Hi all

2 days ago I lost my beautiful 9 month old russian blue cat. I've never known a character like him, he truly was one of a kind and gave me so much unconditional love. I left him purring on my bed in the morning and 10 hours later he was found dead in horrific circumstances - he was found hanging from a tree with wire round his neck, he had strangled himself. When I found out I nearly fainted, I couldn't believe it. I have been through so many stages of grief. Denial, pure devastation, guilt, and complete shock.

The thing I am finding hardest is not knowing what his last moments were - whether or not he suffered a long and painful death. I'm sure it is the same for people who's pets are run over, or any other tragic accident. I just can't bear it, I've had nightmares. I can only hope the grief and worry will subside in time. Of course many people don't understand, and a few have said 'just get another one'. Some people really don't understand that animal lovers know each and every pet has his/her own personality! I can't imagine being able to give my love or attention to another little cutie EVER let alone straight away. He truly was my little baby.

Does anyone have any advice or coping strategies, or has anyone else experienced sudden loss?

Thanks for reading x

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Hi hollymonster,

I'm so so sorry for your loss of your sweet kitty. I know it must be devastating. I have not experienced the grief of sudden loss so I'm not sure how much help I'll be. I know you must be feeling guilty, we all do, even if our pets are older we wonder if there's something we could have, should have done. I'm sure your kitty had plenty of love and kindness in his life. He looks very happy in the picture. I know no words I can write will take the pain away, but know that we are here for you and will help you through this. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Much love.

Cinder's Mama.

PS. You may want to check out Cowboy's thread; he lost his sweet dog, Cowboy, very suddenly and may be able to help you out.

"I left him purring on my bed in the morning and 10 hours later he was found dead in horrific circumstances - he was found hanging from a tree with wire round his neck, he had strangled himself."

Hi, hollymonster, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved companion. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion under tragic circumstances instensifies the deep grief.

Hollymonster, unfortunately there is no easy way through your grief adjustment journey. This journey can only be traveled one day at a time - - sometimes one moment at a time - - in your own way and in your own time. But I assure you that you are not alone - - ever - - for you are among friends here who do understand what you are going through, and each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. It is vitally important that you surround yourself with people who truly do understand what you are going through, and to give yourself the rightful permission to grieve your tragic loss. Anyone who does not understand this needs to be avoided, if possible, or have limited contact with.

From what you have shared with us, it sounds like somehow he got outside during the day. I cannot imagine how he could have tangled himself in a wire and hung himself in a tree all by himself. So, as difficult as this may be for you to even consider - - could this not have been an accident? And, if you believe - - or know - - it was not an accident, have you contacted the police / animal control officers / humane society in your area to request an investigation to press animal cruelty charges as appropriate?

For whatever it is worth to you in your grief journey, I grew up in a very crime-oriented neighborhood, and there were unspeakable acts of cruelty that the neighborhood thugs of all ages would inflict on the animals - - both domestic and wildlife - - and two such incidents happened to two of my little kittens while I was growing up. This, along with the abuse imposed by my biological father on these same cats left a HUGE impact on me throughout my life. So, I truly do undertand how devastated you are.

"I just can't bear it, I've had nightmares. I can only hope the grief and worry will subside in time."

Hollymonster, part of what you are experiencing is called Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and clinical professionals now recognize that losing a beloved companion, particularly under traumatic situations, can impose PTSD symptoms. Clnical studies prove that the mind records events, and when these events are life-changing and / or traumatic, the recording becomes "stuck" and continuously replays. This is evidenced in victims and survivors of September 11, combat veterans, etc.. Because of a different tragic and traumatic experience several years ago, I deal with PTSD and Survivor's Guilt on a daily basis. I do wish to assure you that - - in time - - the severity of your grief and worry will ease. One of the techniques that my counselor gave me was this: When I found myself beginning to recall the tragedy, to force myself to re-direct my thoughts to something else. This took a LOT of work in the beginning - - because it was an almost continuous effort for awhile. But with the encouragement of my counselor, the hard work eventually eased the traumatic event to a less dominating memory. And he also had me keep a journal which also helped me to work through the anger and depression.

Thank you so very much for sharing with us your beloved companion, hollymonster. What a handsome little boy he is. Please know that your beloved companion KNOWS you did everything in your power to give him a healthy, happy, and safe earthly journey with you. The love bond you share together is eternal, hollymonster - - it is not limited to the physical laws of time and space. Hopefully as your deep grief eases you will be able to feel your beloved companion's sweet Living Spirit continuing to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will.

Hollymonster, once again I am truly very sorry for your loss. I know right now there are no adequate words in any language that can remotely comfort your shattered heart from the seering pain it is feeling. I can only hope and pray that somehow you will find comfort, encouragement, and hope in the words that each of the wonderful people in this forum will share with you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, hollymonster, and am looking forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Hollymonster,

I am so very sorry for your sudden and incredibly devastating loss. There truly aren't words to describe what you are going through but maybe by telling you my story you can gain a bit of support from knowing you are not alone. I have had many dogs and thus many dogs pass away. The most tragic and sudden, however, was my Merlin, a 9 y/o Rottweiler, who drowned off my and my now ex-husband's boat. We had just pulled into anchor and were getting ready to bring the dogs ashore (we had several with us at the time). I was sitting with Merlin in the ##pit and he looked at me and smiled and then got up to go sun himself on the deck. He loved the boat and was very good on it. He would spend hours on the deck lying in the sun and we never worried because we had the entire perimeter of the boat netted so there was no way he could just fall overboard. To this day, I still don't know how he got over. All I can say is my husband came up from below and we started getting the dogs together and called the launch to come get us from shore. He said, "where's Merlin?" and that's when we realized he wasn't on deck or below. No more than several minutes had passed since he had been sitting with me. Long story short, he wasn't on the boat and after going out to search for him on the launch we did eventually find him but it was too late. How he got overboard, why, or how come he drowned are questions I'll never be able to answer, just like you will never be able to answer those similar questions as to how your kitty got that wire around his neck or ended up in that tree like that. You can make yourself crazy blaming yourself or trying to second guess yourself or, as you said, trying to figure out what his last moments were like. It's pointless to do it although certainly you will. Better to think about the good things you did for your cat and the good times you had together. I'm so very sorry you had to go through this, and that he did. As someone else posted, in your case, I wonder whether there was some intentional conduct at play; are you certain it was an accident? In any event, please know you will be in my prayers and just take your grief one day at a time, which is all any of us can do.

Oh Hollymonster

Let me add my voice to the chorus of people who are shocked and saddened by the passing of your darling kitty. Loss is hard enough without the possibility of it not really being an accident. I truly do not men this to hurt you in any way (God forbid - we're here because each of us is suffering the worst pain there is on earth and would do anything to avoid making someone else's pain worse). I agree with MoonBeam. Animals don't do this to themselves. I, too, have lived in let's just say "questionable" neighborhoods with some very questionable people. If you feel up to it in your heart, go after this crime with everything you have. If not, don't put yourself through it - but I hope you do contact the people MoonBean suggested, because they can give you their considered professional opinions, take the steps needed to bring the needed people to justice (if there indeed are any), and most importantly, help prevent this from happening to another animal (or human). Abuse lead to abuse - it's a very strong indicator.

All that being said, please know that my heart is bleeding for you, Hollymonster. The haunting images of PTSD seem never to go away. As moonbeam said, it takes a tremendous amount of work over a long period of time to wrest control away from them and let your loving heart live again.

I can tell from the picture of your kitty that she was loved and that she loved you. Why else would she be smiling?!? Coping strategies? Gretta (the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived) was my first dog as an adult. She passed on April 10 after having declined over a period of a day or two (she was 13 years old). I cried and cried and cried ... until I thought I would go crazy (or WAS going crazy). I knew I had to give myself permission to cry, shriek, pound on pillows, beat the floor, shout at whoever is in charge of this universe .... because that anger was there and had to come out. (I'm a solo, so doing this kind of stuff is much easier than when there is another person around, especially a child.) My sister, who has had dogs for 30+ years, suggested writing a letter to Gretta telling her how much she meant to me and saying everything I wanted to say to her. That didn't work so well, but I started writing a daily "journal" to her - just what I did, did she remember the old man who gave her treats during our noon walks ... stuff like that. (And cried.) For the first two ro three weeks it was as though someone had shot me in the heart and shattered it and I was bleeding all over everything. After that, it's become like a heavy cement block that I carry around at all times. Moonbeam also called this experience the roller coaster ride from hell - and it IS.

I get by by my beliefs about life, earthly presence, the Perfect World, souls migrating into each other, souls becoming one ... stuff like that. A venerable old Black preacher taught me a long time ago that, contrary to what I'd been led to believe as a result of my upbringing, faith is a CHOICE. You CHOOSE what you're going to believe in. And I choose to believe that animal and human souls are the same "stuff", that when a few rare people (like you) have an overwhelmingly special relationship with an animal it's because the person and the animal are part of the same being, you carry around a Russian Blue kitty-shaped puzzle piece of her soul that fits exactly into an empty space in your heart and your kitty carries around a HollyMonster-shaped piece of your soul that fits into a HollyMonster-shaped space in your heart. I think it's amazing that our spirit-animal has searched the entire universe over and FOUND her one-and-only, put herself in our path so that we would meet (how improbable is THAT!), and that that overwhelming rush of instant love on meeting is when the two hearts and two puzzle pieces come together. Then our spirit animal watches over us, guides us into some paths that we'd never have taken on our own, helps us develop parts of ourselves that are wondrous, and most importantly of all loves us and is loved by us. I believe in my heart that love is infinite - in amount, in time, in space, in everything. It's SO not like the zero-sum world we humans have created - where if I get a little more it comes at your expense so you have to make do with a little less. I learned all this from my Gretta. I was amazed that people who didn't even know her called her "kind." From the usual human perspective kindness is an active thing - you do some kind actions that show kindness. But here people were just looking a her face an knowing she was kind. That was a life lesson.

Animals are totally more advanced than people. They can see the truth - who loves them? who doesn't? who has a good heart? who doesn't? what things really mean and what's just an shadow? And I believe in a Perfect World, from which we all came and to which we return - maybe several times. My vet - the ultimate man of science and the best vet on earth, on hearing about Gretta's passing (it was on a weekend), gave me three big hugs and said something I'll treasure forever: "She's in a safe place now." So is your kitty. And she KNOWS what'a real - your love for her, her love for you. Bodily pain, no matter how intense lasts only a little while. Love is forever and animals, especially our soul-animals, know that. She's still next to you, you just can't see or hear or touch her and that hurts A LOT. People live through their senses and when one is not able to sense someone or something with th usual "five sense", it's like they're not there. But they ARE - as close as ever. Here in my work cube I have posted a quotation by "Anonymous" - "An old dog (ANY KIND OF ANIMAL) never dies. He always stays and walks beside you on crisp autumn days when frost is on the fields and winter's drawing near. His head is within your hand in hsi old way." And I CHOOSE to believe that's true. No, it doesn't stop the tears, but it's my belief and, as they say, I'm stickin' with it!!

Please let your Lightening Strike family, most of whom are farther along on the rocky road of grief and are surely not going through the SHOCK part of what you're going through, each take on a tiny bit of your burden. That's why this site is here. I firmly believe that Gretta had charge of my fingers when I found it. How many web sites are there? And I should find THE ONE that I need most! You can tell by reading the posts that EVERYONE here has been found by his or her spirit animal, has loved and been loved, and has run up against that brick wall that is the short liefspan of an animal relative to a human. Individually we're weak and in crushing pain, but together we're strong. We build each other up when we're torn down. We encourage each other through agonizing times. We're HERE forever. It's truly a MIRACLE that this site was created.

Through your tears, see if by listening REALLY carefully, you can hear a tiny voice telling you she loves you. You know who that is!

With love (and anger if the wrost turns out to be the case),

Gretta's mom

Dear Hollymonster, My heart is aching for you and your beautiful boy - no words I have can take away the shock and pain of what happened...I can only tell you that we are all here for you and will be as long as you need...the people saying "just get another one..." need to be ignored while you come to terms with the loss of your boy (they wouldn't say this to someone who had lost a child, and that's what we have all lost), and the way you lost him. I wish I could snap my fingers and just give you good memories of him, please be gentle with yourself today, sending you the biggest hugs today Leejaye

Hi Hollymonster. Im so sorry for the loss of your kitty. I wish I had some magic words to offer you to comfort you. As raerae said my dog passed suddenly. The friends I have made on here have helped tremendously. Ive taken comfort myself by knowing that I gave cowboy everything I had. I made sure his every need and want was taken care of. We do everything we can and thats the best we can do. We cannot beat ourselves up for not being able to be there for every moment of their life. I found it best to deal with the guilt feelings as quickly as I could. I cant take them away but know that Its not your fault. We have to take care of our lives to be able to take care of theirs. And your kitty knows this. Please keep coming back and letting us know how your doing. Everyone on here is here for you including myself if you need to talk. I know your kitty is in good hands with cowboy and all the others now. I hope you have a peaceful night and a good day tomorrow.

Hollymonster -

I also wanted to add my deepest sympathy at this shocking and difficult time. I'm afraid I must agree with some of the others in that it does not sound like an accident. I hope you can find the strength to seek justice for your baby as has been suggested. But more importantly, know that we are all here for you on your grief journey. No more words I could add that have not alredy been expressed more eoloquantly that I ever could. Please let us know how you are doing.

Hi Hollymonster,

Your Kitty's picture is SO adorable - she's smiling and looks like she's purring, too. Would you mind if I added it to my private folder of favorite animal pictures? My heart is with you tonight and always as we walk together down this rocky road.

Thank you.

Gretta's mom

In my teens, I had two different occasions of sudden loss of my best buddy cats, both under a year old. The first was my black cat Ivan (facetiously Ivan the Terrible, as he was the sweetest cat I had ever known), who had been crying in pain early in the morning, prompting us to plan a vet visit immediately after my mom got off work. I returned from school to find him dead in the hallway. The suspected cause was acute kidney failure from antifreeze poisoning. The second was Vimmy shortly after I turned 18, and a few days after I had been in a traumatic car accident, who my mom found lying by the side of the road. It was horrible and the suddenness as well as the fact they were so young was devastating.

I can't remember much about how I got through other than going about my life and activities as normally as possible, not neglecting my feelings and writing them out. But I was much more resilient then compared to now, I think.

And my recent loss of Dzambala, was very different, yet very similar. I'd had time to know his health was failing, though there had been hope he'd pull through, but the actual moment of finding him was just as much of a shock as it had been with Ivan.

All that said, I imagine that your experience was particularly shocking because of both the suddenness and the unusual circumstances. If I'd been standing up when I read your experience, just imagining the shock would have made my knees give out.

He is such a beautiful boy, with a great name (I love cat names from either mythology or fantasy). Know that you have my sincerest sympathy, and I hope you will find comfort in the support of the good people on this site.

In time, but only your own, at some point your fond memories of Aslan will burn brighter than the horrible feelings you have now.

Peace,
Chris

Hi Hollymonster,

Just wanted to add my sincere condolences on the loss of your beautiful cat. 2 years ago I lost my baby goat Cora in a similar way. I left one of my horse's rope halters out in their field, and somehow she got caught up in it.My neighbour saw it happen and called me but by the time I got there she was already gone. The image has never really gone away, but it is abit blurry now around the edges....the guilt is as sharp as ever.But you know,it will get better with time and I think this is a really good place to get the process started.We have all suffered the most heartbreaking losses, and many of us more than once.I'm so glad I found this site after the loss of my sweet dog Alfie a couple of weeks ago, people here really understand.Thinking of you.

Dear Hollymonster.

I lost my 3 1/2 year little girl Schnoodle in Jan. very suddenly. My husband was walking her and her brother and she somehow got off her leash, was hit by a car and died instantly. I had kissed her goodbye before her walk only 5 minutes earlier. I thought I would not survive losing her so suddenly. I cried and cried for days. I cried every day for months. The severe intense pain has lessened but I still miss her every day even though we have her brother and a new puppy.

I think that all death is extremely difficult to deal with but your kitten was so young and healthy. You could never have seen this death coming. Unfortunately, I have to agree with Moon-_beam, this does not seem like something the kitten did by himself. We have had several incidents of cruelty to cats, kittens in our city recently. It is too common and very frigthening because these people will go on to continue to harm other animals or people. Unless there is something you have not said that explains how the kitten did this to himself, I agree you need to report this as a suspected crime.

This will not make the pain of his loss less but you will know you are doing everything you can to protect other animals in your area.

Please accept my condolences and keep us posted about how you are doing.