time. Woke only to go outside to do her business, to eat and take her eye drops and medicine. I don't know if she was depressed or in pain, but she didn't look happy. She lost interest in anything that was going on around her, except for food. She loved to eat--the only pleasure she had left. She went out on her own, sometimes hobbling to the end of the property to find a good spot. For the last week or so she'd had problems eliminating. Took her to the ER, they took X-rays and said her colon was empty. Often, she would get up & stand in the hall or the kitchen and bark for no reason I could understand. Maybe she was in pain? I don't know. I would try to comfort her. Sometimes she'd go to bed then and sleep, other times it didn't help. Ken, my son, as he did with Jeti, told me it was time to let her go. I resisted until finally I gave in and called a mobile vet who agreed to come to the house to do it. I thought it would be easier on Nikki to die at home, and I could hold her on the couch where she used to sit next to me. But all the while, I had this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach like maybe the time wasn't right. I sent for her records at the vets so the mobile vet could read them (I wanted a second opinion) and I wanted him also to do a physical examination before we proceeded.
The vet came and informed us he was on a tight schedule. Nikki was asleep. I went into the bedroom and woke her after he looked through her chart, but couldn't cox her out of her bed. So Ken carried her into the living room and put her in my lap for the exam. We put her on the floor when the vet wanted to see her walking. Then she had to go to the bathroom. She stayed and stayed, having difficulty eliminating. All this time, I was aware of the vet's desire to get on with it. When she was back in my lap, he filled a syringe and tried to give her an injection. She started shaking and tried to bite him. He mentioned putting on a muzzle. I said no. Then he told Ken to hold her mouth and she tried to bite Ken. By then he had the first shot in. She seemed to almost immediately become still, but her eyes were open. I was talking to her and kissing her and all the time wanted to shout, "Stop!" I couldn't bear to see her die so Ken held her for the final shot while I wheeled myself through the house sobbing.
I am so afraid that I let myself be pressured into something that I shouldn't have. My son told me it was past time I should let her go. He said if I kept her alive, I was being selfish. I let my baby down. And I don't know how to live with myself. I miss her so much. I don't know how much longer she could have gone on, but I do know that she didn't seem in acute distress. She didn't seem to have much going for her, but who knows what was going on in her mind? She still enjoyed her food and she could hobble around. And I think, who am I to decide when anyone dies?
I've never done anything like this before, and now twice in two months!
Full Version: Incredibly I'm Back
You know in your heart of hearts that you did the right thing. Listen to that voice.
That said- every one of us here cared so deeply for our pets that we can't help but ask "what if?". What seems like doubt just shows that you care.
Hugz
That said- every one of us here cared so deeply for our pets that we can't help but ask "what if?". What seems like doubt just shows that you care.
Hugz
QUOTE (misong @ Jan 5 2012, 10:12 PM) 
I so appreciated your concern and support when I had to make the decision to have my sweet Jeti euthanized because of complete system shutdown due to Rimadyl toxicity. You helped me so much. I am still grieving for her and now Nikki, my other baby, is gone.
I couldn't believe it when, just weeks after Jeti died, Nikki came into the sun room limping, holding up her right hind leg. My son took her to the vet right away. I was so scared because that's how Jeti's trouble started. Nikki's problem was a busted knee. The vet said if she was younger, she'd do surgery but didn't want to do it on Nikki because of her age (15) and her multiple problems, including a bad heart, dementia, blindness and deafness. She said we should watch her for 6 weeks and hope it healed. Well, it didn't heal and Nikki couldn't take the two medications that were prescribed. One made her throw up. The other made her restless and disoriented. So nothing else was done. On my own, I gave her that condritin combo. but I doubt that it helped much.
Nikki slept most of the time. Woke only to go outside to do her business, to eat and take her eye drops and medicine. I don't know if she was depressed or in pain, but she didn't look happy. She lost interest in anything that was going on around her, except for food. She loved to eat--the only pleasure she had left. She went out on her own, sometimes hobbling to the end of the property to find a good spot. For the last week or so she'd had problems eliminating. Took her to the ER, they took X-rays and said her colon was empty. Often, she would get up & stand in the hall or the kitchen and bark for no reason I could understand. Maybe she was in pain? I don't know. I would try to comfort her. Sometimes she'd go to bed then and sleep, other times it didn't help. Ken, my son, as he did with Jeti, told me it was time to let her go. I resisted until finally I gave in and called a mobile vet who agreed to come to the house to do it. I thought it would be easier on Nikki to die at home, and I could hold her on the couch where she used to sit next to me. But all the while, I had this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach like maybe the time wasn't right. I sent for her records at the vets so the mobile vet could read them (I wanted a second opinion) and I wanted him also to do a physical examination before we proceeded.
The vet came and informed us he was on a tight schedule. Nikki was asleep. I went into the bedroom and woke her after he looked through her chart, but couldn't cox her out of her bed. So Ken carried her into the living room and put her in my lap for the exam. We put her on the floor when the vet wanted to see her walking. Then she had to go to the bathroom. She stayed and stayed, having difficulty eliminating. All this time, I was aware of the vet's desire to get on with it. When she was back in my lap, he filled a syringe and tried to give her an injection. She started shaking and tried to bite him. He mentioned putting on a muzzle. I said no. Then he told Ken to hold her mouth and she tried to bite Ken. By then he had the first shot in. She seemed to almost immediately become still, but her eyes were open. I was talking to her and kissing her and all the time wanted to shout, "Stop!" I couldn't bear to see her die so Ken held her for the final shot while I wheeled myself through the house sobbing.
I am so afraid that I let myself be pressured into something that I shouldn't have. My son told me it was past time I should let her go. He said if I kept her alive, I was being selfish. I let my baby down. And I don't know how to live with myself. I miss her so much. I don't know how much longer she could have gone on, but I do know that she didn't seem in acute distress. She didn't seem to have much going for her, but who knows what was going on in her mind? She still enjoyed her food and she could hobble around. And I think, who am I to decide when anyone dies?
I've never done anything like this before, and now twice in two months!
I couldn't believe it when, just weeks after Jeti died, Nikki came into the sun room limping, holding up her right hind leg. My son took her to the vet right away. I was so scared because that's how Jeti's trouble started. Nikki's problem was a busted knee. The vet said if she was younger, she'd do surgery but didn't want to do it on Nikki because of her age (15) and her multiple problems, including a bad heart, dementia, blindness and deafness. She said we should watch her for 6 weeks and hope it healed. Well, it didn't heal and Nikki couldn't take the two medications that were prescribed. One made her throw up. The other made her restless and disoriented. So nothing else was done. On my own, I gave her that condritin combo. but I doubt that it helped much.
Nikki slept most of the time. Woke only to go outside to do her business, to eat and take her eye drops and medicine. I don't know if she was depressed or in pain, but she didn't look happy. She lost interest in anything that was going on around her, except for food. She loved to eat--the only pleasure she had left. She went out on her own, sometimes hobbling to the end of the property to find a good spot. For the last week or so she'd had problems eliminating. Took her to the ER, they took X-rays and said her colon was empty. Often, she would get up & stand in the hall or the kitchen and bark for no reason I could understand. Maybe she was in pain? I don't know. I would try to comfort her. Sometimes she'd go to bed then and sleep, other times it didn't help. Ken, my son, as he did with Jeti, told me it was time to let her go. I resisted until finally I gave in and called a mobile vet who agreed to come to the house to do it. I thought it would be easier on Nikki to die at home, and I could hold her on the couch where she used to sit next to me. But all the while, I had this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach like maybe the time wasn't right. I sent for her records at the vets so the mobile vet could read them (I wanted a second opinion) and I wanted him also to do a physical examination before we proceeded.
The vet came and informed us he was on a tight schedule. Nikki was asleep. I went into the bedroom and woke her after he looked through her chart, but couldn't cox her out of her bed. So Ken carried her into the living room and put her in my lap for the exam. We put her on the floor when the vet wanted to see her walking. Then she had to go to the bathroom. She stayed and stayed, having difficulty eliminating. All this time, I was aware of the vet's desire to get on with it. When she was back in my lap, he filled a syringe and tried to give her an injection. She started shaking and tried to bite him. He mentioned putting on a muzzle. I said no. Then he told Ken to hold her mouth and she tried to bite Ken. By then he had the first shot in. She seemed to almost immediately become still, but her eyes were open. I was talking to her and kissing her and all the time wanted to shout, "Stop!" I couldn't bear to see her die so Ken held her for the final shot while I wheeled myself through the house sobbing.
I am so afraid that I let myself be pressured into something that I shouldn't have. My son told me it was past time I should let her go. He said if I kept her alive, I was being selfish. I let my baby down. And I don't know how to live with myself. I miss her so much. I don't know how much longer she could have gone on, but I do know that she didn't seem in acute distress. She didn't seem to have much going for her, but who knows what was going on in her mind? She still enjoyed her food and she could hobble around. And I think, who am I to decide when anyone dies?
I've never done anything like this before, and now twice in two months!
I too made that difficult decision on Saturday, the last day of December. My vet spent hours with me and my sweet kitty at home. She arrived at 8am to check on my 13year old kitty and give him a pain injection before the ultrasound techs arrived. After the diagnosis, one we already were given 14months earlier was abdominal mass. She checked with her doctors and called a specialist but they all confirmed nothing could be done. Together we made the most loving decision to have Diego laid peacefully to rest. Most difficult decision I had to make, but it truly was painless and dignified. I cried for 4 straight days, wrestling with the what ifs and the huge hole in my heart, my life. Here's what I have been able to realize today, though it hasn't been easy.
You did the best you could do, and you had help knowing you made the most loving decision of all.
I read once that the day you realize it is time to help your pet go on to the next world is a day too late.
If you would have waited any longer your beautiful baby may not even have been able to get up and that would have been unbearable, you eased the pain for your baby in a dignified, honorable way. Sometimes the sacrifice to stop our loving pets pain seems too soon, but in the end we realize extending our pets life in pain just one more day isn't truly for them, but for us.
You made the ultimate unselfish act, for your loving pet is now free of pain and always beside you. If you pay close attention, you will feel their presence. I talk to My Diego every day and read these posts. It does help.
Just remember you are a lot stronger than you know and braver than you could ever believe.
Keep loving your baby, and know you are not alone in your grief, ever.
If you can help one person with your story, you have left the most precious gift in your fur baby's honor.
Take one moment at a time, its all you can do and don't do anything else, you will get better one day.
We all say a prayer for you.
You did the best you could do, and you had help knowing you made the most loving decision of all.
I read once that the day you realize it is time to help your pet go on to the next world is a day too late.
If you would have waited any longer your beautiful baby may not even have been able to get up and that would have been unbearable, you eased the pain for your baby in a dignified, honorable way. Sometimes the sacrifice to stop our loving pets pain seems too soon, but in the end we realize extending our pets life in pain just one more day isn't truly for them, but for us.
You made the ultimate unselfish act, for your loving pet is now free of pain and always beside you. If you pay close attention, you will feel their presence. I talk to My Diego every day and read these posts. It does help.
Just remember you are a lot stronger than you know and braver than you could ever believe.
Keep loving your baby, and know you are not alone in your grief, ever.
If you can help one person with your story, you have left the most precious gift in your fur baby's honor.
Take one moment at a time, its all you can do and don't do anything else, you will get better one day.
We all say a prayer for you.
Hi, misong, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Nikki. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing two beloved companions in a very short period of time is very traumatic.
Misong, as Cheri has already mentioned, if you had decided against letting Nikki go home to the angels the probability would have been very high that your Nikki could have gone into distress. Why? Because she was having difficulty eliminating. With the other medical challenges she had, this could have led to an emergency situation where you would have had to make the decision to ease her journey immediately. I wish the mobile vet could have been more comforting and compassionate with you, as I think this might have helped to ease both your beloved Nikki's and your stress.
There is no way we can truly prepare ourselves for the time when our beloved companions will no longer be physically with us. I hope somehow you will be able to find some peace in your heart knowing that your beloved Nikki is now healed and restored to her former youthfulness in the company of the angels, and that both your beloved Jeti and Nikki are forever grateful to you for giving them a loving home and taking care of them during their earthly journey. You, misong, are their Forever Mom.
Misong, I wish there were some words I could say that would help to take the seering pain in your heart away, but unfortunately there are no adequate words in any language that can do this. I hope you will find comfort, support, encouragement, and hope from each of us. One of the many important things for you to remember is that you are not alone in your journey - - each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, misong, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Misong, as Cheri has already mentioned, if you had decided against letting Nikki go home to the angels the probability would have been very high that your Nikki could have gone into distress. Why? Because she was having difficulty eliminating. With the other medical challenges she had, this could have led to an emergency situation where you would have had to make the decision to ease her journey immediately. I wish the mobile vet could have been more comforting and compassionate with you, as I think this might have helped to ease both your beloved Nikki's and your stress.
There is no way we can truly prepare ourselves for the time when our beloved companions will no longer be physically with us. I hope somehow you will be able to find some peace in your heart knowing that your beloved Nikki is now healed and restored to her former youthfulness in the company of the angels, and that both your beloved Jeti and Nikki are forever grateful to you for giving them a loving home and taking care of them during their earthly journey. You, misong, are their Forever Mom.
Misong, I wish there were some words I could say that would help to take the seering pain in your heart away, but unfortunately there are no adequate words in any language that can do this. I hope you will find comfort, support, encouragement, and hope from each of us. One of the many important things for you to remember is that you are not alone in your journey - - each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, misong, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
QUOTE (AmberS @ Jan 6 2012, 08:49 AM)
You know in your heart of hearts that you did the right thing. Listen to that voice.
That said- every one of us here cared so deeply for our pets that we can't help but ask "what if?". What seems like doubt just shows that you care.
Hugz
That said- every one of us here cared so deeply for our pets that we can't help but ask "what if?". What seems like doubt just shows that you care.
Hugz
Amber,
thank you so much for your kind remarks. I'm not sure I did the right thing. Sometimes I think I did, then again, sometimes I wonder. She was old and I know she would have only gotten worse, but it was hard not knowing exactly how much pain she was in. I think what made it so terrible was the way it happened. It certainly wasn't peaceful with her shaking and trying to bite. She trusted me. I keep feeling that I violated that trust. But your comments, along with others, help so much. It's good to be able to share with others whom you know understand.
Thank you again.
mary
QUOTE (moon_beam @ Jan 6 2012, 05:37 PM)
Hi, misong, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Nikki. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing two beloved companions in a very short period of time is very traumatic.
Misong, as Cheri has already mentioned, if you had decided against letting Nikki go home to the angels the probability would have been very high that your Nikki could have gone into distress. Why? Because she was having difficulty eliminating. With the other medical challenges she had, this could have led to an emergency situation where you would have had to make the decision to ease her journey immediately. I wish the mobile vet could have been more comforting and compassionate with you, as I think this might have helped to ease both your beloved Nikki's and your stress.
There is no way we can truly prepare ourselves for the time when our beloved companions will no longer be physically with us. I hope somehow you will be able to find some peace in your heart knowing that your beloved Nikki is now healed and restored to her former youthfulness in the company of the angels, and that both your beloved Jeti and Nikki are forever grateful to you for giving them a loving home and taking care of them during their earthly journey. You, misong, are their Forever Mom.
Misong, I wish there were some words I could say that would help to take the seering pain in your heart away, but unfortunately there are no adequate words in any language that can do this. I hope you will find comfort, support, encouragement, and hope from each of us. One of the many important things for you to remember is that you are not alone in your journey - - each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, misong, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Misong, as Cheri has already mentioned, if you had decided against letting Nikki go home to the angels the probability would have been very high that your Nikki could have gone into distress. Why? Because she was having difficulty eliminating. With the other medical challenges she had, this could have led to an emergency situation where you would have had to make the decision to ease her journey immediately. I wish the mobile vet could have been more comforting and compassionate with you, as I think this might have helped to ease both your beloved Nikki's and your stress.
There is no way we can truly prepare ourselves for the time when our beloved companions will no longer be physically with us. I hope somehow you will be able to find some peace in your heart knowing that your beloved Nikki is now healed and restored to her former youthfulness in the company of the angels, and that both your beloved Jeti and Nikki are forever grateful to you for giving them a loving home and taking care of them during their earthly journey. You, misong, are their Forever Mom.
Misong, I wish there were some words I could say that would help to take the seering pain in your heart away, but unfortunately there are no adequate words in any language that can do this. I hope you will find comfort, support, encouragement, and hope from each of us. One of the many important things for you to remember is that you are not alone in your journey - - each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, misong, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
moon_beam, your message is very comforting. I need to focus on the fact that if we had waited, things could have gotten worse for her and possibly I saved her from acute distress. Bless her heart, she was so stoic and brave with each problem I try to imagine how it would be to be blind and deaf, with a bad heart, bad back and a painful leg injury and have dementia to boot. Sometimes I saw her just standing in front of ceiling to floor windows as if she was looking out, but also looking confused. One eye was completely blind. The vet thought she could see light in the other. How scarey her world must have been. But she went on as if she had sight. It was obvious she couldnj't hear.
I did enjoy 15 years with her and those years were a blessing.
I'll take your words and those of the others with me when I try to sleep tonight. That's the hardest time for me and 4:00 o'clock in the morning when i wake and look at her empty bed. She used to sleep with me before her problems prevented her from jumping; and finally, she couldn't even walk up the doggie stairs to my bed. I wish we'd had more cuddling time together before she left.
Thank you, moon_beam.
QUOTE (AmberS @ Jan 6 2012, 08:49 AM)
You know in your heart of hearts that you did the right thing. Listen to that voice.
That said- every one of us here cared so deeply for our pets that we can't help but ask "what if?". What seems like doubt just shows that you care.
Hugz
That said- every one of us here cared so deeply for our pets that we can't help but ask "what if?". What seems like doubt just shows that you care.
Hugz
Amber, I mistakenly sent my response to your page. We both lost our babies about the same time; I feel a kinship with you. I'm thinking of you and Diego.
Love and hugs,
mary
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