Do things seem to get better one day or one minute and get worse the next? It seems like one part of the day is good, and the next is extremely hard to get through. Is this part of the normal process of grieving?


Cassie

Dear Cass, Don't know about "normal", but I do know that this grief journey is all over the place, up and down, two steps forward, one backwards...please don't be hard with yourself, or try to put a time frame on your grief, I am about five and a half months into this journey and still get tears from apparently nowhere somedays...sending you hugest hugs, Leejaye

Dear Cass

Oh yes, this grief journey has been described as a roller coaster of horrors. Just as you say, up one minute (really numb one minute), crying the next. It's one step forward, two steps sideways, one step back ... and slowly .... ever so slowly ... there become slightly more forward. But it's a very slow and erratic journey, one that I think one never does find the end of.

I lost my Gretta (the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived) on April 10 (it's just past her six-month anniversary). Even now I cry on walks with the new dog she sent me - Rufus, an 8-year-old black lab-Newfie rescue - especially if I make up words to blues, hymns or flok songs I know. I always cry when writing here. (I've had depressions on and off for most of my life and that is surely complicating things.) I found it was "shock and awe" at first - your heart and soul is so shattered that you could hardly get you body to function, let alone your mind. After a couple of weeks came the "robot walk" - putting on your public face and wandering to work or to all the "stuff" you have to do just to live. That lasted about 4-5 months and now I'm just blah-blah. Except for my Rufus - which I was sure I'd made a mistake in getting only three weeks after Gretta passed, but who I now love with all my heart.

Cass, there is nothing predictable about the grief journey except that everyone's path is different - yet the same. We all miss our vanished babies with everything we have. Long for them in every way. I believe that even though We can't see or hear or touch our babies in this world, THEY can see and hear and touch us just like always. They are still guiding our steps, protecting us from harm and, most important, loving us and being loved by us - exactly as before.

Cass, you've come to the right place. Lightning Strike has been a miracle for me. Every one of us has gone through this heart shattering loss. When others don't "get it" or think that "it's just an animal' or, worst of all, "get over it", we KNOW, KNOW, KNOW that all of that is just hurtful nonsense expressed by people who, unlike us, have never had a heart-to-heart, soul-to-soul, spirit-to-spirit, love-to-love experience with a soul-mate animal.

Pleasee keep us posted on how you're doing, Cass. We're here 24/7 and we get it - for ourselves and for our Lightning Strike sisters and brothers.

Blessings,

Gretta's mom

Cass, I can completely relate with how you feel. I am so sorry because it is very hard to deal with. Sometimes I sit in my office thinking, "Nobody come in, nobody come in, nobody come in!" Most people wouldn't understand.

What helps me some is a small silver band I wear in my right hand. It is inscribed on the inside with the words "Until we meet again..." It is a constant reminder that I see all day as I type - this isn't over. I will see my babies again someday.

I hope the reminders you see everyday bring you some comfort, too.

I am sorry for your loss.

Yes, some days seem pretty good & then suddenly they seem bad again, at least that has been my experience. Lost my Yorkie to kidney failure July 30th & sometimes it seems worse now than it did then. I do think it is normal in the grieving process to sometimes have days where you feel like you are dealing with it OK, then have days where it is not so good. We all grieve in different ways, too.

Again, I am sorry for the loss of your pet.

Cass...I'm so sorry for your loss of Jake. What you're going through is part of the grieving process. I lost my Mickey almost 8 months ago and I still get tears every day. Oh yes, I think of the fun times we had during the 10 years and smile. Then that causes me to miss him even more.....I have lots of cute pics of him on my computer and I look at them every day and talk to him. It helps me feel closer to him.

Cass, I hope someday your pain will ease up a bit. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,

LoveMyMickey

And mine, too. Always. We're all crying for someone tonight. That's what's so wonderful about this Lightning Strike family.

Sleep well.

Gretta's mom

Thank you for all of your advice and kind words

Hi Cass

Just checking in to see how you're doing. You're on my mind, in my heart and always in my prayers.

Gretta's mom

Gretta,
Thank you for checking in. I am doing better. It is still hard though. I still struggle with the guilt of not taking him in the morning, when something seemed off. I am still searching in a way for an answer as to what may have killed him. Do you or anyone else know with bloat, how long a dog would retch for? Is this always present? I am trying to see if this might have been a possibility for Jake. I wasn't with him the whole time. When I was I never heard him cough, retch, try to poop or anything. I wasn't sure if maybe this might have happened before I saw him that morning. He in fact vomited 3 times that morning and quite a bit too. I offered him water and he drank it that morning.
Cass

Cass

From what I know, bloat can happen very fast. It's one of the most serious and fast-moving emergencies that happen to large animals. From your writing, Cass, I can tell you loved your doggie more than anything in the world and did everything and more to give him health and haappiness. Whoever made this world decided to make the lifespans of our furbabies so much shorter than ours - and subject us to some pretty serious heartbreak. I think a large animal vet might be able to explain bloat to you maybe better than your small animal vet - but it depends on the person. My vet is the BEST vet on the planet - and Gretta (the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived) still crashed unexpectedly and for largely unexplained reasons.

The important this is that you surrounded your baby with the most precious gift on this earth - a mother's love. It meant that during whatever earthly pain might have happened, your love protected him from fear, loneliness, and sadness and cocooned him in a warm, safe envelope that NOTHING can penetrate!

Please take it easy, Cass, and don't blame yourself. Everyone - EVERYONE - does that, though, but please don't get caught in it and have it add to your heartache. Know that you are THE best mom in the world and, even more important, your baby KNOWS that, too.

Peace and blessings,

Gretta's mom