Hello everyone,

My name is Caroline and I live in Ohio. Last Wednesday I lost my beloved jack russell/rat terrier Abby. She died naturally (though she did have cushings and liver disease) and I was with her, holding her and loving on her when she took her last breath. It was gut-wrenching.

Abby was 16 1/2 years old and I'd had her since she was about 8 weeks old. I actually got her for my mom, the day after my dad's funeral. I thought a new pet would be good for my mom but it turned out it was the last thing she wanted. So I took Abby with me, as I fell immediately head over heels in love with her. It was soooo easy-

Soon I found out that Abby had been born on my dad's birthday and that made her even more special than she already was. I truly believe she was the biggest part of what helped me get through that time. As an only child, I was and am very close to my parents.

Anyway, now that my precious little girl is gone, I am drowning in grief. I go through the motions, going to work, making dinner, watching TV, etc. but I cannot shake this incredible sense of loss and feel as though a part of my heart is missing. There are times when it physically hurts.

I am single and live alone and I recently discovered that I am in a demographic that experiences a loss of this nature in the most profound way. Thankfully, I have 2 cats who I have never been more grateful for, however it is completely not the same and I see my little girl all over the house. Last night, I could have sworn I heard her little nails tapping across my hardwood floors.

I talk to her urn and have been innundating myself with photos of her but I can't help but feel as though I am going nuts. Am I suppose to feel this way? Is this normal?

How on earth will I ever feel joy again? It seems rather impossible at the moment. And even when/if I do, I fear that I will also feel guilty, as though I am betraying her memory.

I've been online looking for outlets to help with my loss and I found your site.

Does anyone have some words of wisdom for me? I keep praying that time will heal and part of me does believe that. I just keep waiting for "time" to kick in-

Thanks for listening-
-Abby's Mom

Caroline -

I don't know that I have any words of wisdom (but there are many folks whom I'm sure will) I do offer my sincere condolences on the loss of your Abby. Yesterday was 5 months to the day I lost my Sir Thomas. Like you, I have another furbaby, my girl cat Theresa who is a joy. But like you, I know it's not the same. It's a roller coaster of a ride this thing called grief. But you do get to a point where you start to cope. I have taken the opportunity to forge a better relationship with Theresa. Perhaps you can do something similar with your kitties. I'm sure they are feeling the loss too and will offer a great deal of strength in the days to come. Just take it one day at a time finding your new normal. And know that there are many caring people here that understand how you feel.

Hi, Abby's Mom, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Abby. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the cirucmstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. It doesn't matter if it's our first loss, fifth, tenth - - fiftieth - - hundredth - - each loss is unique and equally painful - - both emotionally and physically.

Abby's Mom, what you are going through is very normal for this deep grief you are experiencing. This grief journey is often compared to a horror roller coaster ride - - it is fraught with unpredictable emotional ups and downs, twists and turns and turnarounds - - sometimes all of them crashing in on us all at once, that it can in fact make us feel as through we are losing our minds. But I assure you, Abby's Mom, what you are going through is perfectly normal.

Also, this grief journey is not a matter of "getting over" your precious Abby's physical absence. It is more a journey of adjustment, for "getting over" implies "forgetting" - - and there is no way you can ever "forget" your precious Abby anymore than you can "forget" your dad. Clinical professionals now recognize that the physical loss of a beloved companion is as painful as, if not more so, as the physical loss of a human family member or friend. The stages of grief are the same, but they are not experienced as "1, 2, 3 - - and then you're "over it." This journey can only be traveled at your own pace and in your own time. One of the many important things for you to remember is that you are not alone in your grief "adjustment" journey - - each of us are here for you, with you, and beside you with every step you take in your journey, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

It is normal in the deep grief to wonder if you will ever be happy again, and to struggle with the feelings of "disloyalty" when that time should present itself to you. Hopefully as you come through your deep grief you will come to understand that your precious Abby wants you to be happy - - she does not want your heart immersed in deep sorrow. Instead, she wants you to be happy when you remember her earthly journey with you, and this can only be done when you have come through your deep grief and can feel her sweet Living Spirit in your heart and memories. Remembering your precious Abby with a happy heart will honor your earthly journey together, and will help you to know that she is forever with you just as she always has been and always will be sharing your earthly journey just as she always has. For you see, Abby's Mom, the eternal love bond you share with your precious Abby is not confined to the physical laws of time and space - - she is forever a part of you - - she is always a heartbeat close to you.

Abby's Mom, I know right now there are no adequate words in any language that can come close to soothing your shattered heart. The only thing I can offer you is my sincerest friendship in the hope that you will find some comfort, encouragement, and support from the inadequate words I write to you. I thank you so much for honoring us by sharing your precious Abby with us, and perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of your precious Abby with us - - if you would like to do so.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Abby's Mom, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you both for your kind words. They mean so much. I am doing my best to keep it together. I long for a light at the end of this very dark tunnel- God bless all of us who have experienced a loss like this.

Dear Abby's Mom,

Please accept my deepest condolences on the loss of your beloved Abby. I understand the overwhelming pain that accompanies the loss of a soul with whom you shared such a deep bond and who had been such an intregal part of your life. Crushingly painful doesn't even begin to describe what's left of you, after they've gone. I lost my beautiful, sweet 8 year old Peggy, very suddenly, 10 weeks ago this past Saturday and was so destroyed, I could barely function on any level for several days. I cried and fought back tears on a daily and almost minute-by-minute basis for 2 months - and I'm not a crier by nature. I would say I felt like a zombie a lot of the time but it was more like a human shell, overflowing with agony. I am so, so sorry that you are feeling that same pain now. There is nothing more difficult than having to learn how to continue moving on with your life after loosing someone who embodied the biggest piece of your heart.

I lost my father 18 years ago (as of May 22) and the grief from loosing Peggy was very similar to my experience then. My mother lives with me and she shared the same bond with Peggy. Even she compared the two events - she and my Dad were very close, they were one of those rare couples who were still together after 30+ years because they liked and loved each other and spent as much time together as possible. She was destroyed for more than a year after he passed, and actually, has never fully recovered from his loss. I saw her begin that same journey when Peggy passed and I was on the road, right beside her. Mom, Peggy (The Dog) and I were a trio that did almost everything together. The bond we all shared was based on love and respect as well as consideration and compassion for each other. Frankly, we were head over heels in love with Peggy and she with us. Neither of us had ever expereinced that kind of a bond with an animal, Peggy was truly special. Like you, I never married and I have no children (not sure if you do and don't mean to assume anything). I know some people (probably not you) believe that people like us use the animal as a substitute for husband/child and fabricate a bond that doesn't really exist from the animals side of things. While that may be true in some cases, I don't agree that is always the case. For myself, it definitely wasn't the case and I suspect it wasn't the case for you either. I was more career focused so marriage and kids were never really on my list of things to do in this life. It's not like I was longing for something I could never have (and I passed up opportunties to go down that road). I never confused Peggy with a human child, she was perfect being a dog and I had no desire to try to turn her into something else. She was simply a very special soul who connected with us on a very deep emotional level, just by being herself. She became our dog-soulmate because that's who she was, not becasue that's who we wanted her to be. Nobody could have been more surprised than I, when I realized how deeply we connected shortly after she came to live with us. That connection made all of us intregal parts of the others lives and happiness. I've been surrounded by animals my entire life and loved them all. However, I have learned that some of us are blessed with a very special connection to one particular animal. Unfortunately, this is why we're so devestated when they pass on. Also, since a connection on that deep a level is so rare, even some animal people don't understand it and can find it difficult to be supportive when they realize the level of your despair in the months following their loss.

