I lost my beloved Sammy cat on the 4th of May. One thing I'm grateful for here, is reading everyone's account of their grief...I no longer feel so alone.
Sammy was my soul mate, my teacher, my guide, my true love...for 17 years. My husband disputes this...he insists that he is number one...but what he doesn't seem to realize is...Sammy's unconditional love for me all of these years....has made it possible for me to love HIM.
What's ironic is....my husband gave Sammy to me over 17 yrs ago when I was still pregnant with our last child, and he didn't particularly like cats even back then.
Sammy has been declining in his health for several years...albeit slowly. I think now, he gave me the gift of slowly adjusting to himself being gone...although, now, i think it was a flawed idea that isn't/didn't really work.
Wednesday morning I woke up to take my youngest child to school. My habit was, to take Sammy to his food bowl...he was blind, and liked me to take him to his bowl in the last months of his life. I did this, gave him kisses and told him I would be back soon.
You see, my entire existance was wrapped around my Sammy...every waking moment, and every second in between. I think I've had maybe 7 hours of sleep in the last two years, constantly waking up in the night to make sure he was ok.
And I didn't complain about the care I gave him at the end...I knew sleep would come someday...but if I didn't make myself available to him, my moments with him would be gone....forever someday soon. So I willingly became a geriatric care nurse for my beloved friend.
When I came home from taking my child to school on Wednesday of course my first stop was my room where Sammy was. He was fine, or so it seemed. He was on my bed resting peacefully so I left to go call my Grandson.
You see, it was my grandson's 4th Birthday that day too...I had sat in my office on the computer waiting for my grandson to wake up so I could talk to him and wish him a Happy Birthday. Once I chatted with him, I told my daughter I had to go and be with Sammy....so I hung up. This was maybe 2 hours after I had come home from taking my child to school.
I opened the door to my room and it took 2 seconds or less for me to know Sammy was leaving this earth on that day. When I got into my bed next to him....he scuttled away, he didn't walk...he scuttled...and then he urinated on the bed.
I knew in the depths of my soul it was over then. All of the months of sobbing in fear that he was going to die, all of the months praying that god would take him peacefully if he were in pain, all of the months of taking him to the cat box, or food and water getting one or two hours a sleep at a time at most...came to a screeching halt.
I ran to my office and called my vet's office and described his symptoms, breathing heavily and with great difficulty, the urinating...and she said...bring...him...in...(these words sounded like huge ringing bells to me) as if I didn't know she would say it....and I dreaded it horribly.
You see...I was praying for months that he would die peacefully. I was holding him and telling him telepathically and with my touch....that it was ok for him to pass over if he were in pain, that I would be ok if he left. I did NOT want to take him to my vet and have my precious best friend die on a cold steel table...euthanasia was the absolute last resort to me.
Oh but no...euthanasia was in the cards for us that day, and when I realized I had to put my beloved cat in his carrier...and then take him to my truck, and then drive him to the vet....I went into a near shock state. How the hell we got there safely....I will never know.
He cried on the way to the vet. Sammy...my once dignified KING cat, that we all knew was a black panther in disguise...he just had such a regal sense about him, Sammy my precious cat that never meowed....he didn't have to....he told me what he wanted with his mind, and if I didnt "hear' him...he smacked me with his rope of a tail, Sammy that had the smallest pur ever of a cat...he often made me wonder if he WAS a cat, he never meowed, purred or anything regularly catlike...was crying in his carrier on the way to the vet last Wednesday. It broke my sole...it was the beginning of the worst pain I've ever felt in my life.
We made it to my vet's office safely somehow. I opened his carrier when we got there and he had gone down 55 billion times more since we left home 5 minutes before! He was drooling on his paw, and trying to stand up, because he couldn't breathe. The girl that ran the desk was in an exam room with the doctor and no one was at the desk but me and Sammy. All I could do was pet his head and kiss him telling him I was there.
Sometimes you wonder why things so horrible pan out as they do when they are happening...as I was definitely WONDERING!! Then an elderly woman came up to me as I stood there feeling helpless petting my obviously dying cat. I never met her before, she was in the waiting room waiting for her own dog to be returned to her after a checkup. This woman reached out and hugged me, and told me she was so very sorry....she knew my pain.
I will never forget this woman reaching out to me at that moment. My soul was in shreds...I was trying to keep it together for Sammy so he would feel some kind of peace (yeah, like I could hide my soul shredding from HIM!) and this woman, came up to me and gave me the most human love...because she KNEW my pain...she briefly told me she had been where I am before. I think that woman healed me and Sammy with that act that day.
I was reminded of a woman I saw in the parking lot of my vets office about a year ago. She was sobbing, terrible sobs from her soul. I had gone into the vet to get flea treatments for all of my cats when I came out and saw her sobbing. I knew...I knew in my soul, that she had just lost her best friend. I went to her and held her for about five minutes. I told her I knew what she was feeling, and that my prayers were with her. Then I got in my truck and left. It didnt fall short on me, that my vets office was a place where people recognized each others pain immediately, and here, a year later....I was the recipient of the same kindred fellow love of a pet parent.
Finally Sammy and I were taken to a room and my friend at the front desk jumped into immediate action and got the doctor to come to Sammy right away. By then Sammy was even worse...and I was having a very difficult time keeping the horrendous tears at bay. He was trying to stand up, because he couldn't breathe. He was gagging, throwing up and drooling profusely....it was as if I had been transported into the worst nightmare you could think of.
We laid Sammy down, the doctor shaved the fur off of his leg to access his artery easily, and injected the pink fluid that stopped his heart. He was gone in...maybe two heart beats. I barely had time to tell him that I love him, and to thank him for everything he gave me in the last 17 years....and it was over.
I could do nothing but bend over clutching my heart, groaning in the most intense pain I have ever ever felt. I held on to my vet's assistant and nearly screamed, asking her what I was to do without my Sammy now???
After she was able to hug and calm me, she told me I could stay with Sammy for as long as I wanted, so I picked his little limp body up and held him close to my body and I sobbed like an animal. He was so limp...never, ever was I to feel his face rub mine when I held him to my chest...it was so horrid. I couldn't get his eyes to close either. Sammy was blind the last year or so of his life, and instinctively I tried to close his eyes...but they wouldnt close.
My vet's assistant came in and asked me about the options available...I could take him home and bury him in the back yard....NO WAY! How am I going to bury my best friend in the freaking back yard?
I could cremate him and have his ashes spread somewhere "nice". NO WAY that's MY best friend...his ashes stay with ME! So that's the option I chose...Sammy was to be cremated and given back to me in a special box that I could put his picture on.
I left the vet office that day in pieces. I had to sit in the parking lot for a good 30 minutes to be able to drive home. Then came the "joy" of making the phone calls and telling my family.
My youngest daughter was still in school, I decided not to screw up her day to tell her that the cat she knew from the day she was born was now dead. I did however call my oldest child who has remembered Sammy from day one, and it was a terrible call to make.
My husband, who gave me Sammy all those years ago got an email...as he's in Afghanistan. And bless him, he's still trying to "fix" my pain of Sammy's death. He wants so much to make me feel better, and he just will not accept that Sammy's death is something that will be with me forever...it's a matter of learning to live with it.
My family has dreaded the day that Sammy would die. They all knew he and I were soul mates....everyone knew it was going to be like D-Day with his death....and they were right.
I have been on the worst emotional rollercoaster since Wedneday. It's funny...I still have my grocery shopping list for that day...and that day seems like an eternity ago....the world indeed stopped when I came home without Sammy....his carrier is still in my truck.
I did however get his ashes back today. I made a ceremony of it...of sorts. Instinctually I had to do things in a certain order. I left Sammy in the arms of my friend at the vets office on Wednesday, and today I picked up a small bag with his remains, and several items to read and a candle.
I took the candle out and lit it. There was a half broken heart pendant in the bag...half for me, half in Sammy's crematory box with his remains. I put the pendant on my gold chain immediately. I read his death certificate and the absolutely healing poem enclosed...then I took his box out of the bag, wrapped in blue tissue paper. Slowly I unwrapped it and then attached a picture of him I had waiting for this moment.
Now Sammy and I are on a new path. He can no longer lay next to me, and rub his face on mine to show his love, or swish his tail in disapproval...we are on a path to heal together, and by god...I was given this precious soul for 17 years so somehow, someway I will find a way to heal...so I can be open to him.
I don't know where to go from here....so I found this site. I can only hope my post isnt so infernally long and verbose that no one understands who Sammy and I are.
Blessings to everyone
Full Version: Goodbye My Precious Sammy
Hi, Sammy, please accept my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Sammy. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions - - at great sacrifice to ourselves - - so that they can once again be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.
Sammy, thank you so much for sharing your precious Sammy with us. This grief journey is one of the hardest experiences we will know on this side of eternity. It is not a journey of "getting over" or "moving on" but one of adjustment to the physical loss of our beloved companion. Your precious Sammy was the center of your universe during his earthly journey with you, and now your heart and life have the excruiatingly painful journey of adjusting to a "new normal" without your precious Sammy's physical presence. This is both emotionally and physically painful - - particularly during the deep grief. This grief journey is a one day at a time journey, sometimes a one moment at a time journey, and is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. But even in the midst of this painful deep grief, I hope and pray you will be comforted in knowing that the love bond you and your precious Sammy share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. And as your deep grief eases, I hope you will know that your precious Sammy is forever with you in your heart and memories - - he is always a heartbeat close to you.
It is very important for you to remember you are not alone during your grief adjustment journey. Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us, Sammy. Each of us do understand what you are going through.
Thank you again so much for sharing your precious Sammy with us. Perhaps in time you will feel up to posting a picture of him - - if you would like to do so. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Sammy, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Sammy, thank you so much for sharing your precious Sammy with us. This grief journey is one of the hardest experiences we will know on this side of eternity. It is not a journey of "getting over" or "moving on" but one of adjustment to the physical loss of our beloved companion. Your precious Sammy was the center of your universe during his earthly journey with you, and now your heart and life have the excruiatingly painful journey of adjusting to a "new normal" without your precious Sammy's physical presence. This is both emotionally and physically painful - - particularly during the deep grief. This grief journey is a one day at a time journey, sometimes a one moment at a time journey, and is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. But even in the midst of this painful deep grief, I hope and pray you will be comforted in knowing that the love bond you and your precious Sammy share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. And as your deep grief eases, I hope you will know that your precious Sammy is forever with you in your heart and memories - - he is always a heartbeat close to you.
It is very important for you to remember you are not alone during your grief adjustment journey. Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us, Sammy. Each of us do understand what you are going through.
Thank you again so much for sharing your precious Sammy with us. Perhaps in time you will feel up to posting a picture of him - - if you would like to do so. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Sammy, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
QUOTE (moon_beam @ May 11 2011, 04:36 PM) 
Hi, Sammy, please accept my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Sammy. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions - - at great sacrifice to ourselves - - so that they can once again be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.
Sammy, thank you so much for sharing your precious Sammy with us. This grief journey is one of the hardest experiences we will know on this side of eternity. It is not a journey of "getting over" or "moving on" but one of adjustment to the physical loss of our beloved companion. Your precious Sammy was the center of your universe during his earthly journey with you, and now your heart and life have the excruiatingly painful journey of adjusting to a "new normal" without your precious Sammy's physical presence. This is both emotionally and physically painful - - particularly during the deep grief. This grief journey is a one day at a time journey, sometimes a one moment at a time journey, and is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. But even in the midst of this painful deep grief, I hope and pray you will be comforted in knowing that the love bond you and your precious Sammy share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. And as your deep grief eases, I hope you will know that your precious Sammy is forever with you in your heart and memories - - he is always a heartbeat close to you.
It is very important for you to remember you are not alone during your grief adjustment journey. Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us, Sammy. Each of us do understand what you are going through.
Thank you again so much for sharing your precious Sammy with us. Perhaps in time you will feel up to posting a picture of him - - if you would like to do so. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Sammy, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Sammy, thank you so much for sharing your precious Sammy with us. This grief journey is one of the hardest experiences we will know on this side of eternity. It is not a journey of "getting over" or "moving on" but one of adjustment to the physical loss of our beloved companion. Your precious Sammy was the center of your universe during his earthly journey with you, and now your heart and life have the excruiatingly painful journey of adjusting to a "new normal" without your precious Sammy's physical presence. This is both emotionally and physically painful - - particularly during the deep grief. This grief journey is a one day at a time journey, sometimes a one moment at a time journey, and is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. But even in the midst of this painful deep grief, I hope and pray you will be comforted in knowing that the love bond you and your precious Sammy share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. And as your deep grief eases, I hope you will know that your precious Sammy is forever with you in your heart and memories - - he is always a heartbeat close to you.
It is very important for you to remember you are not alone during your grief adjustment journey. Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us, Sammy. Each of us do understand what you are going through.
Thank you again so much for sharing your precious Sammy with us. Perhaps in time you will feel up to posting a picture of him - - if you would like to do so. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Sammy, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Thank you so much Moonbeam for your absolutely lovely words to me. Today is particularly harsh for me...as it's now a week since Sammy died. I sit here thinking about that...Sammy's body has been gone from this earth for an entire week! How is it that the rest of the world behaves as if nothing happened this time last week...that a bright shining light of love left this earth? There's still traffic on the road, still people standing in line at the grocery store, hell my own child still goes to school everyday. Me...I slowly drive down the road when I take my child to school, or pick her up and look at this traffic and wonder about their lives. How lucky they are that they didn't have to say goodbye to their soul mate last week...oh but I know I'm not alone...because more than likely that car in front of me driving slow down the road....getting passed by impatient busy people...just lost their friend too.
I know this will be a slow process, of agonizing ups and downs. I caught myself thinking I had to go check on Sammy this morning...then I stood there and remembered that he's no longer here to check on. The idea that's it better to have loved and lost that love....than to never have loved at all is really on my mind. I wouldn't be who I am today without Sammy's presence in my life. All the years of fun games, laying next to each other just "being" have changed me so deeply.
My mind isn't really up to par today...being a week since his death. Sammy knew what I didn't at all know for sure...that I could and would go on after his death...and somehow I have done just that. The loving words from you help more than I am able to describe right now. It's tremendously healing to know someone such as yourself would take time to read my story of Sammy, and then respond with words I will probably reread a billion times.
Thank you Moonbeam, and I will definitely find a picture of Sammy to post here and share with everyone.
Love and light
Hi Sammy,
I am new here as well, having had to euthanise my Kayla Rose on Monday (which was also my birthday-happy birthday to me, sarcasm intended) after 15.5 years together. Thank you for sharing Sammy's story, and your post was not too long at all!
My husband is an over the road trucker, not a soldier (and please thank him from my family) but I could really identify with the difficulties of having to deal with this by yourself, but thanks to this site, we are not alone. I wish I could say something profound to help you through your loss but I don't think mere words have that power.
Big hug coming your way:)
kaylasmom
I am new here as well, having had to euthanise my Kayla Rose on Monday (which was also my birthday-happy birthday to me, sarcasm intended) after 15.5 years together. Thank you for sharing Sammy's story, and your post was not too long at all!
My husband is an over the road trucker, not a soldier (and please thank him from my family) but I could really identify with the difficulties of having to deal with this by yourself, but thanks to this site, we are not alone. I wish I could say something profound to help you through your loss but I don't think mere words have that power.
Big hug coming your way:)
kaylasmom
Dear Sammy,
I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved Sammy. Your story has me choking back tears and in many ways reminds me of the horror I faced the night I lost my beautiful Peggy. Like you, I also had to make the decision to help her pass. That is one of the most difficult decisions any of us will ever have to make and it's one of the last selfless acts of love we're able to perform for our beloved non-human family members. Like your Sammy, Peggy was my soul mate and I understand exactly what you're feeling now and the deep despair that's overwhelming you. I am so, so sorry that you find yourself in this intensely painful situation. Please know that you are not alone on this dark and painful road. The other people on this site are always here to listen and offer support. Many shared a very deep bond with their animals and know what you're feeling, as well as the peaks and valleys you'll encounter as you struggle to navigate through the grief. I am so glad you found the site and hope you find some comfort here.
I give your husband all the credit in the world for trying to help 'fix the problem' . Unfortunately, as well intentioned as he is, he may not have a solid understanding of the depths of your pain or how to go about helping you find your way through it. The depth of connection you shared with Sammy, and that we each shared with our precious pets, appears to be something that is not experienced by most people. Often times, even 'animal people haven’t experienced this kind of relationship and can’t comprehend this level of grief. It’s understandable that they struggle, trying to find a way to offer comfort when they have no point of reference in their own lives to help direct them on how to respond. In my case, I have been privileged to have had many animals in my life and loved them all. However, I never before experienced the type of bond I had with Peggy. Like your Sammy, she was attached to me when I was home and we did almost everything together. A look was all it took to galvanize one of us into action (usually that would be a look from her to me, sending me scampering to the pantry for treats or jumping to open a door – she was so smart, she had me very well trained!). Since loosing Peggy, I’ve come to realize that unless you’ve had this type of relationship before, it’s impossible to understand the overwhelming pain and despair we experience when they leave. That lack of understanding makes it very difficult for others to offer support when they can’t conceptualize that degree of emotion, especially in relation to an animal. Personally, I limit most of my communication about my grief to this site. Most people don’t understand still grieving for a dog 10 weeks after they’ve passed – I still can’t believe I’ve been able to go on without her. The wonderful people on this site understand what we’re feeling and how difficult it is to move forward when your heart is shattered in a million pieces. I truly wish I had some wise words that would help lift the pain from your heart. Since I don't, I send you a big cyber-hug and want you to know that I care.
Sammy, please remember that you are not alone. There are several people who are very dedicated to checking the site on a pretty regular basis to ensure support is being offered to those in need. I would also like to suggest that it may help if you share some stories of Sammy, when you feel ready. I know that helped me immensely and I’m betting that while I’ve been working on this response, our sweet, compassionate Moon_Beam has already responded to you and offered that suggestion. For the record, Moon-Beam is my cyber-guru for animals and shattered hearts that require healing. She is a wise, compassionate, loving woman who always knows just what to say to help ease the pain in our hearts (before posting this, I just confirmed that she already posted to you – she is amazing!). There are also many others who are just as wonderful, I just have a special place in my heart for Moon_Beam.
Please know that you and Sammy will be in my prayers and I hope you post again, when you feel up to it, to let us know how you’re doing.
Please take care of yourself,
Peggy (the human)
I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved Sammy. Your story has me choking back tears and in many ways reminds me of the horror I faced the night I lost my beautiful Peggy. Like you, I also had to make the decision to help her pass. That is one of the most difficult decisions any of us will ever have to make and it's one of the last selfless acts of love we're able to perform for our beloved non-human family members. Like your Sammy, Peggy was my soul mate and I understand exactly what you're feeling now and the deep despair that's overwhelming you. I am so, so sorry that you find yourself in this intensely painful situation. Please know that you are not alone on this dark and painful road. The other people on this site are always here to listen and offer support. Many shared a very deep bond with their animals and know what you're feeling, as well as the peaks and valleys you'll encounter as you struggle to navigate through the grief. I am so glad you found the site and hope you find some comfort here.
I give your husband all the credit in the world for trying to help 'fix the problem' . Unfortunately, as well intentioned as he is, he may not have a solid understanding of the depths of your pain or how to go about helping you find your way through it. The depth of connection you shared with Sammy, and that we each shared with our precious pets, appears to be something that is not experienced by most people. Often times, even 'animal people haven’t experienced this kind of relationship and can’t comprehend this level of grief. It’s understandable that they struggle, trying to find a way to offer comfort when they have no point of reference in their own lives to help direct them on how to respond. In my case, I have been privileged to have had many animals in my life and loved them all. However, I never before experienced the type of bond I had with Peggy. Like your Sammy, she was attached to me when I was home and we did almost everything together. A look was all it took to galvanize one of us into action (usually that would be a look from her to me, sending me scampering to the pantry for treats or jumping to open a door – she was so smart, she had me very well trained!). Since loosing Peggy, I’ve come to realize that unless you’ve had this type of relationship before, it’s impossible to understand the overwhelming pain and despair we experience when they leave. That lack of understanding makes it very difficult for others to offer support when they can’t conceptualize that degree of emotion, especially in relation to an animal. Personally, I limit most of my communication about my grief to this site. Most people don’t understand still grieving for a dog 10 weeks after they’ve passed – I still can’t believe I’ve been able to go on without her. The wonderful people on this site understand what we’re feeling and how difficult it is to move forward when your heart is shattered in a million pieces. I truly wish I had some wise words that would help lift the pain from your heart. Since I don't, I send you a big cyber-hug and want you to know that I care.
Sammy, please remember that you are not alone. There are several people who are very dedicated to checking the site on a pretty regular basis to ensure support is being offered to those in need. I would also like to suggest that it may help if you share some stories of Sammy, when you feel ready. I know that helped me immensely and I’m betting that while I’ve been working on this response, our sweet, compassionate Moon_Beam has already responded to you and offered that suggestion. For the record, Moon-Beam is my cyber-guru for animals and shattered hearts that require healing. She is a wise, compassionate, loving woman who always knows just what to say to help ease the pain in our hearts (before posting this, I just confirmed that she already posted to you – she is amazing!). There are also many others who are just as wonderful, I just have a special place in my heart for Moon_Beam.
Please know that you and Sammy will be in my prayers and I hope you post again, when you feel up to it, to let us know how you’re doing.
Please take care of yourself,
Peggy (the human)
To Kaylasmom and Peggy,
I sit here in a near daze and then checked my email and see both of your response to my story of Sammy...and cry some more, knowing that I am so supported here with this truly terrible, but learning experience. The truth is as you said Peggy...no one understands this kind of soul connection and the resulting grief when this soul friend dies...unless they have experienced it themselves.
I too have been an animal lover my entire life. I have many cats and two dogs right now, and all throughout my life there has always been a furry creature with me...but no one is close to me as Sammy was. I don't think I felt this kind of grief when my own parents died...not because I didn't love my parents or treasure them, but because a soul connection is rare, and I was soooo fortunate to have that with Sammy.
I feel like someone opened the hatch to the ship and everything sucked out...Sammy's little body and a very large portion of myself. I know this will ease in time, and thankfully I was guided to find this site to find help when I knew how badly I needed help.
I'm sorry that today I'm not feeling especially verbal and so this post will be short. But please know, that the support you give to me is priceless and deeply meaningful, and is helping me heal. I will very much so post here again...telling about the happy times with my precious Sammy...as there were many many fabulous times with this wonderful cat...or was he an angel in black fur?
Thank you so very much for your words...I cling to them, and send blessings to you both.
Love and light
I sit here in a near daze and then checked my email and see both of your response to my story of Sammy...and cry some more, knowing that I am so supported here with this truly terrible, but learning experience. The truth is as you said Peggy...no one understands this kind of soul connection and the resulting grief when this soul friend dies...unless they have experienced it themselves.
I too have been an animal lover my entire life. I have many cats and two dogs right now, and all throughout my life there has always been a furry creature with me...but no one is close to me as Sammy was. I don't think I felt this kind of grief when my own parents died...not because I didn't love my parents or treasure them, but because a soul connection is rare, and I was soooo fortunate to have that with Sammy.
I feel like someone opened the hatch to the ship and everything sucked out...Sammy's little body and a very large portion of myself. I know this will ease in time, and thankfully I was guided to find this site to find help when I knew how badly I needed help.
I'm sorry that today I'm not feeling especially verbal and so this post will be short. But please know, that the support you give to me is priceless and deeply meaningful, and is helping me heal. I will very much so post here again...telling about the happy times with my precious Sammy...as there were many many fabulous times with this wonderful cat...or was he an angel in black fur?
Thank you so very much for your words...I cling to them, and send blessings to you both.
Love and light
Dear Sammy,
I promise, the overwhelming grief /pain will eventually pass. It takes time but it will pass. For the first 8 week after I lost Peggy (The Dog), I felt like a human shell, overflowing with nothing but agony. It was a battle to function and every time I had to deal with some trivial nonsense that was work related, I just wanted to scream 'what is wrong with you people? Peggy's gone and you're worried about crap that doesn't matter a damm to anyone, including you guys?" I avoided everyone in my personal life for sevearl weeks - except my Mom. Mom lives with me and had the same connection with Peggy. I think MOm was even more destroyed than I was and I couldn't funciton at all for the first several days, we were stunned by the suddeness of the event and by the outcome. So, trust me. The fact that you're functioning at all is a testimate to your strength and will (yeah, maybe becase you 'have to' but it takes sheer force of will to continue while you're buried in grief and despair). Also, please don't worry about responding unless you're up to it. Most people only logon and reply once a day or so. Writing about something this emotional take a toll and you'll find that you're exhausted after you've expressed some feeling or related some event that just needed to come out. Nobody will judge you it you don't respond for a while (or even at all). We all know that aside from dealing with our loss, we all have busy lives that we're tyring to keep up with and can't always make time for the things we feel are important but not as critical as other, immediate needs of others.
Again, you and Sammy will be in my prayers and I wish you a peaceful, restful evening.
Take care,
Peggy
P.S. Your Sammy was beautiful! Thank you for putting up a picture of him!
I promise, the overwhelming grief /pain will eventually pass. It takes time but it will pass. For the first 8 week after I lost Peggy (The Dog), I felt like a human shell, overflowing with nothing but agony. It was a battle to function and every time I had to deal with some trivial nonsense that was work related, I just wanted to scream 'what is wrong with you people? Peggy's gone and you're worried about crap that doesn't matter a damm to anyone, including you guys?" I avoided everyone in my personal life for sevearl weeks - except my Mom. Mom lives with me and had the same connection with Peggy. I think MOm was even more destroyed than I was and I couldn't funciton at all for the first several days, we were stunned by the suddeness of the event and by the outcome. So, trust me. The fact that you're functioning at all is a testimate to your strength and will (yeah, maybe becase you 'have to' but it takes sheer force of will to continue while you're buried in grief and despair). Also, please don't worry about responding unless you're up to it. Most people only logon and reply once a day or so. Writing about something this emotional take a toll and you'll find that you're exhausted after you've expressed some feeling or related some event that just needed to come out. Nobody will judge you it you don't respond for a while (or even at all). We all know that aside from dealing with our loss, we all have busy lives that we're tyring to keep up with and can't always make time for the things we feel are important but not as critical as other, immediate needs of others.
Again, you and Sammy will be in my prayers and I wish you a peaceful, restful evening.
Take care,
Peggy
P.S. Your Sammy was beautiful! Thank you for putting up a picture of him!
Dear Peggy,
I was headed to bed when I saw your post, and want to respond before I shut this pc down for the night. I laughed out loud reading your thoughts in response to petty crap from others around you at work...I would have thought the same exact thing lol
My prayers and blessings go to you and your Mom about Peggy's death, and I'm very interested to know more about who Peggy was to you and your Mom. Perhaps I will find things you've written regarding her tomorrow.
Thank you for your compliment on Sammy's picture. That was taken a few months ago. He was totally blind at that time, so he didn't see the flash when I snapped the photo. Sammy was blinded suddenly a little over a year ago from an adverse reaction to an antibiotic. You can see his right front fang too, because several years ago he had two surgeries to remove a melanoma on his nose, that took a large portion of his nose off as a result. He had a "snaglepuss" look from then on that I thought was quite adorable, and I wouldn't let anyone say a thing about his appearance out loud in my presence...for fear Sammy would hear it lol
I send this with many prayers of healing for you and your Mom...I know the two of you still hurt missing Peggy. Thanks so much for changing my day...I'll never forget it.
Love and light
I was headed to bed when I saw your post, and want to respond before I shut this pc down for the night. I laughed out loud reading your thoughts in response to petty crap from others around you at work...I would have thought the same exact thing lol
My prayers and blessings go to you and your Mom about Peggy's death, and I'm very interested to know more about who Peggy was to you and your Mom. Perhaps I will find things you've written regarding her tomorrow.
Thank you for your compliment on Sammy's picture. That was taken a few months ago. He was totally blind at that time, so he didn't see the flash when I snapped the photo. Sammy was blinded suddenly a little over a year ago from an adverse reaction to an antibiotic. You can see his right front fang too, because several years ago he had two surgeries to remove a melanoma on his nose, that took a large portion of his nose off as a result. He had a "snaglepuss" look from then on that I thought was quite adorable, and I wouldn't let anyone say a thing about his appearance out loud in my presence...for fear Sammy would hear it lol
I send this with many prayers of healing for you and your Mom...I know the two of you still hurt missing Peggy. Thanks so much for changing my day...I'll never forget it.
Love and light
Hi, Sammy, one of the many difficult challenges of this grief journey is adjusting to the "reality" that "life goes on." It never ceases to amaze me that dishes still get washed, bills get paid, jobs get done, - - daily routines still occur - - but during the deep grief it's more on "automatic pilot" - - so that we can process our grief in our own way and in our time and still somehow "function".
Our lives change for the better when our beloved companions share our hearts and home and lives, and our lives change again when they precede us to the angels. This time, however, we are blessed with treasured memories of their earthly journey with us, and the gift of having been their earthly caregiver and to have earned the privilege of their endearing and enduring eternal unconditional love. Hopefully as your deep grief eases, Sammy, you will be able to smile - - truly deeply richly smile - - when you remember your precious Sammy, and feel the warmth of his eternal love fill your heart once again. It's already there, - - but right now it is shrouded with a veil of grief.
Sammy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I will look forward to sharing a picture of your precious Sammy whenever you are up to posting it. Pleasek now you are in my thoughts and prayers, Sammy, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Our lives change for the better when our beloved companions share our hearts and home and lives, and our lives change again when they precede us to the angels. This time, however, we are blessed with treasured memories of their earthly journey with us, and the gift of having been their earthly caregiver and to have earned the privilege of their endearing and enduring eternal unconditional love. Hopefully as your deep grief eases, Sammy, you will be able to smile - - truly deeply richly smile - - when you remember your precious Sammy, and feel the warmth of his eternal love fill your heart once again. It's already there, - - but right now it is shrouded with a veil of grief.
Sammy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I will look forward to sharing a picture of your precious Sammy whenever you are up to posting it. Pleasek now you are in my thoughts and prayers, Sammy, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Hi Moon_beam,
You are very right about the automatic pilot syndrome...that's definitely where I'm at right now for sure. Although now that you've mentioned bills getting paid...I better do that tomorrow, as bills getting paid haven't even been on my mind in the least.
Today was a slightly better day than the last week has been. I was able to help another pet parent with some support. Then I went to the mailbox. In the mail...that I haven't taken out of the mail box in days...was a sympathy card from my vets office. When I opened it...there was Sammy's fur and two of his whiskers I had asked them to retain for me before his body was cremated.
I had totally forgotten I had asked for these things, and here they are. And there I went down that infernal roller coaster of emotion again. This grief is such a strange thing...it just sneaks out of nowhere when you least expect it.
I'm extremely grateful for the huge support I've received here, and look forward to being of more help to others with what I'm learning...someday soon. Thanks so much for your words Moonbeam, I'm more grateful thank you can know.
Love and Light
You are very right about the automatic pilot syndrome...that's definitely where I'm at right now for sure. Although now that you've mentioned bills getting paid...I better do that tomorrow, as bills getting paid haven't even been on my mind in the least.
Today was a slightly better day than the last week has been. I was able to help another pet parent with some support. Then I went to the mailbox. In the mail...that I haven't taken out of the mail box in days...was a sympathy card from my vets office. When I opened it...there was Sammy's fur and two of his whiskers I had asked them to retain for me before his body was cremated.
I had totally forgotten I had asked for these things, and here they are. And there I went down that infernal roller coaster of emotion again. This grief is such a strange thing...it just sneaks out of nowhere when you least expect it.
I'm extremely grateful for the huge support I've received here, and look forward to being of more help to others with what I'm learning...someday soon. Thanks so much for your words Moonbeam, I'm more grateful thank you can know.
Love and Light
Hello Sammy
First of all, let me tell you how sorry I am at the passing of your soul-mate Sammy-the-Cat. I lost my spirit dog Gretta (a chocolate lab) a month ago and the life was sucked out of my world just like you feel like it's been sucked out of yours now. Each of those first days is a haze and daze. Am I really going to work? Must be, because everything around me looks like the office. The people on this site are truly amazing. Something (we know it's our spirit animals) draws people here who really HAVE experienced what you and your Sammy have. Few people are blessed enough to have been found and loved by a soul mate. I know Gretta is mine.
Be kind to yourself, Sammy, especially during this horrible time. And don't bother about what you think other people might think. Let e'm go ahead and let we the blessed know that they have never known the love, the two-halves-of-one-whole, that we've been blessed with. Isn't it amazing how our spirit-animals manage to find us? Of all the billions of people on earth, they manage to find THE ONE - their one and only. And we know it the instant we see them, too.
You're called on to do much more than most of us are - you've got kids that need attending and loving, and a husband in a pretty scary place. We're all praying extra hard for you and your family. Sammy is sending down love to you, too. I'm sorry you had to go through such a awful experience on your Sammy's day of passing. As much as you love your Sammy, Sammy loves you twice a much - I mean this amazing cat found you in this huge world and lived and loved you for 17 years. It's that love that Sammy is basking in now. Yeah, pain makes us do some things that others would, well, question. The day Gretta left, I walked miles and miles just singing new me-and-Gretta words to old folk songs I knew. You'll always been Sammy's one and only - and likewise. No matter what else may happen in your life from now on, you WILL belong to Sammy and you WILL be reunited in the Perfect World.
Thank you for sharing your wonderful Sammy with us. We're all happy (even though we're crying) that we've found somebody else who is truly owned by a spirit animal.
A cyber hug for you and your family
Gretta's mom
First of all, let me tell you how sorry I am at the passing of your soul-mate Sammy-the-Cat. I lost my spirit dog Gretta (a chocolate lab) a month ago and the life was sucked out of my world just like you feel like it's been sucked out of yours now. Each of those first days is a haze and daze. Am I really going to work? Must be, because everything around me looks like the office. The people on this site are truly amazing. Something (we know it's our spirit animals) draws people here who really HAVE experienced what you and your Sammy have. Few people are blessed enough to have been found and loved by a soul mate. I know Gretta is mine.
Be kind to yourself, Sammy, especially during this horrible time. And don't bother about what you think other people might think. Let e'm go ahead and let we the blessed know that they have never known the love, the two-halves-of-one-whole, that we've been blessed with. Isn't it amazing how our spirit-animals manage to find us? Of all the billions of people on earth, they manage to find THE ONE - their one and only. And we know it the instant we see them, too.
You're called on to do much more than most of us are - you've got kids that need attending and loving, and a husband in a pretty scary place. We're all praying extra hard for you and your family. Sammy is sending down love to you, too. I'm sorry you had to go through such a awful experience on your Sammy's day of passing. As much as you love your Sammy, Sammy loves you twice a much - I mean this amazing cat found you in this huge world and lived and loved you for 17 years. It's that love that Sammy is basking in now. Yeah, pain makes us do some things that others would, well, question. The day Gretta left, I walked miles and miles just singing new me-and-Gretta words to old folk songs I knew. You'll always been Sammy's one and only - and likewise. No matter what else may happen in your life from now on, you WILL belong to Sammy and you WILL be reunited in the Perfect World.
Thank you for sharing your wonderful Sammy with us. We're all happy (even though we're crying) that we've found somebody else who is truly owned by a spirit animal.
A cyber hug for you and your family
Gretta's mom
Hello Sammy,
I feel like we're kindred spirits of sorts. I lost my beloved little dog Abby on the same day you lost Sammy and she would have turned 17 this Novemeber. I cried as I read your post.
I got Abby the day after my dad's funeral in 1994. She was about 8 weeks old and I know it was her that helped me through that awful experience. I was at my mom's last week down in LA (where Abby was born). Abby had been deaf for most of the last year and it had gotten to the point where I was carrying her outside to do her business as the stairs became increasingly difficult for her. And she was steadily declining, though slowly. I loved what you said about Sammy's slow decline as his effort to help you prepare for living without him. I feel that way about my Abby too.
The night before Abby died, my mom and I had been grocery shopping and when we got home she had soiled herself and the bed we'd made for her on top of my mom's sofa. We bathed her and I noticed she was having a hard time holding her head up. But nonetheless we got her cleaned up and returned her to a freshly made little bed. About an hour later she did that again and my mom helped me clean her up a second time. And then she said "Baby this can't go on any longer." With that statement I began to cry. I'd been in denial because Abby was not in pain. We'd been to the vet just a week prior and I had made sure that she was not experiencing any pain at all. I had planned to call my mom's vet and have her put down the next morning. I felt as though I was in an alternate universe and had no idea how I'd do it. That night I took Abby to bed with me on her little bed and I held her all night. About 730am I woke up and her little back legs were kicking like she was trying to run somewhere. I just held her, rubbed her and got right in her ear to keep telling her how much I loved her. Then her front paws extended and became almost frozen that way. She lifted up her beautiful little head and took her final breath. I, of course went running across the house screaming for my mom. She came running and together we confirmed that my soul mate, my beautiful baby was gone at around 745am.
I have been an absolute wreck ever since. My family and friends, like yours always knew that losing Abby would be a horrible time. Sadly, neither they nor I truly had any inclination how painful it would be.
Like you I had my little girl cremated and I have her ashes in a box with her picture on it. I also have a sandstone imprint of her paw prints in a glass case. Currently she is in my dining room with the paw prints and a picture of her, as well as her leash, collar, bowl and tennis balls (her fave toy for her whole life). Each evening I light a candle and mourn her loss. Some people would say I'm nuts but this is the only way I know how to honor her memory and give myself any sense of peace.
My heart is breaking for you and I hope you find some peace soon. I wish that for myself too.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and I know we'll get through this...we'll never get over it...but we'll learn to live in our new reality.
God bless you and your precious Sammy.
I feel like we're kindred spirits of sorts. I lost my beloved little dog Abby on the same day you lost Sammy and she would have turned 17 this Novemeber. I cried as I read your post.
I got Abby the day after my dad's funeral in 1994. She was about 8 weeks old and I know it was her that helped me through that awful experience. I was at my mom's last week down in LA (where Abby was born). Abby had been deaf for most of the last year and it had gotten to the point where I was carrying her outside to do her business as the stairs became increasingly difficult for her. And she was steadily declining, though slowly. I loved what you said about Sammy's slow decline as his effort to help you prepare for living without him. I feel that way about my Abby too.
The night before Abby died, my mom and I had been grocery shopping and when we got home she had soiled herself and the bed we'd made for her on top of my mom's sofa. We bathed her and I noticed she was having a hard time holding her head up. But nonetheless we got her cleaned up and returned her to a freshly made little bed. About an hour later she did that again and my mom helped me clean her up a second time. And then she said "Baby this can't go on any longer." With that statement I began to cry. I'd been in denial because Abby was not in pain. We'd been to the vet just a week prior and I had made sure that she was not experiencing any pain at all. I had planned to call my mom's vet and have her put down the next morning. I felt as though I was in an alternate universe and had no idea how I'd do it. That night I took Abby to bed with me on her little bed and I held her all night. About 730am I woke up and her little back legs were kicking like she was trying to run somewhere. I just held her, rubbed her and got right in her ear to keep telling her how much I loved her. Then her front paws extended and became almost frozen that way. She lifted up her beautiful little head and took her final breath. I, of course went running across the house screaming for my mom. She came running and together we confirmed that my soul mate, my beautiful baby was gone at around 745am.
I have been an absolute wreck ever since. My family and friends, like yours always knew that losing Abby would be a horrible time. Sadly, neither they nor I truly had any inclination how painful it would be.
Like you I had my little girl cremated and I have her ashes in a box with her picture on it. I also have a sandstone imprint of her paw prints in a glass case. Currently she is in my dining room with the paw prints and a picture of her, as well as her leash, collar, bowl and tennis balls (her fave toy for her whole life). Each evening I light a candle and mourn her loss. Some people would say I'm nuts but this is the only way I know how to honor her memory and give myself any sense of peace.
My heart is breaking for you and I hope you find some peace soon. I wish that for myself too.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and I know we'll get through this...we'll never get over it...but we'll learn to live in our new reality.
God bless you and your precious Sammy.
Dear Gretta's Mom,
Ahhhh your words make me smile inside. First let me tell you how sorry I am for your loss of Gretta. As you said so well, it's a rare thing to have a soul mate, and we both were blessed with that indescribable connection through our loved ones, Gretta and Sammy.
Automatic pilot is a rough place to be in, isn't it? My 16 year old child still has to go to school, she still has band practices and concerts. In fact she had one tonight and although I loved the music I heard while she was on the stage performing, I couldn't help looking around at the audience wondering why they didn't know that a huge light left this earth last week!
You are also right about how our soul mate will find us no matter what. As I described, my husband gave Sammy to me 17 years ago. He worked at the local electric company at the time and often had to go to people's houses to get a survey of their area to upgrade their electric. He found Sammy at one such customers house. Sammy was a tiny kitten of a litter that the people were trying to give homes to. There was no logical reason for my husband to even think about bringing a cat home to me...we already had several, and as I said...my husband didn't particularly love cats anyway.
He says now, that there was just "something" about Sammy, and he felt compelled to take him...and I'm eternally grateful that he did. Sammy was so tiny his ears were still little triangles on the side of his head, and his fur stood straight up. He hadn't been weaned from his mother yet so he had difficulty drinking water at first...he tried to "suck" it. Sammy claimed me as his the very first day. He was so tiny that he would jump on my face in the morning, wrapping his arms around the top of my head, his legs around my neck and biting my face to get me up to feed him! He only did this to me...no one else.
As tiny as he was when he came to me...he grew to be nearly 18 pounds of huge black cat. And he could strut and walk exactly like a panther on the prowl. The first email I got from my husband after Sammy's death was a collage of black panther pictures...because he knew, as we all did...that Sammy was just possibly a miniature panther.
Thank you Gretta's Mom, for your loving words of support...you are right...this site is a life saver, as it brings those of us that "know" that soul mate...and have lost them...together. I wouldn't be able to function without this place to express my thoughts and feelings to. Thank you for your kind words regarding my husband too, and as I close this post...please know that your words and feeling mean so very much to me. I look forward to getting to know you, and others while I'm here. Thank you again for reaching out to me.
Love and light to you and Gretta
Sammy's Momma
Ahhhh your words make me smile inside. First let me tell you how sorry I am for your loss of Gretta. As you said so well, it's a rare thing to have a soul mate, and we both were blessed with that indescribable connection through our loved ones, Gretta and Sammy.
Automatic pilot is a rough place to be in, isn't it? My 16 year old child still has to go to school, she still has band practices and concerts. In fact she had one tonight and although I loved the music I heard while she was on the stage performing, I couldn't help looking around at the audience wondering why they didn't know that a huge light left this earth last week!
You are also right about how our soul mate will find us no matter what. As I described, my husband gave Sammy to me 17 years ago. He worked at the local electric company at the time and often had to go to people's houses to get a survey of their area to upgrade their electric. He found Sammy at one such customers house. Sammy was a tiny kitten of a litter that the people were trying to give homes to. There was no logical reason for my husband to even think about bringing a cat home to me...we already had several, and as I said...my husband didn't particularly love cats anyway.
He says now, that there was just "something" about Sammy, and he felt compelled to take him...and I'm eternally grateful that he did. Sammy was so tiny his ears were still little triangles on the side of his head, and his fur stood straight up. He hadn't been weaned from his mother yet so he had difficulty drinking water at first...he tried to "suck" it. Sammy claimed me as his the very first day. He was so tiny that he would jump on my face in the morning, wrapping his arms around the top of my head, his legs around my neck and biting my face to get me up to feed him! He only did this to me...no one else.
As tiny as he was when he came to me...he grew to be nearly 18 pounds of huge black cat. And he could strut and walk exactly like a panther on the prowl. The first email I got from my husband after Sammy's death was a collage of black panther pictures...because he knew, as we all did...that Sammy was just possibly a miniature panther.
Thank you Gretta's Mom, for your loving words of support...you are right...this site is a life saver, as it brings those of us that "know" that soul mate...and have lost them...together. I wouldn't be able to function without this place to express my thoughts and feelings to. Thank you for your kind words regarding my husband too, and as I close this post...please know that your words and feeling mean so very much to me. I look forward to getting to know you, and others while I'm here. Thank you again for reaching out to me.
Love and light to you and Gretta
Sammy's Momma
Hi Abby's Mom,
Wow, reading your post certainly gave me chills at how similar our two stories are! And thank you ever so much for writing to me here! The first thing I have to say is that you are not nuts lighting a candle for Abby every night. I do the same for Sammy. I am soooo sorry for your loss of Abby, I truly know your physical heartache right now.
Last night I had a candle lit for my Sammy and my teen age daughter came to my desk to ask me something. She accidentally knocked Sammy's death certificate into the flame of the candle and it was badly burned! It took all I had in me not to burst into tears (I didn't want my child to feel badly for an accident) but I was crushed inside. Today however, I did call the Crematory that cremated Sammy and they are sending a new certificate.
Yes, your Abby...and my Sammy knew us well didn't they? They knew how infernally horrid it was going to be for us when they passed, and so they gave us this lingering time to adjust. I too had just taken Sammy to the vet about two weeks before his death. He seemed to have a cat cold...he was sneezing and wasn't eating. The vet thought he might be losing kidney function and had me leave him there for blood tests. I hated the idea of leaving Sammy at the vet...because as I said he was blind. I didn't want him to feel fear.
This was on my birthday that I had to take him to the vet...so I had the worst birthday ever in my life pacing the floors in my house waiting to hear the test results. I was scared to death that his kidney function was kaput, because it would then mean daily hydration and a whole host of other things to put his poor body through just to live...and I knew, if it meant pain for him...I would have to choose the euthanasia...which I didn't want to do.
Finally I went to the vet office on my way to pick my child up from school. Sammy was in a cage way in the back sitting on his hind legs in a total fear state. I opened the cage to pick him up and could feel his sudden relief that I was finally there. The doctor came in and said you can take your baby home...surprisingly his kidney and thyroid function are pretty good for a cat his age. He gave him an antibiotic that lasts 14 days and said I could take him home! I hugged my vet in tears, saying it was the BEST birthday present ever to know he was ok!
I remember having this nagging thought in the back of my brain though on the way home with him...that this was just a temporary reprieve. And I was right, because as the days went by he seemed to be less and less "here". It's why I spent every waking moment with him...sensing on a deep level that the real end was just around the corner. And so it was.
This grief is sometimes bearable, and many times just horrible...that cat helped me raise two children. Sammy has been with me, and supported me for the years my husband has been overseas. Sammy has held my when I have gone through some of the scariest most painful things I thought I was experiencing at the time they were happening. Now I feel just a huge void...an emptiness that I can't even describe...he is no longer there to fall asleep with and cuddle with or cry in his neck with.
But I know, as you do...that it's a matter of learning how to live everyday, without this physical presence...because his soul is still with me...I know it.
My love and heart are with you Abby's Mom...because you called it right...we are indeed kindred spirits, and I'm grateful to know I'm not in this alone ((((hugs)))
Love and Light
Sammy's Momma
Wow, reading your post certainly gave me chills at how similar our two stories are! And thank you ever so much for writing to me here! The first thing I have to say is that you are not nuts lighting a candle for Abby every night. I do the same for Sammy. I am soooo sorry for your loss of Abby, I truly know your physical heartache right now.
Last night I had a candle lit for my Sammy and my teen age daughter came to my desk to ask me something. She accidentally knocked Sammy's death certificate into the flame of the candle and it was badly burned! It took all I had in me not to burst into tears (I didn't want my child to feel badly for an accident) but I was crushed inside. Today however, I did call the Crematory that cremated Sammy and they are sending a new certificate.
Yes, your Abby...and my Sammy knew us well didn't they? They knew how infernally horrid it was going to be for us when they passed, and so they gave us this lingering time to adjust. I too had just taken Sammy to the vet about two weeks before his death. He seemed to have a cat cold...he was sneezing and wasn't eating. The vet thought he might be losing kidney function and had me leave him there for blood tests. I hated the idea of leaving Sammy at the vet...because as I said he was blind. I didn't want him to feel fear.
This was on my birthday that I had to take him to the vet...so I had the worst birthday ever in my life pacing the floors in my house waiting to hear the test results. I was scared to death that his kidney function was kaput, because it would then mean daily hydration and a whole host of other things to put his poor body through just to live...and I knew, if it meant pain for him...I would have to choose the euthanasia...which I didn't want to do.
Finally I went to the vet office on my way to pick my child up from school. Sammy was in a cage way in the back sitting on his hind legs in a total fear state. I opened the cage to pick him up and could feel his sudden relief that I was finally there. The doctor came in and said you can take your baby home...surprisingly his kidney and thyroid function are pretty good for a cat his age. He gave him an antibiotic that lasts 14 days and said I could take him home! I hugged my vet in tears, saying it was the BEST birthday present ever to know he was ok!
I remember having this nagging thought in the back of my brain though on the way home with him...that this was just a temporary reprieve. And I was right, because as the days went by he seemed to be less and less "here". It's why I spent every waking moment with him...sensing on a deep level that the real end was just around the corner. And so it was.
This grief is sometimes bearable, and many times just horrible...that cat helped me raise two children. Sammy has been with me, and supported me for the years my husband has been overseas. Sammy has held my when I have gone through some of the scariest most painful things I thought I was experiencing at the time they were happening. Now I feel just a huge void...an emptiness that I can't even describe...he is no longer there to fall asleep with and cuddle with or cry in his neck with.
But I know, as you do...that it's a matter of learning how to live everyday, without this physical presence...because his soul is still with me...I know it.
My love and heart are with you Abby's Mom...because you called it right...we are indeed kindred spirits, and I'm grateful to know I'm not in this alone ((((hugs)))
Love and Light
Sammy's Momma
Hi Sammy,
I'm so sorry about your being taken by surprise when the sympathy card from Sammy's vet arrived. I know exactly how that hit you. Three weeks after my sweet Peggy passed, I came home from a business trip around 10 PM and was forcing myself to be doing 'okay' for Mom. I had walked in the door less than 5 minutes before an was looking through my mail while chatting with Mom. I saw a large envelop from Tufts and opened it immediately (they weren't her regular vet but I had rushed Peggy up there the night she passed). I'm not sure what I was expecting, maybe a bill, but I was totally unprepared when I pulled out a clay footprint and lovely card the emergency room staff had sent me. I didn't even know they had done this. Apparently the staff that worked on her took the liberty of getting her print in clay and having it baked, after adding a heart and her name next to the paw print. It was such a sweet gesture on their part and I'm sure they'd be horrified if they knew how badly it hit me when I saw it. I just stood there, stunned and felt like someone had just ripped out the tiny pieces of my heart that remained after I lost her. Poor Mom was watching my face and in a very alarmed tone asked what it was and if I was okay. I was unable to choke out any words and after she asked me for the third time if I was okay (and I still couldn't answer), I handed it to her. That did it, we both dissolved into sobbing tears. While I appreciate the kind and caring gesture of the staff at Tufts, I wish I had known what I was opening – I may have deferred it to another time or I could have prepared myself. Isn’t it strange how these random acts of kindness can trigger such extreme reactions? I had people at work semi-yelling at me in that same time frame and while it did have more impact than it usually would, it didn’t bring the same emotion to the surface as the kindness. I can’t figure that one out.
Thank you so much for sharing the story of how Sammy came to you as a kitten. You wrote that so well I was visualizing it as the story unfolded. How sweet of your husband to do something so thoughtful, especially when it’s not something he could relate to! You and Sammy were meant to be together and I’m sure he’s still with you in spirit. One of the few things we’re allowed to take with us when we leave this earth is the love we shared. Where ever Sammy is now, that love is still intact and I’m sure he ‘pops in’ when he can and thinks of you as much as you think of him. He probably has a leg up since he can probably see you and knows you’re there, while you have to try to sense his presence.
Sammy, I hope you’re heart lightens soon and you’ll be able to remember your wonderful Sammy with more smiles than tears. Please know that you and Sammy remain in my thoughts and prayers.
Please take care of yourself and let us know how you’re doing, when you have time. Big cyber-hug to you!
Peggy (the human)
I'm so sorry about your being taken by surprise when the sympathy card from Sammy's vet arrived. I know exactly how that hit you. Three weeks after my sweet Peggy passed, I came home from a business trip around 10 PM and was forcing myself to be doing 'okay' for Mom. I had walked in the door less than 5 minutes before an was looking through my mail while chatting with Mom. I saw a large envelop from Tufts and opened it immediately (they weren't her regular vet but I had rushed Peggy up there the night she passed). I'm not sure what I was expecting, maybe a bill, but I was totally unprepared when I pulled out a clay footprint and lovely card the emergency room staff had sent me. I didn't even know they had done this. Apparently the staff that worked on her took the liberty of getting her print in clay and having it baked, after adding a heart and her name next to the paw print. It was such a sweet gesture on their part and I'm sure they'd be horrified if they knew how badly it hit me when I saw it. I just stood there, stunned and felt like someone had just ripped out the tiny pieces of my heart that remained after I lost her. Poor Mom was watching my face and in a very alarmed tone asked what it was and if I was okay. I was unable to choke out any words and after she asked me for the third time if I was okay (and I still couldn't answer), I handed it to her. That did it, we both dissolved into sobbing tears. While I appreciate the kind and caring gesture of the staff at Tufts, I wish I had known what I was opening – I may have deferred it to another time or I could have prepared myself. Isn’t it strange how these random acts of kindness can trigger such extreme reactions? I had people at work semi-yelling at me in that same time frame and while it did have more impact than it usually would, it didn’t bring the same emotion to the surface as the kindness. I can’t figure that one out.
Thank you so much for sharing the story of how Sammy came to you as a kitten. You wrote that so well I was visualizing it as the story unfolded. How sweet of your husband to do something so thoughtful, especially when it’s not something he could relate to! You and Sammy were meant to be together and I’m sure he’s still with you in spirit. One of the few things we’re allowed to take with us when we leave this earth is the love we shared. Where ever Sammy is now, that love is still intact and I’m sure he ‘pops in’ when he can and thinks of you as much as you think of him. He probably has a leg up since he can probably see you and knows you’re there, while you have to try to sense his presence.
Sammy, I hope you’re heart lightens soon and you’ll be able to remember your wonderful Sammy with more smiles than tears. Please know that you and Sammy remain in my thoughts and prayers.
Please take care of yourself and let us know how you’re doing, when you have time. Big cyber-hug to you!
Peggy (the human)
Hi Sammy
How are you doing today? I hope your heart is not still so much in free fall. The fall does end - but with a huge thud - as the concrete block settles on your heart and never goes away. Sammy sounds like such a special darling - definitely a minature panther - with a beautiful heart. You were her special person, her appointed on earth. Someone told me just after my Gretta had passed that animals choose their arrivals and departures. I believe that. Sammy put herself in that house, just waiting for your husband the eletrician to come along and find her - like she knew he would. Then she sent out a ray into his heart to make him turn around, notice the teeny kitties, and, completely contrary to habit, bring one home for you. Talk about a powerful "find-my-person" drive! Every one of these spirit-animals has at least one thing to teach one person - and they do it when THEY think we're strong enough - never mind what WE think: that we can and will make the supreme sacrifice out of nothing but love for them. i think it was Mother Tereas who is said to have said that God never puts more on me than He knows I can bear - but I wish He didn't think I was so strong.
Everyone on this site has been led here by their animal guide - another amazing feat. Just letting us know that love lasts forever and that they're still here caring for us - we just can't see them. And, boy, does it HURT!!! Rips a them-size hole in our hearts and still we have to keep on putting one foot in front of the other and put on just enough of a public face as my sister calls it to not get ourselves "put away." We understand, Sammy, we really do. The horrible roller coaster that is deep grief, the punch in the gut when it's most unexpected. What give me hope are the words from people who are much farther along on this walk of tears. That someday, sone one day, we will remember our soul mate with warmth and happiness. Then our hearts will have been forged like silver and turned into gold - like theirs have always been.
A gentle cyber-hug to you, Sammy, and your family, too. One step, one paw at a time and we WILL make it to where they are awaiting us.
Take care,
Gretta's mom
How are you doing today? I hope your heart is not still so much in free fall. The fall does end - but with a huge thud - as the concrete block settles on your heart and never goes away. Sammy sounds like such a special darling - definitely a minature panther - with a beautiful heart. You were her special person, her appointed on earth. Someone told me just after my Gretta had passed that animals choose their arrivals and departures. I believe that. Sammy put herself in that house, just waiting for your husband the eletrician to come along and find her - like she knew he would. Then she sent out a ray into his heart to make him turn around, notice the teeny kitties, and, completely contrary to habit, bring one home for you. Talk about a powerful "find-my-person" drive! Every one of these spirit-animals has at least one thing to teach one person - and they do it when THEY think we're strong enough - never mind what WE think: that we can and will make the supreme sacrifice out of nothing but love for them. i think it was Mother Tereas who is said to have said that God never puts more on me than He knows I can bear - but I wish He didn't think I was so strong.
Everyone on this site has been led here by their animal guide - another amazing feat. Just letting us know that love lasts forever and that they're still here caring for us - we just can't see them. And, boy, does it HURT!!! Rips a them-size hole in our hearts and still we have to keep on putting one foot in front of the other and put on just enough of a public face as my sister calls it to not get ourselves "put away." We understand, Sammy, we really do. The horrible roller coaster that is deep grief, the punch in the gut when it's most unexpected. What give me hope are the words from people who are much farther along on this walk of tears. That someday, sone one day, we will remember our soul mate with warmth and happiness. Then our hearts will have been forged like silver and turned into gold - like theirs have always been.
A gentle cyber-hug to you, Sammy, and your family, too. One step, one paw at a time and we WILL make it to where they are awaiting us.
Take care,
Gretta's mom
Hi, Sammy, just getting caught up on your topic, and want you to know you're in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you so much for sharing with us the special gift of your Sammy's fur and whiskers your vet sent to you. I have what I call a "whisker box" that has some of the whiskers my Eli and Abbygayle shed naturally during their earthly journey, and now Noah's whiskers when I find one that has found its way to the bedding or carpet. I might also have one or two of Oslo's in my "whisker box" as well.
I am so sorry about what happened with your Sammy's death certificate, and can so very well understand how upsetting it was, but am so glad the Crematory will be able to send you a new one. Sometimes it is helpful to hold a blanket or a toy or something that belongs only to our precious furchild when the pain - - both emotional and physical - - is too unbearable. During the deep grief of my Eli, Oslo, and Abbygayle I kept their collars under my pillow, and when the deep sorrow was just too much to bear, I held one of their blankets tightly close to me as I sobbed the deepest sorrow our hearts bear in deep grief. This does help, Sammy, and I thought I would pass this along to you just in case you might find it comforting as well.
Sammy, I hope today is being kind to you. Just remember this is a one day at a time journey, and we are here for you, with you, and beside you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Sammy, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
I am so sorry about what happened with your Sammy's death certificate, and can so very well understand how upsetting it was, but am so glad the Crematory will be able to send you a new one. Sometimes it is helpful to hold a blanket or a toy or something that belongs only to our precious furchild when the pain - - both emotional and physical - - is too unbearable. During the deep grief of my Eli, Oslo, and Abbygayle I kept their collars under my pillow, and when the deep sorrow was just too much to bear, I held one of their blankets tightly close to me as I sobbed the deepest sorrow our hearts bear in deep grief. This does help, Sammy, and I thought I would pass this along to you just in case you might find it comforting as well.
Sammy, I hope today is being kind to you. Just remember this is a one day at a time journey, and we are here for you, with you, and beside you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Sammy, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Hi moon_beam,
I apologize for such a lengthy time in response....don't think I didn't read your words and cling to them though...I just couldn't be on the computer at the time to respond. You have helped me immensely in this uncharted road to recovery, losing a best friend....and I thank you for that in ways Im not sure words can fully express. I made a new topic today thanking everyone here for their love and support and I mean it from somewhere deep in me that I didn't know was there.
As an update for you, I am easing into acceptance now with Sammy's absence. So many people here have helped me...(and I love the whisker box idea) I have two of Sammy's whiskers, found naturally shed, taped to the dash board of my truck...for guidance while driving miles and miles without him I think lol
I also got Sammy's blanket out and sleep with it....I have no idea why I didn't think of that. He had a favorite blanket that I wrapped him in to take him to the vet before he got sick. He didnt need a carrier back then, my holding him in his blanket was comfort enough for him at the time. Now that blanket is with me in my bed...as I know it has his energy in it....thank you for that reminder.
I'm getting better...concentrating on what gifts he gave me, rather than his death....and it's helping. Thank you moon_beam for your love and words....I treasure them always
Love and light
Sammy's Momma
I apologize for such a lengthy time in response....don't think I didn't read your words and cling to them though...I just couldn't be on the computer at the time to respond. You have helped me immensely in this uncharted road to recovery, losing a best friend....and I thank you for that in ways Im not sure words can fully express. I made a new topic today thanking everyone here for their love and support and I mean it from somewhere deep in me that I didn't know was there.
As an update for you, I am easing into acceptance now with Sammy's absence. So many people here have helped me...(and I love the whisker box idea) I have two of Sammy's whiskers, found naturally shed, taped to the dash board of my truck...for guidance while driving miles and miles without him I think lol
I also got Sammy's blanket out and sleep with it....I have no idea why I didn't think of that. He had a favorite blanket that I wrapped him in to take him to the vet before he got sick. He didnt need a carrier back then, my holding him in his blanket was comfort enough for him at the time. Now that blanket is with me in my bed...as I know it has his energy in it....thank you for that reminder.
I'm getting better...concentrating on what gifts he gave me, rather than his death....and it's helping. Thank you moon_beam for your love and words....I treasure them always
Love and light
Sammy's Momma
Hi, Sammy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I'm so very glad you found the suggestions helpful, Sammy. We are here for each other, and I'm so very glad I am able to be of comfort and support and encouragement to you.
Please know we are here for you, Sammy - - there is no time limit here. I'm so glad you're being able to focus on your precious Sammy's life with you, as this is what your precious Sammy wants for you to remember - - to cherish all the days of your earthly journey, and to know that he is sharing each of your days just as he always has and always will. I love that you have place a couple of his whiskers on your dashboard for guidance. What a wonderful idea!!! But please know that we are always here to share your good days, your not so good days, and whenever those times may arise when the days are just so overwhelming more than you can bear.
Sammy, thank you again so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how things are going for you whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Please know we are here for you, Sammy - - there is no time limit here. I'm so glad you're being able to focus on your precious Sammy's life with you, as this is what your precious Sammy wants for you to remember - - to cherish all the days of your earthly journey, and to know that he is sharing each of your days just as he always has and always will. I love that you have place a couple of his whiskers on your dashboard for guidance. What a wonderful idea!!! But please know that we are always here to share your good days, your not so good days, and whenever those times may arise when the days are just so overwhelming more than you can bear.
Sammy, thank you again so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how things are going for you whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
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