Hi to all who may read this,
My name is Suzanne..or rather Maxi's (my big black kitty)"girlfriend. Max is almost 7..(Dec. 19th would be his next birthday). He has been diagnosed with terminal cancer, swollen lymph nodes all over his body and hard as it is to even type here, I am taking him for his last car ride on Friday morning...Oct. 15th, 2004. He has been with me since his mother gave birth to he and his 2 other brothers and his sister boo-boo kitty. My parents have the two brothers, I still have boo-boo. Max has been the most vocal and adoring cat ever. When I was single and a boyfriend or even just a male friend would come to visit, Max would stake his territory quickly. It got to be a joke among my friends that he was the only man in my life. I since got married this year and Max has tried to bond...I know do not know how to deal with the pain, loss, guilt and remose of my faithful companion, confidante, admirer when I was sick, how do I say goodbye? I cry non stop, and do not know how I am going to deal with this on Friday. Any help, any suggestions, and can anyone relate to this thought of "how will the other three cats deal with him not being here anymore"?
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Suzanne

Suzanne,

The only thing that will help with the crying is time. You will always have things that will remind you of Max, and you may cry when you think of them. Its ok to cry. Max will be waiting for you at the Rainbow bridge. He will be out of pain and will be happy.

Please keep posting here, sometimes it helps to be able to talk about it. Huggs for you and scratches for Max.

Joey

Hi Suzanne:

My heart breaks and grieves with you, as I read your post.......

If you can, would you please describe for me "Maxi's" quality of life, right now??? I know that your sweet furbaby has been diagnosed with terminal Cancer.......... And, I am truly very sorry........

I just want to know how Maxi's "day to day living/existence" IS, and has been........

I know that your heart is breaking..........I can hear it.....and, I can feel it!!!
Seven years is a long time to spend with a faithful, beautiful soul, such as your special boy has been to you......
But, seven years is young............and, no amount of time, IS EVER LONG ENOUGH!!!!!

I am sad that you needed to come to a pet grief site........but, I am very happy that you've come to Lightning Strike....
You will receive all the wonderful help that you need...........
You will feel comforted and loved......
All of the people on this site are absolutely wonderful, my friend.......

Right now it's October 13th, and you have Maxi's appointment on October 15th......... I am concerned about you, Suzanne......

What has Maxi's vet said?? How long has he had the cancer, and what type is it???

Please, let me/us know when you have the chance...... I know, it's difficult to "do anything" when you are so sad, and crying a lot......

In my case, my sweet girl was suffering with CRF, hyperthyroidism complications, very high heart rate, and she had just started "starving herself".
I had prayed to God to please, please take her in her sleep...........
But, that wasn't to be............

So, my husband and I did the only thing that we thought needed to be done, and that was to have our sweet girl put to sleep..........
That was back in February, 2004.........

I've repeated this sentence many times, but,......................at a time when NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING MADE SENSE TO ME.................A POSTER ON LIGHTNING STRIKE WROTE THIS ONE SENTENCE TO ME...........

"DENISE, YOU TOOK ON ERNESTINE'S PAIN, SO THAT SHE COULD FINALLY BE WITHOUT PAIN.......

That one sentence Suzanne............was everything that I needed to hear..............
Our sweet, precious little girl was in soooooooooooo much pain, and there was no medicine, nothing, that would or could relieve her of that............
But, by not being "selfish", and letting her go.............to Rainbow's Bridge...............

That's exactly what needed to be done........
And, that's where Ernestine is right now.............
She has a perfect body, and she is in no pain anymore........ She's playing with all of the furkids that have gone on before her, and she is greeting those that are just passing over.......
And, I'm sure she is "stuffing herself" with all the wonderful food that her little sick body wouldn't allow her to, down here on Earth......

Just know that, in putting your sweet baby to sleep, it is the most unselfish and loving thing that you can do, for your darling Maxi!!!!!

It means that YOU..............love him soooooo much..........that you will "let him go, from this life to the next...."
And, that's a very, very precious and loving gift.......

We all have been blessed, (very, very blessed), to have the love of our special "furkids" (our family), for the time that
they were able to spend on Earth with us...........
Unconditional love....
Complete love....

Please Suzanne..............write here tonight.........all day tomorrow..........There will be many wonderful people here that will answer your post, and give you such great advice.............

Remember that "we are all here for you......................"

What helped a lot of us, was, picking someone's name, and "following their journey"..............
There is soooooooooooooooooo much love and comfort here, at Lightning Strike..........

If you want to, please PM or e-mail me........I would be happy to write to you, to call you.........to help you....
To be there for you.........
Okay?????

God Bless you, my new friend.....

Love, Denise

In response to Muffins, aka, Denise....
Thank you so Very Very much and also to Joey for the two posts I have read about Maxi so far.
Max's condition is not too bad right now. he has lost two pounds in the past 3 weeks, the vet has said that he has Lymphatic cancer.....may last a month...that is what lead me to make the decision to lay him to rest this week.
Am I jumping the gun? Should I let him have more time? He is still eating, loves his treats and is having them delivered to his "bed" on the favorite blanket he sleeps on all day on the sofa. He is alert, tries to "talk" to me but is very horse, probably due to the cancer in his throat. He has had the cancer for quite a while I assume, has been losing hair for almost 8 months, thought it was the stress of my husband moving in...it has always been me and the four cats alone in this house. Max showed no signs of tumors three weeks ago at the vet's office, now they are large, under his jaw, behind the ears, all the lymph nodes are getting "full" like a small golfball size.
I just don't know what to do...I take him out to go to the bathroom, lay in the grass, he has so little energy, can only walk a bit then has to lie down for a rest.
I am so grateful to find a site such as this.
I hope this gives you any more info Denise, any other suggestions or help is so welcomed.....and if you would or someone..i have never heard the expression of Rainbow Bridge? Explain the meaning and where the term came from maybe?
Love to all the animals out there and there adoring people.
Thank you,
Suzanne

Suzanne

I think you are making the right choice for Max.

This will help explain about the Rainbow bridge.

Joey

Hi Suzanne:

I have sent you a PM.........

After reading that your sweet boy has lost 2 pounds in the last few weeks, that's quite a bit of weight for a kitty
to lose..........
My girl went from 8.2 to 5.9lbs in 3 months time......(12/2003 - 2/2004), she was put to sleep 2/7/2004....

I do agree with Joey, Suzanne, that you are making the right choice........
And, I do not think you are "jumping the gun" at all.........

Sometimes our sweet babies "need help passing from this life of Earth to the next.............."

As much as I was wondering as to what type of cancer your sweet boy has, and his "quality of living", I think that you are doing a very BRAVE, LOVING AND WONDERFUL THING FOR YOUR SWEET MAXI..........

I do grieve with you my friend............
We are all here for you, whenever you need us.........

God Bless you....

Love, Denise

Thank you for the words of support...only those of us who have such a special bond with our kitties, puppies, or any pet for that matter....even my goldfish got the royal treatment..seem to understand this bond.

This site is the only thing helping me get through the long hours here at work(at a halfway house for adults)...until 8 tomorrow morning until I can get home with my Maxi and spend one last day with him. So sad...so very sad....we have a "house" dog here at work. Buster is trying to be consoling..he lays by my feet as if he knows the pain i am feeling now.
I went to visit the Rainbows Bridge..how wonderful and peaceful a place.
I feel so sad for my other cats...Boo-Boo, his sister, Rufus, his nephew by odd cir%%stances, and Stinky, the kitten Rufus brought home from the woods last year. I feel like I am betraying them by taking Max to be put to rest.
I will continue to write and visit other areas of this site to read and maybe share with someone else some comfort when i can.
Thank you again.....from the depth of my heart,
Suzanne

Dear Suzanne,

Only you know when it is time. No one knew Stymy better than me and I was the only one that knew other then my vet. When I wasn't sure I ask God for help and I then knew the answer. My Stymy had Lymphoma and was on prednazone for about 4 months. He to went to the vets a month before for an ear infection and the vet did not feel any cancer. I took him back in about a month because I could feel lumps. Did not think it was cancer I just thought his infection spread.

Spend time with your Maxi and love him that's what he wants most. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Come back and talk we are all here for you.

Love and Belief,
Vicki (Stymy's Mom)

Dear Suzanne,
I am so sorry you had to come here--to lightning strike---but you did find us !! for that we can all be grateful.
All of us here have our own story of what brought us here--some of us find ourselves here "before the fact" (like you and I) and some after the fact--. This is a very very hard time for you--I can feel it too. Your beautiful friend's journey is only just starting. It SEEMS to you and me that life is ending.. but to the caterpiller what is the end to the butterfly is the beginning. The physical body is just a vehicle for the spirit, dear girl. One day you and Maxi will be together again--until then he will live in your heart and your mind!
Please come back and write more about your experience for you are still in the "middle" of it--and writing and sharing it with us will help you (and it helps us too!)
My heart goes out to you --I wish I could give you a real life hug {{{{{{{{{{{{{Suzanne}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}!!
Love,
Patti

Hi Suzanne,

I'm so sorry for what you are going through!

I agree with Denise that you aren't jumping the gun, and it sounds as though sweet Maxi may need some assistance passing on. She may be trying to stay with you as long as she can---because she loves you so much---despite her physical need to pass on. It sounds as though it would be the most loving thing to do to keep the appointment tomorrow---but only you and Maxi know best.

As the others said, Maxi will be just fine once she passes on, and she'll have no physical or emotional pain. She won't "miss" you only because she won't be aware of time or space. But the love you and she share will be eternal, and the death of her body won't end that---not at all. When it's your time to pass on, you'll be fully reunited, and it will be to Maxi like no time has passed. Of course, to you, it will seem a lot longer, because you have longer to live in your physical body. But you WILL get through. Time helps, and we'll help you through it!

How was the day today for you 2? Did you snuggle, did you get outside (or was it raining), etc. Remember, even tonight on Maxi's final night in her body, that you are human, and Maxi will understand if you don't spend every second with her (she knows you may need some sleep in order to get through tomorrow morning). My thoughts will be with you tonight and ...tomorrow! Write as soon as you possibly can.

Love and prayers,

Kathy

Remember what Patti said about the caterpillar and the butterfly.

Hi All,
Thank you first to Patti and Kathy for the recent posts. It has been a long day with Max. I got home from work this morning, took him outside for a "walk'...he layed in the driveway.....the misty rain coming down and he just turned his back to me and stared up to the sky. I of course have done nothing but stare at him all day as he and one of my others, Rufus( the caretaker for everyone) slept onthe sofa. My husband has never lost a pet, God love him too, he is trying so hard to understand this whole thing. He gives Maxi his treats...but at 9 pm tonight Max is still laying on the sofa with Rufus, not even wanting a piece of fresh turkey. I have cried myself into a real mess right now...can't bear the thought of going in the morning....this does not seem real...I am, like the grief part of this site suggests, going thru everything at once. I did manage to find the energy to leave his side for a few minutes and prepare his box I will bury him in when i return home tomorrow. It is a large container, lined it with my favorite hankerchiefs, pretty wrapping paper, a flowery lei from a Hula party I had once, and will cover Maxi with my favorite hanky my Dad gave me years ago for comfort on a particular occasion. Does this all sound so weird right now. A bright spot...I remembered a thing my Mom said to me once when i was little, "You should be a funeral director for animals...always had such elaborate "sending off to heaven" for all my kritters. I can tell when Max just looked in my eyes that he is ready to go be happy and carefree once again. I hope and pray that he is never mad at me.....or for that matter that the other kitties here, BooBoo Rufus and Stinky( he earned that name, LOL) are mad. I feel selfish for saying this but I am so mad right now that i just wish the end would be now. This waiting and staring at the clock is killing me inside.
Thank you all for reading, writing, sharing and understanding.
Love,
Suzanne

Suzzane,

Oh, how I feel your pain this morning. I was where you are just 2 days ago. Im praying for you this morning and hoping that youll get through this ok. Nothing really can prepare you for it , but the pain and memory of today will lessen just a little in a couple of days. Today I feel slightly better than yesterday and the images of Wed morning are dulling a little in my mind. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you today.

Colleen
Dakota, Mommy misses you so !

Suzanne,
Thinking of you today.
Wanted to comment on something you said: " I feel selfish for saying this but I am so mad right now that i just wish the end would be now. This waiting and staring at the clock is killing me inside." Try not to feel selfish. I remember one night 2 or 3 days before Little Girl passed on... I needed to zone out and watch TV even though I wanted to be at Little Girl's side; I couldn't handle things and needed to "escape" that evening.
Write when you can,
Kathy

Suzanne,
I'm thinking of you. I know what you are feeling right now, and as much as it feels like you will never get through it, you will. I'm so sorry and want to give you a hug, as this is the hardest decision to make, but you know it is the right one and Maxi will be free of pain and whole again. Write as much as you need. I found it to be very therapeutic and the support here exactly what I needed.

You and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers
Libby