Caroline, please know that you are not alone and most of the people on this site also shared that same bond with their beloved animals. You are not 'going nuts'. You just experienced a traumatic, life changing event and are now trying to cope as best you can. We all understand exactly what you're going through. Many of us believe our pets are with us in spirit and we still speak to them as if they're physically present. I sometimes have a conversation in my head with her, like when I'm outside and seeing something that she would have loved sharing in. I actually say hello to her urn on the mantle and after I get into bed at night, wish her good-night and tell her I love her, every single night when I go to bed. Isn't it funny that nobody thinks too much of it if it when it's a person we were grieving for or still talking to in that manner? I have a collague from India that was working on a project with me the week Peggy passed. I told him I couldn't talk about it because it hurt too much and I knew he wouldn't understand the whole 'American's and their animals' thing. He replied by saying - paraphrasing here - I don't really understand feeling that way about an animal but I guess love is love, and if the love leaves, it's natural to feel grief that matches how much you loved the other. I couldn't have phrased it better. You are feeling this so deeply becasue you loved so deeply (Gretta's Mom also points that out in several posts on this site). This is not something you are going to come to terms with in a short period of time. It is a huge adjustment and it's going to take a lot of time for you to find a way to cope and to develop new habits. Personally, I find that I still look for Peggy when I'm tired and doing something that I associate with her. Trips to the store are challenging sometimes because she's so conspicious by her absence. It's the everyday things we shared, which must still be done, that call the most attention to their absence. I realize how difficult it is at this time. However, the pain will eventually subside and be less intense but I don't know that it will ever fully pass. After 10 weeks, I still cry but I can usually control it. I feel a deep sadness and longing to be with her but the overwhelming, consuming despair is no longer an everyday occurence. It will not be easy but you will eventually come out the other side of this dark road. While you struggle to find your way, please know that you have support on this site whenever you need it.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Take care of yourself.

Peggy (The Human)

Thanks to all for your words of encouragement.

I have to say that tomorrow will be one week since my baby passed away and I'm worried about how the day will go.

Strangely enough, tonight I have felt the tiniest twinge of peace. I'm not sure if it will last long but I only cried a little tonight and did not experience the usual waves of uncontrollable sobs that I have endured every day for the last week. I know your kind words are helping. That and talking to my mom. I still can't talk to other people about Abby without tearing up or worse so I'm playing it pretty safe when I am out in the world. As you guys have said, not everyone understands this type of grief.

Anyway, I thought you might enjoy seeing a picture of my precious Abby. This one was captured a few years ago quite by accident and it's always been one of my fave photos of her. I have lots more and I hope to feel up to sharing them soon.

I can't tell you enough how grateful I am to have found this site and the wonderful souls here-

Hi Abby's Mom,

Thank you so much for sharing your precious picture, Abby was adorable! How could anyone not fall in love with that face and the expression in her eyes? I'm glad you felt a tiny bit of peace tonight and I hope it carries over into the coming days. The process of moving through the grief and back to a place of healing can be a bit unpredictable and many have refered to it as a roller coaster, so don't question yourself if that feeling of peace comes and goes for a while. It's often a natural part of the healing process. However, it's very, very good that a sense of peace made it through your deep pain. I'm betting Abby's spirit is coming around and doing everything in her power to let you know she's now fine, still with you and doing everything in her power to help you move beyond the pain. Love transcends everything and the love you shared will always remain with you both.

Please know that you're in my prayers and let us know how you're doing, when you feel up to it.

Take care of yourself,

Peggy

Dear Abby's Mom,

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Abby. What a cute picture of her! Thank you for sharing her picture.

Like your Abby, our doggie Mickey passed away naturally here at home (11 weeks ago yesterday). He had heart problems and it eventually failed. It was so hard to watch him pass, but we knew it was coming. He had had a pretty good day, so we weren't expecting him to have a seizure and pass away that day. He didn't seem to suffer because he was unconsious. We comforted him until he took his last breath.

I don't know when the tears will stop, but we have more smiles now about the funny things he did. Yes, Abby's Mom, you will have peaceful days and then everything will overwhelm you again. But gradually you will have more peaceful days than not. I'm so glad you found this board. It has helped me a lot.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless you.

Hi, Caroline, each day is a "first" right now - - the first hour, the first day, the first week, the first month, the first birthday, the first weekend, the first holiday, the first vacation - - the first of everything WITHOUT - - and it's a very hard journey to travel particularly during the deep grief. So please know your apprehension about today, and the upcoming days - - is normal - - and you do not have to endure them alone. Please know you are NEVER alone - - we are here for you through every step of your journey, Caroline - - as you wish us to be.

Thank you so much for sharing a picture of your precious Abby with us. I can so understand how it is among many cherished and favorite memories you have of her. We will look forward to sharing more of your cherished memories whenever possible.

Caroline, I hope today is being kind to you, and that you continue to feel the peace in your heart. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Caroline, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Well the day was pretty good I suppose. In fact, I do pretty well during the day. I am sad first thing in the morning because that is when I would let Abby out into the backyard and feed her breakfast. I stop by her urn everyday on the way out the door and tell her bye like I always used to do when she was here.

It's always the most difficult at night. I so miss her sitting by me on the sofa, in "her" chair or begging for food at dinner time. I had ribs the other night and cried over the rib bones because we used to always go on the deck for a special treat right after.

I had a weird dream the other day. My dad was there (who passed in 1994). I went into his arms crying and said "I miss her Daddy." He hugged me and said "Look she's right here." And for a split second I felt as though she was in my arms again. Then it was over. I wish so badly that I could have that dream again. Do you suppose they're together? That would be amazing!

I'm still grateful for the periods where the pain and loss is not so overwhelming and I will admit they do get a little longer everyday. I now realize that I will NEVER get over this loss. I will simply find a way to live in spite of it. I compare it to losing a limb and having to learn how to do things all over again.

I remain hopeful and just take it one day at a time-

Your posts do bring me some comfort and I can't thank you all enough!

Hi, Caroline, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. The night's are harder because it is when we are home after a day of "busyness" that we are faced with having to cope with the undenial reality that our beloved companions are no longer physically with us.

I can empathize with your dream, Caroline, and please take comfort in knowing for a certainty that your precious Abby and your dad are together in eternal joy - - patiently waiting for your appropriate time to join them. But for now, they are letting you know that they are together and okay - - and that they love you - - a love that is eternal and is not bound by the physical laws of time and space.

Your &%^ogy of missing a limb appropriately describes both the emotional and physical pain of this grief adjustment journey. It does feel as though a very integral part of our bodies has been amputated - - without anesthesia - - and as anyone who has experienced an amputation will tell you that it takes a very long time for the body and mind to adjust to the reality that the limb is no longer present. So it is with this grief adjustment journey - - but the good news is that we are blessed with the presence of our beloved companion's sweet Living Spirit forever in our hearts and memories - - and I do firmly believe that they continue to "communicate" with us - - sometimes silently, sometimes in our dreams, sometimes through just the "feeling" of their presence, and in whatever way they can do so - - to let us know that they are still with us - - always with us - - continuing to share our hearts and lives just as they always have and always will.

But even so, it is still very hard adjusting to the "new normal" that we face every day - - the reality of the void in our daily lives - - and this takes time - - one day at a time - - assisted with comfort and encouragement from others who know beyond all shadow of a doubt what you are going through.

Caroline, thank you again so much for letting us know how things are going. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hello Caroline

First let me say how sorry I am about the passing of darling little Abby. My Gretta-girl (a 13 year old chocolate lab) left me exactly a month ago. Three days after she went away, I had a dream. I was sleeping on her dog bed (yes, the world would think we were all crazy - but we're not) and I dreamt that a large golden retriever appear between Gretta's water/food bowls and the bookshelf behind them. (Physically impossible - since there's only about 3 inches of space between them.) She jumped / flew across the room and then disappeared. I woke up and in the instant before returning to consciousness I felt Grettta lying beside me - and then she disappeared, too. These are signs, definitely signs, that our soul-mates send to us to let us know they are OK and they are in the Perfect World - with others who have left the earth before them. No matter what anyone else says, this WAS Abby talking to you and showing you that, yes, she is with your dad, in the Perfect World. And we WILL be joined together when we get there - no matter whose theology allows or doesn't allow this!

What an adorable girl! Who would think that a dog so small would have a tongue so large!! Thank you for finding us, Caroline. We've all been drawn here because we are among the few most blessed to have loved and been loved by a true soul mate. We know how HARD, REALLY crushingly hard every "first without" is. After a while it stops feeling like knives carving out your heart and turns into a concret block that you carry around at all times. At least that's what the first month has been like for me. But others reassure us "newbies" that after some time (eternity?) has passed the pain settles down some and we can slowly begin to think about the love, the fun times, the funny times our dear friends gave us - and will give us again someday.

Take care,

Gretta's mom

Rest well tonight and have a peaceful tomorrow.

Gosh, I am overwhelmed by the support that has been offered to me here. Words fail me, as how does one express the gratefulness felt for providing a lifeline of sorts during such a dark and tumultuous time.

I mourn with you all, not just for my Abby but for all of our sweet soul mates that have crossed over.

I have now been able to bring myself to start reading about the losses of others and my heart breaks and yet swells for the love expressed here.

You are all truly the kindest, most spiritual people I have ever encountered. I am blessed to have found you!

Hi Abby's Mom,

I'm so glad you're finding some comfort with the wonderful people on this site. I know they were lifesavers for me - and still are, when I sink back into the despair. Very interesting dream. I'm kind of wondering if it was a visit and not just a dream. If you think about it, if we could have a dream like that, just by wishing, we'd all be dreaming of our beloved pets every night. Whatever it was, I'm so happy you had it. Even though you woke up wishing you could hold her again, it sounds like it brought some comfort to you. And who better to take care of her than your Dad? Since they shared B-days and they both have imense love for you, they've got tons in common. Moon-Beam and Gretta's Mom are absolutely correct (as they always are!), every first brings home the fact that they're gone and we have to find a new way of doing something without them. Knowing that, helped me a lot since I was starting to think something was wrong with me every time I started sliding back into the intense pain. Once I made it through the 10 week mark, I noticed it seemed to level off on most days. However, I can now talk about my sweet Peggy with (almost) anyone without falling apart. I never thought I'd reach this point. If you find that you have 'not so bad days' which are then followed by 'really bad days', please don't question your ability to handle the grief. It takes time and it moves in waves, but it DOES move and I promise, it will eventually get better (I should say, less painful).

Please know that you remain in my thoughts and prayers.

Take care of yourself,

Peggy (the human)

Hi all,

I'm really missing my baby today. It's the first Saturday at home without her. So all I have to do is sit around and miss her.

Don't get me wrong, I don't plan to just sit. I will be cleaning and mowing the lawn, etc. The thing is, Abby used to keep me company in the yard while I was doing that stuff and she'd always get so excited over her freshly mowed backyard. Then we'd usually grill steaks in the evening and I'd usually buy t-bones because she loved the bones. We'd site on the deck after dinner and have our special treats (her the t-bone, okay and some real steak and me a glass of wine). I have a pic of her chewing on one of those bones during our special summer Saturday evenings.

I've been doing pretty darn good the last couple of days but suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I'm having dinner out with friends tonight and I'm sure that will at least provide some distraction.

Hi Abby's Mom,

I'm so sorry this is a sad day for you. It's especially hard when we're used to doing certain activities with our babies and then we realize they're not there.......I'm teary-eyed today too, it has turned cool and raining, just a dreary day.

I hope you have an enjoyable dinner out tonight with your friends. A distraction is good for awhile.

Abby's Mom, you (and sweet Abby) are always in my thoughts and prayers....Take care.

God Bless,

LoveMyMickey

Hi, Caroline, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Each day during this grief adjustment journey is a "first" for something, and each one is very hard to endure. All the things and activities that were enjoyable were enjoyable because we were sharing them with our precious beloved companion. During the deep grief it can feel like NOTHING will ever be enjoyable again because our hearts are so heavily burdened by sorrow.

Hopefully in time you will come to know that your precious Abby's sweet Living Spirit is still with you - - is still continuing to share ALL of your activities just as she always has and always will. She's still there with you as you're mowing, gardening, fixing dinner - - and she still enjoys hearing your sweet voice talk to her lifting heavenward sharing everything that is in your heart and how your day has been. Even though she is sharing your life in real time now - - as opposed to having to wait for you to come home from work or shopping or visiting friends, etc. - - she still enjoys listening to whatever you want to share with her.

Caroline, thank you again for sharing with us how you're doing. I wish there were a way to make this adjustment journey easier for you. The only thing I can do is offer you my sincerest friendship and encouragement in the hope that somehow it will bring some comfort to you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Caroline, and I look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Missing my baby an awful lot today. I called a good friend back tonight, who was one of the people I text'd on the day Abby passed away to let them know. She has never known me without Abby and we've known one another since the late 90's. I told her it took me so long to call her back because I am just now finding a way to talk about my little girl without turning into a blubbering idiot-

She too is a for real pet lover and completely understands how I'm feeling. One of her girls is named Abby too and she said everytime she calls her name, she thinks of my precious one.

We talked a long time and I guess it just brought it all back. The day of her death and the circumstances leading up to it. I went home tonight, lit the candle next to her urn and fave toys (as I do every night) and I cried a while. Longer than I have in days. And now, I find myself consumed once again with all that I have lost and how very much I am missing my baby.

Gosh, it just never gets easy. It subsides for brief periods but it only takes a second to find yourself right back in the thick of the grief cycle. This Wednesday will be 2 weeks since I lost Abby and the pain is just as real tonight as it has ever been. Damn this process! There are now times when I feel angry, as if some wrong has been done to me. I know that isn't really true but I feel it nonetheless. The anger doesn't last long but the loneliness surely does.

God, I want her back! I'd give every cent and everything that I have just to have her in my arms again. I know that we all feel that way and that this too will pass.

Just having a not so great night and wanted to share how I'm feeling.

Thanks again to all you guys for helping to hold me up with all your kind words and cyber hugs-

If you have a chance tonight, look up into the heavens and tell Abby that her mom misses her like crazy and loves her so much.

Hi, Caroline, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Caroline, this grief adjustment journey is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride with so many different emotions sometimes overwhelming us all at one time. And yes, anger is one of them - - it's all a part of this horror roller coaster ride - - and there is no specific time for it to be over. I can tell you this, though: Wanting to hold your precious Abby in your arms may ease, but it will never completely entirely pass - - not 30 days from now, 6 months from now, 3 years - - or 30 years - - from now. The deep grief does ease which enables us to remember our beloved companions without the crushing pain in our hearts, but there will always be a part of us that will yearn to hold them "one more time."

The good news is that as your deep grief eases you will be able to remember your precious Abby and smile - - without the crushing pain in your heart or the roller coaster emotions you're having now. I hope this will bring some comfort and encouragement to you, Caroline, as the love bond you and your precious Abby share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space.

Caroline, I hope today is being kind to you, and that you will have a very peaceful evening. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

It's 2 weeks ago today that I lost by precious baby dog Abby at 16 1/2 years old. I miss her so much that my heart feels like it has been ripped from my chest. I am adjusting as best anyone can under the circumstances. There are good days and bad days. I am still lighting a red candle (for love) every night in front of her shrine (urn, paw prints, toys, leash, collar and bowl). I talk to her every morning and evening and yes everyday I still cry. Sometimes more than others.

I realize this will never completely heal just like when we lose a person we dearly love and are so close to. But we keep going and do the best we can.

I continue to find some comfort on this site and wanted to say thank you again to all those who post here. You are truly a "breed" apart-

I am thankful for this site, my 2 cats, my mom and my friends. I would not be getting through this without you all.

Caroline (aka Abby's Mom)

Caroline,

I am very sorry for your loss and your daily tears. I never knew how attached one could get to an animal until we had one. I love the name Abby. In fact, our Jazzy was nearly an Abby. We all threw our name choices into a hat and picked one out. Abby was my choice.

If you feel like sharing, I would love to hear about what you miss most about Abby.

Michelle

Gosh, what do I miss most about Abby?

I miss everything...the way she used to follow me to the kitchen hoping for a treat, the way she'd snuggle with me at bedtime, the sound of her bark, the feel of her little tongue on my cheek when she'd give me her sweet doggie kisses, the way she'd sit for what felt like EVER to her I'm sure when I'd offer her a treat and take it only when she heard "ok", the way she'd lay on my chest when I laid on the sofa, the way she'd snuggle up in HER blanket while we watched TV, the way she'd wait until I threw a big towel over my shoulder and reach out for her before even considering jumping out of the bath, the way she'd sit on my lap in the car (she loved to go for a ride) and when I was going slow (35mph or less) she'd stick her little head out the window as much as I'd allow and sniff to high heaven and feel the wind in her face ( I swear it was like doggie crack lol).

As you can see, I could go on forever and just typing some of those memories has me near tears.

I miss her chasing a tennis ball. She loved them her whole life. The problem was she'd never actually bring them back. So, I quickly figured out I needed 2 balls. I'd throw one and she'd take off as fast as lightning to retrieve it and then she'd come back toward me. She'd see the second ball and drop the first one about 3 feet from me. But as hard as I tried, I never could convince her to actually fetch and bring back. It became pretty hysterical. Her not "bringing it back" bacame quite the little joke between me and my friend Dino (who was her papa). The first time I saw him after Abby's passing he hugged me and said "Well as long as they know she's not going to bring it back." He was referring to those up in doggie heaven I suppose-

Sadly, she hadn't been much for chasing a tennis ball that far in a while. She'd still chase one around the house if I bounced it on the hardwood floor. It always seemed to light her up even when she was much older.

But the memory that I cherish and would give everything I own to experience one more time is this...

I'd sing "Abby doodle, mama loves you" in her ear to the tune of the magnadoodle jingle and she would invariably start to lick my face with her sweet kisses. I could sing or say other things with no reaction but that little tune always got her attention and it felt magical. In fact, that is the epitaph on her urn.

Mostly, I just miss her beautiful physical presence in my house and of course in my arms. It feels so empty without her here.

Oh God, this is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I know we're all experiencing the same type of loss and I know that everyone else here has equally special memories of their babies. Michelle2 thank you for asking and thank you for your kind words.

Abby's Mom

Hi Abby's mom,

Thank you for sharing those wonderful things about your baby. There was so much love in your post it brought tears to my eyes. I'm truly humbled by all the love, kindness and tenderness I have seen on this site, as well as the compassion shown to fellow animal lovers.

Abby sounds like she was one special girl and you were blessed to have each other.

Take care of yourself, you deserve it.

Shelby (kaylasmom)

Missing my precious Abby tonight really badly. I was doing some cleaning today and I found some of her favorite toys that she hadn't played with in a while. Oh how the memories rushed back. Memories of her jumping around with Mr. Snoopy in her mouth shaking him around. She did that a lot and then she'd switch to one of her treasured tennis balls (I'm still finding those all over the house) and that's when I'd pick one up and start our favorite game. She'd bark and bark waiting for me to throw the ball.

I haven't been able to clean out HER drawer in the kitchen where we her food and treats were kept and I haven't moved her little doggie bed from beside mine. It still has the indention of her little body in it on one side.

All I can seem to do is talk to her urn telling her how very much I miss her and light the red love candle in fromt of the little shrine I made for her on my first night at home without her.

Still finding some tears everyday but not as many. The pain in my heart remains and I know that it always will.

I was just thinking about this today for some reason. The day before Abby died my mom and I went to visit her sister and her husband. My aunt asked me about Abby because she knew she hadn't been doing well and we started talking about the doggies she had lost over the years (she's a for real pet lover like me). We talked about their yorkie, Folly. My aunt convinced my uncle Joe to get him years ago and his official name was Frantom's Folly (Frantom for their last name and folly because he was expensive and my uncle said it was foolish money spent). However, he grew to love Folly as much as my aunt (perhaps more) and Folly spent most every evening curled up beside Uncle Joe at the foot of his recliner when he'd get home from work. Folly lived to be 14 years old and it's been 10-15 years since his death. And as we sat there talking about him, I could still detect sadness in my uncle's eyes when he remembered that sweet little dog.

I guess that says it all. We NEVER stop missing our babies. We NEVER stop wishing we could have them back. All we can do is honor them by remembering the joy they gave us and the love we shared together.

I promise you I am doing my very best do honor my beloved Abby (my uncle Joe used to call her Abigail Van Buren lol) but there are still times when I am consumed with the pain of missing her. Sadly, tonight is one of those times. This Wednesday will be 3 weeks and I swear it feels like 3 years since I held my baby in my arms. I miss her so much!

Just wanted to share as I feel that typing what I'm feeling helps on some level. You all are amazing people and I know you're always here to listen-

Thank you so much for your posts, kind words and interst in my beautiful girl.

Caroline,

I loved reading your memories of Abby. You even gave me a smile with your reference to doggie crack. Thanks for that.

And your story of her not bringing her ball back, I know what you mean about these little things that were so funny when they happened and now can feel poignant, gut-wrenching at times.

I can see why you miss your Abby so much. It sounds as if you two shared such a close, special bond. It sounds like yesterday was a tough day for you. I hope today is brighter.

Michelle

Hi, Caroline, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Yes, you are right when you say, "We NEVER stop missing our babies. . .. All we can do is honor them by remembering the joy they gave us and the love we shared together." There will always be a feeling in our hearts that a part of us is missing, but the good news is that as our deep grief lessens our hearts compensate for this "missing" feeling by filling up with our treasured memories and the eternal love bond we share with them, for love is never confined to the physical laws of time and space.

Caroline, as you travel this grief journey you will discover that some days are better than others. Eventually the better days will be more frequent, and the not so good days will transition to not so good moments and these not so good times will not last very long. But this only happens one day at a time, Caroline - - in your own time. And remember, my friend, we are here for you - - every step you take in your journey.

Thank you again so much for sharing with us how you're doing, Caroline. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thanks Michelle2 and moon_beam. Today was okay but I just couldn't shake missing her exceptionally bad. I dreamt about her last night. It was a weird dream, she was just there, I mean right in front of me as if I could pick her up and hold her. The funny thing is she was in a laying position, as if she were laying on a little bed or if she was in someone's arms. I like to think she's in my dad's arms right now. I looked into the sky today (it was very pretty here this afternoon) and I thought about her being up there amongst the clouds and it made me sad but at the same time it made me smile a little.

I bought a frame for a great pencil drawing a friend of mine did of her mirrored after the pic that is in my profile and I bought a new red love candle to light for her each night. I cried a little as I put her picture in the frame and lit the candle.

I'm working it out as well as anyone I suppose. Damn this is one of the hardest things I've EVER had to do. I've almost talked mysef out of ever getting another dog. I had lightning in a bottle with Abby and no other dog will ever compare. And I don't think I could ever bear this severe pain again.

Good night friends-

Dear Caroline,

Please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your precious Abby. And thank you for sharing her beautiful pic and your cherished memories with us. Abby is adorable.

Yes, this grief journey is one of the most difficult paths to take. Please know that the intense grief does ease with time, though our hearts always love them enormously. I so understand the pain you describe when it feels like your heart is being ripped from your chest. It helped me to take it one day at a time initially. (My beautiful Victoria also had cushings disease.)

It is my hope that you will continue to share your grief journey with us. And know that you are not alone on this road.
With peace, gratitude, and healing thoughts,
Juturna

Hi Caroline,

It's amazing how often you dream of her - or maybe I should say, how often she comes to visit you in dreams! I think she's trying to let you know she's okay and trying to help ease the pain in your broken heart. You are absolutely correct when you say this is one of the hardest things to do. It's incredible how such small creatures can capture the largest and best piece of our hearts! As our wonderful Moon_Beam says, we capture theirs as well and I think that's clear since Abby has been so dedicated in coming to visit you since she left!

What a lovely tribute to pay to Abby with the drawing and candle. Abby was very lucky to have such a loving and dedicated Mom and it's obvious that you feel blessed to have had her in your life. Thank you for sharing with us.

You remain in my thoughts and prayers,

Peggy

Hi Caroline,

What wonderful stories and memories about little Abby. Like I said, I've never seen such a little dog with such a big tongue! :) It's amazing how similar the stories here on Lightning Srike are. The first week walking around in a total daze - crying at unexpected times - all those "firsts" and "where is she?". At first I couldn't even make myself "remember when." And like MoonBeam says, it's a total roller coaster - with mostly ghastly drops at first. We all go through it in different ways. No, you are not crazy. My beliefe is that in proportion to our love for them and their million-times greater love for us, we suffer when they take away their physical bodies from us. I know it's in Someone's plan, but it really hurts that our fur-babies' life span is so much shorter than ours. There's a lesson in there somewhere.

These special animals are sent to us - each one individually - each one to find one particular person in this world of billions of people. Your Abby searched the world over to find just YOU! And isn't it amazing that these wondeful beings teach us so much and GIVE us so much just by being there? I'm in the same demographic you are - and IT IS HARD! We do things that would make other people seriously question our sanity if they knew. I slept on Gretta's dog bed for over a week (it's a very good one and I [almost] fit) just to feel close to her. This site has helped me SO much - both in being supported and in trying to support other people. Lightning Strikers GET IT! And this lightning Strike community is full of a very special group of people - thos who have been "found" by their soul-animal and received their love.

There will always be a Gretta-shaped hole in my heart, like there will be an Abby-shaped hole in yours. MoonBeam says that's because when they crossed over, they took a part of our hearts with them and left a part of theirs for us.

Thank you for sharing you and Abby's story and for coming to this circle of friends.

A shower of blessing to you today.

Gretta's mom

Hi, Caroline, this grief journey is one of the hardest experiences we will ever have on this side of eternity. Each of us can only travel this grief journey in our time and in our own way that is the most comforting for us - - and always with the reassurance that we are not alone. The picture and candle are lovely ways to remember your precious Abby. Thinking of her in your dad's arms is a beautiful image, so hold onto that, Caroline -- for it is an image that both your precious Abby and your dad want you to have.

When our hearts are in deep grief it is perfectly normal to feel as you do about the mere thought of ever embracing another companion into your heart and home. Some people find comfort in adopting another furchild quickly, some folks wait until their deep grief eases, some folks become open to the opportunities to foster homeless waifs until they are adopted by loving families, some folks find comfort in pet sitting for friends and family members, and some folks choose not to adopt or foster or pet sit. Caroline, this decision is strictly a personal one, and whichever one you decide is right for you. It is important that YOU feel comfortable with whatever decision you make, and it is important that you allow yourself the opportunity to revise your decision if / when you may be ready to do so.

Caroline, just take it one day at a time - - one moment at a time when you need to. And remember, my friend, we are here for you, with you, and beside you with every step of this journey you take - - you are never alone. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Caroline, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you all. I come here every single night and am always so grateful to see a new post. Your words brought me to tears tonight (which is pretty easy these days and I swear I am NOT a crier) and I know that you all GET IT! There is an Abby-shaped hole in my heart that will be with me for the rest of my days. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks since she passed and I wonder if for the rest of my life each Wednesday will become week X since Abby left? A week from now it will be a month and that's crazy. It doesn't seem possible because it hurts as much right this minute as it did on May 4th when she passed away. Okay, not AS much but darn close.

I hadn't really thought about it until Peggy brought it up but Abby visiting me in my dreams twice in less than 3 weeks is unusual. My dad passed away in 1994 and I've only dreamed of him 2-3 times until he visited me the day after Abby died. Maybe she really IS trying to let me know that she's okay in the hope that it will help me be okay too. Wouldn't that be just like my sweet baby...trying to help me through all of this? She was afterall the sweetest soul I've ever encountered in my life.

Someone mentioned that there was a lesson to be learned in the fact that our furbabies' lives are so much shorter than our own. I think it's because they are completely dependent upon us for their livelihood. They rely on us for their food, water, baths, medical attention, excercise, treats, things to look forward to like car rides and walks and of course our unconditional love. If we weren't there to give them those things they couldn't exactly run out and get that for themselves. So in that way the universe's plan makes some sense. Sadly, when you give your whole heart to another living creature like that, losing them is beyond devastating.

And to top things off my neighbors have a ##er spaniel named Abby, so everyday I hear her bark and hear them calling her from the backyard. I went over for a minute on Sunday and I could barely bring myself to pet her. Calling another "Abby" that wasn't mine was just too painful. But somehow I managed because she is a sweet little doggie too and it isn't her fault she shares my baby's name-

Oy, I'm not a dog owner anymore. That in itself is weird and I'm still not sure I can do it again. I have looked at rescue sites but am still feeling like owning another dog would somehow betray Abby's memory. Perhaps that too will pass. I do love dogs and know that I'd be a good mom to another when and if I ever become ready (the jury is still out on that one).

My gratitude to you all is infinite.

Goodnight,
Abby's Mom

Hi, Caroline, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. It does not surprise me that your precious Abby is trying to reach out to you to reassure you that she is indeed okay. She is safe in your dad's arms, and they are both letting you know all is well.

It is beyond devastating when we must let go of our beloved companions' physical presence with us. It is a HUGE loss and HUGE adjustment, which is why every moment of every hour of every day is a process in the adjustment journey. And part of the grief journey is "adjusting" to being around other people's companions - - especially when the names are identical. Then there is the grocery shopping and trying to find a way to avoid the furchild supply aisles, and on and on and on.

Caroline, everything you are feeling is very, very normal. Remember - - one day at a time, and always, always, ALWAYS know we are for you, with you, and beside you every step of your journey. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Caroline,

The pain from the hole in your heart may feel endless now and this is natural. Three weeks is not that much time in the grief journey. Please know that the intense grief does ease with the passage of time, though Wednesdays will be extra sad for awhile.

Abby's presence in your dreams is to reassure you. I love that she is coming to you and her spirit is present. She wants you to take gentle care of yourself.

Whatever you decide in terms of a rescue adoption is perfectly OK. Please know that there is value in taking your time with making any decisions right now. ( I learned this lesson the hard way.)

With peace, gratitude, and healing thoughts,
Juturna

Dear Caroline

Just sending you a little cyber hug this morning. Even though you can't see your Abby right now, you wil always be a dog-owned (not a typo). The day after my Gretta passed and wonderful friend sent a message to me that said he knew every day way a miracle while Gretta was my master (also not a typo). You now know that this does not happen with every pet-human combination. I think it's pretty rare - and precious. And someone up there has decided that our soul-animals' lifespan is to be much shorter than ours. (Gonna talk to that guy some day - just a joke!). A neighbor who is a dog rescuer told me to remember that there is no right time to think about another companion. For some people it's the next day, for some people it's a couple of years - and for some people it might be never in this lifetime. But three weeks after the separation is not at all unusual for someone like you who is trying to figure out life without your heart.

Aren't the people on this site amazing? Somehow all of us have done two almost impossible things: been found by our soul-mate animal and then, when he or she has gone on to that Perfect World, to have found this amazing place where every one - EVERY SINGLE ONE - has had the first rare experience and is now or will soon be on the grueling path that is the second. We're truly a family. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Those of us who are a little bit farther along the road are always mindful of giving a little bit of our strength, small though it might be, to those just starting on the road. (If you ever think you're crazy for doing something because of grief, just let us know about it and you will be overwhelmed with stories of what your Lightning Strike cousins have done - and some of them might give you just a little bit of a smile.)

Peace and at least one moment of ease for you today, Caroline.

Gretta's mom

Well it's the first 3-day holiday weekend without my baby Abby. I went to a grill out with some friends yesterday and we had some steaks. I almost felt guilty eating that steak without my little one right under my feet begging for me to share it with her. And now all I can think about is that July 4th is on the horizon. That was Abby's holiday. Oh how she loved fireworks. I'd practically have to keep her inside that weekend or be very cautious when she was outside because the minute she heard the sounds of fireworks going off she'd want to run in the general direction. And she was fearless. One year we were at a big July 4th party with some almost professional grade fireworks and though they were happening way out in a field where the party was taking place and we were safely on the front porch of my friends' home, she took off like a shot and I took off right behind her. Thankfully, my friend Tom (the fireworks master that evening) saw her and halted until I could get to her. After that we joked about it and called her "the first little white dog in outerspace" LOL. I'm sure I'll drone on this July 4th with more stories of my baby on her fave holiday.

Today has been difficult. I guess the weekend is winding down and I'm reflecting on all that I have lost. Wednesday will be 1 month and I'm still so deep in the midst of this hateful grief cycle.

Can you believe she visited me a 3rd time the other night? Again in a dream. This time, I opened the bottom drawer of a filing cabinet and she hopped out with a level of energy she hadn't had in quite some time. Her little tail was wagging, she was so excited and she was wearing the red collar that she's wearing in the pic that is on my profile. I reached out to pet her and it was all over. I have no idea what the filing cabinet is about but I do know that once again she is trying to help me know that she is in a better place and has been restored to her most healthy state. My head knows that for sure...but to quote a line from a fave old movie "Steel Magnolias"..."I just wish somebody would tell that to my heart."

God bless my Abby tonight, I miss her so very, very much. And God bless all of you and your 4-legged soul mates that are no longer with us in the physical sense. Our pain is immeasureable but our gratefulness for their presence in our lives is without end.

Goodnight dear friends,
Abby's Mom

Hi, Caroline, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. The first year of the loss of our beloved companion's physical presence is one of "firsts" - - each day is a "first without" in some way. But then come the BIG "firsts without" - - the first holiday, the first birthday, the first vacation, the first WHATEVER - - and it can seem like the further we "move along" in our earthly journey the worse our grief becomes. We find ourselves wondeirng, "How can this be - - it's been - - one month, 6 weeks, 3 months, - - since our beloved companion has joined the angels - - and we continue on our daily drone of this and that. How can this be?" One of the many difficult things to reconcile during this grief journey is that "life goes on WITHOUT" - - we continue to exist even when it feels like the light in our hearts is snuffed out.

I assure you, Caroline, that eventually the deep void that is in your heart will ease. Hopefully in time as your deep grief eases you will feel your precious Abby's sweet Living Spirit with you totally enjoying the cook outs just as she always has and always will. She is continuing to share your earthly journey for she is forever a part of you - - she is always a heartbeat close to you. I know it's not the same as being able to physically hold her in your arms, to feel the warmth of her physical body next to you. And this is one of the many things that makes this grief journey so very painful - - both emotionally and physically - - the adjustment to not having our companions' sweet physical bodies with us because we are still living in the physical oriented world. This adjustment takes time, Caroline, - - one day at a time healing time.

Thank you again so much for sharing with us how you're doing, Caroline. I hope today is being kind to you and that you will have a peaceful evening. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Caroline, and look forward to knowing how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Today is 1 month since I lost my beloved little doggie Abby. I am still devastated by her loss and I can't seem to remove the little shrine I made for her from my dining room table and every single night I still light a red love candle for her there (I just want her urn and things near me even now). The intense pain has eased to some degree but the strangest things will take me right back there.

I have this uncanny ability to turn almost anything I do into a memory of her. She was my shadow for 16 1/2 years and she was with me constantly. She still is with me every minute, just not in the physical sense and that is still a huge source of pain. Even now, I have no answers about how to deal with her loss except to say that each day that passes seems to be a little easier. It's those times when I allow myself to dwell on how very much I can't stand living without her that the intense pain returns. However, I also feel that it's important to allow myself to feel everything, the good and the bad. I don't think I'd ever truly move on if I didn't.

I'm doing okay I suppose (as well as anyone could) but there are still times when I think she's just out of town so to speak and that she'll return to me. But sadly, my rational mind knows that can never be.

I miss her so terribly bad! I want to hold her in my arms, I want to feel her little body next to me. I have yet to have the courage to clean out her drawer in my kitchen that contained all her food, treats, etc. I know that I should because there are places where I could donate that stuff to furbabies who could really use it. My inability to do that makes me feel weak. That is the next hurdle that I am working to complete because I do want that stuff to go to animals who will benefit from it.

For now, all I can tell you is that I think of my dear Abby constantly and long for the day when we'll be reunited.

I am thankful for my mom, friends who I can talk to, and this amazing site.

God bless my precious little Abby Doodle on the 1 month anniversary of her passing. Mama loves you and misses you so very much.

Goodnight dear friends,
Abby's Mom

"I am still devastated by her loss and I can't seem to remove the little shrine I made for her from my dining room table and every single night I still light a red love candle for her there (I just want her urn and things near me even now). "

"I want to hold her in my arms, I want to feel her little body next to me."

Hi, Caroline, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me reassure you that what you are feeling is absolutely normal. We live in a physical oriented world - - sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. Regardless of how long our beloved companions shared their earthly journey with us, they are permanently imprinted into our very physical and emotional - - and spiritual - - being. So, when they precede us to the angels, the grief adjustment journey we travel is a very painful one - - on all levels of our being - -, and particularly during the deep grief which you are still experiencing. This grief journey is "not over" in a matter of hours, days, weeks, months - - so please do not pressure yourself into thinking that you "should be able" to do this or that as "proof" that your grief is easing. This grief journey is not about "moving on" or "getting over" the physical loss of our beloved companions. It is a journey of ADJUSTMENT to their physical absence, and can only be accomplished in your own time and in your own way - - one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. It is indeed a blessing that we have their sweet Living Spirit forever with us in our hearts and memories to cherish as we continue on our earthly journey, but it is not the same thing as being able to hold them in our arms, to see them - - to look deeply into their eyes and their hearts, to hear them, to smell their fur - - there will always be a part of us that will long to hold them just one more minute, one more hour, one more day, - - one more lifetime. The good news is that in time - - in your own time, Caroline, - - the deep grief does ease so that we can smile when we embrace our beloved companions sweet Living Spirits ever present in our hearts and our memories.

"I have yet to have the courage to clean out her drawer in my kitchen that contained all her food, treats, etc. I know that I should because there are places where I could donate that stuff to furbabies who could really use it. My inability to do that makes me feel weak. That is the next hurdle that I am working to complete because I do want that stuff to go to animals who will benefit from it."

As to the matter of donating your precious Abby's worldly goods, take your time on this, Caroline. There is no rush. There is no legal "Last Will and Testament" to fulfill. YOU are the executor of her estate, and she has endowed to you all of her worldly possessions to take care of as you are able and ready to do so. Right now you need to focus on what helps YOU to be comforted. You are NOT weak by any stretch of the imagination, Caroline. You are grieving, and you need to take your time in making decisions unless they are absolutely needed at that particular time. A very important part of your life - - your world - - your universe - - has changed, and you need to give yourself time to re-stabilize your life - - your world - - your universe - - as much time as YOU need. This way you can decide with a clearer mind, and heart, as to what you want to donate and what you would like to keep - - that is important for you to keep.

"For now, all I can tell you is that I think of my dear Abby constantly and long for the day when we'll be reunited."

I assure you, Caroline, that no matter how much time passes your precious Abby will always be with you in your heart and your memories. And when it is your appropriate time to join her in eternal joy there will be a glorious celebration. Until that time comes, however, your precious Abby wants you to be happy in your earthly journey for this will be the greatest tribute and honor of all to your eternal love.

Thank you again, Caroline, for sharing with us how you're doing. I hope in some way you will find comfort and encouragement in what I have written to you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Caroline, and look forward to knowing how things are going for you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Caroline
I know how hard this is. I don't remember how long I slept with my kitty's picture and said goodnight to it every night. It wsa 3 weeks before I could even pick up his water bowl which by then had evaporated. Two years later I still have his basket of toys and most of them are still there. I have given a few away but there are ones that were his favorites that I could never part with. All of the firsts you are facing especially holidays and anniversaries-for you one month now-seem to bring thoughts back to our babies we have lost. I hope you are feeling better today and there is no rush to clean out her drawer-do things when you are ready and it feels right.

Oh Caroline, your posting brought so many tears to my eyes. You DO NOT have to give away, throw away, donate or in any other way EVER have to remove your Abby's things. I know I will NEVER, EVER part with anything that was Gretta's. When I pass over the rainbow bridge and people still back on this side have to clean out my things, they are going to be in for a real shock. I'll be the nutty but harmless eccentric about whom people will think "Guess she was worse off than we thought." Go right ahead. I'm keeping her two snowsuits that I velcroed together and made into a cuddly pillow the first night I was alone. I'm keeping the basket of toys that she never even touched (she was a senior dog when I got her - WAY past playtime!). I'm keeping her raincoat and her leashes and her collar ... no matter what. I still have her little shrine on my window seat - and I still pet her picture and tell her how much I miss her! Even if it's just you and me (which it's definitely NOT), let's not break our hearts again by thinking we HAVE to do something just because we think (or people tell us) that we have to or we "should be over it by now" or "move on" or some other total piece of nonsense. We are loved ... we love ... our one-and-only searched for us through the entire universe and found us and put him/herself in our paths and when we looked at each other the strongest bond possible formed instantly. We exchanged little pieces of our hearts, which will be with us forever. Love is forever - our love for them and even more, their love for us. When we're two halves of a single whole how can it be otherwise? Please don't add to your sadness by taking on opinions that people who've never experienced the miracle we have try to put into your mind. Any time or no time ... it's up to you. As for me, I'm going to spend my last night on earth sleeping on Gretta' dog bed - no matter what nursing home I'm in.

I hope my attempt at humor has strengthened your spirit just a tiny bit. Have a restful night and a good tomorrow.

Gretta's mom

Thanks a lot guys. And trust me I will NEVER part with her toys, her little doggie bed, leash, collar, bowl, etc. And no other pet in heaven or on earth will ever use those things because they belonged to my Abby. Like you Gretta's Mom, they will have to pry Abby's collar and probably her urn and picture from my hands when I cross over.

I do have quite a bit of food and some frontline that I'm sure could benefit other animals. But ya know, to everyone's point, I don't HAVE to do that if I don't want to. Sometimes, I open up her drawer and just seeing all the food and stuff in there makes me feel like she's still here and as strange as it may sound, I am comforted by that little lie that I allow myself to believe for just a minute.

Your words move me and I remain so very thankful for all of you on this site.

Well, I'm off to light my Abby's red love candle...the sun is going down here, so it's time for me to say hello to her and let her know that I love her.

Abby's Mom

Today I finally decided to dismantle Abby's shrine. I haven't been compelled to light the red love candles in a couple of weeks. I don't even find myself talking to her urn everyday as I once did. Oh, I still talk to it...to her...but definitely not everyday.

So, this afternoon I retrieved Abby's bag from the hall closet. We always packed her bag when we went on car trips and we'd have her leash, food, snacks and toys in it. As I picked it up all I could think was that I was packing Abby's bag for the last time and I broke down in sobs as I did it.

Now her urn and paw prints reside on my mantle. The urn has her picture on the front so it's like she's always here with me while I'm hanging out in the living room, just as she always was during her earthly journey.

I know that my new baby, Bailey, gave me the strength to do this today. Had I not found that little bundle of sweetness, who knows how long I would have paid homage to Abby's shrine and I would have remained in the deep grief stage inevitably. And for that I am grateful but I have to tell you, what I did today was HARD. I felt like I was putting Abby away and I've had to really convice myself that it was only her things that I put away today. She will always be with me, no matter where I go.

Oh how I can't wait to see that sweet baby again. I miss her so very much and yes it still hurts like the devil.

Abby Doodle, mama loves you to the moon and back and always will. Rest in peace my precious, beautiful little girl.

Abby's and now Bailey's mom

Oh Abbey's mom.

What a brave and SAD thing to do! Gretta passed on April 10 and I still have her two pictures and the angel candle my sister sent me on the radiator mantle. It'll be there until I move, I'm sure. Rufus the big loving lug helps a lot, especially since I've started to call him Gretta's little brother.

I know what you mean about getting stuck in deep grief forever. Today I decided to quit making up Gretta-words to Woody Guthrie's Hobo's Lullaby - because the new verses were TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SAD. Maybe it's a gentle nudge from Abbey and Gretta that it's OK to move a little bit, that they KNOW, really KNOW that we're not stopping loving them, just doing the silly work we do here on earth.

I just know that Gretta and Abbey are the best of Perfect World friends and in between romping around and playing, the sit an look down on us and, even though they love us more than ever before and can definitely read our minds, I'm sure that once in a while they get a chuckle out of us.

Thank you for sharing this moment with us, Abbey's mom. Abbey-doodle loves you to Mars and back, too. Labs like Gretta aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer, so Gretta is probably just content to assure me that nothing has changed and that, of course love is forever.

have a good evening and tomorrow,

Gretta's mom

Hi, Abby's Mom, yes - - the putting away of things is another "stage" in the "adjustment" journey. BUT - - the very important thing is that you did it when YOU were ready, and this is a good sign of progressing in the grief healing. Rest assured that your precious Abby is FOREVER with you in your heart and your memories, and her greatest joy as she looks on you from heaven's heights is seeing YOU HAPPY. To help you with this she gently guided you and little Bailey together knowing that only YOU could be the RIGHT earthly caregiver for this little homeless waif.

Abby's Mom, I hope today is being kind to you. Please know you and your little Bailey are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Today is 2 months since I lost my precious Abby Doodle. She has been in my thoughts constantly today and I can't seem to stop looking at the wallpaper photo of her on my phone, among all the other photos I have of her. I talked to my mom about her tonight and was fighting back tears remembering old times and how July 4th was HER holiday. She LOVED fireworks and thought they were big, loud toys. I really had to watch her this time of year. She'd take off in the general direction of any kaboom she heard-

On Friday night I went to my city's big fireworks extravaganza and had a great spot in which to view the display. There were a couple of times where I could have sworn the smoke faded into a little doggie form telling me that my sweet girl was with the angels, enjoying her beloved fireworks from on high (I know that I allowed my imagination to run a little wild but it gave me some small comfort).

My new baby, Bailey, has been a tremendous source of comfort and is helping me get through or get on with my earthly journey without Abby but today is especially difficult.

Just wanted to share and to say once again, I love you my sweet, sweet girl. Abby Doodle, mama loves you to the moon and back and always will. I miss you baby and I hope you are at peace. Mama is doing her best to exist on this earth without you but it's really, really hard. I long for the day when we are together again. I'm sure we'll have lots to catch up on- Rest well my girl. I will remember you always.

Mom

Dear Abby's Mom, Just to say I am thinking of you and Abby and Bailey today, Purszi has really helped pull me out of that deep grief hole and I fall in love a bit more every day, but i will miss my girl forever (like you, her photo is the wallpaper on my phone and I can't bring myself to change it, even if it makes me cry sometimes) - take care today guys, hope life is gentle with you

Dear Abby's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious Bailey are doing. The holidays are one of the many reminders that bring home the painful reality that our beloved companions are no longer physically with us. This is why we must hold fast onto our memories and the truth: The truth being that our beloved companions are still and are forever with us in our hearts and memories - - they are always a heartbeat close to us. AND - - they are sharing our earthly journey in "real time" now - - not having to wait for us to come home from work, or school, or errands, or vacations - - or wherever we've been - - to share with them the events of our day. And it doesn't surprise me one little bit that you probably did see your sweet Abby's form in the fireworks - - for our beloved companions do find a way to let us know that they are still and forever with us. So, hold onto that precious vision you had on Friday night during the fireworks display, Abby's Mom - - and let it bring comfort to your heart.

Abby's Mom, thank you again so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please know you and your precious Bailey are in my thoughts and prayers, and I look forward to knowing how things are going for you both.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam