Full Version: Bad Day For Me
Dear everyone,i am having a really bad day today,time just drags and i can't stop thinking about this time last week,last month,last year,5 years ago all this time when my baby Louis was still with me,my marriage is in tatters and all i can think about is Louis,Louis,Louis,wish i could just disappear,i would never do anything to myself,that would be so selfish and my furbabies need me here but i miss my boy so much it hurts.
Oh Bubkins
How I feel for you, my friend. The first few days - even weeks - are just the shell shock you're experiencing now. You've just had a terrible trauma and your mind gets fixated on it - entirely normal - though VERY painful. I've found that trying to turn off my mind and just experience the pain seems, not to help, but to lessen the feeling of spinning around the same thought-track over and over and over again. It's H_E_L_L, no question about it. Just when you think you can't possibly hurt any more ... you do. The body and the mind can't sustain this shell shock period for longer than a couple of weeks. it WILL pass, but not into happiness or even peace. Just be as minimally functional as you have to be - like if you have to go to work. Do the "robot walk." Cry as much as it takes - and do other crazy stuff too, like I was so sad and lonesome that I slept on Gretta's dog bed for a few nights.
Later on, you start to feel like you're carrying around a huge concrete block on both your heart and your body (someone said it felt like a piano on your back!). You still break into tears at the least thought, but it's not the searing, immobilizing pain that you're going through right now.
We hurt in proportion as we loved. Your Louis must be exceedingly dear to your heart. Moonbeam says that when these special animals come into our lives, we exchange a piece of soul with them. They carry a piece of our soul with them, and we carry a piece of theirs. remember, love is infinite and knows no time. Louis IS in the Perfect World watching over you, guiding your steps, and loving and being loved by you.
I have a quote from the ever-popular "anonymous" that says
A good dog never dies. (Here come the tears .....)
He aways stays and walks beside you on crisp autumn days when the frost is on the fields and winter's drawing near.
His head is within your hand in his old way. (Kleenex, please .... and I'm four + months into this roller coaster from Hades!)
But it's true.
Bubkins, rest, take things very slowly and easily, and be assured that tears are normal, normal normal after the passing of one's souls mate. We're always here for you - and we're a band of brothers and sisters who have been or are going through this unique (and uniquely sad) experience.
Take care, my friend.
Gretta's mom
How I feel for you, my friend. The first few days - even weeks - are just the shell shock you're experiencing now. You've just had a terrible trauma and your mind gets fixated on it - entirely normal - though VERY painful. I've found that trying to turn off my mind and just experience the pain seems, not to help, but to lessen the feeling of spinning around the same thought-track over and over and over again. It's H_E_L_L, no question about it. Just when you think you can't possibly hurt any more ... you do. The body and the mind can't sustain this shell shock period for longer than a couple of weeks. it WILL pass, but not into happiness or even peace. Just be as minimally functional as you have to be - like if you have to go to work. Do the "robot walk." Cry as much as it takes - and do other crazy stuff too, like I was so sad and lonesome that I slept on Gretta's dog bed for a few nights.
Later on, you start to feel like you're carrying around a huge concrete block on both your heart and your body (someone said it felt like a piano on your back!). You still break into tears at the least thought, but it's not the searing, immobilizing pain that you're going through right now.
We hurt in proportion as we loved. Your Louis must be exceedingly dear to your heart. Moonbeam says that when these special animals come into our lives, we exchange a piece of soul with them. They carry a piece of our soul with them, and we carry a piece of theirs. remember, love is infinite and knows no time. Louis IS in the Perfect World watching over you, guiding your steps, and loving and being loved by you.
I have a quote from the ever-popular "anonymous" that says
A good dog never dies. (Here come the tears .....)
He aways stays and walks beside you on crisp autumn days when the frost is on the fields and winter's drawing near.
His head is within your hand in his old way. (Kleenex, please .... and I'm four + months into this roller coaster from Hades!)
But it's true.
Bubkins, rest, take things very slowly and easily, and be assured that tears are normal, normal normal after the passing of one's souls mate. We're always here for you - and we're a band of brothers and sisters who have been or are going through this unique (and uniquely sad) experience.
Take care, my friend.
Gretta's mom
QUOTE (Gretta's Mom @ Aug 25 2011, 09:46 PM) 
Oh Bubkins
How I feel for you, my friend. The first few days - even weeks - are just the shell shock you're experiencing now. You've just had a terrible trauma and your mind gets fixated on it - entirely normal - though VERY painful. I've found that trying to turn off my mind and just experience the pain seems, not to help, but to lessen the feeling of spinning around the same thought-track over and over and over again. It's H_E_L_L, no question about it. Just when you think you can't possibly hurt any more ... you do. The body and the mind can't sustain this shell shock period for longer than a couple of weeks. it WILL pass, but not into happiness or even peace. Just be as minimally functional as you have to be - like if you have to go to work. Do the "robot walk." Cry as much as it takes - and do other crazy stuff too, like I was so sad and lonesome that I slept on Gretta's dog bed for a few nights.
Later on, you start to feel like you're carrying around a huge concrete block on both your heart and your body (someone said it felt like a piano on your back!). You still break into tears at the least thought, but it's not the searing, immobilizing pain that you're going through right now.
We hurt in proportion as we loved. Your Louis must be exceedingly dear to your heart. Moonbeam says that when these special animals come into our lives, we exchange a piece of soul with them. They carry a piece of our soul with them, and we carry a piece of theirs. remember, love is infinite and knows no time. Louis IS in the Perfect World watching over you, guiding your steps, and loving and being loved by you.
I have a quote from the ever-popular "anonymous" that says
A good dog never dies. (Here come the tears .....)
He aways stays and walks beside you on crisp autumn days when the frost is on the fields and winter's drawing near.
His head is within your hand in his old way. (Kleenex, please .... and I'm four + months into this roller coaster from Hades!)
But it's true.
Bubkins, rest, take things very slowly and easily, and be assured that tears are normal, normal normal after the passing of one's souls mate. We're always here for you - and we're a band of brothers and sisters who have been or are going through this unique (and uniquely sad) experience.
Take care, my friend.
Gretta's mom
How I feel for you, my friend. The first few days - even weeks - are just the shell shock you're experiencing now. You've just had a terrible trauma and your mind gets fixated on it - entirely normal - though VERY painful. I've found that trying to turn off my mind and just experience the pain seems, not to help, but to lessen the feeling of spinning around the same thought-track over and over and over again. It's H_E_L_L, no question about it. Just when you think you can't possibly hurt any more ... you do. The body and the mind can't sustain this shell shock period for longer than a couple of weeks. it WILL pass, but not into happiness or even peace. Just be as minimally functional as you have to be - like if you have to go to work. Do the "robot walk." Cry as much as it takes - and do other crazy stuff too, like I was so sad and lonesome that I slept on Gretta's dog bed for a few nights.
Later on, you start to feel like you're carrying around a huge concrete block on both your heart and your body (someone said it felt like a piano on your back!). You still break into tears at the least thought, but it's not the searing, immobilizing pain that you're going through right now.
We hurt in proportion as we loved. Your Louis must be exceedingly dear to your heart. Moonbeam says that when these special animals come into our lives, we exchange a piece of soul with them. They carry a piece of our soul with them, and we carry a piece of theirs. remember, love is infinite and knows no time. Louis IS in the Perfect World watching over you, guiding your steps, and loving and being loved by you.
I have a quote from the ever-popular "anonymous" that says
A good dog never dies. (Here come the tears .....)
He aways stays and walks beside you on crisp autumn days when the frost is on the fields and winter's drawing near.
His head is within your hand in his old way. (Kleenex, please .... and I'm four + months into this roller coaster from Hades!)
But it's true.
Bubkins, rest, take things very slowly and easily, and be assured that tears are normal, normal normal after the passing of one's souls mate. We're always here for you - and we're a band of brothers and sisters who have been or are going through this unique (and uniquely sad) experience.
Take care, my friend.
Gretta's mom
Dear Gretta's Mom,thank you for replying,it really does mean so much that you take the time to do so.
I have pretty much cried myself out today and feel exhausted and i've drunk wine and not eaten,bad combination,i feel so much guilt when i eat, Louis really lost his appetite in the last 3 weeks and i keep thinking that i shouldn't eat cos he didn't oh no i really do sound nuts!Louis is (cannot use any other tense)a very big and handsome Seal Point Birman cat,i felt i should tell you that Gretta's Mum just in case you don't like cats but to be honest i imagine that you love all animals?!In the next few days with the help of my friend Helen,i am going to post pics of my boy and maybe tell you some of the lovely things that made up the beauty of him,1 fact which is amazing is that he NEVER scratched or bit me in all our time together,i think most cat servants will say that this hasn't happened to them,my first baby Cristal used to bite my nose (thru love!),i still have a tiny scar there,which i actually treasure!!Blessings to you all,good night.***x
I have pretty much cried myself out today and feel exhausted and i've drunk wine and not eaten,bad combination,i feel so much guilt when i eat, Louis really lost his appetite in the last 3 weeks and i keep thinking that i shouldn't eat cos he didn't oh no i really do sound nuts!Louis is (cannot use any other tense)a very big and handsome Seal Point Birman cat,i felt i should tell you that Gretta's Mum just in case you don't like cats but to be honest i imagine that you love all animals?!In the next few days with the help of my friend Helen,i am going to post pics of my boy and maybe tell you some of the lovely things that made up the beauty of him,1 fact which is amazing is that he NEVER scratched or bit me in all our time together,i think most cat servants will say that this hasn't happened to them,my first baby Cristal used to bite my nose (thru love!),i still have a tiny scar there,which i actually treasure!!Blessings to you all,good night.***x
Dear Bubkins... I can't say much more than the comforting words that Gretta's Mom has said, but I want you to know that I understand what you are feeling. I know what you mean about not wanting to eat. My Mickey lost his appetite about 2 weeks before he passed and it was hard for me to eat for quite awhile. It has been 6 months and I still get that empty and tearful feeling. But it does get better with time and you remember more of the good times than the bad ones.
I would love to see some pictures of your sweet baby Louis. I love cats too. I grew up with all kinds of cats. In fact, I love all animals.
Bubkins, please remember you and your family are always in my thoughts and prayers. Please take care of yourself. Come back and let us know how you are doing....God Bless...
Hugs,
LoveMyMickey
I would love to see some pictures of your sweet baby Louis. I love cats too. I grew up with all kinds of cats. In fact, I love all animals.
Bubkins, please remember you and your family are always in my thoughts and prayers. Please take care of yourself. Come back and let us know how you are doing....God Bless...
Hugs,
LoveMyMickey
". . . i miss my boy so much it hurts."
Hi, bubkins, thank you so much for sharing with me how you're doing. I wish there were some way I could take this pain from your heart, but I do not have this power. Just take one day at a time, bubkins - - sometimes one moment at a time. I promise you one day, perhaps when you least expect it, you will be able to smile again - - truly smile - - and remember your beloved Louis. And I also promise you that we are here for you through every step of your journey.
I hope you will have a very peaceful evening, bubkins. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Hi, bubkins, thank you so much for sharing with me how you're doing. I wish there were some way I could take this pain from your heart, but I do not have this power. Just take one day at a time, bubkins - - sometimes one moment at a time. I promise you one day, perhaps when you least expect it, you will be able to smile again - - truly smile - - and remember your beloved Louis. And I also promise you that we are here for you through every step of your journey.
I hope you will have a very peaceful evening, bubkins. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Hello Bubkins
You're right - I love all animals. Who could not like cats?!? It's just that sometimes by the time I'm ready to start a post I've forgotten whether the animal is a he or a she (but I don't usually forget the species!!).
Yeah, wine without food but with heartbreak and tears is sometimes not that good a piece of news. Bubkins, you don't have to stop eating because your baby stopped eating just before he passed. Every living being does that. Gretta, too. You've got a lot of life left and a lot of animals to love yet. They'll find you. Don't worry.
I think we'll cry for the rest of our lives, but the tears won't always be desperate toxic ones like they are in the beginning. And NEVER stop using the present tense about your baby. I do the same thing with Gretta - to remind myself the she IS and someday we will be reunited.
Bubkins, try to get some rest tonight and let us know how you're doing in the morning.
Your new friend,
Gretta's mom
You're right - I love all animals. Who could not like cats?!? It's just that sometimes by the time I'm ready to start a post I've forgotten whether the animal is a he or a she (but I don't usually forget the species!!).
Yeah, wine without food but with heartbreak and tears is sometimes not that good a piece of news. Bubkins, you don't have to stop eating because your baby stopped eating just before he passed. Every living being does that. Gretta, too. You've got a lot of life left and a lot of animals to love yet. They'll find you. Don't worry.
I think we'll cry for the rest of our lives, but the tears won't always be desperate toxic ones like they are in the beginning. And NEVER stop using the present tense about your baby. I do the same thing with Gretta - to remind myself the she IS and someday we will be reunited.
Bubkins, try to get some rest tonight and let us know how you're doing in the morning.
Your new friend,
Gretta's mom
Dear Bubkins, I so hope you got a few moments of rest - I was exhausted, physically and emotionally rock bottom, after I lost Mischief. I spent the last few days with her syringing food and barely eating myself, I just couldn't get back into the habit after I lost her, I just didn't want to - a glass of wine was so much easier, but like you say, not good with no food...I started eating gentle things like yoghurt to ease myself back into it, it took a couple of weeks to start eating normally again, and to start interacting with people, and to really do anything in my life that i would have done before I lost Mischief...I am so sorry for your pain (it seems such a small inadequate word for the massive emotions pulling your world apart right now), it feels like we can't see or feel anything else in those days after they leave, I wish I could share some of your burden - I'll settle for sending you some hugs, some good energy and a wish for a moment of peace today, please be kind to yourself Leejaye
Just wanted to tell you that i collected Louis today from the vet,i can't bring myself to say the words,the box is so tiny Louis is so big,can hardly believe it's him,last week he was here in the hall feeling poorly i could see that but he was here,my ex brother in law came to see me today and he was so shocked as he'd seen him not long ago,my baby baby boy,God i miss him so much.If i could have one thing to say to my baby Louis it would be thank you,thank you for being a perfect perfect boy and i love you more than words can say,we will be together at Rainbow Bridge,blessings baby boy,always.*********************xx
Oh Bubkins
The day you get the cremains back is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hard. You put it perfectly - the box was so small and my Gretta was a 65# love bug. The vet school did a plaster paw print that I can still not bear to look at. It's one breath after another, one baby step after another. Some days we can barely make it, some days we do OK until it hits us - HARD, some days (very few) we make it to sleep without dissolving. All we can do is try to live a life that honors their lives - and get ready to meet them at the rainbow Bridge.
Have a peaceful night and weekend,
Gretta's mom
The day you get the cremains back is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hard. You put it perfectly - the box was so small and my Gretta was a 65# love bug. The vet school did a plaster paw print that I can still not bear to look at. It's one breath after another, one baby step after another. Some days we can barely make it, some days we do OK until it hits us - HARD, some days (very few) we make it to sleep without dissolving. All we can do is try to live a life that honors their lives - and get ready to meet them at the rainbow Bridge.
Have a peaceful night and weekend,
Gretta's mom
Hi, bubkins, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Yes, getting our beloved companions ashes back is a two-sided coin: One one side it is a relief to have them homes again, while the other side of the coin is a blatant reminder that they are not physically with us in their precious physical body form.
Bubkins, I promise you your beloved Louis knows beyond all shadow of a doubt that he is forever a part of you, as you are always and forever and eternally a part of him. It's quite ok and very healthy to continue to talk to him as you always have, for the sound of your voice is sweet music to him still as it lifts upward to his ears. He continues to listen intently to every word you say to him.
Thank you so very much for sharing this step in your adjustment journey with us, bubkins. I hope you will have a very peaceful evening. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and am looking forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Bubkins, I promise you your beloved Louis knows beyond all shadow of a doubt that he is forever a part of you, as you are always and forever and eternally a part of him. It's quite ok and very healthy to continue to talk to him as you always have, for the sound of your voice is sweet music to him still as it lifts upward to his ears. He continues to listen intently to every word you say to him.
Thank you so very much for sharing this step in your adjustment journey with us, bubkins. I hope you will have a very peaceful evening. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and am looking forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Dear Bubkins,
Please accept my most heartfelt condolences on the loss of your beloved Louis. I agree wholeheartedly with what our wise and loving forum members have already said and there’s really little I can add to their sage words. I don’t know if it helps but I will also validate that having no appetite for food for the first couple of weeks after a heart wrenching loss is normal. When I lost my sweet, little Peggy, I literally couldn’t eat for 3 days. I kiddingly told my mother that it took me 8 months to get 10 lbs off of Peggy’s weight but she won cause she got me to drop more than 5 lbs in 3 days. I think picking them up from the vets, weeks after the ‘event’ is just as heartbreaking as the initial loss (for me, anyway). Even though we know exactly what the situation is we’re dealing with, bringing them home for the last time physically drives home that painful reality of the situation. It’s horrible and devastating. I am so sorry you’re having to deal with this.
Please know that Louis is well aware of how much you loved him. It’s not possible to love another creature that much and for them to not know. I have no doubt he returned that love fully. Please know that you will be in my thoughts and I hope you have a peaceful day today.
Take care,
Peggy
Please accept my most heartfelt condolences on the loss of your beloved Louis. I agree wholeheartedly with what our wise and loving forum members have already said and there’s really little I can add to their sage words. I don’t know if it helps but I will also validate that having no appetite for food for the first couple of weeks after a heart wrenching loss is normal. When I lost my sweet, little Peggy, I literally couldn’t eat for 3 days. I kiddingly told my mother that it took me 8 months to get 10 lbs off of Peggy’s weight but she won cause she got me to drop more than 5 lbs in 3 days. I think picking them up from the vets, weeks after the ‘event’ is just as heartbreaking as the initial loss (for me, anyway). Even though we know exactly what the situation is we’re dealing with, bringing them home for the last time physically drives home that painful reality of the situation. It’s horrible and devastating. I am so sorry you’re having to deal with this.
Please know that Louis is well aware of how much you loved him. It’s not possible to love another creature that much and for them to not know. I have no doubt he returned that love fully. Please know that you will be in my thoughts and I hope you have a peaceful day today.
Take care,
Peggy
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