It has been two weeks since our Galena passed. She was not old, or sick, simply a creature caught in a series of tragic misfortunes.

I was working in a shelter when I first saw her. She was a 4-year-old, silver Persian mix. It was her fourth time in our shelter and she was not taking it well. Her huge golden eyes were perpetually opened in fear and she cowered in the back of her kennel. Her history was not promising either. She had been returned for fear issues, house soiling. It was my job to determine which animals were candidates for adoption and she was not a cat that most people would want. But I am not most people, and I can't resist an animal in need. I talked to my supervisor and took her home that day.

In truth, she was not what you would call a good cat. It took six months for her to venture out from under the bed except in pitch darkness. It was another six months before we could pet and handle her without scaring her off. She and our resident cat did not mesh well, and soon both of them were house soiling. On everything. We had to replace several pieces of furniture. She was horrible about personal cleanliness and needed regular grooming to keep from becoming a matted mess. Once she became more comfortable in the house, she bullied our other cat out of choice sleeping spots and simply for the enjoyment (it seemed). In the four years that we had her, there were many times that I wanted to strangle her. But she left a hole that I have never before experienced with the death of a pet.

We had gone on vacation. We had a sitter coming over to watch the creatures. He had watched the animals before and knew her fear of strangers, especially strange men. He was not concerned that he had not seen her in a few days, as she didn't seek out his companionship. When we got home, we discovered that she had gotten locked into the bedroom. Although it had an attached bathroom, the toilet lid was down. She was without food or water for several days. She was still alive when we got home and we rushed her to the vet. She was put on fluids and seemed to be improving.

It was false hope. Twelve hours after we arrived at the clinic, she was gone. We brought her home, buried her in a grove of aspens. I carved her name into a rock with a nail, made her a headstone.

I am haunted by two things. The first is the first image I had of her when we found her. My husband had found her first and called me up to the bedroom. She was just lying there, struggling to breathe, but when she saw me, she lifted her head and meowed. I am sure there are many ways to interpret that action, and I am sure I have gone through them all. However, that image still comes unbidden. I am having a hard time entering the bathroom where we found her without thinking about it. I sobbed in the bathtub for several minutes last night because she was found underneath it.

The second is probably more a figment of my imagination, but it still bothers me. Galena never liked going to the vet, not because of the shots per se, but I think because the clinic made her think of the shelter and getting abandoned once again. She always seemed shocked to find herself back at home. I keep thinking about the fact that she died at the vet, without us there. That maybe she thought she had been abandoned once again.

I have mostly gotten past the blame part. In truth, we never blamed the sitter. We blamed ourselves, for leaving the window open, for not thinking that the door might be a problem, for closing the toilet lid. But we have moved on from that. My husband probably doesn't have the same thoughts that I do, and I think he is more worried about me at this point. But I feel like I have stalled. I can function, and at times can put it out of my mind, but those two thoughts keep coming back. How do you move past something so sudden? Is there a better way to move forward than just waiting it out? How did you get over the sudden, unexpected death of a pet?

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Hi, icefox, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Galena. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company.

"How do you move past something so sudden? Is there a better way to move forward than just waiting it out? How did you get over the sudden, unexpected death of a pet?"

Icefox, your questions are universal grieving questions, and ones that have no one answer. First I do have to say that our grief journey is not one of "getting over" but rather one of "adjustment" to the physical absence of our beloved companions - - even those who seem to test our patience and resolve (my number one kitty son Eli was my "challenge child" during his earthly journey with me).

I think one of the better answers to your questions lies within your beautiful testimony of the love bond you and your beloved Galena formed during the 4 years you shared together. Try to focus on the facts that your heart was touched by Galena's sorrowful journey until she joined your home. There she knew love, a safe place to live, companionship - - and trust - - with a human heart - - yours - - who did everything you could to give her a healthy and happy earthly journey. Instead of throwing her back into the shelter for "someone else to deal with" - - or worse - - because of undesirable behaviors - - you chose to look at the "things" in your home as replaceable - - valuing your beloved Galena above the furniture, carpets, curtains, and other "things." This did not go unnoticed by your beloved Galena. So, even though you were not physically with her when she transitioned to the angels, she still could feel your dedicated and devoted love for her - - for she knew you were trying your very best to help her recover.

Icefox, please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is NORMAL grief. Each person grieves differently, and generally speaking men grieve differently from women. It is important that you allow yourself the opportunity to grieve for your beloved Galena. Some people think that if they suppress their grief that it will make their loss less painful. Clinical studies prove that this is not true, and can actually inflict both physical and emotional harm further down the road that will have to be addressed. The tears you are crying are literally healing tears, for they literally release from the body toxins that build up in the body from the stress of grief. It's just going to take time - - in your own way and your own time - - to come to place where thinking of your beloved Galena will bring a smile to your heart instead of grief - - and tears.

One of the many things to remember is that you are NEVER alone in your journey. You are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Galena with us, icefox. She is a beautiful girl, and she is always and forever a part of you - - the love bond you share is ETERNAL. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers,
icefox, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Icefox

I send my heartfelt sympathy for the sudden loss of your Precious Galena.

Dear Moonbeam has so wonderfully managed to say everything that I want to say to you. I just want you to know that you and your beautiful Galena are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs

Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

Dear Icefox (what a lovely name)

My deepest condolences on the passing over of your blessed Galena. It leaves a big hole in one's heart that, I think, doesn't go away until we're reunited - and we will be. Here's alittle bit of strength to help you get through the day. Remember - all of us here care.

Gretta's mom

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful kitty.

I'm pleased that you're beginning to move on from the guilt, because you really cannot blame yourself. You took her in and gave her a wonderful home. You gave her the love and patience that so many others would not have been able to. She loves you, and will be forever grateful for that.

Make sure you take things one day at a time, and allow yourself to grieve. We're here whenever you want/need to talk about your girl.

Take care of yourself,
Cheryl x

Good morning Galena's mom

Your wonderful Galena is sending down some powerful rays of comfort and love for the most special mom in the world. So am I. Have the best day possible and know that my Gretta, your Galena and all the animals in the universe are surrounding you with love and care.

Gretta's mom

Dear Icefox22, I'm so so sorry for the loss of Galena - slowly, so slowly your mind and heart will refocus your last mind picture of Galena...I still struggle with the last moments of my Mischief cat, there are days when it assails me with no warning, but every day now my memories and still current sense of our love help supplant that picture...this is not an easy road, sending you wishes for a moment of peace today, Leejaye PS Galena is a gorgeous cat, thanks for sharing her picture.