Hello friends

Some of you know that I lost my Gretta (the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived) on April 10 of this year. Thank God I discovered this site and my new LS friends comforted me and brought me through the initial shock and despair onto the robot-walking phase and welcoming a new dog, Rufus (100+ # black lab/newfie mix), into my life.

Trying to be strong and comfort my best-loved human has brought back all the sadness about Gretta and wondering about Rufus. Rufus spent 1.5 years in a foster home, rarely brought to adoption events because of his age (7.5) and a neurological condition (several, it turned out) that causes his legs to shake. His foster mom loved him SO much. She has 40 acres for him to run around in, fosters another big dog for him to be friends with, and is "dog-sitting" while I am away from home for a week. The foster mom e-mailed and said Rufie had settled into his old life immediately and was having a ball. When I think of the life he has with me (1000 sq ft fourplex unit, urban area, solo dog) I'm thinking maybe he would be ahppier with the foster mom. I love him, but I don't want to be selfish about it. Maybe that IS a better life for him (except for the shall-we-say marginal vet care he was getting). All I can say is my mind is jumbled on the subject. I guess the down-and-dirty reality has to be that I DO love him and I do my best for him (4 walks/50 blocks a day, the BEST vet in the Midwest, a colleague whose emotional state has been greatly improved by walking Rufus with me every day.

Gretta. Rufus. Could one of you please send me a little sign that Rufie and I are an OK family?

Thanks so much.

Gretta and Rufus's mom

Greta's Mom

What you DO provide Rufus with, as you indicated is better vet care, and most important individule unconditional love. Plus, all the other stuff. I don't know what more a fur child could want, but that's just my opinon. I've read your posts about him, and I know that you love the guy. It's your decision, of course, but if you are looking for input, I'd have to go with keeping him.


Tail Hugs from

TTT

Hi, Gretta's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I think some of the questions you need to ask yourself are: How do you feel about being away from him? Do you miss him - - or is there a feeling of relief that you are not taking care of him 24 / 7? Are you looking forward to going back home and not having him there to greet you - - or are you looking forward to seeing him again but at the foster mom's home instead of yours? If you think he is lonely living as a solo dog, is there a dog park you can go to where he can make friends?

If it's only the vet care that concerns you, you can donate money to the foster care mom specifically for Rufus' care - - or send the vet provider a donation specifically designated for Rufus' care and make arrangements for his routine check ups, etc., to ensure that he continues to get proper medical care. And I'm sure you can continue to visit him to let him know you have not forgotten him. You can still walk with your colleague every day - - and I'm sure your company will be greatly appreciated even if Rufus is not with you.

The deep grief that Bobbie is going through certainly does surface the deep sadness you have gone through, and are still experiencing, with the physical loss of your beloved Gretta. It is natural that these conflicting emotions will also cause you to "second guess" your bringing Rufus into your life - - and keeping him now - - particularly with the news that he "had settled into his old life immediately and was having a ball." Of course he would settle back into his old life - - he is in familiar surroundings with a person he knows and feels comfortable. You provided him that comforting environment instead of placing him in a sterile boarding environment where he would just be another customer. The most important question is: Can you see yourself NOT having Rufus in your daily life? If the answer to that is "yes" then the most loving decision you can make for him is to have him stay with his foster mom. If the answer is "no" - - then the decision is to reunite with him as quickly as you can when you return home. As Tracy has said it is apparent you care very much about Rufus and have enjoyed having his comforting presence with you, and only you, Gretta's Mom, can answer the questions about Rufus coming home with you.

I hope I have been able to help you sort through some of your questions / concerns about bringing Rufus home with you. Just know beyond all shadow of a doubt that whatever decision you make will be the right one for you and Rufus, and we are here for you to help you in every way we can.

Please know you and Rufus are in my thoughts and prayers, Gretta's Mom, and am looking forward to knowing how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Gretta's Mom,

I agree with moon_beam, you ultimately have to make this decision yourself. I think Rufus was sent to you for a reason, but again only YOU really and truly know. Like moon_beam said, can you imagine being without Rufus? Will you be sad without him? And if you keep him, will you continue to feel guilty or is this just emotions surfacing because of Bobbie and Trevor's situation? It is obvious to me that you care for Rufus and give him lots of love. If it's just his friends you are worried about, can you take him to visit often? And if he does have this condition, he definitely deserves the best vet! But, again, it is something you will have to think about.

I know being with Bobbie and Trevor brought back a lot of emotions for you about Gretta, but I am so glad hat you were able to be there for her. I know you miss Gretta so much, but remember she is always with you in your heart and soul, never far away. Although, I do hope she is helping Cinder get accustomed to her wings (typing this through tears).

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you make a decision about Rufus.

Much love.

Cinder's Mama

Dear Gretta's Mom, You give Rufus 40 acres plus of your heart and love to wander around in every day!! His visit to his foster mum's is probably a great holiday, but wait til he sees his Mom again before you decide anything - like Rae and Moon_beam said, the other things like dog company and exercise are resolvable (dog play dates? My mum's Westie has a play date every few weeks with one of his sisters from the same litter...and I know you guys walk heaps, weather permitting!!) ...posting in Bobbie's thread reopened some painful stuff I had put away about Mischief, I can only imagine what sadness has come back to you about your Gretta...your previous posts about Rufus, the way you write about him, it really sounds like a steady growing love between you - you will know what is right and best for him, I know you will, sending love and Purrs Leejaye & Purszi

Thank you friends. I DO miss Rufus. I DO want to get home and have him there. I DO want to have his big black nose greeting me at the door. I DON'T want to "give him away". I'm going back home as fast as I can (next Saturday) and hug my big boy until he rolls his eyes. Thank you for helping me think this through. Rufus, your new mom, your forever mom, loves you, buddy.

Hi, Gretta's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us your decision to rejoin your precious Rufus when you get back home. It is an honor to be a part of this wonderful forum and a part of many wonderful friends who are here to help each other sort through so many different emotions and situations that arise - - particularly when we least expect it.

I hope your travels home will be safe and uneventful - - so that you and your precious Rufus will have a gloriously wonderful reunion. Please know you both are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear, dear Jeanne,

You are the most wonderful mom that Gretta could have ever hoped for! You did everything right for her, especially being a first-time doggie mom, and she is still so grateful.

When you have any doubts or sad days, like today, remember who really loves and appreciates you:
Gretta, Rufus, Trevor, Rudy, Jasper, Kelly, Birney, Crocker, Spot & Squirt

THEY are the most important ones to make us happy on this earth. And you did one heck of a job making Gretta HAPPY!!!!!

Love,
Bobbie

Thank you SO much, Bobbie. Sometimes it's just SO sad not being able to see and hug our love bugs. And you're right - it's all THOSE beings that really count. I'll be OK - thanks to you and the other lovely people here on this site.