I apologize for the lengthy post.

My precious bunny Hermy passed away suddenly on Friday, November 18, 2011. She was 3 1/2 years old. She was the most adorable little white and brown, mixed Netherland Dwarf and English Spot baby bunny. I adopted her (along with her brother Albus and an older bunny Harry) on June 27, 2008 from a rescue organization when she was 6 weeks old. From the beginning, she was the most charming, playful, affectionate, endearing, curious little rabbit, always exploring and looking for an adventure.

Two weeks after her first birthday, in May 2009, I noticed that her left eye was red and inflamed. She kept the eye half-closed, and she appeared to be in pain. I took her to the rabbit vet immediately, who then referred us to the vet ophthalmologist. She was diagnosed with a developing cataract and given various eye drops. At her one-month follow-up, she was found to have an iris abscess, so we started antibiotics. The abscess resolved, but my poor Hermy was left with a cataract and poor vision in that eye. I was told that cataract surgery in rabbits is risky, so we decided against surgery. The irony is that I'm a people ophthalmologist, so I immediately blamed myself for not noticing her symptoms sooner and not checking my bunny's eyes on a daily basis before this happened.

She was such a trooper and quickly adapted to life with one seeing eye. In September 2009, she stopped eating one morning, and I immediately took her to the vet. She had GI stasis but made a full recovery within a few days. Everything seemed great for a while: she and her bonded mate Harry were so in love, always together; she and her brother Albus would run around playing tag; at night, she would hop onto my pillow while I slept and lick my nose and paw through my hair. She loved to take flying leaps from wherever she was onto my shoulder so that we could snuggle. Life was good.

Then in July 2010, I noticed that she started sneezing and snuffling. I took her to the vet and started antibiotics. She kept sneezing. Two months later, back at the vet, she had blood work and xrays done. White blood cells were dark and shrunken. Xray did not show "signs of resp distress." We tried allergy medication. Culture of a nasal swab taken showed fungal growth. So we tried anti-fungal nasal drops. She showed some improvement but kept sneezing nonetheless. At that point, the vet said we could try endoscopy or just wait and see. She was otherwise doing well. We took the wait and see approach.

Suddenly, on the night of July 4, 2011, I noticed a slight head tilt and nystagmus (eye jiggling). Again, I took her to the vet the next day and we started antibiotics for a possible ear infection. Within 24 hours, her eye stopped jiggling; and within 48 hours, her head tilt improved. We finished the course of antibiotics, and finally, her snuffling and sneezing went away! All was well once again, or so I thought.

Her sneezing returned in August or September. I should have taken her to the vet again, but I assumed she was just back to her chronic sneezing. She ate and pooped and played normally. Then on Tuesday, November 15th, I came home to find her breathing rapidly and with difficulty. I took her to the vet the next day, in the afternoon. I wish I had taken her that morning, just dropped everything instead of waiting until after work (I had taken her to work with me to watch her throughout the day). The vet said he was very concerned. He thought she might have a thymoma pressing on her trachea, but doing an xray was too risky because of the anesthesia and her state of respiratory distress. I insisted we try something. He did not think she had an infection, but he let me try antibiotics. That night, when I checked on her in the middle of the night, I could not find her. She was hiding in a tight spot under a table. I gently pulled her out and had her lay on my shoulder the rest of the night.

I took her to work with me on Thursday, giving her her medications and assist feeds and watching her closely. Thursday night she even ate some lettuce and hay. She started pooping again. But her breathing was still rapid and labored. I tried to stay awake all night but must have fallen asleep at some point. I awoke suddenly around 4:30 to find her gone again! Frantically I looked for her everywhere. She had somehow managed to hide behind and under the corner TV stand (which has been fenced off--she never went in there). I had to take apart the enclosure and move the TV to reach her. Even then, she resisted when I tried to drag her out. I gave her her morning doses of medications, and that's when everything went downhill.

As I held her, she slowed her breathing and started to lean to one side. I placed her on a towel on the counter, but she then launched herself onto my shoulder. I took her to the sofa to hold her, but she started to gasp for air and make tiny sounds as she tried to breathe through her mouth. After several more breaths, she died in my arms. I just screamed hysterically, "No, no, no!" I forgot to tell her that I love her.

I am devastated. I feel so guilty about everything. I should have taken her to the vet last month, that morning, etc. We could have treated a thymoma (if that's what she had) if only I took her sooner. I should have spent more time with her, held her more often, played with her, given her her favorite treats more often. I shouldn't have adopted a fourth bunny (Ron) in April. I could have spent that time with her. I know it has been a week, but I cannot stop crying and thinking about her. I can barely get myself to take care of my other bunnies or function at work. She was so full of life. How could she be gone now? I feel like I'm drowning.

I know everyone here understands what I'm going through, and I appreciate your reading my story. My family and friends tell me "she was just a pet" and "she was an animal," "just move on." But to me, she was my best friend, my constant companion, my little bundle of joy and happiness. I miss her and love her so much.

Hermy's Mommy

Dear Hermy's Mommy,

Please accept my deepest sympathy on your loss of precious Hermey, the wonderful bunny rabbit. He sounds like the most amazing rabbit I've ever heard of! You were indeed blessed to live with her on this earth. But Hermy's Mommy, you are still living with her! I know that doesn't feel real at the present moment and to feel happy about that right now is extremely difficult. It is true, however. But we'll get to that in a bit.

Right now, I'd like to reassure you that every single emotion and thought that you are having, including feeling guilty, having so many regrets, etc. is totally NORMAL. The people that tell you those dumb things such as "it's only a pet" "just move on" have no idea what they are saying or that they are hurting you to the core. Ignoring and/or staying far away from the is the best thing to do. This time is for YOU. I also want to let you know that you did everything you possibly could for Hermy and she knows that and loves you for it. Remember hindsight is 20/20 (pardon the reference to your profession) and "if er knew then what we know now.....". You absolutely loved Hermy and we can see that in everything you did for and with her and as evidenced by her final leap onto your (her mommy and portector) shoulder. She knew exactly where she was the safest and who she wanted to be with on her final journey.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my Trevor, the bravest little dog in the world, 18 weeks ago yesterday. I had to have him put to sleep because of the incredible pain he was living with. Fortunately, we were able to send him over the Rainbow Bridge in our home with a very kind, loving vet doing the "deed". We had only been together for 2 years and 2 months, but Trevor was already 13 years old. He was one of our rescue doggies. If you glance through some of my threads about Trevor, you'll see that I loved my Trevor as much as you loved and love your Hermy (and Albus and Harry). I still miss Trevor as much as on the day we parted company on this earth, but somehow, Mother Time has a gentle and perfect way of soothing our hearts and souls just the way each of us needs it done. And at the same time this grief journey is often described as a roller coaster from hell. Both are completely true. Even though I had already lost 5 dogs and 2 canaries, Trevor's loss hit me the hardest and the longest. I don't know when the sorrow will ease, but I do know that it will imperceptibly (sp) change to warm and wonderful memories. And I am sure that is true for you, also.

I believe that Hermy's Spirit is very much still with you - her physical presence is gone, but not that Spirit. She is ready and waiting to help you at any and all times and is never more than a heartbeat away. (i must confess that I have taken on beliefs that were shared with me by other incredibly wonderful people on this site.) I believe that my Trevor has already welcomed Hermy into Heaven where the spirits of all creatures are waiting for us to join them again, for all eternity. Hermy is learning the ropes and at the same time, bragging to everyone about her incredible mommy and how wonderful she was to her on earth! Please don't forget that Hermione is with you every minute 24/7, until you can be together again.

Finally, you are never alone in your journey. I am so glad that you found this site as there are a great many people who have and are walking your walk right along side you. WE are here for you all the time, at a moment's notice. We all understand what you are going through and we are all here to lift you up, comfort, support, listen, grieve with you, laugh with you and sigh with you. Do not underestimate the power of the good people on this site.
When YOU are ready I would love to see a picture of Hermy and to hear more about your life together. Until then, you and Hermy are in my thoughts and prayers. Get some rest and take care of YOU!

Blessings...............................
Bobbie (Trevor's mommy)

Bobbie (Trevor's Mommy),

Thank you so much for your kind words of support and encouragement. I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep your Trevor in my thoughts and prayers as well.

I am so grateful to you and this wonderful group of people who can empathize and understand all the emotions and thoughts running through my heart and my mind during this difficult time. Our beloved animal companions are always here for us, aren't they? I so very much want to believe that they still are. Your sentiments are comforting. Thank you!

I hope Hermy is now playing with your Trevor and all the wonderful companions who've passed on. She was always the one (the instigator, the strategist) who came up with the hare-brained idea, the adventure of the day, and got Harry and Albus to play along. I'll try to send a photo.

Thanks again!

Hermy's Mommy (Lisa)

Dear Lisa,

Thank you for your kind messages and for reading some of my nightly letters to Trevor. He truly was the bravest little dog in the world. And it seems that Hermy was the bravest little bunny in the world. WE've had some remarkable relationships, haven't we???

I hope you have a peaceful night, Lisa. I sleep with a picture of Trevor and his older "brother" Rudy wrapped in a piece of Trevor's favorite blanket tucked unto my arms, every night. It helps.

Love,
Bobbie

PS: Are you taking care of youself?????

Hi, Hermy's Mommy, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Hermy. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company.

Bobbie has shared with you many things that are in my heart as well, so please read her very comforting response often. Please permit me to add some additional encouragement and comfort.

As Bobbie has so comfortingly shared with you, what you are feeling is NORMAL GRIEF. This grief journey is one of adjustment to the physical absence of our beloved companions. We live in a physical oriented world governed by the physical senses of taste, touch, sound, sight, and smell. When our companions share our earthly journey they are totally dependent upon us for their physical and emotional care through these five senses. Every time they touch us - - and we touch them - - we are bonded to them through these five senses. When they precede us to the angels this physical bond is now broken, and the deep grief pain we are feeling is not only emotional but it is also very much physical. We are literally experiencing a very painful physical withdrawal from having them in our physical lives.

The good news, as Bobbie has also so comfortingly shared with you, is that the love bond we share with them during their physical journey is eternal - - it is not governed by or limited to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Hermy knows that you love her - - and nothing will ever change that - - not even the dimming of our minds with age. Your Hermy is forever in your heart and your memories, and the love bond you and your beloved Hermy share continues to thrive and deepen in spite of the temporary physical separation you both are enduring right now. Her sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey now just as she always has and always will until it is your appropriate time to join her in eternal joy in heaven's perfect garden.

But I know right now these are words, and words fall short of meaning when one's heart is pierced with the deepest sorrow we will ever know on this side of eternity. But words are all I have to offer you right now as one who has gone through the pain of grieving the physical loss of beloved companions. I can only hope that the words I share with you will one day be able to offer you genuine comfort and encouragement and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

As Bobbie has already shared with you, so I wish to affirm her words of comfort: You are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through. I am sorry you have heard people say to you "it's only a pet", "get over it", etc.. I assure you, Hermy's Mommy, you will NEVER encounter this insensitivity here. Each of us must travel our grief journey in our own way in our own time. While people in our lives expect us to "move on" with little regard as to how we are feeling, I assure you there are no "expiration dates" here as to the comfort and encouragement you will need for you to travel your journey, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Hermy with us. Perhaps sometime you might feel up to sharing a picture(s) of her - - but only when / if you want to. I hope today is being kind to you, Hermy's Mommy. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

moon_beam,

Thank you so much for your comforting words. Reading your words of support and re-reading those of Bobbie's have given me much insight and a good measure of hope that Hermy's spirit lives on and that I will be able to join her one day.

I still shed tears for her everyday, and I replay in my mind, over and over again, all the things I should have done. Sleep is elusive. Appetite is nonexistent. You are right--I feel an extremely painful physical withdrawal from her presence. I miss her and love her so much.

I am so glad to have found you all here and am thankful for such a warm, safe haven in which to grieve and share my Hermy's story. You, and Bobbie and all who are grieving here, are in my thoughts and prayers as well.

Hermy's Mommy

Dear Hermy's Mommy (Lisa),

I hope today finds you with even just a little piece of peace. Oh, Lisa, the tears that fall from our leaky eyes are filled with love for our departed ones. I still cry so often for Trevor and each of my boys, sometimes all together and sometimes individually. I lost my first dog when I was 17 years old and I cried when I recently found a picture of him (Nikki). Tears, as you know, are both physically and emotionally so therapeutic. I have had some very cathartic crying episodes that left me so weak I could only stay in the chair I was sitting in. And I'm sure I will have more as time goes on.

Moon_Beam's words are so incredibly "right on". Until now, I never thought of our losses as being physical as well as emotional. But that is so true! All I want to do it hold Trevor one more time and yet that, then, would not be enough. I know that Hermy is wishing she could jump on your shoulder one more time, too, but she is in that Perfect place where she understands why that cannot happen and is thus comforted. We, on the other hand, must wait and slowly learn. I clipped a bit of Trevor's fur after he passed and have it in a little baggie. I have touched it so often that it is getting pretty mangled, but it is the closetest I can come to touching all of Trevor. Perhaps, touching or holding something of Hermy's will help bridge the gap.

That "should-ing", otherwise known as guilt, is so difficult to deal with. Please remember that you did EVERYTHING you possibly could for Hermy and she is eternally grateful to you. She knows you loved every bit of her and would never, ever do anything to hurt her. Try to remind yourself that, while guilt is so normal at this time, it really isn't very helpful at all. If it helps at all, write that all down so the paper or computer can carry that burden for you. Death is a part of LIFE. It comes even though we don't want it to. But death only takes the physical part, not the emotional or spiritual parts ever. Hermy has completely forgotten any pain she may have suffered.... it's wiped clean from her memory and she'll never feel any again. That's the truth that we have to grasp onto and that's not easy to do at this time. But it will come. It will come.

Please, if you cannot sleep, at least try to rest. Eat what you can, when you can. The grief time is yours. Do what YOU want, when You want and how YOU want. We will respect that completely. Lean on us here. Together, we are strong enough to support you, understand you and love you. Share your grief as you need to. WE are always here for you. Because we love you and Hermy so much!

Blessings.................
Trevor' Mommy (Bobbie)

Dear Trevor's Mommy (Bobbie),

Thank you so much, and I am so sorry for your losses (Trevor, Nikki, and your other beloved departed companions). You are so strong and must have a wonderfully big heart! My Hermy, Harry, Albus, and now Ron are my first animal companions ever, and Hermy is my first pet loss ever. When she left me so suddenly and unexpectedly, I was in shock and disbelief. Not only was I faced with the shock of losing her but also the shock of feeling her loss so deeply. I felt like my breath was knocked right out of me. I felt something inside my chest literally rip itself into a million pieces.

What you said is so true. The tears of sorrow and the sobbing have been therapeutic. Sometimes, out of nowhere, tears start to fall silently and I find myself drenched in tears.

I appreciate your suggestions. I have a small tuft of Hermy's fur in a plastic bag, and I've placed her towel in another plastic bag. I haven't been able to put them away. They are sitting on the counter for now. I love your idea of sleeping with a photo. I'll go through my photos of Hermy tonight.

Thank you too for those reminders to rest and eat. It's so easy to forget to eat and sleep when you're enveloped in this cloud of grief, isn't it? Those things seem so mundane, when time seems to have stopped when Hermy passed away.

I hope you have a peaceful, restful night. Good night and sweet dreams! (I hope to see Hermy again in my dreams--she briefly made an appearance a few nights ago.)

Hermy's Mommy

Good morning Hermy's mom

Let me join the others in offering my deepest condolences on the passing of your precious bunny Hermy. Many of us dog- and cat- people come to think of these as the only house-friends, but this site has shown me that bunnies are right up there in the top tier! Each grief journey is individual, yet they all share some (awful) features, too. I can understand when you say that Hermy was the first soul-mate who left you in this earthly life. I "lost" my Gretta - the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived - last April. She was my first pet as an adult and, as you say, it's like being run over by a Mack truck. I think some of the pain of a first experience, especially in the beginning, is that you don't know what's in store for you. Will you cry uncontrollably forever? Will you heart ever open again? Will you ever risk it again? And all this when you're suffering so much you cam hardly breathe.

Hermy's mom - as the others have said, every single one of us here has suffered through the mind-torture called guilt. We want them back so much that we keep running the tape of their life and illnesses over and over trying to find out where we "went wrong" and beating ourselves up about it (when it's not even real) and, later, resolving to have SO much more figilance next time. But from reading the posts here, I'm sure you have discovered that every single one of us did MORE than the best we could for our soul-animals. The "problem" is that Whoever created the universe saw fit to make animals' lives much shorter than human lives. So when we open our hearts and exchange pieces of each others' souls - as we do with our VERY special animals - there's no way to escape the suffering we have to go through when they preced us into the Perfect World. After Gretta's passing, my vet 9the most wonderful and competent vet on the planet) said something very comforting to me - which I was surprised to hear coming out of the ultimate man of science. He said, "She's in a safe place now." Those few words have completely changed my thinking and beliefs about animals, God, heaven, who's there, what they see and hear and fell, etc.

I KNOW Gretta is there - completely happy and healthy. I KNOW Hermy is there - completely happy and healthy. I KNOW our special animals can communicate with each other and that the "veterans" look after the "newbies." Just recently something hit my heart about all the animals that go there but don't have anyone on earth to remember them. That's why I've enlisted my sister (Bobbie) and her dog Trevor to go looking for one of these animals every night and form a pack - with we here on earth to be their rememberers. Their other "job" is to welcome the newcomers, show them all the fun and warmth of the Perfect World, pplay with them during the day and snuggle with them at night. You just KNOW that as night falls they trade stories of their wonderful mommies and daddies and other parts of their lives.

Please know that we Lightning-Strikers are a band of earthly brothers and sisters, each of whom has been touched by a very special soul-animal. We get it .... and, like our animals in the Perfect World ... we trade stories of our animals, the sufferings of our hearts, and the certainty that one day we will all be reunited never to part again.

Hermy's mom, please take it slowly, one small step at a time (the world makes you do this with all the "business" you have to do there), rest a lot, cry whenever you need to, keep loving Hermy cuz' she's keeping on loving and watching over you.

A cyber-hug for you and your other bunnins from me (and Hermy).

Gretta's mom

Dear Gretta's Mom,

Thank you so much for your response--your comforting and uplifting words have really helped me keep my head above water today, my first day back at work since Hermy's passing.

Your Gretta is beautiful, with such gentle eyes. I'm so sorry for your loss. This (grief) is such a difficult journey. It is really heart-warming to find others who also feel their animal companions are their soul mates. The connection we have with our soul mates, I hope, transcends space and time and death. My connection with Hermy feels just as strong (if not stronger) as when she was here on Earth with me. I know I sound like a broken record, but I am SO very grateful to everyone here for sharing beliefs, ideas, support, and most of all, love for our departed animals and for each other. I can't thank you all enough.

My guilt still torments me, but I've come to learn (from everyone here) that it is normal and that we all feel this way at some point. I guess we wouldn't feel guilt if we didn't love them so much. Thanks for sharing your vet's sentiment. Hearing that "she's in a safe place now" gives me some peace of mind. Also hearing that Gretta and Trevor and Hermy and all the wonderful animals are happy and healthy together in the Perfect World gives me much comfort and brings a smile to my puffy-eyed, tear-stained face.

I plan to light some candles for the Monday Candle Ceremony tonight and pray for Hermy, Gretta, Trevor, Abbygayle, and all the animals who have moved to the Perfect World.

Thanks again, Gretta's Mom.

Hermy's Mommy

Hi Lisa!

How are you doing today/tonight? I know that you had to go back to work today and that must have been incredibly hard on you. Those first steps are so hard. I am very proud of you for doing that. You didn't have you, you know. But you did and Hermy is extremely proud of you. I'm sure she's shouting all over Heaven about her brave and courageous mommy.

I will write a lot more tomorrow. I wanted to check in with you and let you know that you and Hermy were in my thoughts all day today. I told Dreamer all about you, too.

Lisa, try and get some rest tonight. Were you able to find a picture of Hermy to go to sleep with? Hope so.

I am thinking of and praying for you and Albus and Harry.

Love & hugs back at you!
XO Bobbie XO

Hi Bobbie,

Thank you for thinking of me (and Hermy, Harry, and Albus). I told my co-worker yesterday all about you and Trevor (and all the other lovely people and animal companions on this site) and how wonderfully supportive and caring you all are. I am managing to make it day by day thanks to you and everyone here.

Some moments I'm on auto-pilot, and then other times I feel like I'm getting my heart stomped on by ten elephants. Does that happen to all of us? I went to the grocery store today to buy more lettuce for my other bunnies, and I almost broke down in the produce section. When I picked up a bag of romaine, I thought, "I will never be able to give Hermy fresh veggies again." It is so difficult.

The weather is getting colder here. It rained all day today. I hope the weather is still nice and mild where you are so that when you and Dreamer visit the cemetery, you won't be freezing cold (although I'm sure when you visit, the fond memories and thoughts always bring warmth to your heart).

Have a good night! You're in my prayers too.

Lisa

Hi Lisa!

Thank you for your thoughtful note today! I've been thinking about you and Hermy all day long and hoping that you are finding even a small piece of comfort. I know that Hermy is concerned about you, she just wants you to know that she is A-OK where she is. That could be why she made an appearance in your dream. To let you know that she is very much alive in her Spirit and that her Spirit is also in you! in your heart, in your soul, in your thoughts and in your actions.

Your eyes are going to leak for a long time, Lisa, because you love Hermy so much. Mine don't leak quite as often as they used to, but they can start at any moment. Then I sob and sob until I am worn out. I have only felt the presence or seen my departed pets once and I've had 6 dogs in my adult life. One time I felt Birney flopping down behind my curled legs like he used to do every single night of his life. But, oh, that was just a feeling and Birney wasn't physically there. I really wish that I could see or sense Trevor, even just one time, to hold onto that memory, too. Trevor really touched me in a way that no one else ever did. He loved me totally when he didn't have to. I KNOW that Trevor made a conscious choice to love me and let me help him through his final journey. I think that's why his death has been the hardest for me. It sounds like I didn't love my other boys, but I sure did. Some day I hope to figure it out. Meanwhile, the nightly love notes will continue as often as I can find a computer.

Yes, Hermy's mommy, our hearts get stomped on, shredded, crushed, however you can decribe the incredible pain that sears right through us. It comes and it goes and it comes again. I think the only change is in the intensity. Time is a miraculous helper and healer. Let time be on your side. Don't rush anything and please DO everything you want to do to honor Hermy's life and memories. I have pictures of Trevor or notes to him (2 of them written on potty pads) all over my house. There is not a room (including the bathroom) without some mention of Trevor. I've never done that before, but I needed to this time. Only you know what you need/want to do................so do it!

Have a peaceful night and get some rest, my friend. All of us at L-S are keeping watch.

Blessings..............
Bobbie

I would also like to add my sympathy for your loss of Hermy. Losing a dear pet seems like one of the hardest things in this world to go through because we love them so much. As others have said, it's normal to have guilt and doubts about what you did or didn't do, but I'm sure you did everything you could. For whatever reason, no matter what we do sometimes, our babies go on to Heaven anyway.

My dear Yorkie passed in July, in spite of everything we had done to save her, and now I feel certain she is with her Creator, happy and well again with all of our precious pets who have passed on ahead of us.

I hope you will feel better soon and will be able to remember Hermy in the good times and be able to enjoy your wonderful memories. It takes time so be patient and don't feel like you have to rush through your grief just because there are people who think they are just animals and that we should get over them. They are not just animals. They are living, thinking, and loving beings who were created by the same one who made humans, and they deserve love and grief when they pass on. You are grieving so much now because you loved Hermy so much and being able to love a creature that much is a wonderful thing.

Hi Hermy's Mommy,

I've only just noticed your thread - I used to visit this site every day, but now with the demands of my University studies, I don't get the chance to as often as I'd like. But I would like to offer my condolences on the loss of your precious "Hermy". Your post really touched my heart, because I too have lost a bunny girl. It's been a year and a half now since my "baby" Daisy passed, and I still miss her to this day. I too went through every emotion that you're going through right now, and I felt the guilt and the "I should haves...". I realized after spending some time on this forum that no matter how we lose them, every single one of us experiences that at some point. It's all just a normal but particularly painful part of the grieving process.

I know right now that you feel like the ache will never go away. I know you feel like the tears will never stop. But trust me, in time it does get easier. Though I must admit that it took me a good year before the ache fully eased. As I said, I still miss her every day now, but it doesn't hurt as much. I still feel like she's very much with me, and I do everything I can to keep her memory alive. I have lot's of photo's of her all around the house, and still talk about her all the time. She was a very special girl, who thought she was a dog, and used to follow me around the house and butt my hand to get strokes. Then she'd do that little content "crunching sound" -- I'm sure you know exactly what I mean

I found that it helped to write letters to Daisy on here. I actually wrote quite frequent letters to her for about a year (my original thread is somewhere on this site called "Just when I thought I was doing well...) and it really helped to get my emotions and feelings out and in a way I felt like I was keeping her alive.

Oh just a note -- my Daisy developed Cataracts in both eyes during the last year of her life... and although she was a little different at the beginning, within a few weeks, she was back to her old self, and you couldn't tell that she had limited eyesight. She would still follow me around the house, and hop around madly. Rabbits tend to use their other senses more than their eyesight, so they adapt very quickly. In the end, it was the anaesthetic during an operation to try and save her life (she had a tumour in her stomach) that killed her. Again, I really struggled with the "I should have/shouldn't haves..." but over time I realised that I loved her with all my heart and soul and that whatever decision I made was made out of love. I really couldn't have done any more than that. And the same goes for you and your Hermy.

I really hope that you start to feel a little better soon. Any time you need to talk, feel free to send me a private message. Oh, and would love to see a photo of Hermy if you're able and feeling up to it.

Take care of yourself -- Cheryl xx

Hi Bobbie,

Thank you for your response and for sharing your experiences and feelings. It really helps! I find myself putting on a "brave face" at work and pasting on an awkward smile, and then coming home to let it all out. I guess it's therapeutic to cry until I'm utterly exhausted, at least I hope so because that's been the routine this week. I'm starting to truly believe that Hermy is okay where she is and hopefully more than okay since I whole-heartedly believe she is among friends (Trevor, Gretta, Bobbie, Daisy, Abbygayle, and all the other loving and well-loved animals) in Heaven waiting for us.

I understand how you feel about wanting to see or sense Trevor. After "seeing" Hermy that one time in my dream, I ask her every night at bedtime to come "say hi." So far she has not made an appearance again. I think she probably worries that visiting me in my dreams would be counterproductive in my grief journey.

I will definitely take your advice. I'll start placing her photos around the house, and I'll continue writing her a letter each night. I know you're right about time healing us. I just have to try to be patient with myself.

Wishing you a peaceful night. And thank you!

Lisa

Hi Bonnie's Mom,

Thank you for your supportive and encouraging words! I'd like to offer my condolences to you as well.

One of the many things I've learned from everyone on this site is that all the emotions, including guilt, are normal for those of us grieving our beloved pets. Thank you for saying that "For whatever reason, no matter what we do sometimes, our babies go on to Heaven anyway." Hearing this helps so much, because I can't seem to convince myself when I tell myself the same thing.

Each day the memories of Hermy that pop up seem to be happier and more joyful and less focused on her final moments. With such tremendous love comes equally tremendous pain. I think, though, as the pain lessens, the love only grows.

Thanks again!

Hermy's Mommy

Hi Cheryl,

Thank you so very much for your response. Another bunny mom! I'm so sorry about your loss--Daisy sounds like she was such a fun-loving, spirited, brave little bunny.

It's comforting to hear that things get easier with time. It's even more comforting to hear that missing our beloved bunnies never ceases, just the hurt diminishes. Your suggestions are wonderful! I do want to keep her memory alive, and I've started to put her photos around the house.

Your Daisy and my Hermy sound like they would get along splendidly. They might even be playing together now. Hermy used to follow me around the house too, and she would even hop onto my pillow at night, while I'm asleep, to groom me (licking my nose and pawing through my hair). I felt she was taking care of me just as much as I was taking care of her.

I will definitely search for your original thread. I'm interested in learning more about Daisy and her life with you. I'll also try to post a photo of Hermy (I keep getting an alert that my photo is too large to post). If not, I'll try to email you a picture. Hermy looks a bit like Daisy, except for the ears. Your photo of Daisy is adorable!

Thanks again for your message. I'll be in touch soon!

Hermy's Mommy (Lisa)

I was finally able to post a photo of Hermy! I guess my other photos of her are too big to post. Sorry about the orientation.

Dear Hermy's Mommy (Lisa),

What a delightful picture of Hermy! I think that's the nicest picture of bunnies that I've ever seen. And I'm so glad that you and Cheryl have found each other. That is probably the best support and help you can find - someone who has loved the same animal as yours.

I hope you are feeling a bit better tonight. Each day will bring you closer to relief and Hermy and that is good.

It has been a long, exhausiting day for me. It took me over 3 hours trying to book flights back to Minnesota for my dad's surgery in a couple weeks. Finally everything is set up, but what a hassle. I just have time to write a quick note to Trevor and then I'm going to bed.

Wishing you a good night's rest. You and Hermy are always in my thoughts and prayers.

Love,
Bobbie

Hi again Lisa,

Awwwww! Hermy is adorable! You can just tell what a sweet little character she has (<-- yes, I always like to talk about our loved ones in the present tense, because I truly believe that we never completely lose them). Aww, those little nose-nuzzles are the best, aren't they? I used to put my face to Daisy's and ask, "Can Mummy have a kiss?" and right away, she'd put her little nose to my mouth, and I'd feel the tickle of her little whiskers. Bunnies really are the sweetest little things!

I remember reading a spiritual magazine once, and there was an advertisement for a pet psychic/medium. Now, I've always been sceptical about these things, but I was in a deep moment of grief, and decided to send them a text, asking if Daisy was happy and if she had a message for me. They replied saying that they could sense that I feel Daisy's presence frequently (which I do) because she likes to pay me a visit every now and again. They told me that she's happy and has made lot's of new friends (which made me think of this forum, and that maybe our babies really do find each other), but told me that the one thing that makes her feel a little sad is that I need to stop feeling guilty and need to forgive myself. They said she loves me very much, and knows how much I love her. Whether I believed they really knew this or not didn't matter -- the message floored me, because it was exactly what I needed to hear. And that last part about needing to forgive myself was so very true. I began to fully heal after that. I'm not suggesting that you try to contact one, as I don't know about your beliefs, but I'm just trying to think about some of the things that helped me along my journey, to try and help you along too.

How are you feeling today? Did you manage to get some sleep last night? You will probably find that you have your 'good-ish' days and your bad days. But I promise you that in time the 'good-ish' days will begin to outnumber the bad.

You're in my thoughts.
Cheryl x

Dear Bobbie,

I hope you were able to get some rest last night, and I hope your father is doing okay. Travel planning can be so stressful.

Today was a "so-so" day, better than most days recently, I think. I talked about Hermy all day--sharing mostly good memories of her funny antics and the foods she loved to eat. I talked about Trevor too--your love letters to Trevor are really inspiring and so full of love. I can picture him reading your letters every night and then telling everyone about how much he loves you.

Tomorrow will mark two weeks since Hermy's passing. After work tomorrow, I plan to start reading some books I ordered on grieving and working through a workbook on pet loss. I also plan to work on a photo memorial and written memorial this weekend. Trying to keep busy, but still focused on my Hermy.

You and Trevor (and your father) are in my thoughts and prayers. Have a peaceful night!

Hermy's Mommy (Lisa)

Dear Hermy's Mommy,

Hermy passed away on a Friday? So did Trevor! Tomorrow marks 19 weeks since he and I said our physical good-byes. Don't think I don't know the number of days and hours that have passed. It now amazes me that this much time has gone by since I lost Trevor. It feels like he's been gone for an eternity and yet it seems like it happened today. I'll go visit at the cemtery tomorrow. I'll take Dreamer with me. He loves the leaves and stuff.

I discovered that we have to make new Christmas stockings for all the boys, except Trevor. We have his from last year, when he was alive. All the others will have th boys' names on them in glitter and they will be placed at each gravestone. I usually lay them on the ground, butthen they get covered with snow and no one can see them. I'm going to try and hang them up on natural branches this year. Don't know if they will fly away or not. Stan's (my hubby) handwriting is better so he writes the names and I dunk them in the glitter.

Be preapred for difficult holidays this year. Christmas always makes me cry for who we have lost. My eyes really do leak a lot. But then, we have Dreamer that will be sharing his first real Christmas with us this year, so that's good.

We will light a candle for Hermy tomorrow, as well as Trevor's. Iim sure they are best buddies by now.

Love,
Bobbie

Hi Cheryl,

Thank you so much. I'm so glad to hear that you like to refer to our loved ones in the present tense. I feel exactly the same way, in fact. When I talk about Hermy, I find that I keep correcting myself and ultimately find that the present tense just feels right.

Bunny kisses are really special! Hermy was a natural kisser and so eager to show affection. I miss that now. Somehow, Harry, Albus, and Ron just aren't the nuzzling type. When I try to bump noses with them, they give me a look that says, "Oh, okay, if we must."

Thanks for sharing your experience with the pet medium. I have been considering contacting one. I believe what the medium told you about Daisy is true. I just finished reading Sylvia Browne's All Pets Go to Heaven (a bit new age-y, but I'm desperate). Many people shared stories in which they still feel their loved ones' presence and receive visits from them too. I believe Hermy visited me briefly in my dream last week. In my dream, I was sitting on the carpet as I usually do when playing with her. She ran up to me and placed her two front paws on my thigh. She then looked up at me for a few seconds. When I reached for her, I suddenly woke up. I'm not entirely sure what to make of it. I'd like to think that she is trying to tell me that she's okay.

I'm trying to incorporate everyone's wonderful suggestions and advice in my grief journey. I will definitely include yours. Thanks! I felt better today than I have in many days lately. I was even able to share happy memories of Hermy at work. I'm still sleep-deprived, but that's okay. I'll try to catch up this weekend. One of my plans for this weekend is to read your original thread.

I hope you have a restful weekend. You and Daisy are in my thoughts and prayers too.

Lisa

Dear Bobbie,

Yes, Hermy passed away on a Friday at 5:48 a.m. I know what you mean. I can count down the hours and minutes until 5:48 a.m. tomorrow morning. I think I will set my alarm clock to wake me up before then so that I can light a candle for Hermy. I will light one for Trevor too. Side by side.

I think the personalized Christmas stockings are a wonderful idea! I'll have to get one for Hermy and write her name on it. I'm already anticipating the holiday/Christmas blues without Hermy. Makes my eyes very leaky too. It's great that you will be sharing Christmas with Dreamer. My other buns (Harry, Albus, and Ron) will just have to deal with my crying this Christmas. They seem very sad now too. Harry, her boyfriend, just eats and sleeps. Albus, her brother, just seems angry and depressed. Ron is shredding newspaper and tossing his plate around. By Christmas, we'll all be major basketcases here (just kidding, I hope).

Thank you for reminding me to light candles tomorrow.

Lisa

Hello Hermy's Mommy (Lisa),

Today is a huge bump in the grief journey "road" for you. A two week anniversary. Trevor has been gone fo 19 weeks. Were you able to get up this morning? I, too, have two memorial candles side by side. One for Trevor and one for Hermy with her name on it. The candle will probably last more than one day, but I'll keep it going until it is all used up.
I went out to visit Trevor just now and was able to hang up his Christmas stocking. His was the only one because we have to put names on the othter ones yet. I decided to use fallen branches to hold the stockings this year. It's totally natural and I like that.

I will write more tonight, but I wanted to let you know that you and Hermy are especially in my thoughts and prayers today.

Love,
Bobbie (Trevor's mom)

Dearest Hermy,

I can't believe it's been two weeks since you left me. I miss you so very much. I think of you every day, all the time. Trevor's mom is right: today does feel like a big bump in my grief journey. I love you more than ever and I miss giving you hugs and kisses.

I woke up very early this morning to light candles for you and your friend Trevor, say a prayer, and reflect on our time together. It was very difficult, very bittersweet. One moment I would relive your final moments when you were gasping for air and dying in my arms. The next moment I would reminisce about your eating dinner with me every night. At 5:48 this morning, I closed my eyes and prayed again that you are happy and healthy where you are now.

Harry misses you so much. He just eats and sleeps and acts grouchy all the time. Albus misses you so much that he's taking it out on me. He's very angry and thumps his foot anytime I try to console him. We all miss you and love you beyond words.

I send you all my love and many, many hugs, kisses, nose-bumps, head-rubs, ear-tickles, and tummy-massages, Hermy.

Love,
Your Bunny Mommy Lisa

Dearest Hermy,

I miss you so much, my baby bunny. Today I placed one of my favorite photos of you into a new picture frame and set it onto the mantle over the fireplace. I also put the sympathy cards from your vet and from your aunt beside your picture. I plan to buy fresh flowers for you tomorrow morning.

I think of you all the time and wish I could hold you again. I hope you are happy and healthy where you are now and that you are playing and breathing comfortably. We'll be together again one day, Hermy, I promise. I love love love you!

Bunny Hugs and Kisses Forever,
Your Bunny Mommy Lisa

Dear Lisa,

We lit Hermy's candle again today because it still had about 1/2 candle left. So the boys' candles were burning brightly, side by side, all day. I hope you had a decent day today. I do thnk of you and Hermy all the time and send lots of good thoughts your way. It's very comforting to me to know that Trevor has a very special, soft bunny as a friend now. He's always had his cousin, Gretta, but she's a chocolate lab and Trevor is a C. Spaniel so now we have one of each size.

I don't think I will have much time to write on this site after tomorrow. I did all the holiday shopping today and am exhausted, althought I did get a chance to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" tonight. I will still write to Trevor whenever I can. Part of the time in Minnesota I won't have access to a computer, so I'll have to think my love notes and messages. When you don't hear from me, please know that you and Hermy and the crew are very much in my thoughts, especially as the holidays get closer.

Please have a good night's rest and a beautiful tomorrow! Hugs to you and Harry, Albus and Ron!

Love,
Bobbie

Dear Bobbie,

Thank you for lighting Hermy's candle. I hope you were able to get some rest today after the holiday preparations yesterday. You are probably also getting ready for your trip soon. Don't worry, while you're away, I'll write to Trevor on your "I Love Trevor" thread, if it's okay with you.

I didn't know that Trevor is a C. Spaniel. That's so wonderful! C. Spaniels have been one of my favorite dog breeds since childhood (I also love labs and golden retrievers, although I was never allowed to have pets as a child). It seems fitting that my Hermy is now friends with Trevor and Gretta.

You and Trevor are in my thoughts and prayers as well. I wish you safe travels and happy holidays too!

Bunny Hugs,
Hermy's Mommy (Lisa)

Dearest Hermy,

It's been two weeks and three days. I miss you SO much! I talked about you all day at work today. I still feel guilty and wish that I could turn back the clock and "fix" everything so that maybe you would still be here with me. Oh, Hermy, how I wish I had known how sick you were before your last days here. Everyone tells me that it is in a rabbit's nature to hide any illness for fear of appearing weak and vulnerable to predators, but I wish you had shown me your symptoms and I wish I had noticed them before it was too late.

Oh, I could go on forever with the "if only" and "should have" thoughts that run rampant in my mind. It pains me to think that you were suffering and I didn't notice. I'm sorry, Hermy. I hope you can forgive me.

I miss seeing you when I come home from work. I miss scooping you up and hugging your warm, furry body. I miss your nuzzling my ear. I miss sharing every meal with you. I still have no desire to eat without you here. You were so curious and adventurous, always peeking at whatever was on my plate and then helping yourself. I miss watching TV with you. It's just not the same without you. Most of all, I miss your sleeping on my pillow at night, waking in the middle of the night to "groom" my face and hair. You're the best, Hermy! Always.

I love you and will always love you. Your mate and hus-bun Harry is very sad and misses you too. He looks atrocious now. Your brother Albus is also very depressed. Both of them have "bags" under their eyes and look like they stopped grooming themselves. They miss you. I miss you. We love you, Hermy, forever and ever!

Tonight, I will light candles for you and Trevor and your other friends there where you are. I bought two bunches of fresh flowers today. They are next to the candles and your photos. I think you would like the flowers . . . to eat, no doubt. I miss your mischievousness, Hermy. You were always one step ahead of me. I love you so, my baby bun.

I hope you can hear me, Hermy. I hope you are happy and healthy where you are now. I hope you get to play with your friends, eat all your favorite foods, and sleep in a warm and comfy place. I hope you can feel the hugs and kisses I send your way every single day, my love. Be well, Hermy. Please wait for us at the Rainbow Bridge. We love you!

Your Bunny Mommy Lisa, your hus-bun Harry, and your brother Albus

Dear Hermy's Mommy,

What a beautiful love letter to your little girl. I can surely tell she was/is loved in a very special way.

Thank you for lighting a candle for Trevor tonight and remembering him. That was so very thoughtful of you in this time of grief.

Thank you, also, for offering to write Trevor little notes while I am gone. That is one of the kindest offers I've ever received and I will humbly take you up on it. If you have any time, and feel up to it, I have posts about Trevor from quite awhile ago, both on this topic area and the second title which I think is eulogies and remembering or something like that. Just as you Hermy was on this earth, Trevor was an incredible gift in my life.

God bless you, Lisa and give you the rest and reassurance you need. I'll write more tomorrow.

Love and blessings.....................
Bobbie (Trevor's mommy)

Dear Lisa,

Thank you for your very kind and thoughtful message today. I'm glad that you are finding some comfort in your own letters to Hermy, and also in mine to Trevor. Our pets are the best, aren't they?

I finally finished wrapping all my holiday gifts - was supposed to be done on Sunday! Now I just have 5 dozen other things to do before Friday, which is devoted to packing and resting. (yeah, right)

How are you doing? I hope your day was a good one for you and your loves. I am tired tonight, so I'm going to write a little note to Trevor and say Good Night! Thank you, again, for offering to write to Trevor while I am gone. Would you write your first note on thi Saturday evening? Thank you so, so much!

Love and blessings........
Bobbie (Trevor's mommy)

Dearest Hermy,

Isn't Bobbie (Trevor's Mommy) so thoughtful and nice? And isn't Trevor such a wonderful friend? I hope you are happy, warm, and comfy where you are now. I miss you so, so very much!

Yesterday and today have been a bit difficult, Hermy. Oh, who am I kidding? Every single day since you've been gone has been difficult. Yesterday, I had my "I'm okay" face on at work. Inside, I didn't feel okay. I miss you--how can I be okay? I came home and looked at pictures of you. That's when I started crying . . . again. Yes, Hermy, your mommy can't stop crying over you. I talked to you last night and asked if you could send me a little message or sign that you're okay. I should know better. Instead, I had the strangest dream (nightmare maybe?).

To make a long nightmare short, suffice it to say that it was not what I meant when I asked for a message, Hermy. You've always been the playful jokester, little bun. In my dream, I was in a space-age laboratory with your vet and his associate. I asked him why you had to leave me and if he could bring you back to me. He said that he was working on this and pointed to a cat connected to some computers monitoring its vital signs. I said I didn't understand. He replied that that cat is you. The cat's head was visible, but the body was invisible. Needless to say, I woke up startled and upset. What could this dream/nightmare mean?

Today, being at work was even tougher. I was thinking of you the entire day. I started talking to Karen about you and your last moments. For some reason, this morning I kept thinking about how you were gasping for air and made a little sound before your final breaths. As I started to tell her this, she quickly covered her ears and shouted, "Stop! Stop! I don't want to hear it!" I stopped talking. I was really sad and hurt. I decided right then and there that I would stop trying to share my pain, my feelings (good or bad), with people who do not understand and cannot sympathize with the loss of an animal companion.

Stupid me for making the same mistake, Hermy. People who say, "She was just a pet!" and "Don't talk about her!" and "You have other rabbits!" just don't understand how much your passing affects me. The world has turned upside down for me. It's so empty without you here. I miss holding you and giving you kisses.

After this happened this morning, I retreated into another part of the office and quietly sat there thinking of you while I worked. After work, I went to get some lettuce and bananas for Harry, Albus, and Ron. Guess what I saw there as I was waiting in the check-out line! I saw a light brown stuffed bunny rabbit sitting atop a display of holiday tins! Why was there a bunny sitting on a mountain of holiday tins during the Christmas season? Why not a snowman or a reindeer or Santa? This bunny was not dressed in holiday clothes. In fact, it had no clothes on at all. Was this a message from you, Hermy? I hope so. I'd like to think that you wanted me to know that you're always with me, everywhere and anywhere I go.

This holiday season will be different, Hermy. Your grandma and grandpa will be visiting the week after Christmas, as usual, but your grandma already tells me that she will miss playing with you. You're her favorite! She would always give you pieces of apple in the mornings and have breakfast with you. Oh, how I will miss seeing you play with her.

Harry and Albus are still in shock, I think. When I return home after work, they look at me with such anticipation and hope that I've brought you home again. Sadly, I will never be able to bring you home to them, but we can join you someday, I hope. Oh, Hermy, my Hermy. One day, we will all be together again. One big happy bunny family! Until then, I hope you and your friends are doing well and free from all suffering and sadness.

I love you, Hermy. I want to shout to the heavens, "I love love love you, Hermy, my baby bunny!" I want to send you my hugs and kisses.

I wish you a good night, Hermy my love! Please know that I love you and will always love you. Forever.

Your Bunny Mommy Lisa

Dear Lisa,

What a beautiful, loving letter to Hermy!!! You have a perfect way of using words to describe your feelings that helps me understand what you are going through. Lisa, I have been there and I can empathize with you completely. First, Hermy hears every single word you say AND every thought you send her way. She is still a part of you and will be forever. I know your sadness and I am sad for you, too. Time will begin to heal you, but only at the right speed. I was startled when I realized that time had passed and then when my feelings were not quite as painful as they had been. I don't think our feelings will ever change for our love bugs, only the intensity of the pain lessens with time. And sometimes that is quicker than others.

As for those insensitive idiots that have no idea what it is really like to lose a loved companion, do exactly what you said you were going to do. Don't talk to them about ANY animal ANY time. You don't need their stupidity hurting you. You're hurting enough already. Bring your memories and thoughts here where they will be appreciated and totally understood. You'll get all the support and recommendations that you need, too. Stick with those people, in your world, who truly DO understand or even just sympathize with you.

Oh, yes, that was a Hermy-message at the store. I don't think you should put any stock into your dream. We dream many times every night of our lives. That is the brain's way of debriefing itself. Sometimes, the brain just picks and chooses what it is going to bring to the forefront of your dreaming and that's what we remember: bits and pieces stuck together that don't necessarily make any sense. But that brown bunny in the Holiday display?? Now, that is real. I'm kind of jealous beccause I have had nothing from Trevor. I hve to tell myself that he is so delighted, feeling fine and marveling in everything he can do once again. He'll get around to it one day (I hope).

Lisa, I hope your day, tomorrow, is much kinder to you. At least it's supposed to stop raining! (I live in Maryland.) I will be sending positive thoughts your way. The same as you do for me. Please give Hermy my love and I will check in with you tomorrow!

Love and doggie kisses,
Bobbie

PS: Dogs don't hug very well, but they sure know how to kiss! PPS: Yes, would you mind starting on Saturday, December 10th? THANK YOU!

Dearest Hermy,

Tomorrow morning will mark three weeks since you left us. I can't believe it. I miss you so very much, my little Hermy. Harry, Albus, and Ron miss you too.

I thought about you all day, but I didn’t talk about you to anyone. After yesterday’s incident at work, I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut and only share with people who understand what it’s like to lose a one-of-a-kind companion. You are the most loyal, loving, caring, and adorable companion I could ever have the privilege of knowing. Thank you so much for loving me, Hermy. I don’t deserve the unconditional love you’ve so generously given me. I thank you, Hermy. My love for you only grows stronger and deeper each day, each minute, each second that passes. I love you so much. There are no words to express how much I love you.

I will be getting up early again tomorrow morning. I will light candles for you and your friends and reflect on our time together and our time to come. I love you so!!!

Your mommy is going crazy, slowly but surely. I’m starting to see bunnies everywhere. After work today, I had to go to the hospital meeting. I arrived too early, so I went to the hospital gift shop. Guess what I saw there! A whole display of porcelain figurines. One of them left me dumbfounded. It was a large angel holding two bunnies in her arms. There was a deer sitting at her feet. Above her head was a silver halo. She was looking lovingly at the bunnies. There were two of these angels on this shelf. On the same shelf was a figurine of 3 puppies playing together. They looked like C. spaniels! I thought of Trevor and Bobbie’s other boys. You must be playing with them too. I wonder: Was this display a message from you, Hermy? Are you trying to tell your mommy that you are with the angels now and that they are watching over you and all the beloved pets? Are you trying to tell Trevor's mommy that the angels are watching over Trevor and her other boys too and that Trevor is happy and healthy and well? I hope so, Hermy. I hope so.

I’m so tired tonight, Hermy. I’m emotionally and physically drained. I miss you so much. I don’t want to do anything but sit and think about you. Oh, how I want to hold you again, my baby girl! I would love to see you again, hold you again, and kiss you again.

I think I should go to bed early tonight so that I can wake up super early to light the candles. I love you forever and ever, Hermy!

Until we meet again . . . a gazillion hugs and kisses from me to you, my bun-bun!

Your Bunny Mommy Lisa

Dear Lisa,

What another touchingly beautiful letter to Hermy! I can just feel the love you have for her and all her siblings. (are they all little boys?) And, yes, tomorrow is another bump in our grief journeys. I will be thinking abut Hermy right along with Trevor. Three weeks is a long time in your grief journey. I can remember when I was at 3 weeks and I still knew that I was going to secumb (sp) to the loneliness and horrible pain I still felt so deeply. Don't worry too much about how you are feeling and don't worry about making progress either. First, you are not alone by any means and second, you are being totally normal. Your loss is still so very new and fresh, how can you feel any other way?

Boy, Hermy is sending you all sorts of messages!! This is no coincidence, either. I believe that you are interpereting (spelling is not my strong suit) her messages perfectly. And thank you, Hermy, for sending me the message about Trevor and my other guys. Another anniversary comes up on December 23rd. That's when we lost Rudy 3 years ago, the day before Christmas Eve. That truly was an awful experience, but we'll get to that later. I guess Hermy read my little snit in last night's letter about my not getting anything from my boys yet! Thanks, Hermy, teach them all a good lesson.

Tomorrow I pack. I realized my flight doesn't leave until 8:30 am so I get to sleep in a bit longer on Saturday morning. Tomorrow I will also go to the cemetery to visit Trevor. I simply cannot believe he's been gone 20 weeks already. I guess it's true: Time marches on.

Have a blessed and peaceful day tomorrow, my friend. You and Hermy are always in my thoughts and prayers!

Love,
Bobbie (Kelly's mom)

Hey....................just me again.

I don't think I have a picture of Trevor on the site. Maybe early on, after he passed away in July of 2011, I was offered help in posting one. I don't actually remember if we got that far. I have posts all over the place between here and the Eulogies section. Good luck and let me know if you find anything!

XOXOxo
Bobbie

Dearest Hermy,

Today is Friday, December 9, 2011. It’s been 3 weeks since you left us. Oh, how I miss you, my baby bunny!

I can’t stop thinking about you. I got up very early this morning and lit three candles: one for you, one for your friend Trevor, and one for all the other animals at the Rainbow Bridge.

At work today, the morning was very busy, but you were always on my mind. Reminds me of that Willie Nelson song. I’ll have to look for it. But it’s true. You’re always on my mind. This afternoon, I went to get bedding, hay, and pellets for your hus-bun Harry, your brother Albus, and your friend Ron. I was very sad though. I kept thinking, “None of this is for Hermy. I miss her so much! It just doesn’t seem right that life goes on!”

I then went to Target. Guess what I found! I found small felt stockings with initials on them. I immediately thought of Trevor's mommy and the stockings she decorated for her boys. I bought one stocking with “A” for Albus, another with “R” for Ron, another with “H” for you and Harry, and one with “L” for Lisa. I could not find a second “H” stocking though. I didn’t think you would mind sharing with your hus-bun Harry, right? At least until I can find another one. I plan to go back tomorrow morning to search for one.

I also found two small candles with a pleasant yet subtle scent that I plan to use on Monday night. Oh, I almost forgot! I bought a snow globe for you!!! It holds a photograph and a song. I will work on it this weekend. I’ll place your photo inside and try to record a song on it as well. It will go next to your other photos.

I love you so much, Hermy. SOOOOOOOO much! Thank you for sending us those messages this week. I really needed them. I really needed to know that you are indeed okay and happy where you are. To be separated from you is painful enough, but to think that you could be suffering absolutely kills me. You are the most wonderful, loving and lovable, caring and compassionate, furry and funny little bunny ever!!! I love love love you, Hermy!

I hope you are happy and warm and well-fed where you are now. I wish I could give you all your favorite foods again, but I guess you have everything you need and could ever want where you are. I hope so, Hermy.

I wanted so much to give you everything, Hermy. I wanted to give you the best home, the best food, the best medical care, the best of everything. I wanted to give you the world and all the love in the world! But alas, Hermy, I could not give you more time here on Earth with me and your bunny friends. I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.

I hope you can forgive me, Hermy. I still blame myself for your passing. It is so difficult to come to terms with it. I cannot wrap my mind around it. I cannot understand it. Perhaps it is not meant for me to understand. I guess I must learn to trust and have faith. But it’s so hard during times like this. So hard for me to trust and have faith. I will try, Hermy. I know you want your mommy to try.

I love you, baby bun-bun. I will always love you, my Hermy. I long to see you again!

I will write more this weekend. I hope you can feel my love and kisses!!!

Always missing and loving you,
Your Bunny Mommy

Dear Lisa and Hermy,

Well, we all made it to another Friday. Lisa, your letter to Hermy was so touching and filled with love. Please don't apologize to Hermy. She knows that you did everything good for her and that no one on this Earth has any real control over how long our companions are with us. Oh yes, we may schedule the euthanasia, but even then we are doing so because our loved one(s) must be released from the bond(age) of life on earth and allowed to fly free once again.

I had a busy day running around like the proverbial chicken: to the store, to the post office, to the church office, getting gas, coming home and then taking Dreamer on a nice car ride in the country so he could smell new smells. I didn't get to pack until 9:00 tonight! It's after 11:00 pm right now and I have to get up at 5 am! But, if my dad wants me to come home and be with him during his surgery and initial recovery.....who's going to stop me? I'll probably fall asleep on the plane - it's a direct flight. I thought of Trevor and Hermy and you all day long.

I hope you did find the first of my posts. It's titled something like: "How do you know when it's time?" and it was in April of this year. I think it's on the 3rd page of posts under this Title. I have others under the Eulogies Title as well. I was all over the place when Trevor first left us. Thank you for telling me about feeling the love between Trevor and me. I feel the same way about you and Hermy. She was quite a girl, wasn't she?

I'm off to write a quick note to Mr. Trevor and then go to bed. Lisa, you are a real friend to do extra work for me so that Trevor won't miss a day. I owe you, my friend!! I will try to get on LS when I can, so please keep me posted on how you are doing, OK?

Love & doggie kisses,
Bobbie

Dear Bobbie,

Thank you so much for your comforting words. Thanks too for reminding me that we really have no control over how long our loved ones are with us. I often forget that part, especially when overcome with guilt and grief.

I hope you had a good flight and were able to take a nap. Don't worry about getting on a computer. All of us here are looking forward to hearing how you're doing when you return home. In the meantime, I'll be writing Trevor a little note each night. (I've posted the first one tonight.) You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Have a peaceful night. We are sending you hugs and kisses!

Hermy's Mommy (Lisa), Harry, Albus, and Ron

Dearest Hermy,

I miss you so much. I’m very tired today, but I’m getting some things done in preparation for the visit from your grandma and grandpa, aunt, uncle and his girlfriend after Christmas Day.

I hope I can get some quiet time to reflect on you and your life, Hermy. I just want to be alone, but everyone is visiting because I cannot travel anywhere with Harry, Albus, and Ron. It’s nice of everyone to make such an effort, but I want to be alone with my thoughts of you. I’m still grieving. I don’t want to have to act happy and pretend that I’m enjoying the festivities. Sigh. I just want you back, Hermy.

That’s my only wish. I want you back with me. I want to hug you and play with you. I miss your paws on my face and your tongue on my nose. Sigh. I miss you!!!

This morning I went to get some fresh flowers for you, Hermy. Roses! They are a pinkish-red color. They remind me of you. Bright and happy!

I then went to Target again. Guess what I found, Hermy! I found another snow globe like the one I bought yesterday. Of course, I bought it too. Now I can put another photo of you and record a different song in this one. I also found a monogram letter “H” pin in the Christmas section of the store. Since I still could not find another felt “H” stocking, I decided to get you a special furry pink stocking and pin this silver “H” to it. What do you think, Hermy?

When I came home, I started cleaning and organizing and wrapping presents. I’m almost done though, Hermy. I’ve been thinking of you all day as I was doing these mundane household tasks. I miss playing with you. I miss your curious little face greeting me when I come home. Nothing’s the same.

This afternoon, to take a break from chores, I decided to read another few pages in one of the pet loss books I have. I have a whole collection of them now, Hermy. Some are better than others. One of the stories I read today brought me to tears. Then I started to relive in my mind your final moments…again. I know, I know, Hermy. You probably don’t want me to be sad, but what can I say? As I remembered each and every moment of your last minutes with me here on Earth, I sobbed and sobbed uncontrollably. I’m sorry, Hermy. I feel I’ve failed you and I can never make it right again.

This evening, I pushed myself to continue organizing some things. I didn’t get very far. I think I’ll just leave the rest for tomorrow. Tonight, I feel paralyzed with grief, weighted down with guilt. I miss you so very much. I wish I could be with you again. One day, Hermy, one day. We’ll be together again, you in my arms forever!

I hope you are warm and comfy tonight and got to eat your favorite foods. We miss you here. Harry lays on the carpet in your favorite spot. He looks so sad. Albus has been crying today. His eyelashes are wet this evening. Poor thing. All of us are living in this fog without you, Hermy. We will always love you!

Have a wonderful night, my little Hermy. I love you forever and ever, always! We are all sending you bunny hugs and kisses.

Forever yours,
Your Bunny Mommy

Dear Lisa,

I'm on my sister's computer and just read your love note to Hermy. I am so sorry that today was such a bad day for you. Unfortunately, these days come when we least expect them, especially in the beginning (where you are). Please just go with the flow, cry, sob, scream, pound something, whatever you need to do to get the emotions and feelings out into the open. This is so healthy because you are not holding everything in your heart and soul. Your mind is not loaded down with trying to remember the good and the bad. Tears wash away toxins and the activity of crying (sobbing) tires you enough to relax for a few minutes when the crying subsides. Lisa, it feels so horrible now, especially when the holidays are decending on you. Go ahead and decline some requests for people to come and visit you. ask them for rainchecks. You know you should not be alone all the time, but you aren't and that's what counts. Right now your alone-time is helpful in giving you time and space to figure things out and just FEEL. At your time in my grief journey, I was a complete basket case, obsessed with going to the cemetery to be with Trevor and little else. I sobbed and sobbed by the hour, talked to and about Trevor and really didn't care about anything else. Lisa, you are doing really well. Just know that each day is unknown and will be different.

You and Hermy are in my thoughts and prayers at all times. I will check with you every chance I get. Thank you for your tender love note to Trevor! You are a gem!

Love,
Bobbie

Hi, Lisa, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing, and for sharing with us your love-filled letters to your beloved Hermy. I have been following your posts and just want you to know that everything that our forum friends Bobbie, Cheryl, and Gretta's Mom are sharing with you is everything that I would say as well. So even though I do not always post a response please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers during this most sorrowful time in your life.

As our forum friends have shared, the holidays can be a very cruel time when enduring the adjustment journey of the physical separation with a beloved companion. During their earthly journey with us they became the center of our universe, and when they precede us to the angels our hearts and lives are faced with the enormous challenge of re-inventing who we are and our daily routines. So what is supposed to be "the most wonderful time of the year" can actually feel like "the most horrible time of the year." I hope somehow you are able to feel your beloved Hermy's sweet Living Spirit with you to comfort you and reassure you that she is always with you in your heart and your memories - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

It is hard to put on a "public face" when your heart is breaking with deep seering sadness, and especially during the holidays. It is very important for you to build in private time for you so that you will have this dedicated time to grieve as you need to, and to share this time with your beloved Hermy.

Lisa, thank you again so much for sharing with us how you are doing during this very sorrowful time in your life. The pictures of your beloved Hermy are precious. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Lisa, and that I always look forward to sharing with you how you're doing and your treasured memories of your beloved Hermy.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Bobbie,

Thank you for your encouragement and support. I hope you and your family are having a good, restful weekend.

You're right about tears washing away toxins and leaving you relaxed (and exhausted) afterwards. After crying, I usually feel calmer and more composed. Instead of irrational thoughts about what I should have done and could have done, I remember all the wonderful things Hermy did with me. I guess it takes those tears to flush away the negative thoughts.

