I have lost pets before but none have ever been like this. I have cried every day since I let my Nipper go. I was blessed to have her with me for 15 1/2 years. We went through so much together. She was always there by my side. Nipper was the first dog that I raised on my own from 7 weeks of age until the end. She was my total responsibility. I cannot get used to the fact that she won't be coming back. She will never meet me at the door again. I will never hear her jump off of the bed in the morning.

I have already been dealing with depression. Now I have this on top of it. My therapist has been very supportive but there is still so much time that I spend alone. Nipper went very peacefully. When I was holding her and waiting for the vet, she was very calm and relaxed. It was as if she was letting me know that she was ready to go.I cannot put into words how much I miss my baby girl. It feels like the pain will never go away.

I love you Nipper-02/01/96-09/29/11

Hi, nippermom, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Nipper. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with their sweet physical presence.

Nippermom, this grief journey is one filled with many different emotions, sometimes overwhelming us all at once. It is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. From first-hand experience I do understand how devastating it is for you to not have your beloved Nipper's sweet physical presence with you. The stress of grieving is very intense - - both emotionally and physically - - and it can produce symptoms of depression. When one is already coping with depression, the stress of grieving can compound the depression. So it is very important for you to try to eliminate as much "extraneous" stress as you possibly can - - such as not forcing yourself to clean the house if you're not feeling up to it, or making decisions that really do not require an IMMEDIATE attention. Right now it can seem like making a decision of what to wear to work is a major decision - - this is how incapacitating the stress of grief can be. So, try to not add any extra stress until YOU feel you're able to deal with it.

Nippermom, when we embrace our companions into our hearts and lives, our lives are changed for the better. We live in a physically-oriented world - - taste, touch, sight, sound, and smell. Our companions are totally dependent upon us for their every need - - their food, clean water, medical care, grooming, exercise, - - EVERY ASPECT of their life is totally dependent upon us. When they precede us to the angels, our lives are changed again. We are faced with the daunting task of re-inventing our lives that no longer require our caregiver role to our beloved companion. This is a HUGE adjustment - - both emotionally and physically. The good news is that the love bond we share with our companions is eternal - - it is not limited to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Nipper's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey just as she always has and always will. She is forever a part of your heart and memories - - she is always a heartbeat close to you.

Unfortunately this grief journey can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time - - in your own way and in your own time. There are no "fast forward" or "delete" buttons we can press to speed up the process or eliminate it. One of the many things you need to remember is that you are NOT alone in your journey - - NOT EVER. Each of us here do understand what you are going through - - the total depths of despair, the inability to focus, the overwhelming deep seering pain that is in your heart. I promise you, Nippermom, you WILL endure through this journey, and one day, when you least expect it, you will be thinking of your beloved Nipper and you will find yourself smiling - - and you will feel your heart fill once again with the warmth of the love bond you and your beloved Nipper eternally share. But for this to happen, you must allow yourself to grieve through the gigantic adjustment journey you are now making. I promise you, Nippermom, we are here for you, with you, and beside you through every step you take in your journey. We are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so very much for sharing with us your beloved Nipper. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of her with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Nippermom, and please do let us know how things are going for you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Nipper. You were blessed to have so many great years together. It sounds like Nipper had a long and happy life.

I too lost a dear pup, in July of this year, and everything you are feeling is normal when you have loved Nipper so much. It does feel unreal and lonely and strange when a precious pet passes on. We miss every single thing about them and about their normal daily routines because they were such a big part of our lives. I also understand that having depression issues to begin with makes it even more difficult, because I have struggled off and on for years with depression and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

