Hi Everyone

Its weird being on this site, I have never used a forum before, believe it or not Australians are not as open to these things as Americans. I lost (died) my kelpie of 12 years yesterday, His name was Skobi.

We bought this dog after the death of Grandpa and the death of my previous dog... He was named after Grandpa. My dog had his leg (ACL) repaired three weeks ago and I was told by the vet we would have a few more years with him as he was healthy. So we paid a few thousand and got his leg repaired.

Then a week later he was urinating and drinking a lot, I took him to the vet and we changed his medication for pain relief, he seemed better for a couple of days.

Its been really hard to no whats happening with him, whether he is in pain from the surgery or something else was going on. So we have been nursing him for 2 weeks and he started to look really thin and vomiting and not eating.

So I took him to vet and the vet said we will run some blood tests and see, sure enough he is in chronic renal failure and had blood sugar levels of 39 (for anyone with medical training they should be less than 8). We thought we would give him insulin and bring him home except his kidneys got worse , I have a 5 and 8 year old boy and we could not watch him get sicker by the day, so he went to sleep.

The guilt Im feeling is unbearable, if only we had never had the surgery , it would not have tipped him over to renal failure, but then he would have had a leg that did not work.

I loved this dog more than anything, he was just always besides me, he slept next to me on his bed, he licked everyone, he adored my 8 year old (whom is breaking my heart with grief) , every morning he would kiss my son hello by licking his face while he was still asleep.

Does the pain get any better , at the moment I feel like Ive gone nuts with grief over a dog, and people just say "oh well he is in a better place" there is no better place than home with us. Unless you have loved a pet , i don think people are very understanding of your love for an animal....


I can't even eat or sleep , having been crying for hours... any suggestion on how to feel better, the crazy part is I don't even want to feel better, but I have two small boys and a husband who need me and exams for a post graduate degree in Midwifery on Tuesday ( I think in the USA its a nurse-midwife).so I need to study I don't think losing a dog is grounds for an extension ....

ANyway it feels really god to right this down...

Love Sharon

Dear Sharon,

Please accept my deepest sympathy on the tragic loss of your beloved Skobi. He sounds like such a terrific boy and a wonderful companion to you and your sons. I can never know your exact loss, but I can be here with you.

Today is the 16th week "Anniversary" of the death of my wonderful Trevor, the bravest little dog that ever lived. I loved Trevor with every cell in my body and every emotion in my heart and soul. My heart was shattered and my coul completely crushed when I had to send Trevor over the Rainbow Bridge into Heaven this past July. I have had several other Spaniels before Trevor, but this bond was totally unique and special. I have no idea how I have survived 16 weeks already, but this site and forum have been a Godsend.

I would first like to reassure you that everything you are feeling now and in the recent past is perfectly NORMAL. Guilt flies in your heart the minute your beloved pet passes on. Remorse (if only.....) is quick to follow. Why? is right along there with the others. And incredible grief surrounds everything. All these feelings are a reflection of the love you had for Skobi (what a neat name!) and that he had for you. You two were soul mates in every sense of the word.

We, as humans, cannot know what is in the future nor can we predict it with any degree of certainty. So we do the best we can with the information we have. This is what I hear you saying you did for Skobi. You did all you possibly could, with Skobi's best interest at heart. THAT is the important thing to remember. And you did everything out of love for him. You could do no more under any circumstances. And you know what? You don't HAVE to feel better now if you don't want to. I still don't feel very good at all and I don't want to feel a whole lot better yet, either. Don't worry so much that your sorrow will interfere with caring for your hudband and you sons; nor will it really interfere with your exams. In fact, allowing yourself to feel just how you want to frees you to do those other "tasks" better than you could if you were constantly fighting off the feelings. Look, your husband knows you are at one of your lowest points and you are teacning your sons very valuable life lessons with Skobi's loss. I know that Skobi would be very proud of you.

There are many other lovely people on this site that will give you incredibly good words of support and information. Look for them over the next few days.

I just want to assure you that Skobi is indeed alive in Spirit. His spirit is with you even now and will never leave you. Skobi is in that Wonderful Place where all pain, sorrow, hunger, fear, thirst, fatigue, loneliness, etc. are GONE! Skobi is reunited with his brothers/sisters/friends and is making a ton of new friends even as we read these passages. Skobi is running and jumpiing and playing and then sleeping and eating and having the time of his life, All the while telling every single creature he meets about you and the family. He is so proud of you and is bragging about you all the time. He is happy and he is there for you to help you along this awful grief journey.

Sharon, please be kind to yourself, take all the time you need to grieve (remember it's a journey not a sprint), and allow everyone on this site to support you. You are a very loving mother to human and doggie alike and I hope that you can find the peace you seek. Try to get some rest and when you feel up to it please tell us more about Skobi. I would love to hear about him.

Blessings......................
Bobbie

Thank you for your kind words, I hate it when people say "its just a dog", they are apart of our lives...

Life gets so busy sometimes and we speed in and out the door, but always they are waiting for you to get home to share some time with you. I look up every night from my bed and he is not there , he would always just look back at me and wag his tail , sometimes come over and give me a kiss then get back in his bed.

Man I miss him...

sharon

Hi, Sharon, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Skobi. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions on this side of eternity - - at great sacrifice to ourselves - - so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Our forum friend Bobbie has shared with you many things that are in my heart as well, so please read her response to you frequently and know that it comes from the both of us. There are some things I would like to affirm, so please bear with me for the repetition of her counsel, but offered in my own words.

Professional counselors recognize now that children grieve differently from adults. There are some very good books on how to comfort your children in the physical absence of their beloved Skobi, and which may also help you in your deep grief as well. I hope this may be helpful to you and your children.

As Bobbie has so comfortingly reassured you, so I wish to affirm her words of wisdom: What you are going through is NORMAL GRIEF. Our companions give to us their unconditional love and undivided attention. The bond of love we form with them transcends the physical laws of time and space - - it is eternal. When we embrace our companions into our hearts, our lives are changed for the better. Likewise, when they precede us to the angels, our lives change again. The good news is this time we are blessed with the cherished memories of their earthly journey with us to comfort and cheer us as we continue with our earthly journey. Their sweet Living Spirit is forever with us in our hearts and memories continuing to share our earthly journey just as they always have and always will. They are always a heartbeat close to us.

A normal symptom of deep grief is difficulty in concentration, lack of appetite, insomnia, restlessness, uncontrollable emotions that can overwhelm us out of nowhere. We live in a physical oriented world: sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. One of the many difficult adjustments we have in our grief journey is adjusting to the physical absence of our companion. I assure you, Sharon, that your beloved Skobi is watching over you now as you prepare for your midwifery exam, and he will be there with you as you take your exam cheering you on. Listen for his soft voice of reassurance: "Mum, you know this answer. It's okay, mum, skip that question and go back to it, we'll sort it out after you answer the rest of the questions. GOOD SHOW, mum - - see you finished the exam and you did GREAT!!!" And so on. I assure you, Sharon, even though you cannot see, touch, taste, smell, or hear your beloved Skobi now as you have been accustomed, he is with you now just as he always has been and always will be. But it's a very difficult transition to make in our lives, and it takes time - - one day at a time, sometimes on moment at a time.

I have made one clarifier in what I shared with you about your beloved Skobi's physical absence - - "even though you cannot see, touch, taste, smell, or hear your beloved Skobi now as you have been accustomed," - - there may be times when you or your children will "hear" or "feel" "something" that were Skobi's sounds and touches during his earthly journey with you. Please don't be alarmed - - you are NOT going crazy. Even though you can no longer see your beloved Skobi, there may be times when his sweet Spirit will come to visit you - - to let you and your children know that he is indeed still very much with you, and is waiting patiently for your appropriate time to join him in eternal joy. No matter how much time passes with our earthly journey, there is a glorious reunion waiting with our beloved companions. I promise this to you and your children.

Sharon, I know there are no adequate words in any language that can begin to soothe the seering pain that is in your heart right now. I can only hope that the words I share with you will bring you some form of comfort and encouragement and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey. Please know you are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Skobi with us, and for the wonderful picture of him. He is so o o handsome. Please know you and your children are in my thoughts and prayers, Sharon, and look forward to knowing how you are doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam