I have started and deleted this post more times than I can count. Mostly because I don't know what to say or how to say it but I am going to try again because I am suffering big time.

Last Thursday 6/30 my husband and I had to put our 10 year old Black Labrador Dixie down. It all started the Friday before so please bear with me while I tell our story.

Friday morning I noticed she hadn't eaten all of her food which is unusual but did happen sometimes so I figured she would eat all of her dinner. She was a diabetic so along with getting insulin injections twice a day I monitored her food intake and her output like a hawk. Friday night rolls around and she wanted nothing to do with her food. This was highly unusual because she being a lab she loved her food. I figured her tummy might have been upset or something so I left the bowl out overnight to see if she would eat later.

Saturday morning I got up and went right to her food dish. Last nights food was still there untouched. So I got her a fresh serving and gave it to her. Not interested. At this point I was pretty concerned, so I got a can of food out and tried that instead of her dry/can mixture. Again she didn't want it so I left it until dinnertime. Same routine and the same not eating again. This time I cooked up some hamburger and rice and she ate that pretty good so I felt a bit better.

Sunday came and it was a battle again. She didn't want anything for breakfast or dinner. By this point I was a mess because I knew something was really wrong with her. My husband and I both stayed up all night Sunday with her waiting for her doctors office to open Monday morning. I was terrified that we were about to lose her. I called around 7:45 and spoke to one of the techs and asked if I could bring her in as soon as doc got there. They moved his first appointment back and I think they actually called him in early for us because we got there a little after 8:30 and he was already there when he usually doesn't get in til 9.

He ended up keeping her for the day to do a series of tests and xrays because her stomach was as hard as a rock. I called several times throughout the day to check on her and see if we could come get her and finally around 3 they said we could come back and get her and doc wanted to talk to us.

Her xrays showed a huge mass in her chest and abdomen. Her vertebrae in her spine had started to fuse together and all of her organs were being pushed out of their proper place by this huge mass. To this day we still aren't sure if it was cancerous or not because she didn't make it long enough for us to find out.

Anyway we were able to take her home but he warned us that she probably wouldn't make it much longer, maybe 6 months and that was really pushing it. So we got her home and she ate two bowls of chicken and rice and all seemed well.

The next day we took her outside and I noticed that her back legs were shaking very badly when she was going potty. She walked around for a bit then squatted to go #2 and about halfway through her going her legs just seemed to give out. She tried to make it back to the door to go inside but she just sort of laid down and didn't want to move. We got her up about 10 minutes later and she seemed ok for the rest of the day.

Pretty much the same thing happened on Wednesday day. Then Wednesday night I noticed she started breathing funny. Once again I was up with her all night and I just knew something bad was happening. Her eyes which always had a happy look to them looked very sad, and she didn't want to go outside at all.

My husband and I had to go Thursday morning to get our license plate renewed on our car and as we were driving back home I just got this feeling in my heart and gut that she was ready to go. We got home and she was still in the same condition that she was in 45 minutes ago when we had left.

I put a call in to her doc and we just sat around with her waiting for him to call back. He finally called around 11 and I told him what was going on. He said she probably was ready and if we felt it too we should probably bring her in. He told me to make the arrangements that I needed to make for her and call him back. (this all sounds harsh but in reality it wasn't. Her doc is the most compassionate vet I have ever known and we have a long history with him.)

My husband called the doggy funeral parlor to make arrangements for them to meet us, and I called doc back. He said to bring her in at 2. So we had a few hours left with her. We took her out and she didn't make it 10 steps before she just laid down. So the 3 of us sat outside for quite some time until it was time to leave.

We got to the office and were taken back right away. The woman that was going to take care of her afterwards came in to meet with us, and then it was time. We sat on the floor with her talking to her, telling her how much we loved her and what a great dog she had been. And how much we were going to miss her, that it was ok for her to let go and we would be fine.

It went exactly the way I had hoped. It was very peaceful and we got to be with her. Once doc checked her and told us she was gone they gave us all the time we needed with her, and I just laid on the floor with her crying into her fur and hugging her body.

Eventually my husband told them we were ready, they came in and got her and gave me her collar. I walked out with her and gave her last kisses, and then my girl was gone.

We got her cremains back less than 24 hours after we lost her and that was probably the biggest comfort. The people that took care of her were amazing, and so compassionate. I am devastated that we had to let our girl go but they made it a bit more bearable.

I am sorry this is so long but typing out the whole thing brings me some comfort. People say that she was lucky to have us, but in reality we were the lucky ones to have had her for 10 wonderful years. We are lucky that we had her to love and to have her unconditionally return that love to us. I miss her so much.

Thank you for reading. I am trying my hardest to get through this but the loss of our Dixie has almost crippled me.

Oh Christina, I am so sorry about the passsing of beautiful Ms Dixie. Labs are the greatest! I lost my Gretta on April 10 and, like you, almost lost my mind with sorrow. People on this site have helped me SO much but it still hurts a lot. Gretta was (is) a chocolate lab, the kindest dog who ever lived. I adopted her at age 9 and we had three and a half wonderful years together. She was my first pet as an adult. At first it feels like someone has shot out your heart with a high-powered rifle and you're bleeding on everything you touch. Little by little the "robot-walk" creeps in - the public face you have to put on for those people who have not been a blessed as you have - to have been found, in all this wide universe, by your one special spirit dog. From the beginning of time you have been soul-carriers (an idea I borrowed from Moonbeam on this site). She carries a part of yours and you carry a part of hers - forever - in both directions - from the beginning of time until its end. She searched for you among the billions of people on this earth until she found you - the person who carried the "missing puzzle piece" of her soul. Then she put herself in your path so you'd notice her. When you did, your soul recognized it's "missing piece" and there was that instant rush of indescribable love.

Our spirit animals are on a mission - to guide us, teach us some life lessons, and most of all to show us the infinite power of love. We love them with everything we have - and they return is a million fold. And, especially wise, calm dogs like labs, they show us the power of just being. Except for her color, your Dixie looks so much like my Gretta. It's that grey, wise face that melts one's heart. Like your vet, my vet is the greatest - a genius of science and a truly wonderful human being. Gretta passed in a way a lot like your Dixie except from a different cause - a neurological collapse of some kind. I had to take her to a University Vet School because it was a Sunday and my vet wasn't open. A few days later when I met with him, he gave me three big hugs and said that Gretta was in a safe place now. That was incredible coming from a man of science!

I believe that souls are forever and that Dixie and Gretta and all the good beings who ever lived or will live have a place in the Perfect World, a world where there is no pain, only happiness. Where each one gets to be and do whatever is the most fun and comfortable for them - I mean, imagine a place where labs get to chase all the squirrels and rabbits they want to and the squirrels and rabbits don't even mind! In their turn, they get to tease all the labs they want to, and the labs just laugh. I believe our special soul animals live on - we just can't see or hear or touch them - and that hurts like you-know-what! They're still guiding us, leading us, teaching us and loving us exactly as before but we just can't see them. One author said (I'll find the real quote) that they're heads are still in our hands just like before.

Thank you for opening your heart and sharing the story of beautiful Miss Dixie with us. It's amazing - all the people here in the LS family are the blessed ones - those whose soul-mate has found them. Alone, we're like straws in the wind. Together we're strong and unbreakable - we support each other and build each other up when we're torn down. It's a long long road, Christina. I'm a little farther along than you are so I've got a little bit of strength to share - give me a little of your burden today and let's carry it together.

Please keep us posted on how you're doing. We're all either going through it, getting ready to do it (worst of all), or crawling along the slough of despond, trying to live our lives in a way that is worthy of our soul-mate's love. Keep on writing, Christina, it helps a lot.

Take care of yourself today, my friend.

Gretta's mom

Dear Kristina,

So very sorry to hear about your beautiful Dixie's passing. I know you're going through Hell right now, and that it hurts to even breathe. You will go through a whole range of emotions -- denial, anger, loneliness, hopelessness,... but please know that you're not alone. Every one of us here understands what you're going through, and we're all right here with you. Every single step of the way. Please know that it does get easier with time and lot's of tears. We never stop missing our babies physical presence, but we learn to somehow adjust, and learn to understand that they never truly leave us. Love cannot die, and they left a part of them behind in our heart, in our memories, in our soul, and these are ours to keep forever, until it's our appropriate time to be reunited with them for all eternity.

Please let us know how you're getting on. I will be thinking of you. Try to take care of yourself.

Cheryl xx

Oh Kristina......I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Dixie. She is a beautiful dog. There's not much I can add to these sweet ladies' words, just that I know how you feel. We lost our sweet Mickey over 4 months ago and I still get tears every day. I haven't put all his things away yet.

Take care and take one day at a time....God Bless...

LoveMyMickey

Thank you everyone so much for your kind and encouraging words. I believe she is watching over me and will continue to do so until we are able to be together again. The pain of losing her is almost unbearable, and I think about her constantly.

Sometimes I forget she is gone, and I walk into the bathroom expecting to see her laying there as it was her favorite spot. I finally left the house for the first time since we lost her and it was so hard, but I did it.

I am glad that I am not alone, because at times it feels like I am. Almost like everyone around is moving forward but I am still sitting here being so sad.

Hi, Kristina, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Dixie. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our beloved companions - - at great sacrifice to ourselves - - so that they can be released from their failing physical bodies and restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Kristina, what you are feeling about being "locked in time" is normal. It never ceases to amaze me how "life goes on" without missing a beat - - bills get paid, jobs get done, chores get done, etc., and so forth - - it's like we're on what I call "automatic pilot." We're going through the motions but it's like we are "detached" from the events. And this is because our hearts are in deep grief - - nothing matters -- and how could it for we have just lost the physical presence of the most integral part of our hearts and lives - - our beloved companion. What else could possibly have any meaning?

This grief journey is one of "adjustment" to the physical absence of our beloved companion, and it is a very painful journey - -both emotionally and physically. It can only be traveled one day at a time - - sometimes one moment at a time. One of the many things to remember is that you are not alone. Each of us here do understand what you are going through and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Another very important thing for you to remember is that the love bond you share with your precious Dixie is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. She continues to share your earthly journey just as she always and always will - -she is always a heartbeat close to you.

Kristina, I know right now there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe your breaking heart, but I hope in some way the words I have shared with you will bring you some comfort, encouragement, and hope. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

The last few weeks have been bad for black labs. Our dear Rae lost her beloved Cinder three weeks to the day we lost our Dixie. I have another friend that has a 14 year old black girl, who thinks Monday may be the day for her. It all makes me so incredibly sad. Labs are my favorite, such a special breed.

I still feel little comfort from our other pets. I was at my doctors office today and for the first time I noticed that he has paintings of Labradors all over. I don't know how I never noticed it before, but when I did it sent a pain right into my gut.

I feel like I shouldn't keep moaning about how much I miss Dixie, but I honestly can't help it. It hurts me to my very core each day that goes by and she isn't here. I look at pictures and watch videos of her every single day. She was such a good funny girl. She loved having her picture taken. My biggest regret is that I have zero pictures of her and I together. I always took them of her just being her, and now I wish so bad I did have some of the two of us together.

Dear Kristina....Please don't feel bad talking about missing Dixie. That is why we all are here, to comfort each other. You will always miss Dixie's physical presence, but she is always with you in spirit.

I look at Mickey's pics every day. I had lots taken of him and me, but I regret not taking any videos. I just never got into that. I'm not sure if I could watch them.

That is very sad about so many black Labs passing recently. Our next door neighbor had one and she was so sweet. Mickey really loved her. They would kiss through the chain link fence.

Take care Kristina. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,

LoveMyMickey

Labs are so incredible. I am keeping myself from going to Danny's house because he has a black lab too. I know as soon as Max comes to me with that wagging smile, I will break down. I know Cinder and Dixie are together along with all the other wonderful labs. It was funny I was looking at pictures yesterday and the first one I found was of Cinder's grandmother, Sandy, as a puppy and me as a tiny little girl playing with her, so strange. I never could have imagined that my soul mate would come from that dog. Dixie is such a pretty girl, I smile every time I see her picture. It's amazing how an animal can make us feel this way.

I hope today gets better for you. Always thinking of y'all.

Much love.

Cinder's Mama

LoveMyMickey- I live about 5 miles south of Cincinnati, where are you at? Our neighbors have a black lab mix, he looks like a smaller version of Dixie. They were such good friends. He comes over and looks in the door for her. After she passed I was out back and he came over and sat on my feet, just the way she always would do, and smiled his doggy smile at me. I hate telling him "shes not here Elvis" but he keeps looking. Sweet boy.

As a rescuer I love all animals, but labs have always held a special place in my heart. There is just something about them that draws me to them. Even at 115 pounds (133 at her heaviest) Dixie was such a gentle girl, most of the time at least. She was incredibly strong and heavy, but had the sweetest disposition and she was so incredibly smart. I have always said I love people that love my dog, and despise people that don't.

Rae I know what you mean about seeing another black lab. Every time I see Elvis my heart breaks a little more. I posted something that got lost when the board messed up about how he was outside playing with one of his toys and I completely lost it. I was so angry that my neighbors (who are incredibly wonderful people) still had their Elvis and I didn't have my Dixie. Granted Elvis is 2 and Dixie was 10 but still. Then I felt embarrassed/astonished that I even had that thought. That is so not like me to think that way.

What gets me the most is that it is so quiet in here. She was always making some sort of noise, her tags jingling on her collar, scratching noises, breathing, snoring, even passing gas! (which us lab parents know can be lethal!)

Macy, our other dog (I never know how to refer to her now, our remaining dog? our dog? I don't know) has gotten so clingy. I was reading about pets grieving and it said that they often look around for the pet that has passed, and want more attention from their parents. That is definitely what is happening with her.

I miss her so much. I cry at the drop of a hat for reasons that I normally wouldn't cry for. I was looking for something at the store the other day and couldn't find it, and started crying right there. The loss of her hurts me so bad. I go to the bookcase where we have her urn and a bunch of her other things, plus poems and stuff, and talk to her ashes. I am still sleeping with her favorite blue and pink octopus, and I think that will continue for some time. I pick up her collar off the bookshelf and smell it, it still has her wonderful labby smell.

I hope all of you are well today my friends. I am grateful we have each other through this sad journey, to lean on when we are down, to lift each other up, to just be there for each other, the way our babies were always there for us.

I am leaving a picture that got erased during the board mishap. She loved her daddy so much.

Kristina....we live in Frankfort.....I know what you mean about seeing another dog like yours especially when they live next door........I'm like you, I cry over nothing here lately. I have been thinking back, that I hardly ever cried at all during the years we had Mickey. He kept us smiling.

I love all animals too and when I read about any being mistreated, I can hardly stand it. We have some stray cats that come around at night to our carport for food. I guess they are stray, they're not friendly. Anyway we feel sorry for them and I buy them good cat food. Also put out fresh water.

Raerae and Kristina, my Lab friends, I hope day by day you all will start to feel better and have fun memories of your sweet furbabies. Take care.

God Bless,

LoveMyMickey

Hello to all my lab lover friends.
My Sweet Dixie, my Gretta (the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived) passed on April 10 and I am still very sad about it. Sometimes, even though I have another dog - a black lab-Newfie mix - who's a big, energetic boy, I still cry over my Gretta's pillow and make up Gretta' words to folk songs. She is my first dog as an adult and is my true soul mate. I'll never "get over' missing her.

Thank God the site is back up!

Good nights to all.

Gretta's mom

LoveMyMickey- I went and read your story about your dear Mickey. How lucky he was to have had you as his parents! He was such a handsome boy too! I am glad I got to read about him, and in his picture he looked like he was smiling. I love when dogs smile!

Gretta's mom- I really think we are going to get a chocolate girl for our new family member when I feel ready. I told Aj that I am a lab mom, I will always be a lab mom and I can't imagine not having one. I have looked on petfinder a few times, and at a bunch of rescue pages but the one hasn't popped out at me yet. When I do find her I will know, just like I knew with Dixie.

This is my first big loss. I have had people pass on, and while I was sad I didn't feel this gut wrenching pain that I feel over Dixie. She was mine. Of course she loved her Daddy and he loved her but she was moms girl. I always used to ask her "whos my best girl?" and she would cover my face in kisses. She was my number one and she knew it. I got her name tattooed on my wrist about a year ago, and I always wanted to get her paw prints done but never got around to it. After she was gone I was feeling really bad that I didn't have pictures or anything of her paw prints. I asked my husband one day to see what pictures of her we had on his laptop, and there was a folder with tons of pictures of her paw prints in the snow. I was so incredibly happy to have found that, I had forgotten I took those pictures over the winter. So now I will be able to get it done, and that makes me very very happy. I wanted her prints, not a generic paw.

I wish we all could have met each other's babies, because I know we would have loved them as well. As it is now I feel like I do know all of you, and our darlings that we are missing so bad.

I hope the day has treated you all well. Much love to all of you.

Dear Kristina,

I don't get on the computer much lately but try at least once a week. I just read of your loss and want to tell you now sorry I am. My son and his wife have yellow lab and he is a wonderful dog. I have always heard that labs make great companions. I have a friend at work who lost hers over a year ago and is picking up a 5 month old tomorrow from a lab rescue. In time you may be ready to find another special lab to share your heart with.

I have a Schnoodle and Schnauzer. Very different from labs! We lost our Schnoodle little girl in Jan when she was hit by a car. I still cry almost every day even though we have a new companion in our 6 month old mini Schnauzer. My heart goes out to you and I just wanted to tell you that all of us are here for you as we have been where you are.

I can only hope that as the days goes by the loss of Dixie will get a little easier for you.

Joanne

Hi, Kristina, just being able to get caught up on how you're doing. As our forum friends have so comfortingly offered you, so I wish to add my affirmation of their words. This deep grief is normal that you're feeling. A HUGE part of your life has changed, and you need to give yourself time to adjust to this. Unfortunately it isn't going to happen within a few hours, days, or weeks. It's a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, - - sometimes one moment at a time. This deep grief is excruciatingly painful - - both emotionally and physically - - so please try to find some private time just for yourself. Grief does take a toll on the immune system because of the very high stress the body is going through. As difficult as it is right now, it is important that you try to find some time to rest both your mind and body.

I am so glad you found pictures of your precious Dixie's paw prints. I can feel your elation as you speak of it. And please know that your precious Dixie has already selected your new companion and is now guiding the both of you to the place and time that you will meet, and you will know your beloved Dixie is smiling is total approval.

Kristina, I hope today will be a peaceful day for you and your husband. Your Macy needs your comfort, and in the process you will find you are comforting one another, and this, too, is what your beloved Dixie wants for the both of you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Kristina, and look forward to knowing how you are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Kristina,

I hope today (well yesterday now) was a good day for you. I'm glad that you are thinking of getting a chocolate girl to add to your family. I just love any kind of lab. I like your idea about the paw prints, that will be neat and I look forward to seeing how they turn out.

I know what you mean about losing people vs. losing your special dog. I feel guilty sometimes because I know I haven't always felt this amount of grief for a person that has passed. But then again most people aren't up your behind 24/7 Anyway, I hope this week is a good one for you and Aj.

Much love.

Cinder's Mama

Hey everyone

Yesterday was a really rough day, so sorry for not coming around. I just wanted to lie in bed for long periods of time. This is supposed to get easier, not harder. Something else also occurred to me today. I absolutely hate hate hate the hours between 11 and 12, both morning and night. This is when, during the last 4 months of her life, Dixie would eat and then have her insulin shot and the rest of her meds. A few times I have caught myself going into the kitchen in a panic thinking I forgot to feed her or give her meds to her.

The past few nights have been really difficult for me. More not sleeping. I keep thinking I see her out of the corner of my eye. I have a certain spot I sit at on our bed with my laptop, and I would always look up and be able to see her. Also I think I heard her tags jingling a few times a few nights back. I went out into the main part of the house to see if I could figure out what was making that noise, but there was not one thing that could have done it. Her collar is on the shelf with all of her other things in the same position as I put it, so I don't know. One cat was outside, and the other was in the bed with Aj, Macy and me.

I also remembered something else. I had posted something about her coming and tearing up the bathroom rug that got deleted when the board crashed. Well for those of you who didn't get to see that post, Dixie loved laying in the bathroom because it was cool. She would always dig up the rug in front of the tub/toilet. Two times since we lost her I had walked into the bathroom and the rug was all torn up. I know it wasn't any of our other animals because they just don't go in there. That was Dixie's thing, and it made me smile to walk in and see that. I just said "I see you tore up the rug again" and fixed it, which I would always do while she was alive. It happened again maybe 2 days ago, not as extreme as she would have normally torn it up, but still messed up a bit.

I miss my big girl. I did find some pictures of the two of us together on my moms camera. I was so upset over the fact that I didn't have any, and I was going through her camera the other day to see if she had any pictures of Dixie that I didn't and she definitely did. I look horrible in them but that doesn't matter, all that matters is I have a few of me and my girl.

Rae, Moonbeam and Joanne thank you so very much for checking in on me. I feel so drained right now, but I will come back and do my personals in a bit. I hope everyone is well and I am sending all my love to all of you.

I completely forgot to add this. I also am having surgery on Wednesday. This is my second surgery on this area, I have been waiting almost a year for the doctor to give the all clear that it had healed to the point he wanted it to be. I won't go into detail but I will just say google fistula, and think about the part of your body you sit on the most. Yep. 10 years ago I had 4 surgeries on the same thing with a general surgeon who completely scarred me for life, both physically and mentally. He never sent me to a specialist. This time when this thing came back I was smarter than I was at 20, and demanded a colorectal doctor. I now go to the best one here in Northern Kentucky.

Anyway the point of this is that through all my other surgeries, Dixie was always here when I came home from the hospital. She always made me feel better no matter what kind of pain I was in. She would come into our room and put her big beautiful head on my side of the bed and demand to have attention. No rest for mom regardless of what I had going on! She would lick me and give me her doggy smile, then go lay at the foot of the bed to watch over me. I am really going to miss that this time, and it is actually giving me a bit of anxiety. Also when I wake up from surgeries I always talk about my dogs, and I am nervous as to what I will end up saying. I never remember talking about it, but the nurses always say something along the lines of "you sure love your dogs, you talked nonstop about them when you were waking up" when I am leaving to go home.

And now Macy is demanding to go outside.

Hi, Kristina, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I hope your surgery goes smoothly and that your recovery will be speedy and uneventful. In my lifetime I have had two surgeries in the same area for different reasons, so I have an idea about what you have gone through in the past, and are facing post-Wednesday's surgery. My heart goes out to you, Kristina, and please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

I am so very glad you found pictures on your mom's camera of you and your precious Dixie. This is such good news, and I know you will treasure those pictures.

As for this grief adjustment journey, Kristina, - - it is truly a horror roller coaster ride for sure. Just when you think you've come through the worst part - - it seems like something comes along - - a memory, or a song, or something you see - - SOMETHING - - happens that sends us to our knees again in deep grief that feels as though its the first moment we are faced with the physical loss of our beloved companion. We live in a physical world bound by the five senses of taste, touch, smell, sight, and hearing. Our beloved companions are a HUGE part of our physical life, and when they no longer are physically with us it is a HUGE and PAINFUL adjustment.

There is no doubt in my mind that your precious Dixie is doing everything she can to let you know she is still with you - - always and forever. And rest assured she will be with you comforting you in your recuperation just as she always has. And please do not be concerned about what you might say as you're coming awake from the anesthesia. The most important thing is to concentrate on feeling better as quickly as possible.

Kristina, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. I promise you the deep grief you are feeling will ease, and eventually the good days will outnumber the deep grief days. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Kristina, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Kristina....I am so sorry you had a bad day. About the time you think you begin to feel better, then it hits you even worse.....That was interesting about the rugs being messed up. Mickey would also dig up places and lay down.. Then sometimes he would dig a place or fluff it up and go lay somewhere else......We have seen and heard so many signs that his little Spirit is around. I heard a noise this morning before I got up, it sounded like he was shaking his fur out.

Kristina I hope your surgery goes well and you heal quickly. I'm sure Dixie will be watching over you...Remember you are always in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,

LoveMyMickey

I thought I posted in here earlier, but apparently I didn't.

Thanks for checking in on me, things have been pretty quiet around here. Tomorrow is my surgery. I have to be there at 10:30, and I am having so much anxiety about coming home after surgery and her not being here. I just feel like a dark cloud has settled over me and refuses to budge. Thursday marks 4 weeks without her. I almost can't believe it. I am actually able to go several days without crying, although I do think about her all the time. I still forget she is gone sometimes. Earlier today I went to give Macy a bone, and got two out of the jar.

I may or may not be posting much the next few days, depending on how I am feeling. I will come let you all know that it went ok though, and that I am back at home. It is only supposed to take about 45 minutes, so I should be home by early afternoon. It's at a surgery center, not a hospital so they are pretty good about getting you out of recovery and home as fast as possible. I just hate being stuck with needles, which doesn't make sense since I have tons of tattoos.

So my friends, I hope everyone is well. I will be talking with you soon.

Kristina,

Good luck on your surgery! I know Dixie will be watching over you and making sure everything goes okay! He will be with you in spirit the whole time, I just know it...and please stop by to let us know how you are doing!

I understand your apprehension about him not being there when you come back home. I am having surgery Aug. 9th (infertility related surgery...for the 3rd time) and am already worried about Chessa not being here to nurse me back to health. Both other times I had my surgery, she was here for me, anxious to jump up on my sore tummy. I don't know how I'll adjust to her not being here to do that...

What a great sign from Dixie with the bathroom rug! I am (im)patiently waiting for a sign from Chessa...I miss her so much. I too keep thinking I see her out of the corner of my eye. It's hard!

Once again, good luck tomorrow! I'll be thinking about you!

Jodi

Everyone

I am preparing for my surgery this morning. We have to leave in about 45 minutes.

I have said that I am sad about coming home after surgery and Dixie not being here. I have also mentioned the bathroom rug on several occasions.

This morning when I woke up and went in there, the rug was messed up! I was so happy that today of all days I was able to walk in there and be reminded that she is constantly looking over me.

Until later my friends, I hope the day is good to you.

I hope all goes well with the surgery. I will be thinking of you. I know everything will be okay, because you have a darling angel watching over you to keep you safe

Wishing you a speedy recovery,

Cheryl x

Hi, Kristina, am thinking about you and hoping all went well with your surgery today. I am so happy for you that you found the bathroom rug messed up again this morning. Your precious Dixie is forever with you, Kristina.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and am looking forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi kristina i hope your surgery goes well.

Thanks for checking in everyone. My surgery went well, although it took a bit longer than originally thought. I am in quite a bit of pain but I have medicine for that. I told my nurse about Dixie and the rug this morning, and other than telling all of you I decided to keep that bit of information to myself. Almost as if it is something personal between Dixie and I.

I spent most of the day asleep, and I am probably headed there again shortly, but I wanted to let you all know I was home and doing ok.

Until tomorrow my friends, much love to you.

Kristina,

I'm so glad your surgery went well and that you saw your sign from Dixie before you went in. I know that lifted your spirits some. I know she is watching over you maybe with Cinder talking about her mama I know today is a difficult day for both of us. I couldn't help but have the memories of Cinder's last moments in my head this morning. I hope you have a speedy recovery and know you're in mythoughts today and everyday.

Much love.

Cinder's Mama

Thank you everyone for your well wishes. Please excuse any typos, I am laying down typing one handed as I cannot sit up for quite sometime. My responses will probably be short for a week or so but know I am thinking about each onne of you.

Rae today is definitely a hard day forboth of us. I have been thinking about you all day, andI hope you really enjoy yoursef on your camping trip.

This morning the rug was torn up again. It made me very very happy. I know she is watching over me, making sure I am ok. The recovery nurse told me I was talking about her when I woke up, but I don't know what I said. I do remember asking for her but i don't know who I was talking to.

That is it for me for now my friends. Much love to a;;of you

Hi, Kristina, adding my best wishes for a speedy and uneventful recovery. I'm so glad you're home, and that your beloved Dixie is letting you know she is keeping watch over you just as she always has.

Please don't worry about typos and / or not being able to be here regularly until you're feeling better. Your focus needs to be on resting and recuperating - - with always the knowledge that we are here for you and sending our very best heartfelt wishes to you.

Kristina, I hope today has been kind to you, and that you will have a peaceful evening. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing as you are able to - - and feel up to - - share with us.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Kristina,

I'm so pleased that the surgery went well, I have been thinking of you. Please make sure you get plenty of rest and take good care of yourself. I know your beautiful girl is right by your side in spirit. If you go to get up too quick, then suddenly stop -- that's your Dixie looking out for you, saying, "No, Mom, take it easy."

Sending you healing thoughts,

Cheryl x

Thanks for checking in on me everyone.

Still lying down 99% of the time. I have anywhere from 4-6 more weeks of this. It is definitely not fun being forced to lie down all day and night. Since I can't lay on my back I go between my tummy and my sides.

I have had so much time to think. It has now been over a month since we lost our Dixie, and it still hurts just as bad as day one. However I have noticed in the last few days that I feel myself getting stronger, that the searing grief seems to be moving on. I don't feel depressed all the time like I have since we lost her. I am able to smile and laugh and enjoy our other pets again. In fact as I type this I have a cat rolling around on/next to me demanding attention.

I spent alot of time yesterday looking at pictures of her. She was the best dog. She was so funny. I still miss her terribly, but it is really nice to be able to think about all the good things I had with her, instead of dwelling on the sadness of her being gone.

Well my friends, since it took me about 15 minutes to type this small post that is it for me for now. I am thinking about you all and I hope to be able to post more regularly soon. Sending all my love to you all.

Hi, Kristina, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I'm so glad you are beginning to remember your beloved Dixie with a happier heart, and to enjoy the company of your other furkids. This is what your precious Dixie wants for you - - for she knows you will never forget her regardless of how much time your earthly journey continues - - for she is forever a part of you - - she is always a heartbeat close to you.

I know there are a million and one things you're thinking about - - being laid flat on your stomach and sides does that: thinking of things you "could be" doing if you weren't laid flat on your stomach, thinking of things you "should be" doing instead of lying flat on your stomach, etc. But right now the ONLY thing you need to focus on is healing from your surgery - - which unfortunately and very inconveniently INCLUDES lying flat on your stomach or sides. So, please don't get too frisky too fast.

Kristina, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I hope today is being kind to you, Kristina. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to sharing with you how things are going as you are up to it.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hey Kristina,

I'm so glad that you are able to think of the good memories of Dixie and that you are feeling a little better now. I know she and Cinder are watching over us. It's good that you are able to enjoy your other pets as well, they can probably help you a lot and may even sense your sadness and depression (who knows!). I hope you are feeling better after your surgery and that this week is an easy one for you. Always thinking of y'all.

Much love.

Cinder's Mama

Kristina, I just wanted to let you know I've been thinking about you and wishing you a speedy recovery! I'm glad to hear that Dixie is up to his old antics and is letting you know he will always be with you!

I have been thinking about her alot today. Not necessarily in a sad way, but I feel a bit blue today. The image of her laying in the doggy transport casket is burned into my brain, and I keep seeing it in my mind. Her lying there covered with a blanket, with her sweet face poking out, looking so peaceful. I miss her.

I want to get some sort of pretty board to hang up somewhere, where I can put different pictures of her that I can see all the time.

I got fantastic labby kisses from Elvis, the neighbors dog, yesterday. I miss Dixie's kisses. I would sit on the floor with her and she would plop her huge body on my lap and give me kisses.

I am so torn about getting a new dog. One minute I want one really bad, and the next I don't. I know I won't compare the new dog to her, she was one of a kind, and the new dog will have her own personality. I know I am not replacing her, that the new dog will be a new family member, not a Dixie replacement. But still. I am struggling with it. I know having a new puppy will give me tons to do, and there are so many out there in the shelters or rescues that need adoption. I just don't know if it's too soon. Aj says whenever I am ready we can start seriously looking. In the perfect world I would still have Dixie. Sometimes the fact that she is gone hits me so hard that I just want to curl up and cry.

But I am trying hard not to dwell on the sadness. I definitely feel better than I have in the past month, so I know it will keep getting easier.

"I am so torn about getting a new dog. One minute I want one really bad, and the next I don't. I am struggling with it."

Hi, Kristina, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. My mom always used to say, "when in doubt, wait. When your mind is clearer you will know the right decision to make." I have found this to be valid advice through the years, and so I am offering it to you - - for whatever it may be worth. It sounds from what you have shared with us that you're still uncertain if this is the "right time" - - if you are "ready" yet. It is better to wait until you truly feel ready. When that time comes, Kristina, you will know beyond all shadow of a doubt, and then you and your husband will both enjoy the process of welcoming a new lifetime companion into your hearts and home. The most important advice I can offer in addition to the wisdom of my mom is this: follow your heart, Kristina - - and I think you will find that when you do that, the advice my mom gave to me will also help you to know that you have made the absolutely right decision.

"Blue days" can leave a person feeling disconnected - - for lack of a better description - - perhaps unfocused - - distracted - - etc.. It's part of the roller coaster of this adjustment journey, unfortunately. I hope this evening will be better for you, Kristina, so that you can end this day on a more positive note surrounded by your precious Dixie's sweet Living Spirit to comfort and cheer you.

Kristina, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Kristina,

I'm glad you are feeling better than you have been lately. I'm sure the blue days are going to happen some. I had a blue day myself today. I just didn't feel motivated to do anything. I know you miss Dixie so much. I agree with moon_beam's advice, my mom says, "when you don't know what to do, don't do anything." And that helps me through a lot of tough decisions. You'll know when the time is right and what decision to make. I have been struggling with the same emotions of getting a new puppy. I'm glad Aj is being sensitive to the fact that you need some time. It's good that you got some kisses from Elvis. I miss Cinder's kisses all the time and Danny's lab, Max, well his kisses just don't add up, but I still love him. The board is a good idea, it helps me to look at pictures.

I hope you and Aj are having a peaceful night.

Much love.

Cinder's Mama

You both are right. I don't want to feel like I am rushing into anything. About a week after she passed I took her leftover meds and some canned food to the shelter. While I was there I had them get out a little yellow lab baby girl and I held her and played with her. I almost took her home. My mom was with me and she convinced me to wait til Aj was with me, so I didn't take her. Now I am glad I didn't because about a week after that I was adamant on not getting a new dog. I have to make sure I am 100% ready to bond with a new dog. Not that I would ever give an animal away, but my whole heart has to be in to getting a new one.

On that note I had a meltdown around 8 this morning. It was storming like crazy here, the first big storm we have had since Dixie passed. It woke me up a little and I was thinking I had to get up and go sit with her, because she was terrified of storms. Apparently I got out of bed and went looking for her because when I woke up fully I was standing in the living room. I was very upset. I just started sobbing and took myself back to lay down. Whenever it would storm while we were asleep she would come in and start breathing heavy in my face to get me up to sit with her.

I hope all of you are doing well. I am able to sit up now so I can post more, but I do get tired pretty easily, so I am mostly still just reading along. Thinking about all of you and sending all my love.

Kristina,

I'm glad that you are waiting until you are absolutely ready. A new dog will be a lot of work and you want to be 100% sure.

That's crazy that Dixie was terrified of storms because Cinder was too! She HATED them. And it stormed everyday for about 4 days after she passed. She used to crawl under my bed or go in the bathroom. Sometimes she would just sit there and pant. We would sedate her sometimes when we knew it would be storming all day. I can just see Dixie sitting there waiting for you to get up with her. I think we will always think of our babies when it storms. Danny told me the other day when it was thundering and raining that she was running around in heaven and slobbering everywhere. It made me laugh. I wish y'all could send some rain this way, we need it!

I'm glad you are feeling a little better after your surgery and that you will continue to do so. Always thinking of you and sweet Dixie.

Much love.

Cinder's Mama

Hi, Kristina, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Part of the adjustment journey is re-establishing our routines. And it's very difficult to re-adjust what we find so natural while we are blessed with the physical presence of our beloved companions. I promise you, Kristina, that as your deep grief eases, you will always cherish these memories of your beloved Dixie's earthly journey. And now when you hear a storm you will know that your beloved Dixie is no longer afraid of them, and hopefully this will be of comfort to you.

Kristina, I hope each day is finding you in less pain than the day before - - progressing in your recovery from surgery. I hope you will have a very peaceful evening, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I look forward to sharing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hey everyone

I have had a bit of a setback in regards to my surgery. I was actually feeling pretty good and then yesterday I started having pain again, and it is still hurting today so we will see how the weekend goes. There was an 85% chance this surgery would work, and I am terrified that I am in the 15% bracket of it not working. My doctor said if it didn't work he would go in and do another surgery that should take care of it, but I really just am so over dealing with it.

So. A few days ago I was on petfinder and I saw this little chocolate girl near Savannah, Georgia. I fell in love. I waited a few days before contacting them about her though. I figured if I couldn't get her out of my mind then she was probably the one for me. I emailed them a little bit ago to get more information about her, the application process and to tell them a bit about us. So if things work out then we will get her. My in laws live in Atlanta, so traveling to Georgia isn't a huge issue for us. It is about an 11 hour drive from here to where she is at, but we would be able to stay at the in laws house. If we end up getting her I figured we would drive down one day, stay at in laws that night, drive 4 hours the next morning to get her, go back to in laws and stay again, and come back home the next day. I also have a friend that runs a labrador rescue about 2 hours in the other direction of my inlaws, and I would like to go visit her and see their facility. So maybe this is it. All I know is this little girl is amazing. Just from looking at pictures of her made me fall head over heels, and I haven't even met her yet! She was born in May according to her little bio, and she was found about a week ago all alone. She has mange which she is being treated for, so her coat looks kind of rough but I think she is beautiful. She also has worms so she has the fat worm tummy and she is incredibly skinny. There is just something about her though.

Still missing my Dixie. That won't ever change. Yesterday was 5 weeks. I can't believe it. When we get a new girl I am going to do a separate thread about her in the new beginnings section, as per the rules of this site we aren't supposed to create multiple threads on the same subject. Plus this is Dixie's thread in the pet loss section. The girl will be in the new beginnings section. I don't want a thread about both of them together. Plus there is no reason to create more than one thread, it just pushes everyone else's down and that is unfair.

So here is to hoping this little girl will work out. I think Dixie would be pleased. I hope everyone is doing well. Sending all my love to all of you.

Hi, Kristina, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. I am so sorry that you are once again feeling pain -- noticeable pain. I hope the pain meds will help you through this setback, and am hoping that it's just a result of the healing process - - that it will quickly pass and be long forgotten.

I am so glad you have found a potentially new companion, Kristina. I truly hope it works out for you and your family. Please let us know how things go, and I hope when the time comes for you to make this trip you will be feeling ever so much better.

Thank you again, Kristina, for sharing your beloved Dixie with us. And I know she is guiding to you to a new lifetime companion - - perhaps this little girl is "the one".

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Kristina, and I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thanks moonbeam. I am on antibiotics now, I think I got a bit of an infection. It is starting to feel better, though still pretty uncomfortable.

We just had a crazy storm. We were talking about how if Dixie was still here she would have been flipping out. When she was younger she was never afraid of storms, it was something that started gradually getting worse when she hit about 7 years old. She always hated the hair dryer though, if she was in the bathroom and I got it down off the holder she would bolt out of there as if she were on fire. It was pretty funny.

I filled out the application and sent it in to adopt Mocha. There is a lot of interest in her, and I am afraid we won't get her since we live far away. My mother in law called today though and said if we were to get her they will help us out. I am not entirely sure what that means but they always want us to visit so I am sure they will do anything they can to make sure we get this dog. She is supposed to have a check up at the vet tomorrow, and the woman from the rescue said after that they should know when she will be able to be adopted out. I hope we get her.

So my friends, that is going to do it for me for now. Much love to all of you.

Hi, Kristina, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. I am so very glad to know you are beginning to feel better, and hope your continued recovery is uneventful.

I hope Mocha's check up tomorrow goes well, and am glad to know that your mother-in-law is there to be of help and assistance should Mocha be blessed to become a new family member. Just try to remember this: If for some reason Mocha is placed with another family, this is not a failure. It simply means that your beloved Dixie is guiding a "different" little soul to you and when the "timing" is totally perfect, you will know it. The good news is that your heart is ready to embrace a new lifetime companion, and Dixie is so very happy about this!!!

Kristina, I hope you are feeling better today, and that each day forward will find you closer to a full recovery. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I look forward to knowing how things are going for you whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Kristina,

Just wanted to stop by and let you know I've been thinking of y'all. I hope Mocha does well at the vet and that everything works out how it is supposed to. I agree with moon_beam in that if Mocha doesn't work out, then Miss Dixie has different plans for her mama. I'm glad your in-laws will help you out with everything too. I'll be thinking of you as always!

Much love.

Cinder's Mama

Hi kristina. I hope your doing better. I know what you mean about the storms. Cowboy would come and sit at my feet during storms. I remember vacuum cleaners were his worst enemy. Id turn it on and he would just start barking and eventually would just go hide behind the bed till I finished. Im glad your looking to get a new friend. I hope things work out with mocha. I know miss dixie would be happy for you to have a new friend. Well i hope your night is good and that you keep getting better.

I am having a hard time sleeping tonight. I am a bit uncomfortable, and completely on edge. We applied for another little chocolate girl tonight, and this application was much more detailed. They wanted references in addition to our vet reference, which I actually like, because it means they really check out the people that are interested in adopting. There was also an application fee, which again I liked. I am really hoping to hear from them tomorrow. This girl is only about an hour and a half south of us, versus the other which is 11 hours. So we wait.

I did hear back about Mocha. The woman from the rescue emailed this morning and said she would be in touch tomorrow after her vet check. If we were to be approved for both I don't know which one I would choose. Star, the girl closer to us, has a little white patch on her chest, just like Dixie had. Maybe by tomorrow night we will know a bit more about both. I can only hope. I am just on pins and needles waiting to hear back. I am definitely not a patient person. But so long as we get the one that is right for us, I think I can make myself hold out for a bit.

So now I am going to lay down and try to sleep. I hope everyone had a great weekend. Much love.

Hi, Kristina, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. The "anticipation" of embracing a new companion is comparable to being an "expectant" parent (I hope this does not offend our forum friends who have human children). This is an exciting time for you, and please know your beloved Dixie is smiling in approval.

I hope you were able to get some restful sleep. Are you still having to lay on your sides and stomach? Are you able to sit up at all? I hope you are continuing to progress in your recovery without any further complications.

Kristina, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and am looking forward to knowing how you're doing, and any news you wish to share on Star and Mocha.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hey everyone

Well Star apparently got adopted, and the rescue still has not contacted me, which kind of makes me mad because I paid an application fee. The least they could do is call or email me. Mocha is ready for a home, but I think we are going to pass on her. She is going to need many trips to the vet for her mange treatment, and I don't think I can handle taking a new dog to the vet constantly. Dixie always had something going on with her, and it's too soon for me to go through that again, especially with a brand new one.

However, it is now after midnight, so it is officially my 31st birthday. Aj and I are heading out later today to a shelter about 2 hours south of us. They have a group of lab puppies, so I am going to call in the morning and make sure they are still available before we make the drive. If they are there I have a feeling we will be coming home with a new pup tomorrow. That would make this birthday the best day ever. I am pretty excited, I really hope some are still available.

Other than that I am feeling pretty good. I feel like I am going in the direction that Dixie would want me to go in, that she is leading the way for me. I hope everyone is well and had a good day today.