Do any of you have this problem, that it seems like the rest of the family doesn't care that your pet died? Nobody ever mentions Bonnie but me. When I talk about her it seems like people are just waiting for me to be quiet. And it's not like I talk about her all the time. Maybe once a day I'll think of some little cute thing she used to do and mention it. She was a part of my life for thousands of days, how am I supposed to stop talking about her and thinking about her? I like remembering all her little quirky habits and looking at her pictures.
It seems like it makes it even harder to deal with when I feel like nobody cares that this precious little life is gone out of the world. The world is a darker place without her in it. I dread the holidays this year without her. I dread all the things I have to do for the first time without her.
How do you deal with the grief when you feel like you are in it alone?

Dear Bonniesmom,

I experienced this when I lost my fur-baby over a year ago. I still felt the need to constantly talk about her, but I'd notice that certain family members would just close off, or change the subject, whenever I did. There could be several reasons for this. Firstly, they might feel uncomfortable talking to you about Bonnie because they know how upset you are, and their way of dealing with things is to just avoid the issue. Or it could be that they have never been so fortunate to experience a bond like the one you and Bonnie are blessed to share, so they do not understand why you're not just 'over it' by now. Well, if this is the reason, then please do not be upset with them. In fact, you should feel sorry for them. Sorry that they have never experienced a love and connection so deep that it changes your life forever. We are so fortunate to have experienced this, Bonnie's Mom, and unfortunately some people just do not understand.

The most important thing, is that you realize that you are NOT alone. We're all here for you whenever you need to talk about your pretty little girl. In fact, us animal lovers just LOVE to hear tales of our fellow forum members fur-babies. We never get tired of hearing them, or of looking at cute pictures. So, whenever you need to talk, and feel like there's nobody to listen, just head this way!

Also, your precious Bonnie is always here to listen. Write her a letter. Sit in a quiet room and tell her what a wonderful dog she was, tell her how much you love and miss her. She already knows all this, of course, but still, it's always nice to hear it again

Take care of yourself,
Cheryl x

people show grief in different ways, some are more outward with their grief and feelings and others not so much. if something like this happens again, you have the right to tell whomever that you feel they don't care and then ask why.

it is better than keeping it all bottled inside (which can cause resentment).

Hi, BonniesMom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Both Cheryl and our wonderful L S Administrator have shared with you what is in my heart. The only thing I can add is that I, too, personally understand how you feel. My human family members are insensitive when it comes to my furkids - - they believe they are "just animals" -- I believe they are my furkids - - living, breathing, feeling beings who are as much entitled to love and care as any living human being, if not more so because they have the purest heart eager to give their undivided attention and unconditional love.

It is hurtful when the people physically closest to us are not responsive to our needs - - but always expecting others to be responsive to THEIR needs. But as Cheryl has so comfortingly reassured you - - WE are ALWAYS here for you, and welcome sharing your treasured memories of your beloved Bonnie.

I hope life is treating you kindly, BonniesMom. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you to everyone for your kind comments. I know that everyone on here understands exactly what it is like to really love and then lose a dear pet family member. My babies have always been treated like children and I consider them as much a part of my family as anyone else.

I do talk to Bonnie often and I talk to her sister, Belinda, about her. Belinda doesn't show any reaction to Bonnie's name except she always starts kissing my face whenever I mention her. We are going to have to go on a bone search. I noticed several of the bones in Belinda's Nylabone collection are missing and I suspect that one of the last things Miss Bonnie did was to hide them somewhere. She enjoyed hiding Belinda's bones from her in places that are too small for Belinda to crawl into. Bonnie was much more petite. Bonnie liked to collect several bones and stack them neatly in a pile out of reach. In return, Belinda liked to steal Bonnie's squeaky toys and shake them and pretend to be killing them right in front of Bonnie which completely infuriated Bonnie. There was never a dull moment with these two. They would sit between me and my husband on the couch and Bonnie would have a squeaky toy and Belinda would have a bone. If Belinda jumped down, Bonnie would grab Belinda's bone and run off with it and leave it somewhere, then jump back on the couch and pretend to be innocent when Belinda got back looking for her bone.

At night I like to go through pictures on the bed with Belinda and talk to her about all the good times we had, all the fun trips we took and the adventures. I know she had a really great life while she was here. Hopefully she has found my dear old poodle who passed in 1999 and they are running and having fun. I told her to look for him. I like to think he was there to meet her.

Thanks again for your kind thoughts.

Dear Bonnie's momYes, for a whole lot of reasons, people in our culture are terribly uncomfortable with death - whether it be of a person, animal or even an inanimate thing like a house. We don't know how to grieve about ANYTHING. we sort of make an effort when it comes to people. but ask any widow how quickly the "funeral" wears off among her friends and relatives and how uncomfortable people are even to have her around. Like Moonbeam says, I think a lot of people feell like it will hurt the griever less if they just don't bring up the topic. Because the griever might start to cry and another thing our culture is awfully uncomfortable with is an adult crying.

Now ... add the fact that hardly anyone (except our Lightening Strike family - which grows every day) have had that special soul-to-soul, heart-to-heart love-is forever relationship with a beloved animal. Our tradition is that pets are property, possessions, rather than full-up sentient beings. It's almost as if people feel that we surely wouldn't grieve this deeply over the loss of a car, for example.

All of this compounds to make us, the deep grievers, feel like nobody cares. People do care that we hurt, but many don't understand and are even a little mentally critical of the length and depth of our grief over our fur babies. Some are trying to be kind by not bringing up a sad topic. (Geez - is it just because I live in the American heartland among a lot of people of stoic Scandinavian heritage or are people in other areas, from other European backgrounds like this, too?)

There are things you can do, though. I've gone to innumerable meetings at work with teary eyes from missing my Gretta. Yeah, no one has said anything, but at least they haven't made me feel like a weirdo. And .... this site is a miracle. i come here every day to be among friends who DO get it ... to whom you DON'T have to explain or justify your tears that just don't ever seem to stop. Here is a safe, kind loving place and thank God for it.

I care, Bonnie's mom. So do a lot of other people. They're just not at your side except by "e". But that doesn't make us less real.

Here's to a good night to you.

Gretta's mom

I think some people who don't have pets just don't understand how hard it is, they don't understand how deep our loss is and how great our love is for our little ones.

I may be the one that is hurting after the loss of my sweet kitty, but I pity them because they'll never know what it's like to be loved unconditionally. Or what's it like to share that wonderful bond with a dog or a cat or any other pet.

As hard as the loss has been and as hard as his illness was I wouldn't trade the time I had with him for anything.

I'm grateful this site exists and I hope you can get the support you need here. I'm sorry that you are dealing with this and it sounds like you and Bonnie were very lucky to have had each other.

Thanks, everyone. I know Bonnie and I had a special relationship and I can't expect everyone in my life to feel the way I do. It just seems like everyone else has already forgotten her and moved on. Maybe they really don't know what to say or are afraid to bring it up.

On the upside, my other Yorkie is doing much better. She's almost all the way back to being her usual independent cheerful self. I miss her cuddling more than normal and sleeping in the bed but she wants to sleep in the floor in the corner now. I guess it's a good sign that she's dealing well with her loss and recovering. She rarely looks for Bonnie anymore. Although seeing her look for Bonnie made me sad, it also kind of makes me sad to think she's going to forget her. But I know it's for the best that she is happy and moving on with life.

Thank you to everyone on here for all the help and support. It's nice having people who understand.

Hi, BonniesMom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious Belinda are doing. I know it may seem like your Belinda has "forgotten" her sister Bonnie, but I assure you this is not the case. My Noah, who is my surviving furchild in a household that used to have four furkids, remembers his big kitty brother Eli (joined the angels December 11, 2006), his big doggie brother Oslo (joined the angels November 29, 2009), and his sibling baby sister Abbygayle (joined the angels March 15, 2010). How do I know this? Because their scent and their Spirits are very much a part of our home. No - - I'm not talking about "ghosts" - - I mean each of their sweet Living Spirits are forever with my precious Noah and me in our hearts and memories, and this will NEVER change. And so it is with your precious Belinda - - I promise you.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Belinda kindly. Please know we are here for you, BonniesMom. There are no "expiration dates" here - - no one "forgets" here. Please know you and your precious Belinda are in my thoughts and prayers, BonniesMom, and look forward to knowing how you both are doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Bonnie's Mom, I wonder if Belinda isn't looking for Bonnie anymore cos she still feels Bonnie with you? I hope that doesn't sound too odd to you, but I can't believe that beings who have shared the bonds of love I see on this forum can ever truly be separated, sending you a wish for a moment of peace, Leejaye

Good morning Bonnie's mom

Just a note to let you know that a whole lot of "someones" here DO understand and DO care and DO deepply want to share their own stories and listen to and grieve with the love stories of others. Your Bonnie IS, and is NOT forgotten - or swept under the rug because it's sad or uncomfortable to think about (for our society anyway). Talk, cry, talk some more, listen for Bonnie's words .... and keep on living and being loved by the most special being in the universe.

Have the best day you can.

Gretta's mom

Bonnie's mom

I care. Very much.

Gretta's mom