magdalene
Sep 19 2011, 01:23 PM
A little over five years ago, Eileen, my soul mate kitty, was struck by a car and died. I still miss her and grieve for her. My other kitty, Cayenne, grieved for her too although she seems to have adjusted to life without Eileen better than I have.
Cayenne has had some health problems in the last couple of years. She had cancer, which was treated with surgery and chemotherapy and has been in remission for a while now. She has diabetes, which has been pretty well controlled with insulin and a special diet.
Now she is losing weight, though. she frequently doesn't make it to the litter box in time. She likes to sit on the bathroom counter while I brush my teeth but she cannot jump that high by herself anymore, I have to pick her up. More than that, she just has this look... I don't know how to explain it. She doesn't look well. Something looks off to me. Her pretty long fur is not as well groomed anymore and it looks less fluffy. The expression on her face.... something's not right. I used to work for a hospice and she has the look that my patients had near the end. I don't know how to explain it better than that.
She still loves her canned food and treats. She can hear OK - when I say "dinner!" she comes running. She still joins me in the bathroom and wants up on the counter. She still loves her belly rubbed and purrs. She still loves to be brushed. I don't think she's having any pain. As I type this she is curled up beside me, sleeping.
With Eileen, I had no warning. There were so many things I wished I'd had the chance to do one last time. That's not going to happen with Cayenne. I spend lots and lots of time petting her, brushing her, telling her I love her. I give her treats. I don't get mad when she pees on the carpet one more time. There will be no regrets.
I'm not ready, though. Maybe it should comfort me to think she'll be with her dear friend Eileen but I just keep thinking that then I will be alone.
moon_beam
Sep 19 2011, 02:02 PM
Hi, magdalene, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious Cayenne are doing. I used to work in a hospice office, so I do understand what you're saying about "the look." Have you had Cayenne in for a physical lately? If so, was the vet able to give you any support and encouragement?
I know so well how you're feeling when you say, "I'm not ready, though. Maybe it should comfort me to think she'll be with her dear friend Eileen but I just keep thinking that then I will be alone." Magdalene, there is no "good time" or "easy way" to endure the adjustment journey of not having our precious companions physically with us. I am the only human in the household, and Noah is my surviving furchild in a household that used to have four furkids. I am older now, and when my Noah joins his fur family members in eternal joy I probably will not be able to properly take care of another furchild. What comforts me is that I know I will never be alone - - for I will have each of my furkids' sweet Living Spirits to comfort and cheer me on whatever remaining earthly journey I will have. No, I won't be dancing in the streets when my Noah does join the angels, but I know in time as I travel my adjustment journey that my heart will be filled with the eternal love I am blessed with each of my beloved companions. And I know I will have the comfort and support of each of our forum friends to help through the deep grief.
So, please know you are NOT alone, Magdalene - - not now and not at any time. Yes, there will be a very difficult adjustment in your life, but you will NEVER be alone.
I hope today is being kind to you and your precious Cayenne. I know you are making every moment of every hour of every day that you have with your precious girl as special as you can. This is important for the both of you. Please know you and your precious Cayenne are in my thoughts and prayers, Magdalene, and please do let us know how you both are doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Gretta's Mom
Sep 19 2011, 06:22 PM
Hello Magdalene,
My heart goes out to you and your kitty Cayenne. How worrying and sad it is when our best friend seems to be beginning to leave us. I'd like to second what Moonbeam said about getting her a physical. Even if the news is not so bright, your vet may say or suggest something that may help both you and Cay-Cay.
Extra pets, extra cuddles, extra treats, extra .... we, extra everything ... are the greatest gifts you can give both Cayenne and yourself. They are bittersweet treasures because they are so fleeting (even if it turns out that Cayenne has many more years to be on earth). As her best friend and mother, it's possible to see the tiny signs that say she is slowing down - like we all do. A mother's love is the most comforting, protective, safe cocoon we can put around our babies. With that protection, no matter what happens, our babies will feel no loneliness or fear - only love and the loving arms and words of a mother.
Please keep us, your LS family, up on how sweet Cayenne is doing - and yourself, too.
All the best possible blessings,
Gretta's mom
leejaye
Sep 20 2011, 05:13 AM
Dear Magadalene, I am so sorry for your pain with Eileen (sudden loss is so hard), and so worried with you for Cayenne - you guys have been through so much already (I lost my Mischief cat at 17 yrs - kidney failure from the meds we used to control her cancer), but like moon_beam said, there is never a time when we are ready and able to let our friends go easily... I'm guessing you are already doing it, but love the socks off Cayenne, every minute with our fur kids is a gift, please come here whenever you need to, sending you huge hugs today, Leejaye PS Sending some good energy to Cayenne!
ChrisL
Sep 20 2011, 08:17 PM
magdalene,
I hope that you and Cayenne have many days together yet. I remember the last month with my Dzambala so poignantly. I think drawing closer to him in those last days made losing him much sharper at first - but it also made me have so much less regret complicating things afterwards. All the time in the world with them is never enough. It is the fullness with which we savor every moment that matters, and that is what we carry with us when we must separate.
Peace,
Chris L
Gretta's Mom
Sep 21 2011, 06:50 AM
Hello Magdalene
Here's some big energy and love boosts for you and for darling Cayenne (love that name)! Give her an extra hug for gretta and me today.
Blessings
Gretta's mom
Gretta's Mom
Sep 22 2011, 06:57 AM
Good morning Madeleine,
How is Ms cayenne doing today? Hope she's a little bit better. How did she get that wonderful name? There's got to be a story behind it. Keep loving, trusting and enveloping Cayenne in a ssafe cocoon of a mother's love. It's THE best gift to a special animal - takes away all fear and doubt and anxiety and just says SAFE, SAFE, SAFE.
Blessings to you today.
Gretta's mom
magdalene
Sep 22 2011, 07:28 PM
Thanks to everyone. Cayenne is about the same today. She pooped on the couch. I don't think she means to be pooping in all these places. She's been sleeping a lot today. She still has a good appetite and gets excited at meal time.
She has seen the vet recently. She had a bunch of blood work done and some tests on a stool sample but they did not find anything wrong (other than the diabetes).
Once when I worked for hospice, a woman asked me how long I thought her brother, who was dying, had left. I always hated that question because it is so hard to tell. Once I told an elderly woman that her husband probably did not have much time left at all. He lived for months. Once I told a man that he should go ahead on to work because his partner was not going to die that day. Thank God he made it back home an hour before his partner died! It's hard to tell and it's terrible to be wrong. So anyway, I told his woman that I thought her brother had more than a few days but less than a few months. That's what I would say about Cayenne.
When I got Cayenne, we had kind of a spice theme going with our cats. I had one named Patchouli and one named Ginger. So we were just looking for another good spice name.
Gretta's Mom
Sep 23 2011, 06:33 AM
Good morning Magdalene
Wishing you and your Cayenne the best day of all! Only one Person knows how many pages each being has in his or her book of life and, mercifully, He doesn't tell us. All there is is beautiful today - ready to be filled with soul-mate love - whether it be exuberant or comfy-cozy. Here's a day filled with belssing for you and C.
Gretta' mom
moon_beam
Sep 23 2011, 04:15 PM
Hi, magdalene, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious Cayenne are doing. Medical tests can help to determine what isn't amiss, but they don't always help point us - - and the doctors - - in a direction to detect what IS wrong. I agree with you that something in your precious Cayenne's digestive system is not helping her with her potty habits. Of course there's the usual drill: have you added anything new to her diet that might be causing her to have accidents? have you changed her food recently? etc.. I know you have thought of everything possible that could help your precious Cayenne. Sometimes all we can do is just give extra reassurance to our precious furkids when we see their body not working properly.
The good news is that she still has a good appetite and looks forward to her meals. So, enjoy the good moments with your precious Cayenne, as I know you are already doing. They are precious to your little girl, as well. I hope today is being a good day for you and your precious Cayenne. Please know you both are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you both are doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Gretta's Mom
Sep 24 2011, 08:16 AM
Hi magdalene
Another day is dawning ... another gift for both you and blessed Cayenne. I'm SO happy for both of you.
Gretta's mom
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