Last Friday I had my ##er-mix dog Vic euthanized and it seemed like the right decision at the time. But now I keep wondering if I should have waited. I know guilt & regret are the hallmarks of grief, but I'm having such a hard time now.

For 2 1/2 years and many vet visits, Vic had a bad cough. My vet tried numerous drug treatments and at times it got better but never went completely away. During the last few months, he couldn't sleep well and spent many nights coughing. In the middle of the night, I would think that euthanizing was the best solution so he didn't suffer anymore. But then I would go off to work and out of sight, would think that his condition wasn't that bad.

His story was he was left tied up outdoors at a high kill shelter, and was rescued by a ##er rescue group. I have no real idea of how old he was, but I had him for 7 years and the vet didn't think he was young when I got him. At the end, he seemed partially deaf but followed hand signals. His eyesight was also getting bad, but his nose and appetite were great - especially being on Prednisone. Everytime he came into the house, he would run hopefully to his bowl and then go from room to room looking for me. He had some potty issues - I always fenced him in beside my bed at night or he would get up and relieve himself. He also trained me to hustle him outdoors whenever he was pacing the house, because he never learned to go to the door when he needed to go.

The vet somewhat encouraged putting him to sleep, saying she thought he was going to die 2 years ago. She said she could give him more drugs to buy a little more time but his coughing would get worse with warmer weather. She thought he might have a mass around his lungs, although nothing was shown in his xrays 2 years ago. I just couldn't take the coughing and gagging all night and thought I was prepared to lose him. I was glad when he made it thru Christmas, and then happy again when he had one last month long camping trip in Florida in February.

Of course now I question my decision every waking hour. At least I know I didn't wait too long, and he had 7 very good years at my house. I'm thinking his potty issues may have landed him at the shelter in the first place, so at least I dealt with cleaning up after him all the time.

I know there's no way to tell if it was right, I just wish I could find peace with my decision. When I am able, I think I would like to adopt another older dog.

Reading all the stories here has helped me to realize these thoughts are normal, although destructive.

Dear Vic's Mom,

Yes, unfortunately, the guilt and 'second-guessing' is all a 'normal' part of the grieving process. I think that whatever way our furbabies pass, we always think, "What if I'd have done this/hadn't done that..." "Maybe I waited too long/maybe I didn't wait long enough..." "If only I'd..." Vic's mom, as normal and natural as these thoughts are, they're not rational. Deep down in our hearts, we know that we did what we believed to be the very best for them. We love them with all our hearts, and any decisions that we made, were made out of love. There is no right or wrong... only what feels right in our hearts at the time. Vic's little body was giving you signs that it was ready, and I do believe that you made the best judgement, and so did your vet. I truly hope that in time you can find peace with your decision. Your precious Vic wouldn't want you to feel guilty or sad. He's in a better place now, free from any discomfort or restraint that his physical body might have had. It sounds like you gave him a wonderful life, full of love and adoration, and you should feel comforted by this. He was lucky to have found you ... and you were lucky to have found him.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Please know that we're here for you, whenever you need us. We're here to listen, to understand, to hurt with you. Grieving is an emotional journey, but you're not alone.

Take care of yourself. I hope you return to let us know how you're doing.

Sending you hugs -- Cheryl xx

My heart feels your pain and sorrow.......with the... what if wonders..... that you are going through at this time. It is best to think and remember all the joys you and Vic shared together for 7 years now. You are a very special lady for taking on the responsibility of Vic to begin with and still providing endless support through his illness's and final decline in his health. Vic didn't have to suffer no more. I believe you did what was best for Vic.....with the assistance and support from your vet.
Our animal doctor's are trully remarkable people and I'm sure if she felt that Vic's life could be maintained with a decent quality of life.......the decision would have been swayed.
This is the most difficult time now....for any type of reason when you have lost your precious loved one. The days and weeks ahead are filled with sadness if you let it. However, as I said before........cherish all the good and happy days you shared together on this earth. Vic came into your life for a reason.....let him go now and find peace. Lots of us believe we'll see our lovies again....but for now.....I wish you strength and better thoughts and look forward to the day when you will be able to give all that special love you own to another sweet dog.......just like Vic.
Big hugs to you, my dear.
Litebrez

Just reading this forum all week has helped me a bit. I had been trying to face losing Vic, but never realized just how much I loved him or how much I would miss him. It was easy to take him for granted. Truth is, when I first got him I didn't like him all that much - with all his C-o-c-ker shortcomings - skin conditions, bad ears, bulgy little eyes. Poor guy - none of these things were his fault and he certainly never found a single thing wrong with me.

I originally got Vic to keep my black lab company, and they never seemed to care for each other that much. But Max seems to be missing Vic now. Max is 9 years old and I'll make sure to never take him for granted. And if I can give a home to one more aging, unwanted dog, that is the best I can do for Vic now.

Hi, Vic's Mom, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Vic. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company.

Vic's Mom, as Cheryl and Litebrez have so compassionately shared with you, this grief journey is fraught with many different emotions sometimes overwhelming us all at once. It is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride, particularly during the deep grief. This is why it is important for us to hold onto the many wonderful memories we have and to take comfort in knowing that our beloved companions are still sharing our earthly journey just as they always have and always will - - for they are watching over us with loving hearts that are now free of their frail physical bodies. Their sweet Living Spirits are forever with us in our hearts and our memores - - they are forever a heartbeat close to us.

Another important thing to remember during this grief journey, Vic's Mom, is that you are not alone. Each of us here knows what you are going through and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. And hopefully as your deep grief eases you will come to know that you always did the very best for your precious Vic. You gave him a loving home, and through the deepest love you gave him a peaceful transition home to the angels. Please let your heart be at peace, Vic's Mom, for this is what your precious Vic wants for you.

Thank you so much for sharing your precious Vic with us. Perhaps sometime you may feel up to sharing a picture(s) of him with us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Vic's Mom, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Vic's mom

I am so sorry about the passing over of your precious Vic. How like me and my Gretta. Like Vic, she was a rescue dog with an uncertain history. (You're a special person just for that! Not many people would do that.) Like Vic she had an assortment of health problems. Gretta's was thought to be shoulder bone cancer but wasn't. It turned out to be a strange neurological failure. Like you and Vic, I had to make the decision to euthanize Gretta. Like you, I'm still wishing I could have had just even one more day with her. I think everybody who has ever been chosen by a special animal, a soul-mate, like the people here at Lightning Strike, have had doubts and regrets and guilt. If we could have made them well, of course we would have done that. We would have taken all of their pain on ourselves gladly. But we couldn't. I' KNOW you, like every one of us here, did everything you could and much more. The awful fact of it is that our "better halves" have much shorter life spans than we do. IT'S NOT FAIR AND IT HURTS - but someone planned it that way and no one knows why. All we do know is that somehow our heart found us out of all the people in the world and brought unbelievable love and joy to us - far, far more that anything we might have done for them. And then they left. And took a part of our heart with them. That's why, like Moonbeam says, the pain wil never 'go away'. I'll always have a Gretta-shaped hole in my heart, just like you will always have a Vic-shaped hole in yours. But they left us a piece of their hearts, too. That's how we know they are our other halves.

Please take care of yourself, Vic's mom. We're all here for you - like pieces of canem any one of which could be snapped in half but which, together are stronger than steel.

Have a blessed night and tomorrow.

Gretta's mom

Thank you all for your kind words. You really did help me see that I did try to do the best for Vic. I still expect to see him at the door, or in tbe corner where his bed was. And when I'm feeding my other dog, I catch myself ready to fill a second dog bowl. I am able to breathe again and I'm not tearing up as often. I'm able to talk about happier memories of Vic. I feel his little old man spirit all around here.

Thank you so much for being here. I'm so lucky I found you.

Hi, Vic's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. One of the many things this grief adjustment journey involves is changing our "routines" - - developing "new normals" - - one less dish to fill at meal time, an empty bed that used to have the comforting physical presence of a trusted and cherished companion, - - and the list goes on and on and on. These are very difficult adjustments to make, and only happen one day at a time.

Vic's Mom, we are here for each other, and it is through the bonds of friendship we share here that we are able to find the strength and courage and comfort to endure this grief adjustment journey. Thank you for the honor and the privilege to be here for you and for sharing your precious Vic with us.

Vic's Mom, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I look forward to knowing how things are going for you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Vic's mom

How well I understand all those "where is he?" moments. The first time I opened my front door didn't see Gretta's face I almost keeled over with grief. You feel that with every one of their things - living in this cold MN climate, Gretta had two snowsuits (she hated both of them!). They both had velcro fasteners so I velcroed them together and made a pillow to sleep on/with. I haven't been able yet (6 weeks) to put away the toys that she never played with, even though for many weeks just seeing them stabbed me in the heart. I didn't pick up her food/water bowl combo - even left the towels under it. I knew someday, like you, I would adopt another senior dog but I promised her that no other dog would EVER drink or eat out of her bowls.

In proportion as we loved our soul-animals, we hurt when they go on before us. Some people get signals. I got only two small ones. One night I was so sad I slept on her dog bed (it's a really, really good one) and had a dream that a goldenretriever-type dog jumped or flew between the dog bowls and the bookshelf behind them. Just then I woke up and for a tiny instant I felt Gretta was sleeping beside me - then she vanished. I think it would be easier if there were more signals, but I firmly believe - with everything I have - that our special spirit animals live on in a Perfect World where everything is safe and warm and joyous and they are young again and not in pain. There they are waiting for us, waiting to greet us when we, too, cross over. I'm sure your Vic is up there bragging about you, the greatest mom on earth, and telling stories about his life with you and his sibling dog. I'm sure the spirit animals of all of us who have met each other and loved and been loved by a truly special animal have met each other and are entertaining each other with stories of their lives on earth.

Vic's mom, please accept my deepest, deepest condolences on the passing of Mr. Vic. Eventually the shot-in-the-heart pain subsides into a huge concrete block on your heart and on your back. But .... if it were easy, we wouldn't have loved them and been loved by them so much.

Thank you for sharing Mr Vic with us and please know that we are here for you, for each other, any time, all the time.

Warm hugs to you,

Gretta's mom