But I did want to reassure you that grief gets better in time. You will still love Nipper just as much and you will not be disloyal at all when you start feeling better. Some of us feel kind of bad when we start feeling better but our pets want us to go on and live happy lives and someday make another wonderful home for another dear pet when if we ever feel ready. I have been through this once before, in 1999, when my little special needs poodle passed at the age of 15. I did not want to get out of the car in my driveway in the evenings because I knew he wasn't in the house. But the good news is that gradually, day after day, we heal from the intense feelings of grief and get to the point that we can rejoice in the memory of our pets and enjoy all the happy memories and laugh over all the cute pictures we have of them. After several months I realized I could not be without a pet so I got TWO little Yorkie girls and I healed much faster after that, but each of us has to come to that point in our own time because the pet we lost cannot be replaced and no one should ever suggest that they can. So I am in no way telling you that. I guess I am just using my own example to say that the way you feel today, and the terrible grief and sadness, will not last forever even though it seems that way now. My own recent loss seems worse today than the day my Bonnie passed, but someday the hurt will leave just the great memories behind and I will again be able to enjoy her without the pain.

Again, I am so very sorry. Your Nipper was a lucky pup to have you.

Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences which are mirror images of what I am now experiencing. It is helpful to hear from others who have felt the same pain. The assurance that the pain will ease in time and allow me to move forward. At this time I can't imagine having another dog of my own. I am considering fostering dogs from my local humane society but do not feel I am ready to do that yet either. I am slowly moving Nipper's things out of the house or into storage. It helps having a humane society that I work with. I can pass some of Nipper's belongings on to dogs that haven't been so fortunate. I know everything will be appreciated and useful.

Thank you again for all of your words of support.

Nippermom

Hello Nippermom

I am truly sorry about the passing of precious Nipper from this world. I lost my Gretta (the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived) in April of this year, so I, along with everybody else here can understand a little of what you're going through. As Moonbeam often says, every person's grief journey is different. One things we all do share, though, is the intense loss of our beloved furbabies. And they are truly our babies, especially for those of us who don't have human children. Your heart must be especially shattered because of the many years you were privileged to have Nipper with you. Sometimes we are doubly blessed with a visit from a truly special animal - and I can tell from your writing that you are one of us.

These are the spirit-animals. We and they are made of the same "stuff." In fact, I believe we actually share parts of each other's souls - from the beginning of time until the end of eternity. Forever, you have held a ppiece of Nipper's soul and Nipper has held a part of yours. These spirit-animals came from the Perfect World (some people call it heaven) and have now returned to their original home. But they have done something truly amazing in between: they have searched the universe over to find their soul-mate. They found us - just us - their one and only - among all the billiions of people in the universe. Then they put themselves in our paths so we will find them. And when we DO, the instant rush of love tells both of us that "we've found each other."

These spirit-animals guide us, teach us life lessons, and most important of all, love us and are loved by us. This love is unique - because it's really not two beings loving each other, it's one being enveloping itself in LOVE! Whoever made the universe decided to make our animals' life spans shorter than our own. And this means we have to reach deep inside, like you did, and find the ultimate strength - the strength to let them go, to send them on ahead of us back to that perfect World, where we will one day be reunited, NEVER again to be parted. Experiencing this is, to put it bluntly, hades on earth. It's the worst pain of all time. And time will dull, but, I believe never take away the ache in our hearts that comes from missing a piece of our souls.

Animals are far more 'seeing" than people - thank goodness. They know our hearts. Nipper is surrounded by the most precious cocoon of all - a mother's true love. Nipper is right beside you - as Gretta is beside me - still guiding, teaching and loving you exactly the same as always. They can see us but we cannot see them - or hear them, or touch their soft fur. And that's what breaks our hearts.

But remember three things, Nipper's mom. Nipper is living the life you always wanted her to have - healthy, happy, active, having fun, among all God's creatures. And one day you WILL be reunited. And, finally, you've come to the right place. This site is a family - united in sorrow, yes, but also in the knowledge that our lives have been transformed by our soul-animals. We're always here 24/7. We get it. We understand. We're a band of brothers and sisters in the most special way. Welcome to the family. If only you didn't have to hurt so much to get in.

Take as much time as you have to in the "shick and awe" and 'robot walk" times. Others may expect more of you, but your LS family is just willing to sit and love and support you.

Have the day God meant for you, Nipper's mom. And I'll ask Gretta to find Nipper (if she hasn't already) and they can lie down and trade "great mom" stories!

Your new friend,

Gretta's mom

I have to admit I have never heard our pets described exactly as Gretta's Mom describes them but it makes perfect sense. When I think back to when I chose Nipper from those 5 little puppies, it wasn't a difficult decision at all. It was as though we were meant to be together and always felt like we had a special connection right up to the end. We could always sense the way the other was feeling and communicate without making a noise. I know Nipper will be waiting for me. I sent her ahead to be with a Sheltie that she knew when she was younger. It still hurts so much with her gone. There are still a few of her things that I haven't put away yet. It doesn't seem like she has been gone as long as she has already. My little chinchilla, Benmont, is doing his best to comfort me. My friends through the humane society would understand what I am feeling but they have their duties at the shelter to keep up with. I am very thankful that I found this website. A place where other people truly understand the special relationship between a human and a dog. As I have seen before, it is no accident that dog is God spelled backwards. They are such wonderful beings. Thank you all again for your ongoing support during this difficult time. "Nippermom"

Dear Nippermom....I, too, am so sorry for your loss of Nipper. He is such a cute dog. My Mickey was also born in 1996 and we lost him last Feb from heart failure. He is our little Spirit Dog now watching over us.......You mentioned dog being God spelled backwards and I remembered finding this poem I thought fit so well......Nippermom, I hope you start to feel better soon, but I know it's not easy....My thoughts and prayers are with you....Hugs...LoveMyMickey..

Creation
When God had made the earth and sky,
the flowers and the trees,
He then made all the animals
the fish, the birds and bees
And when at last He'd finished
not one was quite the same.
He said I'll walk this world of mine
and give each one a name.
And so He travelled far and wide
and everywhere He went,
a little creature followed Him
until its strength was spent.
When all were named upon the earth
and in the Sky and Sea,
the little creature said "Dear Lord,
there's no name left for me."
Kindly the Father said to him
"I've left you to the end.
I've turned my own name back to front
And called you DOG, my friend".

Author Unknown

Hello Nippermom

Has your heart moved out of the paralyzing "shock and awe" phase? Maybe you're in the "carrying around a huge cement block" time? The picture of Nipper was incredible - especially his eyes. He's DEFINITELY you spirit-dog! You mentioned a couple of time putting Nipper's things away or giving them to a humane society. I know everyone is different, and if it's what YOU need to do, then "carry on" - as they say. But just in case you're feeling ANY pressure to do that, remember it's coming from the outside - and whatever you want to keep around, in sight, to remind you of Nipper, please feel completely free to do that. I kept Gretta's metal bowls, her snowsuits (that I velcroed into a sort of pillow to sleep on the first night I spent alone). Nipper's Mom - my heart goes out to you. You're so new on the grief path and there is so much ahead of you. Your 1999 experience has helped you realize that after a LONG time, your heart finds some comfort. I hope that's true - for you - for me - and for everyone who has separated from a soul-mate.

Please keep in touch.

Gretta's mom

Hi, Nippermom, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please know your beloved Nipper is keeping a faithful, loving vigil over you from her heavenly home, and is eternally grateful to you for all the tender loving care you provided during her earthly journey. She is holding the part of your heart she took with her when she joined the angels in protective custody until it is your appropriate time to join her in eternal joy - - and then you both will be united -- whole again forever.

Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Nipper with us, Nippermom. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and always look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Most of the numbness is gone now. I'm still adjusting to not having Nipper around. There are still times that I think that I have to get home to her but then I remember she isn't here any longer. Her grave marker came in the mail. I am very pleased with it and have been preparing the spot for it. I have also been working on the shadow box with pictures and other things that belonged to Nipper. The combination of these things is helping to ease the pain and helping me remember the happy times with Nipper. I also hope to get her pictures organized and have a picture book made.

I appreciate all of the support that I have received here. Every little bit helps.
Peace be with all of you,
Nippermom

Hi, nippermom, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. I'm so glad you are finding working on projects for your beloved Nipper are helping you. I, too, found working on scrapbooks and videos of my beloved furkids very helpful, as they, too, helped me to stay focused on the good memories of each of their earthly journeys with me. And I'm also so very glad the memorial marker turned out as you wanted it.

