I want to begin by letting you all know how touched I am by what I have been reading in this forum. My name is Tim.
Early last January my sweet princess kitty named emma 14 nearly died of complications from a respritory infection. With intraveneouse fluids, special food and strong antibiotics Emma made a rapid and remarkable recovery. We were a happy little family again. there was me, my wife Judy, our wonderful cat Bob "Bobba Bear" Emma "Princess" and our latest feline friend exuberant Ernie"Ernie Bug" [Ernie is his own independant being that stops by twice a day for a pat and some kibble]. Then one day late in January Judy went to the store for groceries and never came home. She had a massive heart attack while driving. she hit a barrier and died. I know that this is a forum about pet grief not human grief. But there is something to note about pets grieving their departed human companions. I have been dealing with my grief over my wife's death in other supportive ways. I do feel strongly that Judy's death in some ways had a hand in first my princess Emma's passing four weeks ago and my dear buddy Bob following Emma's passing with his own death last saturday. Though I think the real reason they got sick and chose to pass on was becouse of lonliness and having broken little hearts that I could not heal. Through my own grief over my wife even though they were all I had to live for I could not be there for them like Judy always was. This tore me up, but I had to go to work. I had to take care of so much stuff outside the home. They were stuck in a sad, silent often dark house many hours every day. And even though I gave them as much attention as I could, I knew they were getting short changed. My own grief was so huge I could do little to deal with theirs. When Emma suddenly stopped eating and started rapidly losing weight I tried everthing but sensed that the end was near. At the vet they simply told me it was time. When I got home with Emma's body in the carrier I set it down outside while I got a shovel out of the garage. I saw out the window that Bob had discovered the carrier. He sat down looking inside at her body. Then he did an incredible thing, he crouched on his haunches next to her and placed his face flat against the earth as if he were praying or crying. I knew he was saying good bye and I wept. I bawled like the big baby I am. That was a horrible day, yet I was comforted by waves of intense love and the sense that Emma was dancing on my shoulders and bonking my head as she often did when she had a physical body. I got the impression that she was extremely happy. After that Bob was not himself. He became withdrawn and afraid to be in any room in the house except the kitchen next to his food and water. I tried carrying him to bed but he ran as fast as possible back to the kitchen. I took him to the vet to see if they could help. They were alarmed by the sound of his lungs. They did blood work and called me late that afternoon. They wanted him back first thing in the morning for xrays. That night He slept with me very close. I talked to him a long time. He purred and gave me one of his rare kisses. The next day at the vet they showed me xrays. His lungs were rapidly filling with fluid. I could see that his breathing had quickly become very labored in a short time . They told me that he was suffering and they could not help him. I told them to go ahead and do it. I was in total shock. I could not believe he was gone just like that, I still can't. I miss them both so much. I love them both so much. After Judy's passing I was certain I had cried all the tears one man could possibly cry. But the tears are back. I have never felt so alone. It hurts so much. Yet in spite of it all I have never felt so loved. I was given two magical little beings to share my life with. I am blessed.

Thank you for providing me a place to get this out. Writing this feels good even if no one reads it. Thank You again.

Oh my God, Catmantwo

How can one person live through so much loss and grief? First, let me say that my heart is breaking for you - really, truly breaking. Every living being that you held most dear has now disappeared from your sight. Words fail me, CatManTwo. You are one courageous man. And the story of little Bob praying at Emma's body is almost too sad for words. It's a miracle! What can I do to relieve your total aloneness? Pray, for one thing. YOu're at THE top of my prayer concerns when I talk to Him who made us all.

Someday soon, when both you and I are ready, I'll share my beliefs about spirit-animals and the Perfect World. For now, just know that I am with you. I'm giving you all the strength I have. I'm much farther along a single grief path, let alone your THREE.

This site is also a miracle. People here truly GET IT. About "not just pets". They are being with which we've exchanged parts of our souls. Love is forever - in both directions. Please be assured that both people and animals can see, hear, touch and communicate with us left behind here on earth, just the same as when they were here. We just can't return their lives and loves because we live in a world of senses. I'm SO glad you can feel Ms Emma bouncing around on your shoulders and bonking you on the head just like she used to. That will help you a lot as you once again take this roller coaster from *&*)&(^.

Just a question - since you obviously love cats so much and you're all sole alone right now - is there a way you can put some "catness" into your live - to have a place for all that love to go? Not necessarily a home-dweller, but maybe a shelter where they let volunteers pet or play with cats.

Catmantwo, all the cats who have ever lived join in your sorrow - and are doing everything they can to let you know that you are loved.

I may not be back on this site for about a month - I'm going (almost) to Katmandu - actually India and Mongolia. But you will be in my heart, my thoughts, my prayers and my strength every moment.

Thank you for sharing this, Catmantwo. The Lightning Strike family is always here - 24/7 - and there are plenty of people who are here during their local nights. Alone we're eminently breakable, but together we hold each other up and exchange strengths so that we will all be rejoined with our beloveds - of all species - one day in the Perfect World to come.

Peace and blessings

Gretta's mom

Tim, let me express my condolences about your wife Judy. While losing a pet is just as hard as losing a human loved one, I cannot imagine losing my spouse and hope that won't happen to me for many, many years to come. I hope you are coping with this in a healthy way.

Then to lose the two other members of your family in such a short space of time, my heart aches for you. I wish I had words of comfort to offer but everything seems so trite and cliche. Just know that it's OK to grieve for Emma and Bob, the void they leave is just as acutely painful as any human loss. The absence of your routine of being their caregiver - feeding them, playing with them, cuddling and/or sleeping with them - is hard to get used to. Our pets are 100% dependent on us for their health and well-being, and that gives us a different kind of intimacy with them; it's almost like losing a child.

When you feel you're ready, please do consider bringing another furry companion into your life. No one will ever replace Emma and Bob, but having another fur kid to care for and love may help ease the loneliness. But only when you are ready.

Hugs,
Betsy

Hi, Tim, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Emma and Bob, and your beloved wife Judy. Losing our beloved companions is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing two beloved companions in a short period of time increases the grief. Losing our companion(s) who we have shared with a human family member who is also no longer physically with us significantly increases our loss as it is almost as if we are losing them all over again - - and losing our connection with them.

Under different circumstances I have been where you are now, Tim, and I am so very sorry you are going through these very tragic circumstances. You are probably feeling like you have been run over by a convoy of military tanks and are wondering "what did I do to deserve all this msery"?

First of all you did everything you could for your beloved Emma and Bob. They know you had to go to work in order to provide for their daily and medical care. They had each other's company until you got home. I do know how our companions grieve for the physical absence of a family member - - whatever the life form - - and the physical toll grieving has on their bodies. I know this may be of little comfort to you right now, but hopefully as your deep grief eases you will be comforted in knowing that your beloved Emma and Bob are now reuinted with your beloved Judy in heaven's perfect garden, and each of them are keeping a loving vigil over you as you continue in your earthly journey.

I know a few of the many questions you are asking are "Where do I go from here? Who am I now?" I know what it's like to have your life - - a life you are happy and contented with - - changed drastically and tragically within a split second of time - - not having anything to say about - - but having to endure the reality of "dealing with it" every second of every hour of every day. How can life be so cruel?

This grief journey is a one day at a time journey, sometimes a one moment at a time journey. Unfortunately there is no easy way to travel this journey, for there are so many different emotions we feel and sometimes they can overwhelm us all at once to the point of us not really knowing which way is up - - or out - - and wondering if we will ever feel "alive" again. The hours, days, weeks that follow seem to be pass in a haze. We are on what I call "automatic pilot" - - the bills get paid, laundry gets done, jobs get done, chores get done - - but it's like we are not an active participant emotionally. Then there are the nights - - when the silence surrounds us and it is deafening and cold adding to the deep sorrow that possesses our hearts and minds and lives. Our hearts feel as though some horrible demon has ripped it from our bodies and tossed it to the deepest abyss in the ocean never to feel whole again.

I wish there was a way I could reach through cyber space and take all of this pain and sorrow from you, Tim, but I do not have this power. I wish to reassure you that you did NOTHING to "deserve" these losses in your life. I also wish to reassure you that you are not alone in your grief journey. Each of us do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. You are among friends here, Tim.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain that is in your heart right now. I can only hope that as you read the words that I share with you that you will find some comfort, understanding, acceptance, and encouragement that will offer you hope as you travel your journey. I promise you, Tim, someday - - probably when you least expect it - - you will once again be able to smile again, to feel a warmth in your heart again - -and when this happens, it will be your beloved Judy, Emma, and Bob letting you know they are still with you - - forever with you - - continuing to share your earthly journey just as they always have and always will - - because the love bond you share with them is eternal, Tim - - it is not limited to the physical laws of time and space. They are forever a part of you, Tim - - forever a heartbeat close to you.

Tim, thank you so very, very much for sharing your beloved Emma and Bob with us, and your beloved wife Judy. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing pictures of them with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Tim, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Tim....There's not much I can add to what these kind posters have said, but I want you to know how sorry I am for your losses. I can't even begin to imagine how anyone could cope with the loss of a dear spouse and furbabies in such a short period of time.

Thank you for sharing with us. There are so many good people here and they have helped me so much during the past eight months.......Tim, you will always be in my thoughts and prayers....May God Bless and Comfort You.

LoveMyMickey

Dear Tim

My heart is still breaking for you, my friend. Just being able to LIVE is a huge accomplishment when you've been through this much loss. The three beings most dear to you are in the Perfect World, making things ready for your arrival (hopefully not for some time, though). Let us surround you with our love and warmth and strength. Each one of us has a lot or a little to spare and share with you. Thank you so much for finding us (guess who led you here?? three guesses - they ARE still on their jobs, looking after Mr. Tim). Thank you for being open enough to let us in on your ultimate grief story. Breathe in, then breathe out. That's all you have to do. Everything else will come - someday - at its and your speed.

Peace and blessings always,

Gretta's mom

Tim, I also wanted to add my deepest sympathy to your tragic loss. I can relate somewhat to the guilt of having to go to work on days when it feels like you are needed more at home. (I was not home when Tom crossed over the bridge) I cannot add anything more eloquent to what has already been said here. I am in awe of the amazing tribute that Bob paid little Emily. Take care, and come back often.

Thank you Gretta's Mom. Thank you Gingerella72. Thank you Moon Beam. Thank you Tom's Dad. Thank you all so very much for the kindness and true understanding. All of you really do GET IT. I am touched to the core by the loveing energy alll of you have given so freely to me. You have made a differance. I hope the day comes when I am able to give to others what has been given to me in this forum. All your prayers are appreciated greatly. I intend to stick around here for the duration. I will post more as time allows. Thank you again
catmantwo "Tim"

Good morning Tim

It's so good to hear from you often. Your LS family loves you and knows how important it is to wrap you in cotton batting to keep you heart and soul safe until a tiny flower starts to grow again. Have the best day possible today.

Your new friend and comrade,

Gretta's mom

Dear Tim, All my words seem so inadequate in the face of your losses and the wise words the other posters have shared - but please know I am thinking of you today and tomorrow and as long as you need us, sending you hugest hugs and some good energy, I hope the universe is kind to you today and that somehow somewhere you find a moment of peace, Leejaye