he died on November 15. He was 12 years old, and was a large breed
pit bull / german shephard /chow. We had him since he was 6 months old.

It was a real shock. I guess I was in denial, but the only symptom I saw for
months was what I thought was perhaps a new allergy. Then he stopped
eating, and I thought his symptoms looked similar to a worm problem, so
I tried worm medicine. By the time I took him to the vet, it was basically too
late, probably was too late anyway by the time he stopped eating.

The vet gave him some injections on the morning of Nov. 14, and gave me
some meds for him. He seemed to feel better that afternoon, but then
I gave him the meds in the evening and it was all downhill from there.
The next morning he came out to the living room, couldn't make to the water
bowl in the kitchen, and went and sat down in the living room. So I brought him
some water, and he didn't want any then. He got up and laid right next to
the recliner in the living room, and started panting. I was going to call the
vet and ask for some different meds, but it was too early. I went away
for a few minutes, came back, looked down and saw his tongue was hanging
out of his mouth, and it looked like he was gagging but without making
a sound, then I said out loud "oh, he's dying." So I knelt down to hold his head
but his neck was already limp, his eyes unfocused, and as soon as I held
his head he was gone.

So the thing that really gets me, besides the guilt of not taking him to the
doctor as soon as I saw that supposed allergy develop, is wondering
if he still had enough consciousness in those last few seconds, to know
that I was holding his head.

I've started doing somethings to help with the grief - made a photo album
of him and shared it with everybody, written down nice things to remember
about him. My boyfriend and I are taking supplements like St. John's Wort
to help with depression, even now. If I don't take them, I can feel it coming on.

I'm not crying as much now, but if I don't take the supplements I'll just sit
and think about him.

We also have a second dog, Tunguska, and we got her to be his pet. It's
hard to tell how well she is really doing. She does eat, and she seems
ok when we are both at home, but when it's just me she is withdrawn.
It's just not the same. Before he died, they used to both come to the
door together to greet either of us, and she isn't doing that now.

So being around her going into withdrawal kind of emphasizes my
own depression. We are trying to give her lots of attention.


I would like to (hopefully respectfully) give you my disclaimer on my own
spiritual ideas:

I wouldn't prefer to think that Wolfgang's spirit will always be around
for me, or that he would be there to help me choose another dog, or
be waiting for me in heaven, or that I could tell his spirit to communicate
with other dogs, or continue to be bound to me in any way. What I would
prefer to believe is that Wolfgang now gets to reincarnate as a human,
because he knew he was missing something by not being able to talk,
and he wanted so much to be able to do it. I hope he gets promoted.

But I am still here with my grief.

Thanks in advance for your thoughts,

Tyler

Hi, Tyler, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Wolfgang. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company.

"So the thing that really gets me, besides the guilt of not taking him to the doctor as soon as I saw that supposed allergy develop, is wondering if he still had enough consciousness in those last few seconds, to know
that I was holding his head."

Tyler, I do believe our companions try to make their passing journey from this side of eternity as easy on their human guardians as possible. From what you shared with us, I do believe that there was still a concious part of your beloved Wolfgang that knew you were there with him lovingly holding him as his sweet Living Spirit transitioned from his physical body.

"What I would prefer to believe is that Wolfgang now gets to reincarnate as a human, because he knew he was missing something by not being able to talk, and he wanted so much to be able to do it. I hope he gets promoted."

Tyler, each of us must find our own way of "spiritual comfort" in our earthly journey, and especially when we are enduring through traumatic circumstances - - including the physical loss of our beloved companions. I do believe our beloved companions sweet Living Spirits continue to live beyond the physical laws of time and space. All things are possible beyond the physical laws of time and space, and many spiritualists believe reincarnation is one of many possibilities beyond the constraints of this physical world. I hope that someday you may meet this person who may bear your beloved Wolfgang's Spirit, and have the chance to talk to him - - or her - - and perhaps find a new dimension to the bond you shared during your beloved Wolfgang's earthly journey with you. This would be a fulfillment for the both of you - - a circle of life that brings comfort and joy to the both of you.

As for this grief journey, I wish there was an easier way to travel it but unfortunately it can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. You are doing the very best thing for Tunguska by giving her extra attention. The companions who are left behind also grieve the physical absence of their house mate - - sometimes visibly, and sometimes not. When my number one kitty son Eli joined the angels my little boy Noah grieved deeply for his big adopted kitty brother for close to 2.5 years, and it broke my heart seeing him so sad. Noah still ate and played with his baby sister Abbygayle, but there were times when I looked at my Noah and I saw how lonely he was without Eli. He still misses his big adopted kitty brother even now 5 years on, and his little baby sister Abbygayle who joined the angels 19 months ago. So, continue to give Tunguska extra attention. The comfort you share with her will also be returned to you, as it has been for my precious Noah and me.

I hope what I have shared with you is helpful, Tyler. I want to thank you so much for sharing your beloved Wolfgang with us. One very important thing for you to remember during your grief journey is that you are not alone. Each of us are here for you to share your journey and offer you our individual and collective comfort and encouragement as best we can. Perhaps sometime you would like to share a picture of your beloved Wolfgang with us - - but only if / when you would like to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Tyler, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I am so sorry for the loss of Wolfgang. I can tell you loved him very very much. And you are right, probably by the time he stopped eating it was too late to do very much for him at that point. Dogs normally hide symptoms until they get too out of control to hide them anymore. The day before my Yorkie's kidneys failed, she was eating like a little pig. I had no idea and neither did you and I'm sure you did everything you could.

I understand what you mean about him wanting to talk. The Yorkie I still have left is a talker. She mumbles and mutters all the time, stares us in the eyes and tries to tell us things with all her funny little noises. I too hope that whatever afterlife there is for dogs, they will finally be able to say everything they want to say. They really want to communicate with us and tell us everything that's in their hearts.

I hope you feel better in the days to come and that your wonderful memories of Wolfgang will bring you comfort instead of the grief you feel now.

Thank you very much everyone for your kindnes
I attached a picture of wolfgang.

Thank you!

Hi, Tyler, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing, and for sharing with us a picture of your handsome Wolfgang. It is a very difficult adjustment to find ourselves limited to the pictures of our companion to hold onto when they precede us to the angels. But rest assured that your beloved Wolfgang is also sharing his pictures of you with all beloved companions in heaven's perfect garden and is safely keeping the eternal love bond you share in his heart and memories.

I hope today is being kind to you, Tyler. Thank you again so much for sharing your beloved Wolfgang with us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to sharing with you how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam