Last Friday night I was visiting my parent's house and noticed one of our family pets, a 10 year old cat, seemed very lethargic. While I was at work the next morning, my dad took him to the vet and found out he had Feline AIDS, Leukemia and kidney failure. He spent the next four days at the animal hospital being treated. Today the vet called and said there had been no signs of improvement after running the tests. My dad told the vet to go ahead and put him to sleep.

I never had a chance to say goodbye and am now feeling extreme guilt that his life was ended too soon. The past few days I have been doing a lot of research online and I know the diseases were fatal, but I had read about many cases where the health could be managed to where the cat still had a good quality of life.

I also feel extremely guilty that no one was there with him or to say goodbye to him. I feel like he was probably confused at why he was taken there Saturday and then never saw another familiar face before he passed. If I had known they planned to put him to sleep, I would have gone to see him before it was time.

I just feel like this all came about so suddenly and I can't help but thinking a hasty decision was made. I know my dad would have taken the advice of the vet, but I still can't believe he made this decision and did not tell me until it was too late to see him. If I had known of the decision earlier, I would have fought to bring him home and at least try some of the methods I had learned from the success stories online.

My family has always cared for our pets until we knew it was time for them to go. I just feel like he wasn't given as much of a chance.

How do I get over the feeling of guilt that we didn't try enough options to help him? How do I cope with feelings of guilt about never telling him how much we loved him and not being able to tell him goodbye and be there with him before he passed? I can't help but feeling that he passed without knowing how much we still truly loved him.

"he had Feline AIDS, Leukemia and kidney failure. He spent the next four days at the animal hospital being treated. Today the vet called and said there had been no signs of improvement after running the tests. My dad told the vet to go ahead and put him to sleep."

Hi, neverforgotten, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your family beloved companion. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our beloved companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be healed and restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Unfortunately second guessing decisions, thinking back over the "why did I", "why did I not" - - otherwise known as guilt - - is part of the grief journey. Hopefully in time you will be able to focus on the many good memories you have of your family companion and find peace in your heart.

It sounds to me from what you shared of the multiple medical diagnoses that your dad made the best decision he could under the guidance of the treating vet. While any of these illnesses could be treated to maintain a good quality of life, the combination of them is painful and terminal. Allowing him to join the angels while he still had some form of dignity was a very caring act by your dad. The decision to be with a beloved companion at the time is strictly a personal one.

Please know that your beloved family companion does know how much he is loved - - yes - - IS - - for love is eternal and therefore is always in the present tense. He fully understands the circumstances that released him from his failing physical body, and only wants you and your dad to remember the good years of his earthly journey. There is no need for you to feel guilty, neverforgotten.

I wish there were an easier way to travel this grief adjustment journey, and if I knew how to do that I would most certainly share it with you. Unfortunately the only way to travel this journey is one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. Hopefully in time as your grief eases you will know that your beloved family companion is forever with you in your heart and your memories, and that you will find comfort from the blessed earthly journey you shared with him.

And one of many important things to remember during your journey is that you are not alone. You are among friends here who do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you very much for sharing your beloved family companion with us, neverforgotten. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you so much for the kind words. I have lost pets in the past, but never before I was sure we had done everything we could for them. This time just feels so different because it all seems so sudden. He seemed like his normal, spunky self a week or so ago.

Obviously the loss is very recent for me. My fiance is trying to "cheer me up" and wants to find some way to "take my mind off of it". I know he has good intentions, but I can't help feeling that it's disrespectful of me to NOT be thinking of my sweet departed friend.

"My fiance is trying to "cheer me up" and wants to find some way to "take my mind off of it". I know he has good intentions, but I can't help feeling that it's disrespectful of me to NOT be thinking of my sweet departed friend."

Hi, neverforgotten. Unfortunately not everyone in our lives understands the bond that is formed with a precious companion, and therefore is unable to offer the level of comfort we need during our grief journey. This doesn't mean they are insensitive - - it just means that they simply do not understand the grief journey. Perhaps as your fiance travels this journey with you he will come to understand that the dynamics of the grief journey of a beloved family companion is the same as for a human family member or friend - - which will then enable him to become more sensitive to your feelings.

This is one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum was started so that we can come to a safe place to share our grief and find the comfort of others who DO understand and are therefore able to offer us the comfort, encouragement, support, and hope that we need to endure the many different emotions of this roller coaster grief adjustment journey.

"This time just feels so different because it all seems so sudden. He seemed like his normal, spunky self a week or so ago."

One of the many things that our precious family companions are artists at is disguising how they are feeling until they can no longer do so. This is inherited through their genetics to their wild cousins - - to disguise their illness for as long as they can for survival. Unfortunately, more times than not, by the time they begin to exhibit symptoms the disease process has already taken a firm hold on their physical bodies. Depending on the diagnosis sometimes there are treatments that can help provide a good quality of life, and sometimes, sadly, the best and most loving treatment is releasing our precious companion from their failing physical body. I am truly deeply sorry that the latter situation was the case for your precious family companion, neverforgotten.

Perhaps sometime you would like to post a picture of your beloved family companion to share with us - - if / when you would like to. Sharing our beloved companions with each other is one way of keeping their memories alive and offering a tribute to their sweet Living Spirits who are forever with us.

I hope you will have a peaceful evening, neverforgotten. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Moon_Beam, I really can't thank you enough for the kind words and responses. I decided to go to my fiance's house tonight and after about 5 minutes of me crying and telling him my feelings he made a reason to get up and go do something else in the house. I know he loves me and he just doesn't understand what I'm going through as he has never lost a pet. I realized this two years ago when I lost a dog and then another cat a month later and he was no comfort either time. He now has two dogs and one is getting a little older in age. I am dreading the day when we lose him.

While I do believe having other animals makes the loss of a pet a little easier, it just makes me realize that at some point he/she will pass as well. I have always been an animal lover. Right now in my own home I have 3 cats. My fiance has 2 dogs and there is still a dog and another cat at my parent's house. Days like to day just make me realize how much pain I still have in store for me.

I also can't help but feel guilty for paying attention to my other cats, when seemingly I haven't paid attention to Gruff for days and now he's gone. I just feel so guilty about continuing to love other animals. I feel like I'm not respecting him.

I'm going to attach some pictures of my Gruffy, the feistiest cat I've ever known. I know it has only been a few hours, but I feel like the pain and feelings of guilt will never subside.

I really can't thank you enough for the replies and just being there for me. I'm not sure who I would talk to if it weren't for this board.

I'm sorry that you lost your cat. It's been almost a month since I had to get my cat Chessa put to sleep, and it is still very hard for me...we all understand what you are going through.

I know that I too feel guilty, and what seems to help me a bit is talking to Chessa. I truly believe that her spirit can hear me. Maybe talking out how you are feeling to Gruffy will help you some too???

He was a beautiful cat! I can't add more to what moonbeam has said, but know that we are all here for you. I hope you find some peace tonight. (((hugs)))

Jodi

I am doing a little bit better today. I woke up this morning and the first thing I did was cry. I ended up not going to work until after lunch and spent the morning cuddling with my other kitties. Yesterday I could barely look at them because I felt so guilty that I would never get to cuddle with Gruffy again.

I have only cried a few times during the course of the day. I still feel sad and my thoughts have pretty much been with Gruffy all day. I still feel so guilty about how it ended and that we didn't try enough to help him. I am also saddened that he spend his last days surrounded by strangers at the vet hospital and that I never got to say goodbye.

Hi, neverforgotten, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing, and for sharing pictures of your beloved Gruff with us. What a cutie he is!!

"I also can't help but feel guilty for paying attention to my other cats, when seemingly I haven't paid attention to Gruff for days and now he's gone. I just feel so guilty about continuing to love other animals. I feel like I'm not respecting him."

Please permit me to try to bring some peace to your heart about continuing to love your precious companions who are still physically with you. It is not dishonoring your beloved Gruff - - just the opposite. Gruff will always and forever have his own special place in your heart. In your deep grief your heart and life is going through a HUGE adjustment re-defining your life and routines without Gruff's sweet physical presence. The little lives who are still with you continue to need your love and attention and comfort - - for they, too, miss Gruff's sweet physical presence. Gruff absolutely beyond all shadow of a doubt wants you and all of his family to continue on. Of course it will never be the same - - it isn't supposed to be the same - - for your lives are changed now - - as they were changed when he came into your hearts and home 10 years ago. Right now your heart is filled with deep sadness, and rightfully so, and you are more aware of the sad reality that your precious companions who are still physically with you will at their appropriate time join Gruff in heaven's perfect garden, once again leaving you behind. As the heirs to their legacy of unconditional love and undivided attention, it is our responsibility to continue living our lives in a way that will bring honor to the love and memories they have entrusted to our care. It isn't easy in the depths of our deep grief, not by a long shot, but I promise you, neverforgotten, that one day - - probably when you least expect it - - you will find yourself smiling again, and will find great joy and comfort in the company of your precious companions who continue to share your earthly journey. This is what your beloved Gruff wants for you, neverforgotten, and eventually your heart will find a comfort and peace.

"I decided to go to my fiance's house tonight and after about 5 minutes of me crying and telling him my feelings he made a reason to get up and go do something else in the house. I know he loves me and he just doesn't understand what I'm going through as he has never lost a pet. I realized this two years ago when I lost a dog and then another cat a month later and he was no comfort either time."

Neverforgotten, I am so sorry your fiance is not able to offer you the comfort you would like to receive from him in this time of sorrow. Please know that we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us, neverforgotten.

I know right now there are no adequate words in any language that can make any sense or offer any form of measurable comfort. I only hope that as you read through each of the responses from all of the wonderful people on this forum that you will feel comfort and support and encouragement and hope that will help you as you travel your grief journey.

I hope today is being kind to you, neverforgotten, and that you will have a peaceful evening. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear NeverForgotten (what a wonderful name!),

Please let me add to the condolences that others have given you for the passing of your kittie. The pictures are so beautiful. Truly he was a giant soul in a little body. I can understand the sadness you feel about Kittie having to spend his last days alone. My Gretta (the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived) spent the last night of her life on earth in a vet school hospital - every time I think of her there I cry. But we did the best we could, both you and I. And that's what counts. I believe that animals who pass into the Perfect World know our hearts and our thoughts - and the know the truth. So they have complete peace and love us exactly as they did when we could see them. Your Kittie is up there, happy, well and bragging to all the other furries there about her mom - the greatest mom in the world. For a while maybe longer every thought of Kittie is going to cause tears to flow. These are good tears although they hurt SO much. We hurt in proportion as we love and someday we will be reunited never to be parted again.

Try to rest a little tonight, my friend. All you LS family is here for you - any time of the day or night.

Until tomorrow,

Gretta's mom

Hi NeverForgotten (aka Gruff's mom)

Just stopping by to see how you are. Even though no one can take away the pain of losing your Gruffy, every one who says a kind word helped me out and I'm hoping to do the same for you. That's what our LS family is all about.

With love and care,

Gretta's mom

Gretta's Mom,

Thank you so much for checking in. I have been much better the last couple of days. I think it helps that I haven't been to my parent's house since Gruff has been gone. He was our family cat but continued to live with my parent's when all of us kids eventually went off to school.

I still wish I could hug and kiss him just one more time, but I'm beginning to make peace with the fact that he is gone (physically at least). Everyone on this sight has been so sweet and kind and it really has made such a difference. I read some of the other stories on here and realize how lucky I was to have him in my life for 10 years.

I am kind of dreading the first time I go to my parent's house and it really hits me that he's not there. But his feline brother Spike is still there and I miss seeing him and know he must be missing his brother terribly right now. My parents are going out of town in a couple of weeks and I'm going to bring Spike to my house to stay with me and my kitties here. I can't stand the thought of him being in the house all by himself. When Gruffy was still with us they would leave the two home alone and I would go everyday to clean their litter box, feed them and just hang out. But as I said, I can't stand the thought of leaving Spike all alone now. I hope he is able to adjust to being at my house. If he seems to be enjoying the company of my kitties I might consider keeping him here with us. He has just always had a feline friend around and I'm worried that now he might be lonely.

I framed a picture of Gruffy as a kitten and placed is somewhere I see it every day. At first I couldn't walk past it without sobbing. Now I am able to look at it and smile a bit remembering how sweet he was. Still got a little teary eyed tonight when I was looking at it, but I know that eventually the pain will go away and I will just smile remembering how much I loved him and how special he is.