My best friend Pubert died this past Thursday night, a few days after her fifth birthday. She's the little black cat in my photo, snuggling with her friend Suri, and nothing feels the same without her.
I found Pubert as a two-week old kitten when I was living in Finland. She had been locked in an old farm outhouse by herself, no Mom or siblings in sight. She had double eye infections, ear parasites, intestinal parasites, fleas, and lice. It took a full month in medical quarantine to get her better, and then I was finally able to take her home. Now you would think, after that kind of start, that this kitten would be angry at the world. But she wasn't. She was the sweetest, most loving cat I have ever met. I never once heard her hiss. She never once scratched or bit. She just loved me unconditionally, along with her ever-present stuffed plaid mouse, and she adored every other cat she met. Even cats who didn't like other cats loved my Pubert.
A year after I found Pubert, the relationship I had traveled to Finland for abruptly ended, so I got my little cat a pet passport and brought her back to the United States with me. She handled the approximately 19-hour one taxi ride/two airplane flights/one long car ride trip like a pro, and we started our new life here by getting her two cat friends--Suri (a gigantic 8-year-old tortoiseshell) and Bonzai (a 5-year-old fellow black cat lady)--to pal around with. Pubert and her friends spent the days goofing around and napping together. In the years that followed I always called Pubert the cruise director of the house because she made it her mission to be sure that everyone--cat and human alike--was okay and having fun. She purred constantly, and loved getting belly rubs, playing chase, playing fetch, watching birds/dogs/squirrels from the windows, and eating cream cheese snacks. She spent every night curled up right next to me in bed, purring even while she dreamed. I was the one human in the whole world she trusted, and she was my best friend. I thought we would have another decade together at least, maybe more.
But about 6 weeks ago, Pubert started having some breathing problems. After a lot of blood tests and x-rays, my vets thought she had either a respiratory infection or possibly lung worms. She went through 3 different courses of antibiotics plus a steroid and a dewormer, but her condition didn't improve. So my vet said Pubert needed to have a bronchoscopy to get samples and determine the real problem. On Thursday morning I took her to the specialized vet hospital for that test, and as we were waiting for the doctor to review her x-rays, Pubert crawled across the examining table and rested her head against my stomach and purred. As I look back on it now, I think she knew something bad was going to happen.
I called the hospital later that afternoon and the vet said Pubert had made it through the test fine and was breathing much better, but needed to stay overnight in the oxygen cage for monitoring. Then, at about 10PM, the phone rang and the vet said Pubert had gone into respiratory arrest. They asked if I wanted them to perform CPR. I said yes, and they brought her back. She rested comfortably for another half-hour or so, and then the vet called again and said she had relapsed into respiratory and cardiac arrest. I asked if she would have brain damage if they brought her back again, and the vet said it was very likely. Pubert died a few minutes later.
Everything about this was so sudden, and until the tests done on Pubert's lung tissue come back, I still don't even know what she had or what caused her death. But I am in complete shock. I can't stop crying and am finding it difficult to do even the simplest tasks. Everything feels strange and surreal. The house seems so quiet and empty. My other cats keep looking for Pubert and obviously miss her. I just don't know how to make it through the day without having my little friend around. Maybe I'll feel a little better once I get her ashes back (I want her buried with me whenever it's my turn to go), but it seems like little comfort right now.
The only thing that gives me any hope is trying to believe I'll see Pubert again, and that when I do it will be forever. I'm not a religious person by nature, but last night I dreamt I was sitting in my living room with a family member. I looked down, and there was Pubert with her cat friends, coming over to my feet to be petted. She wasn't sick. She was as happy as could be. And I turned to my family member and said, "Look! She's not gone after all!" I also read that Rainbow Bridge piece yesterday (the one about cats and other pets playing together on the other side, waiting for their owners to arrive). That was lovely. But I still feel so sad. I miss my little Pubert. I miss cat, my best friend, and I want her back. I really do.
Full Version: My Best Friend Pubert
Hi, Pubert'sMom, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Pubert. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing your precious Pubert so suddenly most certainly intensifies your grief.
Please know that you were doing everything that was in your power to help Pubert in her illness. I know it is of little comfort to you, because your heart is grieving the deepest sorrow you will know on this side of eternity. Please know that the love bond you share with your beloved Pubert is eternal - - it is not limited to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Pubert's sweet Living Spirit is forever with you - - she is always a heartbeat close to you.
Scientific studies prove that every living being has an "energy", and when this energy is no longer present - - for whatever reason - - the entire family unit is changed. It seems that even the structure of the house grieves the physical loss of the "energy" that is no longer present. Even when there are other precious compainons in the family unit the missing "energy" is profound. Nothing feels the same - - nothing is the same - - because - - everything is now changed.
Pubert'sMom, this grief journey is a very painful one of "adjustment" to the absence of your beloved Pubert's physical presence. It is painful both emotionally and physically. And your precious Suri and Bonzai are having to re-define their "pride" status. Each of our companions is the center of our universe, and so you also are now having to re-define your life and routines centered around your precious Suri and Bonzai - - which is a constant reminder that your beloved Pubert is now no longer a physical presence in your lives. This is a very painful "reality" and adjustment.
You might find it helpful to have something of your beloved Pubert that you can hold onto when the moments of deep grief are very consuming - - when the ache to hold her in your arms is overwhelming. When each of my beloved companions joined the angels I would hold onto a blanket and slept with their collar under my pillow. It is very important that you find healthy ways to help you through these very painful adjustments. And I promise you, Pubert's Mom, one day when you least expect it you will find a peace once again in your heart, - - which is what your beloved Pubert wants for you.
Unfortunately, there is no easy way through this adjustment journey, no fast forward or delete button to press to make it go by quickly or totally disappear. This grief journey can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. And I know right now there are no adequate words in any language that can remotely soothe the seering pain that is in your broken, shattered heart. One of the many things to remember is that you are never alone in your journey, Pubert'sMom. Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. You are among friends here who truly do understand what you are feeling and are going through.
Pubert'sMom, thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Pubert with us. She is an adorable little girl, and you are very blessed to have the privilege of being her earthly guardian. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Pubert'sMom, and please let us know how you, and your precious Suri and Bonzai are doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Please know that you were doing everything that was in your power to help Pubert in her illness. I know it is of little comfort to you, because your heart is grieving the deepest sorrow you will know on this side of eternity. Please know that the love bond you share with your beloved Pubert is eternal - - it is not limited to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Pubert's sweet Living Spirit is forever with you - - she is always a heartbeat close to you.
Scientific studies prove that every living being has an "energy", and when this energy is no longer present - - for whatever reason - - the entire family unit is changed. It seems that even the structure of the house grieves the physical loss of the "energy" that is no longer present. Even when there are other precious compainons in the family unit the missing "energy" is profound. Nothing feels the same - - nothing is the same - - because - - everything is now changed.
Pubert'sMom, this grief journey is a very painful one of "adjustment" to the absence of your beloved Pubert's physical presence. It is painful both emotionally and physically. And your precious Suri and Bonzai are having to re-define their "pride" status. Each of our companions is the center of our universe, and so you also are now having to re-define your life and routines centered around your precious Suri and Bonzai - - which is a constant reminder that your beloved Pubert is now no longer a physical presence in your lives. This is a very painful "reality" and adjustment.
You might find it helpful to have something of your beloved Pubert that you can hold onto when the moments of deep grief are very consuming - - when the ache to hold her in your arms is overwhelming. When each of my beloved companions joined the angels I would hold onto a blanket and slept with their collar under my pillow. It is very important that you find healthy ways to help you through these very painful adjustments. And I promise you, Pubert's Mom, one day when you least expect it you will find a peace once again in your heart, - - which is what your beloved Pubert wants for you.
Unfortunately, there is no easy way through this adjustment journey, no fast forward or delete button to press to make it go by quickly or totally disappear. This grief journey can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. And I know right now there are no adequate words in any language that can remotely soothe the seering pain that is in your broken, shattered heart. One of the many things to remember is that you are never alone in your journey, Pubert'sMom. Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. You are among friends here who truly do understand what you are feeling and are going through.
Pubert'sMom, thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Pubert with us. She is an adorable little girl, and you are very blessed to have the privilege of being her earthly guardian. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Pubert'sMom, and please let us know how you, and your precious Suri and Bonzai are doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Dear Pubert's Mom....I just want to add to moon_beam's kind words how sorry I am for your loss of Pubert. You are an angel for taking Pubert in and getting her well and loving her. She and Suri are so beautiful.
Pubert's Mom, you and your furbabies are in my thoughts and prayers....Take care...
Hugs,
LoveMyMickey
Pubert's Mom, you and your furbabies are in my thoughts and prayers....Take care...
Hugs,
LoveMyMickey
Thank you, moon_beam and LoveMyMickey. Your words mean a lot to me. I have Pubert's stuffed plaid mouse, her most precious toy, which I haven't let out of my sight since she passed away. Keeping it close by helps me to feel that she is still close by.
Hello! I am in tears reading of your sweet Pubert's life and sudden passing. My heart breaks for you. I lost my precious Chessa cat not even a month ago, so I understand all that you are feeling. I too have 2 other cats who at first, kept looking around for their sister. They have adjusted, and very slowly and painfully, I am starting too as well. It is still so, so difficult, but like you, I know I'll someday be reunited with Chessa.
I got Chessa's ashes back after a week. A part of me was happy that she was "home" again, but the biggest part of me was sad that she wasn't here the way I wanted her to be. The woman who runs the pet crematory told me that in death, animals give off a certain scent that can be picked up by other animals. When I told her my other 2 cats kept looking around the house for Chessa, she recommended that I place her ashes in a spot where Chessa used to lie, and just leave them there for an hour or so, without calling any attention to them. She said that if my other cats sniffed her ashes, they could pick up on that scent, and somehow understand what had happened. I have no idea if she was right or not, but I did just that. Maybe that would be helpful to Suri and Bonzai?
Pubert was such a cute cat! What a little lovebug! I wish you a peaceful heart, and know that a part of Pubert will always be with you. Many (((hugs))) to you!
Jodi
I got Chessa's ashes back after a week. A part of me was happy that she was "home" again, but the biggest part of me was sad that she wasn't here the way I wanted her to be. The woman who runs the pet crematory told me that in death, animals give off a certain scent that can be picked up by other animals. When I told her my other 2 cats kept looking around the house for Chessa, she recommended that I place her ashes in a spot where Chessa used to lie, and just leave them there for an hour or so, without calling any attention to them. She said that if my other cats sniffed her ashes, they could pick up on that scent, and somehow understand what had happened. I have no idea if she was right or not, but I did just that. Maybe that would be helpful to Suri and Bonzai?
Pubert was such a cute cat! What a little lovebug! I wish you a peaceful heart, and know that a part of Pubert will always be with you. Many (((hugs))) to you!
Jodi
Thank you, nurse2b013. I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your Chessa, as well. I will definitely try what you suggested with Pubert's ashes. My other two kitties are so confused right now. Perhaps the understanding of what happened to her will give them some peace.
Dear Pubert'sMom,
I am so sorry for the loss of your little sweety-pie, Pubert. You gave her a wonderful life, full of love and adoration. I know she will be forever grateful for this. I was never really a religious person either, until I lost my furbaby over a year ago. I still felt her presence and love so strongly, that it made me question things. I realized that a body can die, but love and energy cannot. She will always be with you in one way or another. And I truly believe that we will be reunited with them one day, for an eternity of love, where we never have to worry about illness or pain. Until then, you can keep her alive through your love and memories of her.
Please let us know how you're getting on. You don't have to travel this painful journey alone -- we're all here for you.
Thinking of you,
Cheryl x
I am so sorry for the loss of your little sweety-pie, Pubert. You gave her a wonderful life, full of love and adoration. I know she will be forever grateful for this. I was never really a religious person either, until I lost my furbaby over a year ago. I still felt her presence and love so strongly, that it made me question things. I realized that a body can die, but love and energy cannot. She will always be with you in one way or another. And I truly believe that we will be reunited with them one day, for an eternity of love, where we never have to worry about illness or pain. Until then, you can keep her alive through your love and memories of her.
Please let us know how you're getting on. You don't have to travel this painful journey alone -- we're all here for you.
Thinking of you,
Cheryl x
Dear Pubert's Mom
Let me add my condolences, too, on the passing of your dear Pubert. (What an interesting name? How did he get it?). Pubert's mom, you'll never be alone here. There are people who are years into their parting journey, those (like me) who are a few months in, and those (like you) who are just stepping onto the rough and rocky road. It's shock and depair at first - like you've been shot in the heart with a high-powered rifle and you're bleeding all over. And "at first" doesn't mean after a week - it means weeks or months. Everyone's path is different. We Lightning Strikers are a family who support each other - all the time, through anything. Welcome to the family.
Sleep well, my friend.
Gretta's mom
Let me add my condolences, too, on the passing of your dear Pubert. (What an interesting name? How did he get it?). Pubert's mom, you'll never be alone here. There are people who are years into their parting journey, those (like me) who are a few months in, and those (like you) who are just stepping onto the rough and rocky road. It's shock and depair at first - like you've been shot in the heart with a high-powered rifle and you're bleeding all over. And "at first" doesn't mean after a week - it means weeks or months. Everyone's path is different. We Lightning Strikers are a family who support each other - all the time, through anything. Welcome to the family.
Sleep well, my friend.
Gretta's mom
Thank you, Cheryl83 and Gretta's Mom!
I really want--and need--to believe that all of us will be reunited with our pets one day, and when it happens we'll never have to be apart from them again. That's what I'm trying to focus on now--that I don't have to say goodbye to my little cat, only see you later.
Yesterday I was waiting at the bus stop and the strangest thing happened. I was just standing there, feeling sad and staring at the rain. Then all of a sudden the side of my right leg got toasty warm, as if I had my cat curled up next to me. Since there was no other explanation for it (the rain was damp and cold) I'd love to think that was Pubert saying hello. I've certainly not had anything like that happen to me out of the blue before.
Pubert got her name from a movie. I'd brought her home only a few days earlier, but couldn't decide what to call her. Then, as I was watching one of the Addams Family films on TV, I noticed she was entranced by what was happening on the screen. I'm not sure what it was about the movie that caught her attention, but she sat there, itty bitty ears alert, for the whole 2 hours. So when one of the characters named their baby Pubert, I decided that would be my kitten's name, as well.
I really want--and need--to believe that all of us will be reunited with our pets one day, and when it happens we'll never have to be apart from them again. That's what I'm trying to focus on now--that I don't have to say goodbye to my little cat, only see you later.
Yesterday I was waiting at the bus stop and the strangest thing happened. I was just standing there, feeling sad and staring at the rain. Then all of a sudden the side of my right leg got toasty warm, as if I had my cat curled up next to me. Since there was no other explanation for it (the rain was damp and cold) I'd love to think that was Pubert saying hello. I've certainly not had anything like that happen to me out of the blue before.
Pubert got her name from a movie. I'd brought her home only a few days earlier, but couldn't decide what to call her. Then, as I was watching one of the Addams Family films on TV, I noticed she was entranced by what was happening on the screen. I'm not sure what it was about the movie that caught her attention, but she sat there, itty bitty ears alert, for the whole 2 hours. So when one of the characters named their baby Pubert, I decided that would be my kitten's name, as well.
Aw, how nice that you had a sign from Pubert! That must have been so comforting. I hope it made you smile!
Last night I was lying in bed and I swore I felt the covers moving like they did when Chessa "kneaded" me. I could almost feel her there with me. It made me so happy.
Someday we will all see our furbabies again!
Last night I was lying in bed and I swore I felt the covers moving like they did when Chessa "kneaded" me. I could almost feel her there with me. It made me so happy.
Someday we will all see our furbabies again!
QUOTE (Pubert'sMom @ Aug 17 2011, 01:29 AM) 
That's what I'm trying to focus on now--that I don't have to say goodbye to my little cat, only see you later.
Thinking of it that way, really made me smile. Thank you. I hope you're doing okay today. Hold on to your beliefs. They give us hope and comfort.
Thinking of you, Cheryl x
Hello Pubert's mom
How wonderful that Pubert is giving you such clear signs that she is OK and living in the Perfect World. She's as close to you now as she was when you could see her - only a breath away. She's loving you and guiding you and taking care of you and being loved by you .... the same as ever. A wonderful old Black preacher taught me that faith was a choice - that we choose what we believe in. I am so happy that you have chosen the same belief as I have - that souls are forever, that there is a Perfect World, that love is infinite and forever, and that we WILL be reunited with our loved companions one day, never to be parted again. Little Puberts is sure giving you some VERY clear signals that that belief is true. Thank you for sharing you and Puberts' story. You have strengthened the spirits of your Lightning Strike family. Alone we are weak, together we can hold each other up - and we are strong.
Get some rest tonight, my friend. Pubert is keeping watch.
Gretta's mom
How wonderful that Pubert is giving you such clear signs that she is OK and living in the Perfect World. She's as close to you now as she was when you could see her - only a breath away. She's loving you and guiding you and taking care of you and being loved by you .... the same as ever. A wonderful old Black preacher taught me that faith was a choice - that we choose what we believe in. I am so happy that you have chosen the same belief as I have - that souls are forever, that there is a Perfect World, that love is infinite and forever, and that we WILL be reunited with our loved companions one day, never to be parted again. Little Puberts is sure giving you some VERY clear signals that that belief is true. Thank you for sharing you and Puberts' story. You have strengthened the spirits of your Lightning Strike family. Alone we are weak, together we can hold each other up - and we are strong.
Get some rest tonight, my friend. Pubert is keeping watch.
Gretta's mom
Hi Pubert's mom
Just stopping by to see how you are. Hope things are a tiny bit better with you.
Gretta's mom
Just stopping by to see how you are. Hope things are a tiny bit better with you.
Gretta's mom
Hi Pubert's mom
How are things with you? This site is so wonderful - people here truly understand what each other is going through and are always ready with words and encouragement and spirits of love and concern. Here you never have to hide behind a "public face" or pretend you're "Doing OK" or - worse yet - "getting over it." Our spirit animals are forever. We have exchanged pieces of each other's souls. They're with us- we just can't see or hear or touch them - and that's what HURTS. One day at a time .... and then another ... and then another. Like someone here has said, we never "get over" these soulmates.
Keep well my friend,
Gretta's mom
How are things with you? This site is so wonderful - people here truly understand what each other is going through and are always ready with words and encouragement and spirits of love and concern. Here you never have to hide behind a "public face" or pretend you're "Doing OK" or - worse yet - "getting over it." Our spirit animals are forever. We have exchanged pieces of each other's souls. They're with us- we just can't see or hear or touch them - and that's what HURTS. One day at a time .... and then another ... and then another. Like someone here has said, we never "get over" these soulmates.
Keep well my friend,
Gretta's mom
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