Hi,

It has been awhile since I have been to this forum. I am coming here today not to mourn the loss of one of mine own pets, but for the little foster kitten that was stillborn last night. I have fostered cats/kittens since 1998 and only did one other pregnant cat. The first one gave birth to 8 babies while I was away at work - all healthy. Last night when I came home from work my current foster mother was giving birth. The first two births went well, but the third one was not moving and she was not taking care of the poor little one. I did not know what to do, so I pick the kitten up and started gently rubbing it (I was on the telephone with the foster coordinator and he was trying to give me some directions). The little one never moved. I was told that it was probably stillborn and there was nothing I could do. I just can't get the image out of my mind and I am just heart broken. I was there when I had to say goodbye to my beloved pets and I know that with time this too will get better. I really thought I could handle it if something went wrong, but I am finding out otherwise. I feel as though I have lost one of my own. I am so upset and cannot stop think of the "what if's" and the "why did this have to happen". I don't even want to finish fostering this group at this time. I keep telling myself this is just "mother nature" taking care of things and that there must have been something wrong with this one. I am just praying the others make it. Sometimes I wonder why I foster - it can be so hard.

Thank you for listening.

Karen
Casey and Shelby - Mommy Loves YOU.

Oh, Karen, that's so sad. I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I can see why it's so disturbing for you. You did everything you could for the little one, but unfortunately, as you said, I guess he/she just wasn't meant to be. Mother nature can be so cruel, but I do believe that she has her reasons. It's just so very sad.

Karen, I have the uppermost respect for foster parents, and you're doing a wonderful thing. I know sad events like this can be a set back, but I'm sure all the positives that you get from the experience outweigh the bad. Please, keep on doing what you do. People like you are angels.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss, and please let us know how the other kitties get on. I will keep you, and them, in my thoughts and prayers.

Many hugs, Cheryl xx

Thank you Cheryl for your kind words. They do help. I will post how the other babies are doing.

I know from experience things do get better with time. This was just my first experience with this type of loss and it has hit me rather hard. I think mostly because I really did not know what to do and wish I had more experience that may have given this little one more of a chance. I guess I felt the same way when my Shelby was going through CRF - helpless.

Karen

Hi, Karen, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I am so very sorry about the little baby who went home to the angels before his / her little life began. Yes, unfortunately "things like this do happen" - - as the cliche goes, but it doesn't make it any less heartbreaking.

As Cheryl has already so comfortingly said, so I wish to add my affirmation: I cannot imagine you NOT being a foster mom. You care so much about what happens to them - - and this is exactly what they need - - YOU as their advocate. With you they know the loving touch of a human hand - - and heart - - which they would not otherwise know. You are their earthly guardian angel, Karen - - you are a blessing.

Still, I do understand what a toll it must take on you emotionally, and only you can decide if you want to continue to foster. I hope as you look at the mom and her babies you will know the answer that is right for you - and them. You truly did the absolute very best you could for the little one who is now with the angels - - not even vets - - or human doctors - - can resusitate a stillborn baby.

Karen, thank you again so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and what happened with the little one. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Karen, and look forward to knowing how you're doing - - and if possible, how mom and babies are doing, too.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thanks Moon Beam, I remember you and your kindness as I was going through the loss of my Casey and my Shelby. This loss is different than the loss of a pet, but some of the feelings are the same. It is people like you and the others on this site that are the angels to me. It helps so much to know that there are people who understand how I feel. Some people think the kitten wasn't alive and make light of it - I just don't feel that way. I have been through some other hard times fostering and I know as Cheryl has stated the good does outway the bad. This is just the first stillborn I have had and it's hard to get the image out of my mind - my stomach just flips when I think about it. Your word stating about vets and doctors not being able to revive a stillborn really helps, because I keep thinking if I knew what to do things might have been different. Maybe I waited to long to take the kitten from Betty etc... I know if Betty was out in the wild the same thing would have happen, only now I hope this little one will be waiting for me in heaven - because he/she does matter and is loved.

Karen

Hello Karen

First of all, my utmost admiration goes out to you as a foster mom. Loving and then, literally, giving up, passing on .... that's true heroism. Then, about the birth and the still birth. Let me tell you about my neighbor. She IS the Dog Lady! Has always had a dog of her own and fosters at least two other dogs at all times. She is a very energetic and powerful woman - retired now but very active in not only the rescue organization she fosters for but also in a nationwide anti-smoking group and makes flower gardens in a half-dozen places around town AND raises plants from seed for a $1000+ annual plant sale to benefit the anti-smoking group. In other words, she's been around and know what she's doing. She often asks for pregnant female dogs to foster so just in the time (4 years) I've know her she's had at least four births. Even with this level of experience, she never does it alone. She always has another experienced foster mom with her in case of problems. So far that I know of, she's had two births in which there was either a stillborn puppy or one who didn't make it through. These always hit her hard and I've even known this woman of steel to cry over it. So you are NOT alone in your feelings of sadness and grief over the angel that had already gone to heaven. It's got to be doubly hard when someone so preciously little crosses the bridge before s/he's taken her first earthly breath. But s/he's made it to where we're all - fur, fins, legs or whatever - are trying to go.

With you always,

Gretta's mom

". . . I hope this little one will be waiting for me in heaven - because he/she does matter and is loved."

Hi, Karen, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. Karen, you did the absolute best you could for the little one who is now graced with beautiful angel wings. You were on the phone with the foster coordinator who was instructing you on what to do - - not even the foster coordinator could have done anything differently than what you were doing. I hope in time the images remaining in your mind of that moment will ease so that you can begin to feel some peace. And please know beyond all shadow of a doubt that this little pure heart IS waiting for you - - along with your beloved Shelby and Casey - - because each of them do know how much they are loved - - for they know your heart, my friend.

Karen, thank you again so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I hope momma Betty and her babies are doing well. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Karen, and look forward to knowing how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi,

There has been a new development. I received a call from the foster coordinator and I now have 2 more little ones. We introduced them to Betty and she is taking care of them. Sadly the mom of these other babies has gone with the angels. She had 6 babies. Two are with Betty, two will go to another foster who also has a mommy kitty and two are going to be bottle fed. So sad they lost their mommy and have to be separated, but I am glad they were found. I pray that everything will go okay with the new additions.

Thanks Gretta's mom it really helps to know there are others who feel as deeply about the loss of a little one that never had the chance to live.

Karen

Hi, Karen, thank you so much for sharing the news about your momma Betty FOSTERING two babies. How so very precious!!! I do hope all goes well -- that she will accept these two little babies in addition to her own. Please do keep us informed as to how things go.

Please know you and your foster family are in my thoughts and prayers, Karen, and look forward to knowing how each of you are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Bad news for today. I lost one of the new foster babies during the night. I am just heartbroken.

Karen

Karen - Casey

I'm so sad with you again about the loss of one of your new foster babies. Is there anyone you can get to help you? You don't need to be going through this alone. Stuff always seems to happen when the regular vets are closed. Is there a vet school or 24-hour vet where you are? I'm definitely NOT questioning your ability to handle the situation. Just trying to say that there might be someone who could help.

My heart goes out to you, Karen. How sad it must be to look these little ones in the face and even though you know rationally they are, as my great vet said, "in a safe place now", they are so sweet and tender you wish they could have had a least a little life here on earth - especially with people like you to love them.

Please take care ...

Gretta's mom

Thank you Gretta's Mom. I had called the foster care coordinator when I came home from work and advised him this kitten was crying and wanted to know if I should bottle fed. He advised me to put the box of kittens in the cage with Betty and watch to see if the kitten would eat. My husband and I both checked and Betty was nursing them all, so I thought the little one would be okay. I did notice the kittens were fighting for a place to nurse at first, but then they all seemed to settle in. I feel guilty that I did not get up during the night to double check, but once I saw it feeding I thought placing the box in the cage was the answer. I wished I would have followed my first instinct and bottle fed. I am so depressed that I didn't.

I found out the next morning the other two kittens(place with another nursing mom) passed away the night before. I am so upset that I did not insist on taking the two kittens to the shelter for the healthcare people to take care of. If I had only known ... I just thought once I saw Betty nursing the kitten it would be alright.

I did take the other kitten back to the shelter in the morning when I discover the little one has passed away. I work full time and was not able to stay home and I wasn't going to work "hoping" that the kitten would be okay once I returned. So I was waking people up at 6 am to arrange to drop off the kitten. The last word I heard yesterday at 4 p.m. they were still bottle feeding the little guy. I know they will do everything they can to save this little guy. I am praying this little one will survive. I have fostered for years and I think this has been one of the worst experience I have had. The people at the shelter think that since the mom cat died and the babies died there must have been something wrong - but we will never know.

I am trying to see the joy in watching Betty taking care of her four babies - she is an outstanding mom but it is hard right now.

Thanks for listening.

Karen

Hi, Karen, please permit me to extend to you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of the foster baby. If I had been in your position I, too, would think seeing the little waif nursing would mean that he / she would be okay. So, you followed the coordinator's instructions, you saw the little waif nursing - - you did the very best you could under the circumstances. I'm very glad you took the second little foster waif to the shelter, and that they began bottle feeding. After what happened with his / her siblings there wasn't much other choice. You did NOT need the stress of wondering what you would find when you got home from work, so I am very, very thankful you were able to get relief from the shelter.

It sounds like Betty's four kids are doing well - - they have survived and - - appear to be thriving under her care. This is very good news, Karen. And after what you have been through, you and Betty are entitled to some good news.

Karen, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you, Betty, and her precious babies are doing. Please know you and your foster family are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how each of you are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Here I am again. My sister decided she would foster and she has a mom with 5 babies. Sunday she called me and one of the babies kept crying. She said when they picked the little one up it would stop and crawl on them. She thought maybe the mommy was not feeding her/him enough. So she called me to give her some KMR and a bottle. I told her if she kept crying to call the foster coordinator. They are about 5 weeks, so they are eating canned food too. She tried to bottle feed, but the baby didn't want it. The kitten was active and playing, but just crying. She called me later that evening and said it was feeding with mommy kitty and then went to sleep. I guess the kitten was quite all night and seemed fine in the morning. My sister called me about 2 p.m. Monday and found the kitten had passed away. Now I am feeling guilty that we did not call the foster care coordinator earlier. I know in my head there probably wasn't anything we could do, but I just am having a hard time dealing with yet another loss. You all know the "what if's".

Karen

Dear karen-casey, My heart is breaking for you guys, you and your sister, you do such fantastic work fostering these babies and having to deal with two losses, so similar, close together - I am so sorry, that sounds so inadequate... I guess these little souls just weren't ready for this world yet, gone back to be angel kittens til the world is right for them...please take care, I hope the world is nice to you today Leejaye

Hi, Karen, just adding my sympathies to Leejaye's in this newest loss you and your sister are going through with a foster baby. I truly believe that even if your sister had called the foster coordinator that the coordinator would have given the same advice you gave your sister. Unfortunately it is not uncommon for one of the new babies to not survive. It's not fair, it's always very sad and upsetting because each baby is precious. And you and your sister are to be commended for your work to help care for these mommies and babies - - because you truly do love them.

I hope today is being kinder to you and your sister, and that the remaining precious babies will do well and thrive and find loving homes. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Karen, and look forward to knowing how you are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you Leejaye and Moon Beam I really appreciate your kind words. As always I find comfort in sharing my feelings with the wonderful people here. Some people just do not understand how hard it is even when the loss is not one of your own pets. I am feeling guilty that I asked my sister to foster and she had to endure finding the little one. Her son is being deployed and I thought this would help her take her mind off of her son leaving and now she had to go through this heartbreak. I know these things do happen, but it doesn't make it any easier. The kitten seemed healthy and did not show any signs of sickness, so it was a shock for my sister and I. I just keep thinking "why did this have to happen". People tell me not to think about it, but it is hard for me to just "let it go", my mind just doesn't let me.

Karen

Dear karen-casey, I don't know how people think you could "just let it go" or not think about it, the loss of a tiny new soul is heartbreaking and demands some grieving, sending you and your sister some huge hugs Leejaye

Leejaye I am so glad that you agree that it's okay to grieve for this little one. Sometimes people make me feel like there is something wrong with me because I think so much about it. I try to reason with myself on why it happened, a kitten that seems perfectly healthy just passes away. I just keep thinking what could I have done to help this little one. It is hard for me to just "accept" there was nothing I could do - even if that is the truth. When people tell me not to think about it - it's over. I just think like you said - these little kittens do matter and they need to be mourned. I love each and every one of them and it just breaks my heart when one passes away - a little life that was cut short, just when it's life was beginning.

Karen

Dear karen-casey, It must be so hard for you, i know i would definitely be asking why and what could i have done, but it really sounds like you did everything, all i can think is that these little guys came too soon into a world not right for them, I hope their little souls are mended and coming back in another kitten body at a happier time, is that too sappy? I'll light a candle for the little guys and send you some more hugs Leejaye

Hi, Karen, just checking in with you to see how things are going. I totally agree with everything that our friend leejaye has shared with you from her heart - - as she has shared the very words that are in my heart as well. How could your heart NOT be touched by the sadness of the physical loss of a precious new little body and soul? Each life is precious, and you honor the angel who briefly touches this side of this eternity through your loving, caring heart. And I thank you so very much for sharing each little spirit with us.

I hope today is being kind to you, your sister, and the little ones you are fostering. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Karen, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Bad news for today. My sister lost another one of her foster babies. She insisted on taking the remaining ones back to the shelter two are okay, but one has a terrible temp and the healthcare people said it would not have made it another day. They also told my sister she would have no way of knowing the kittens were sick. They are all playing, eyes and nose clear and fat little bellies. They are taking the mommy and the kitten to the vet this afternoon. They have already tested for Parvo - which turned out negative. I am just heartsick over another loss, and that my sister is going through this horrible time. I have been fostering since 1998 and never had such a hard time of it. I think the kittens are lucky to be with my sister, as she insisted they be seen today (even though they seem fine - obviously they are not). Hopefully they will be able to find out what is wrong and the remaining 3 kittens and mommy kitty with be okay. The shelter I volunteer for is very good at taking care of the animals and will do whatever they can. My sister has the two at home, so hopefully they will remain in good health. I will keep you posted. Please send prayers.

Karen

We got the news back from the vet - feline distemper. So the kitten they took to the vet has a 50/50 chance and the others will have to be watched closely. They are telling us since they are so young their is nothing they can give them to prevent them from getting the illness. I have a call into my vets office to get their opinion.

Karen

Hi, Karen, thank you so very much for sharing with us how your sister's foster family is doing. I am so very sorry about the distemper diagnosis. I hope your vet will be able to give you some options that will help the other kittens and their mommy. Isolation is one of the mandatory things that is part of the "treatment" plan. Please do let us know what your vet recommends, suggests, etc.. And please know you, your sister, and her foster family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Karen, I'm praying hard for those other little kittens and their mum, please keep us filled in on how they are doing, thank heavens for people like you and your sister, take care Leejaye

Well it was a terrible Saturday. I went over to my sister's and found one of the foster babies near death. My husband and I rushed the poor baby to the emergency clinic but it was too late. I am just heartsick once again, I cannot shake the image of the poor little one. My sister returned the mom and the last baby to the shelter and the healthcare person on duty rushed them to the emergency clinic too. They think they will be able to save the mom, but who knows about the baby. As of today the baby is still doing well. The one they took last week has also passed. I am so upset they did not take the little ones sooner. It may not have made a difference, but this has been the worst experience I have had. My sister is not going to foster anymore and I think I not going to either. It is so hard, and my heart just can not take any more. It is so sad these little ones had to get such a terrible illness. They were no match for the distemper. Hopefully the remaining kitten will be okay.

I could not sleep all night Saturday and Sunday, just thinking about all of this. I am just sick to my stomach. I keep going over everything that happened over and over again. I talked to one of the healthcare people today and she was telling me some of the other little ones they have lost this summer for one reason or another. It's hard as they are sometime born will health issues that just can't be fix. She was telling me about this other couples heartbreak and how they were devisated. I have know this couple since I started at the shelter in 1998.

The shelter goes to Petco, so I may decide to help there instead.

On a happy note Betty and her babies are all doing well.

Karen

Dear Karen, I am so so sorry, how heartbreaking for you, your sister and those tiny new souls - I'll send up a prayer for the last little one and his mum, sending you enormous hugs Leejaye

Hi, Karen, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your sister are doing. I, like leejaye, am so very sorry about what has happened with your sister's foster family. Distemper is an illness that is passed from mommy to babies sometimes before they are born, and because they are so vulnerable survival is very rare. I am keeping the mom and surviving baby in my thoughts and prayers that they will be okay. Please do let us know how things go, if you're able to.

I'm so glad to know that Betty and her babies are doing well. This, hopefully, will help to bring some comfort to you.

Karen, it's okay if you and your sister decide not to foster again. I know that whatever you do the little ones who are privileged to feel your touch are greatly blessed. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Karen, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you Moom Beam and Leejaye - your support means so much to me. I am having a really hard time dealing with all this and it helps to hear your kind and comforting words. I will try to post a picture of Betty and her bunch soon. They do bring a smile to my face and in some ways they ease the pain. I just have the sorrow of the loss of the babies and the guilt that my sister had to go though all this. I wanted it to be a pleasant experience for her.

Thanks for your support.
Karen