Thursday September 8, 2011 will mark two sad aniversaries. First, and foremost in my mind and heart, it will be 9 months to the day that my sweet and precious Sir Thomas crossed over the Rainbow Bridge. I was listening the song Honey and one line stuck out at me. "and honey, I miss you and I'm being good. And I'd love to be with you, if only I could" And another something like one day when I was at work and you were home all alone, the angels came. That's how it was for us. That morning, I should have known and stayed home from work to be with him. But it was new job and I was working so hard to get the money to help him. But he knew. From the way he looked at me through hooded eyes, barely able to stand on his back legs. He knew, and so should have I That that was the last time I'd ever see my baby boy alive. I miss you Tom, and I am trying to be good and live the life by the example you taught. There will never be another one like you. It may be a cliche' but in your case, they really DID break the mold. I thank you everyday for sending us Tang, for looking out for him, your little sis Theresa, and me. There have been times when things should have gone very wrong, but didn't. I know that was your loving paw intervening on my behalf. I'll never know what I did to deserve you or your kindly intervention in my life.

Which leads me to the other sad aniversay. September 8 will be 7 years to the day one of the most important people in my life walked out of my life forever. A most extraordinay young woman, and the best thing to ever happen to me. But unlike Tom, I failed to learn from her example and pushed her away. In my sorrow, and grief I reached out to just about anybody on the net willing to talk to me. This is what made me cross paths with your former owner, Tom. A thoroghly horrid and bitter woman. But that first time I saw you on the cam, looking so beautiful, yet so sad. My subconcious began concocting a hair brained scheme to bring you into my life. The drama that followed with that person was not worth the trouble. But you Sir Thomas were. I fought for you when she dragged me to court over a ridiculous charge that I don't even remember. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. 5 years just wasn't long enough.

The irony in all of this, if I had not lost Allison, I never would have met you Tom. And I know in my heart your owner would NEVER have even once taken you to a vet. You may have lived longer in my care then you would have in hers. But it still wasn't long enough.

Allison, where ever you are. I wish you all the happiness in the world with your new husband. Your kindness and compassion will never be forgotten, or properly repaid I'm afraid. Thomas, my sweet boy. Thank you for choosing to come into my life and giving me 5 of the happiest years I will ever know.

In loving memory of absent friends and loved ones.....

Hi, Tracy, thank you so very much for sharing with us your and your beloved Sir Thomas' 9 month angel-versary. I know how difficult this year has been for you, my friend, and some of the struggles that continue to enter your routines. No, there will never be another Sir Thomas - - there isn't supposed to be - - just like there will never be another precious Theresa or little Tang. People come and go as though our lives are a revolving door, but our companions are always with us - - including when they have transitioned to the angels. Although they are no longer physically with us, they continue to share our earthly journey as they always have and always will. I am so glad you know that your beloved Sir Thomas is forever in your heart, your memories - - and your daily experiences, and I hope and pray this is a comfort to you.

I, too, think of the song "Honey" frequently when I think of my beloved companions in heaven's perfect garden, as well as THE ONE favorite song of The Beatles "In My Life." Oh, they composed many, many memorable songs of which I have many favorites, particularly of George Harrison. But if there were to be just one song I would be allowed to name as THE SONG, it would be "In My Life." And as I read through your post, Tracy, this song also comes to mind - - for love is eternal - - both with those who are no longer with us for whatever reason, and those who are sharing our earthly journey in the present and future. And this comes through so clear in your post -- your ability to love deeply, richly, completely.

Thank you, my friend, for sharing your and your beloved Sir Thomas' journey with us, and of your Allison. I hope you, your precious Theresa and little Tang are enjoying this day and evening together. Please know you and your fur tribe are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how each of you are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hello Tom's dad

What a wonderful, insightful and loving letter to your dear Sir Thomas. Especially your thought that you (and all of us) are living our lives in a way to honor yheir memories. Mistakes - BIG ONES - are part of everyone's life. Sometimes we learn, sometimes we have to go back to school. But as you said, if you hadn't lost the human love of hour life, your soul-animal, SIr Thomas, would never have been put in your path, you would never have found each other - your one-and-onlies in the universe. Your huge love for Sir Thomas and new baby Tang has been an inspiration to me. Your openness, your willingness to share the wise and the foolish, the wonderful and the terrible. Thank you Tom's dad. (And here comes my Rufus, the BIG newfie-lab that Gretta sent me. He's psychic. Whenever I cry as I'm typing, he lumbers over and shoves his nose under my elbow, shorts and does NOT give up.)

Until we meet ... on this side or the other ....

Gretta's mom

Thank you moon_beam, Gretta's Mom

moon_beam another song you put in my mind in mentioning In My Life is the Long and Winding Road. It also seems apt.

Gretta's Mom, I'm glad that my posts have been helpful to you and your precious Rufus. Our soul-animals know us better than we know ourselves and are the perfect match makers when they move on to their spiritual journey.

Earlier when coming in from taking out the trash, I glimpsed Tang in the sill of the open bedroom window as Tom had always done on a cool Fall day. I looked away and back again. And, just for an instant, I could have sworn instead of Tang's orange and white, it was Tom's gray and white staring back at me. I'm sure it was my mind playing tricks on me, but I thought it an apt coincidence given what's on my mind....

Hi Tracy....Thank you so much for sharing your anniversaries with us. That was such a beautiful letter to Sir Tom...About losing Allison, I guess the old saying is true, "when God closes a door, He opens a window.

I'm sure Sir Tom knows you did your best for him with what you had to work with at the time. He loves you and watches over you now and for eternity. I have no doubt that you saw him on that window sill just for a split second. I know those spiritual things happen.

Tracy, again, thank you for sharing your life with us. You and your precious Theresa and Tang are always in my thoughts and prayers.....Always thinking of Angel Tom too....God Bless...

Hugs,

LoveMyMickey

Thank you LoveMyMickey

It's nice to think it was him, but who knows? I posted yesterday when I knew I'd have time because I just don't know what or if I will have time for when the 8th actually creeps up on me. Tom was indeed a blessing. He saw me through 5 really tough years. The toughest being last year when he could finally give no more


RIP Sir Thomas....

Well, Sir Thomas here we are. It's oficially the 8th and 9 months to the day you crossed the Rainbow Bridge. Oh, how I wished I'd stayed home from work with you that day. I should have known from the signs that this was "it" but was in denial and you had fought so hard. I didn't want to take that from you. But, was I wrong? Should I have stayed home and brought you to the vet if only to let you go in my arms with dignity? Did you suffer? Did you ask why is my daddy not here in my final hours, minutes, and seconds? You deserved better than to die alone on a cold bathroom floor, my precious boy You were one of a kind Tom and I will never forget you. The world is a poorer place without you in it, but Heaven richer for your presense. I love you and miss you as does your kittle sis.

Oh Tom's dad

My heart aches for you and the questions you're asking both Sir Tom and yourself. "You deserved better than to die on a cold, bathroom floor?" Tom's dad, I firmly believe that the love of a mom or dad surrounds our fur babies with a warm, safe, worry-free, pain-free "blanket" that they feel around them at all times. Your love surrounded Sir Tom on his last day on earth the same as it surrounded him on his first day on earth- even if you two didn't yet know each other. Your love-blanket relieved Sir Tom's pain by taking away all his fear. You're a star, Tom's dad.

Gretta's mom

Hi, Tracy, thank you so much for sharing your and your beloved Sir Thomas' angel-versary. It is only natural that your heart and thoughts would especially be with him this day and about the circumstances of his transition to the angels. I fully believe as Gretta's Mom has shared with you: your beloved Sir Thomas always knows that your love for him is embracing him wherever you are - - and even though you were unable to be physically with him in his journey to the angels. His journey to the angels occurred in the place he felt the most secure and loved - - in his home filled with the scents and sounds he loved the most during his earthly journey. So, even though you were not there with him in body, you WERE with him - - he was wrapped in your love, and his thoughts as he departed his physical body were "I love you, dad -- thank you for everything you did for me. Please don't be too sad about what "could not" be - - rather know that I am so very glad you are my Forever Dad. I love you, dad. Please know I am forever with you - - I am always a heartbeat close to you."

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, my friend.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you moon_beam and Gretta's Mom for your kind words. I don't much feel like a star where Tom was concerned. Or anywhere else in my life for that matter. I'll go for days being "fine" then it all comes crashing back. The image of finding him on the bathroom floor will be burned in my brain for all time. I wished I'd had the courage like many so here who let their babies go with the dignity they deserved. But even the vet agreed wiith me that Tom's sheer will to live was strong. It's just sad that his body did not match his will I'll be OK in time, but I will never "get over" it.

Hi, Tracy, there are so many words floating around in our language - - some of which have been devised by the early beginnings of hospice in this country: "death with dignity" "closure" "moving on" etc.. Through the years since the beginning of hospice some of the "terminology" has proven to be inappropriate, yet it continues to be used. My friend, there is no "closure" or "moving on" or "getting over" the physical separation from a loved one - - whatever life form he / she may be in.

There is no doubt in my mind that your beloved Sir Thomas tried very hard to "hang on" until you got home - - but his physical body just couldn't "hold out." I know if it were in your beloved Sir Thomas' power he would do everything he could to try to change this memory for you into a more positive one, but unfortunately he could not do that for you. It is now very much a part of you - - truly burned into your heart and your memory. But it is one of many, my friend, and I know your beloved Sir Thomas wants you to focus on the many good memories he shared with you during your earthly journey - - and to know that he continues to share your earthly journey, and thus continues to add memories to his heart of how your earthly journey continues. I can just hear him say, "I just cannot get over your "high wire" act when Tang took a flying leap to the neighbor's balcony, dad. WOWWEEEEEEE!!! You are AMAZING!!!"

Yes, the "physical" chapter in your earthly journey with your beloved Sir Thomas has transformed to a different dimension, and this is a very, very hard adjustment to make - - one that does not happen overnight, or within 3 months, 6 months, - - a year - -. It's an adjustment journey that you and your beloved Sir Thomas make together - - and we are here for you, Tracy, to share it with you and offer you our support and encouragement - - for each of us here do understand the triumphs and pitfalls that accompany this journey.

Thank you so very much for sharing your and your beloved Sir Thomas' angel-versary, my friend. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to sharing your treasured memories of your beloved Sir Thomas whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you moon_beam

It's just going to take time. During those 5 years I could not imagine my life without him. And now, the reality of what I both obsessed about while at the same time refusing to think about is here. I'm just going to have to let my subconcious try to work it out over time.....