Nippermom, I know each of these things may still be a challenge to cope with, as they are also reminders that your beloved Nipper is no longer physically with you. But she continues to share your earthly journey just as she always has and always will - - for she is forever in your heart and your memories - - she is always a heartbeat close to you. And I wish to reassure you, nippermom, that we are here for you - - to share the decent days, the not so good days, and truly difficult days when the physical separation from your beloved Nipper is too oppressive to bear alone. There are no "expiration dates" here, nippermom - - you are always among friends here.

I hope today is being kind to you, nippermom. Thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to sharing with you how things are going for with.

Peace and blessing,
moon_beam

The difficult days come further apart now but there are times when the tears still fall. The distraction of having a little foster dog in the house is helpful but he could never take Nipper's place. I completed the shadow box with the pictures I had done of Nipper and I last fall, a couple of baby pictures, and her collar. I have been working on organizing the pictures of Nipper on my computer so I can have them printed in a memory book. I may have said it in a previous post but I appreciate this forum very much. It is so helpful to be able to share my feelings with others who understand. Although I always knew the day would come and I had done some things to begin to prepare myself, there was no way I could have ever known what it would truly feel like.

Having experienced this loss, I have been able to offer words of comfort to others around me that have either recently gone through a similar loss or are approaching the difficult time of making the decision of when it is time to let their baby go.

I hope all of you had a safe and enjoyable Thanksgiving.

Peace be with you all,
Nippermom

"Although I always knew the day would come and I had done some things to begin to prepare myself, there was no way I could have ever known what it would truly feel like."

Hi, nippermom, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. I know the shadow box brings you much comfort, and I hope working on organizing your beloved Nipper's pictures for a memory book is also offering you comfort.

Nippermom, there really is no way that we can ever "prepare" ourselves for the time of grieving we experience when our companions precede us to the angels. This is one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum was started - - as a safe place where broken hearts can come together to find comfort, encouragement, and hope as we travel our grief adjustment journeys. It is an honor for me to be a part of this wonderful forum to join my words to our forum friends to offer you comfort, encouragement, and hope as you travel your adjustment journey.

No one will ever take your beloved Nipper's place in your heart and your memories, nippermom. I believe your beloved Nipper is very proud of you for opening your heart and home to a foster furchild who is waiting a new Forever Home.

I hope today is being kind to you, nippermom. Thank you again so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how things are going for you whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I completed Nipper's picture book and got it back. Wal-Mart's photo department did a great job. I am very pleased with the way it turned out. Christmas Eve was a difficult time since that was always a special time. That was when I gave Nipper her new toy or whatever she was getting for Christmas that year.

I know now why it took me longer than normal to get a foster dog. God wanted to be sure that I had a dog here to comfort me on Christmas Eve. Teddy, my foster dog, received a good adoption application on 12/23/11. His new forever Mom, who I already know and went to school with her sons, will be picking him up to go home on 12/31/11. Teddy was with me through Christmas to comfort me as much as possible. His work here will be finished. I hopefully have taught Teddy that he can trust humans again so he will have an easy transition into his new home. He will be living in the same type of atmosphere as he has been here. God never ceases to amaze me.

I hope everybody had a wonderful Christmas or whatever holiday you celebrate and have a safe and happy 2012.

Peace be with you all,
Nippermom

Hi, Nippermom, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. I am so very glad your Nipper's picture book turned out so well, and I hope that it will bring you much comfort and joy. And I am so very glad to know that you had the gift of Teddy for the holidays for company and comfort. Yes, God's timing is amazing. I am so glad you know Teddy is going to a wonderful loving home - - and I know this brings comfort to you as well.

Nippermom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I hope the coming year will be one of good health and happiness for you - - for this is what your beloved Nipper wants for you. He is always with you in your heart and your memories, Nippermom, and he continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will. He is forever a heartbeat close to you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Nippermom, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam