Hi everyone.

A couple months ago we found out that our 10 year old Girly has cancer in the leg. Unfortunately, there is nothing they can do for her so we are just spoiling her with the time we have.

I need some advise from you all. Girly is my first dog so this is all very hard for me (we adoted her when she was 10 months and we have been through a lot together).

Girly is doing great (still loving life and enjoying every second of it). My daughter who is 5 and has not known a life without Girly is taking Girly's cancer pretty hard (when Girly has a rough day my daughter gets really upset and cries not wanting the final day to come for her - and I agree).

I took Girly to the vet this week for a check up and the vet is estimating she might have 3-4 more months (I am not sure how she is estimating that but she is the doctor).

My husband is really worried about how our duaghter will handle Girly's death. I know it is going to be very hard on all of us but my husband wants to try and make it easier for our daughter (if there is a way). This might sound cold but it is an idea he had is, he wants to look at getting another dog before Girly passes. He is thinking our daughter will also bond with the new dog and by the time it is Girly's time it will be a little easier on her because she will have the other dog.

I am not sure what is best, I don't really want another dog right now because I am loving they we are spoiling Girly and she doesn't have to share us. And I know Girly's death is going to hit me very hard.

Since this is all new to all of us I am just looking to see if you have any advise.

Thank you!!

Hi, SLM, thank you so very much for sharing with us about your Girly's diagnosis. I am so very sorry you and your family are going through this very difficult time of Anticipatory Grief. This is a difficult journey because you know the time you have with your precious Girly now is very limited, - - yet your heart cannot help but hope that somehow the reality will not happen - - that somehow the diagnosis was a mistake.

There are several good books for children that can be helpful both now and when your precious Girly joins the angels. They may also be helpful for you and your husband.

As to introducing a new companion into your hearts and home right now - - this is truly a personal decision. The rule of thumb is: When in doubt, if you don't feel up to it, then it is best to wait. Remember - - a new companion can NEVER replace your precious Girly. The love bond you, your husband and your daughter share with Girly is unique with Girly. Another thing to consider is that a new companion needs devoted attention to help with housebreaking, routines, etc.. Also your precious Girly is not up to the task of dealing with the "companion" role of another housemate. While she may be doing fine now - - this will not be the case in the near term. And the absolute truth is: NO companion furchild is going to be able to take away the sorrow you are going to feel when your precious Girly joins the angels. Even when there are other precious companions already in the household, there is still going to be the painful grief adjustment journey to travel.

As I mentioned before, bringing a new companion into your hearts and home is truly a very personal decision. Whatever you decide will be the RIGHT decision for you and your family. I just wanted to point out some things to you that may be of help as you make your decision.

SLM, again I am so sorry that you and your family are traveling the anticipatory journey of losing your precious Girly's physical presence with you. Please know you and your precious Girly are in my thoughts and prayers, and please do let us know how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I have to recommend not getting another dog at this time. This is something that could seriously backfire on your family, and put added stress on an already sick and ailing dog. Plus when a new dog is brought home, the focus of the family goes to the new pet and getting them adjusted for a time. You want your girl to live out her life knowing how much she was loved. Bringing home a new dog could potentially make her get worse faster. You don't want that.

As moonbeam said, there are many many resources on helping children deal with the loss of a pet. If it were me I would go in that direction. Explain what is happening, get the literature to help if need be, and let your girl live out her life.

Dear SLM3,

Please accept my deepest sympathy on the diagnosis of terminal cancer in your beloved Girly. Such news is always devatating at best and can send one into a whirlwind of conflicting thoughts and emotions. You say that this is your first experience with such terrible decisions. As Moon_Beam and others have said, we have had to experience these exact decisions many times in our lives with our pets (whether they are dogs, cats, bunnies, lizards, ferrets or whatever).

I lost my precious Trevor, a rescue C. Spaniel in July of this year. We discovered his severe neurologic problems six months after we adopted him. We knew nothing about them prior to his diagnosis. We were told that Trevor would not die from his problems, but it would come down to a "quality of life" issue. And that is exactly what happened. We thought we would live with Trevor for about one more year. Trevor was put to sleep after 6 1/2 months. I still miss him with everything I have. My heart is shredded and my soul crushed. It is because of this experience and those of my other C. Spaniel boys that I offer the following advice/suggestions.

I have worked with young children for many years and am a grandmother of 3 - the oldest 12 and the youngest 3. Children are very observant to many things we don't even realize they have seen or heard. It is for this reason that I would discourage you from getting a new dog (puppy or not) at this time. Your little one deserves to spend her remaining time with Girly. She will learn some very valuable lessons during this time, such as compassion, tenderness towards those (animals) that are hurting, that all life does have a physical ending, but when one life ends, many others continue and try to honor those who have died. Yes, the are many, many wonderful books at every reading level that can help YOU help your child learn about and deal with death and dying and life after death.

I feel that bringing in a young dog to the situation will do several things: confuse your child (if an animal gets sick all I have to do is get another one - then I don't have to worry about the sick animal because I have someone heealthy and active to be with); confuse and even cause severe depression in Girly (who is this new animal? why does he have so much energy around me when I am tired and in pain? are they going to get rid of me?, etc.) Yes, I have seen even relatively healthy older dogs simply "give up" when the new puppy arrives and naturally gets the attention.

NOW is the time to focus on Girly and all the wonderful things she, you, your husband and daughter have had. Give Girly so much love and attention that no one will feel the least bit guilty once she has passed away. That is another lesson your daughter will benefit from. Allow each one of you to grieve the loss of Girly (of course you will help your daughter) in the appropriate amount of time. give her the honor she is due.

Then, when the time is right your entire family can experience the fun and joy of picking our just the right doggie for you. And you will not be tempted, in the least, to compare him/her to Girly, which is very healthy.

I hope I have not overwhelmed you. This is a very serious decision, actually decisions, you are making. You are all in my thoughts and prayers, as is Girly. Please let us know how she is doing and let us know how you are doing too!

Blessings........
Bobbie

Dear SLM,

Please allow me to express my deep and sincere commiserations for the sad diagnosis of cancer for your beloved Girly.

This is a very tough time for all of your family, and I appreciate how hard this must be for all of you. I am glad to hear, however, that Girly is currently doing well and enjoying life! That must be a great comfort.

I would have to agree with the other posters - a new pet may not help "cushion" the impact of Girly's situation. Young companion animals are like young humans, and need a great deal of care, love and attention. They need extra feeds, lots of playtime sessions, cuddling sessions so that they become well socialized, and it is important to keep an eye on them so that they don't get into mischief. I personally feel that Girly would feel left out, and might become sad, lonely and confused. Girly might also try to look after the little one, to the detriment of her own health.

Another issue that you might want to consider is that a new pet might also become quickly attached to Girly, and grieve deeply once Girly is no longer with you.

I would try to maintain the stability of the family at present, stick to all of your familiar routines and spend as much time as possible with Girly. In this way, you will honour her for the love that she has consistently shown you all. You will be able to show her how much you love her in return, in a very concrete way.

I can also tell you that vets, just like doctors, do not hold all the answers. Girly may live longer than anticipated. At any rate, it is the quality of life that matters the most, especially for dogs, which are such active creatures.

This is merely my opinion, but I hope that it helps.

CJ