Thanks too for your advice about asking some people for rainchecks. Entertaining family is challenging when they do not understand how much Hermy's passing has affected me. Their expectations and understanding of losing a pet are limited by their lack of experience with the most wonderful, trusting relationship I think we humans can have--i.e., with our beloved animal companions. It's okay. Everyone here on this forum has been so supportive. I find myself returning here throughout the day. I find solace and comfort here.

Thank you, Bobbie. Thanks, everyone. I'll write Trevor another note tonight.

Hugs,
Lisa

Hi moon_beam,

Thank you so much for your encouraging and very comforting words. I hope you don't mind my saying this, but I find reading your posts (on mine and other people's threads) to be extremely helpful and healing, like a salve on an open wound. I can't thank you enough.

I am learning so much on this journey so far, and it's only been a little over three weeks. What you said is so true, that the holidays are supposed to be "the most wonderful time of the year" but feel like "the most horrible time of the year." I didn't expect Hermy to pass away so suddenly, so I wasn't prepared, mentally or emotionally, to spend the holidays (and anytime basically) without her. I think I sat in one big black cloud over the Thanksgiving holidays, and now I sit in a very thick gray fog.

Thank you for reminding me that Hermy's Spirit is still with me. I needed to hear that, especially since Monday and another week is just around the corner (sigh).

Thanks again. I hope you have a good week, and I'll continue to look forward to reading your posts on this forum.

Hugs,
Lisa

Dearest Hermy,

It’s been 3 weeks and 2 days since you left us. We are miserable without you. Harry is very sad and lonely. He misses you so much. Albus is looking disheveled now too. You’re not here to groom him, and he does not want anyone else to do it but you. He misses you too. Each day is painful and seems pointless.

I miss spending time with you, playing with you, eating meals with you, watching you lovingly groom Harry and Albus. I miss seeing Harry groom you too. He misses kissing you. Albus misses grooming your fur. I miss carrying you around the house and feeling your breath on my ear. Oh, Hermy. I miss you so much!!!

Why did you leave us? Why did God take you? Were you suffering here? Were you suffering and I didn’t notice? Oh, Hermy, I’m sorry. You were pure happiness personified!!! Every one who met you loved you instantly. You charmed everyone! Oh, Hermy. I wish I had more time with you.

I regret not watching the last Harry Potter movie after I bought it on November 11th. That’s the only one you didn’t get to see, Hermy. I’m so sorry. Stupid me. I don’t know why I didn’t watch it with you that weekend. I had seen it in the theater over the summer, but I should have shown it to you that weekend. Your last weekend with us here. You loved watching all the Harry Potter movies over and over again with me while we sat on the sofa together. You never got to see the last movie, the ending. Oh, Hermy. I’m so, so sorry. I’ve failed you again.

So many things we didn’t get to do together. I wasn’t prepared. I thought you would get better and healthier again. I did not expect, at all, for you to leave us that day. I should have known though. I should have known. I didn’t get to give you that “special perfect day” before you left us. I didn’t tell you how much I love you and how much you mean to me. I didn’t get to give you all your favorite foods one more time. I didn’t get to spend all day with you. Oh, Hermy, I am so sad. So very sad. I cannot stop crying when I think of you and all the things we can’t do together anymore.

I just came back home after running errands. I went to Home Depot to buy a door sweep. I wish I had known about this when you were still here. The young couple across the hall is still slamming the door repeatedly and loudly at all hours of the day and night. I found out that they are renters, probably destroying the inside as well. I wonder if the door slamming bothered you as much as it bothered me. Hermy, you always roll with the punches. You are the toughest little bun-bun!

I then went to Jo-Ann Fabrics to buy a button and some acrylic picture frames for your photos. You know I have to use frames that Harry and Albus won’t chew to pieces. As the nice cashier was telling me how she uses buttons to make bracelets, a very rude man came up from behind me and shoved his items onto the counter in front of me. He said sarcastically, “Are you ready?” and shoved me aside. The cashier had not even handed me my bagged items yet. They were still on her side of the register in the little bagging nook. I couldn’t believe it. So rude. He and his boyfriend bullied their way in. I had to ask the cashier for my bag from the other side of her register. I was so upset. Normally, I would have blown up and asserted myself, but since you passed, I have been so despondent and reserved that I said nothing to these rude “men.”

I rushed out to the car and sat there in the parking lot for a few minutes to calm myself. Why are there people like this in the world? I know life’s not fair, but it still infuriates me. Beautiful, gentle souls (like yours and Trevor’s and all the beloved animals) leave us too soon, and yet these idiots live on. Why? I don’t understand.

Tomorrow is Monday (again), Hermy. I’ll be lighting candles for you and Trevor and all your new friends in Heaven tomorrow night. I think of you all the time. Tomorrow night will give me another chance to reminisce on our time together.

I love you, Hermy. I will forever love you. Please know that I’m so very sorry that I did not take you to the vet sooner and could not heal you and prolong your life with us. I regret it. I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.

One day you’ll be in my arms again, telling me all about your wonderful days since we’ve been apart. I love you, my baby girl. I love you. Until we meet again, my love, have a warm and comfy night with sweet dreams. I’m sending you all my love and kisses.

Always and forever yours,
Your Bunny Mommy

Dearest Hermy,

I miss you so much, my little bun. I love you!

It’s been a very long day. Oh, how I wish I could scoop you up tonight and hug you forever! I was thinking of you the whole day, but don’t worry. I didn’t talk about you much at all because not everyone understands.

I went to get Harry, Albus, and Ron some fresh parsley. I wish you could eat with them again, Hermy. They miss you so much. They just don’t want to eat much at all anymore.

Today was just one bad day. I finally received the CD from Kim with your photos, or what was supposed to have your photos. Alas, the CD is blank, and Kim said that she lost most, if not all, of the photos she took of you and me together. I am so sad, Hermy. I wanted to use one of those photos to make a blanket to sleep with at night. A big blanket with your picture on it! Now, I have to figure out how to scan in some photos. I hope they look okay.

Your aunt called. She asked me how I’m doing. I said I’m fine, but I’m not really fine. Karen, at work, also thinks I’m fine now because I don’t talk about you to her anymore. Everyone thinks I’m fine. That’s okay. At least when they think that, they don’t say things like, “Get over it!” or “You’re still sad?” So it’s better this way.

Life goes on for everyone else but us, Hermy. We are shell-shocked. We are in denial. We are in disbelief. We still await your return. We still look for you around each corner and in your favorite hiding places. We still look to your napping spots and hope to see you curled up there. But no, we see nothing. We see only emptiness and pain. Everyone else acts like things are back to normal. They are laughing and joking and talking about their lives. I cannot stand it. I tune them out. I only want to be with you again.

I’m going to light candles for you tonight, Hermy. I have some fresh flowers for you too! Can you see them? The roses are blooming nicely. The yellow and orange bunches from last Monday are still looking good. I am working on your photos too. I have more to frame, my Hermy.

Hermy, I hope you can hear me: “I will always love you, my baby Hermy!!! I hope you are warm and happy and eating all your favorite foods! We miss you, dear Hermy!"

I will write more tomorrow night. I’ll talk to you tonight during the candle lighting ceremony and tonight before I go to bed.

All My Love, Always,
Your Bunny Mommy

Hi Lisa,

Just checking in again, and I read through your touching love letters to your precious Hermy. The love you have - and will always have - for your sweet Hermy really touches my heart. I can totally relate to everything you say in each of your posts, as I went through exactly the same emotions a year and a half ago. Please rest assured that your Hermy can "hear" you when you tell her how much you love and miss her. I don't mean "hear" the way that you and I do -- but I believe that our souls are still connected to theirs, and when we think of them, they just somehow know.

It made me smile when I read that you got some fresh parsley for Harry, Albus, and Ron. Parsley was my Daisy's favourite ever treat - I would give her a huge bunch and she would gobble it down within seconds, and then beg for more. It's so good for them too. I like to think of Daisy in a big field with an endless supply of Parsley and fresh Spring Greens -- then I know she really would be in Heaven Perhaps Hermy and Daisy have met, and enjoyed some parsley together?

I hope you manage to sort things with your photographs.

Hang in there. The pain will slowly become more bearable. But believe it or not, the love only gets stronger.

Take care, Cheryl x

Hi Cheryl,

Thank you so much for your comforting message. It gives me such peace of mind to know that our souls are still connected to our beloved animals' souls. I often worry that she does not know how much I love her and miss her, so I try to "talk" to her each night to tell her these things.

Oh, about the parsley . . . isn't it funny how much our bunnies love parsley and greens? To them, a huge bunch is just a little snack! So I am also hoping that there is an endless supply of parsley (and lettuce and carrots and apples) for them in Heaven. A giant vegetable garden for all the beloved bunnies. I'm sure Daisy and Hermy have found each other and are exchanging wonderful bunny tales (while munching on fresh parsley).

Thanks again for your kindness. And you're right: the love DOES only get stronger.

Hugs,
Lisa