Four months on…

Firstly, thank you so much to everybody on this website for being so supportive throughout one of the most difficult times of my life. Losing my precious Bicky hit me on so many different levels, I am still picking up the pieces. I sit here writing in my living room, surrounded by Bicky’s urn, pictures, and a beautiful digital frame of almost 1000 pictures of the best friend a guy could ever ask for.

Spring is bittersweet. With it comes the beautiful memories of our spring walks in the country side…We would sometimes walk for hours…And when we would return home and I would unhook Bicky from his leash, and he would swing around and jump at me, playfully enticing me to wrestle with him…We would do this every time….

So many memories….They are my treasure now…He is always the last image I have in my mind's eye when I fall asleep...

Tonight I was on a nationality animal shelter website…and couldn’t resist clicking on the pictures of some of the ones up for adoption…I know that 600, 000 dogs and cats are destroyed yearly here…Part of me desperately wants to rescue one of these dogs or cats in need…I even know the profile I would want ….An older dog (perhaps 4 or 5 years old) that is basically unwanted…but one with a loving character…

But I also feel terribly guilty…Bicky was the love of my life…I just don’t know what to do….

Anyway, any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks, Mark (and Bicky)

I totally understand how you feel.

I recently lost my cat Hobbes of 14 years. She was my best friend and I can barely remember my life before I got her, I was so young (around 6). She died suddenly, and I've been feeling terribly lonely without that presence in the house. I've been thinking about adopting a kitten from an animal shelter, (and trying to convince my mom whom I still live with). But I also feel like I'm abandoning Hobbes or betraying her memory somehow. I don't want to replace her; I never could. But when I'm alone, and I don't have a little friend to spend time with, the burden is terrible. I would like to be able to remember Hobbes fondly while still being able to care for and love another cat, a different cat. But I feel very insecure about it.

You sound like a very compassionate person, and getting an older dog would be a very kind thing to do. I wouldn't rush to get another pet, as the process of grieving takes time, but maybe it isn't a bad idea to try to meet some of these animals, see if you can find a dog you click with. My boyfriend took me to see some animals at a shelter a little while ago, and thinking of loving again and of the future really fortified me. In a way, it was therapeutic. It might help if you can know for yourself if you can feel comfortable spending time with another animal, and see how adopting it makes you feel then. If it makes you uncomfortable still, you may not be ready. But take it slow.

I think that when the time comes for me, I will truly be able to put Hobbes to rest. I know she would not want me to be so unhappy and so lonely. And as much as the loss of her still hurts, very much, her time came. It was not something anyone could control. And she lived a good life, which is something even many humans can't get to say. Hobbes may rest eternally, and I will remember her forever. But there are cats who need homes and love. I think that when I'm ready, the best thing I can do for myself and for Hobbes is not to dwell, but to let her memory live on, and to focus my energy and love on a deserving kitty.

I'm not sure if this helps, but I guess what I'm trying to say is, when you feel ready, it may be the best thing for your relationship with Bicky to be able to honor his memory and to build new memories as well.

Hi, Mark, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Lana has offered you very good advice, and I affirm her most comforting words to you. Another thing you might consider for the time being until you feel sure you're ready to adopt again is fostering rescue waifs until they are placed with a loving caregiver. Also, you might consider pet sitting for friends and for any pet sitting services that might be in your area.

Mark, please know your precious Bicky loves you, and is eternally grateful for taking him in when he was down and out and loving him during his earthly journey with you. Because he knows how deeply you love him, he also wants another homeless waif to know your heart-filled love. So, please don't worry about being "unfaithful" to Bicky. These are normal feelings - - believe me. Bicky will always be in your heart and memories - - no one will ever take his place, but there is room in your heart for a new furchild companion - - if / when you are ready to embrace a new companion into your heart and home.

Mark, I hope this helps you and is a source of comfort and encouragement to you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Mark, and please let us know how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Mark,

Here is my story. We had a little Maltipoo girl named Annie, age 11 yrs. who died in 2001 of kidney failure. We were heartbroken and couldn't think about getting another dog. But 5 months later, our neighbor who worked in the vet's office told us about a couple who wanted someone to take their little Maltese/Pekingese boy named Mickey (5 yrs. old), because the wife had health problems. At first I thought no way, but I got to thinking about it and we went to the couple's house and got him. He acted like he had known us forever. But I cried for the couple that had to give him up.

That was the best decision we ever made concerning a pet. Mickey was so sweet, loving, and gentle. We got so much love and fun from him. We had him almost 10 yrs. He died Feb. 22, 2011 from heart failure. Now we are heartbroken again, but the journey was worth it. I doubt if we will get another dog because we are older and not sure how our health will be. Right now I just want to remember the good times we had with our Mickey.

We never forgot about little Annie. Both her and Mickey's pics are here by my computer. They are both buried in the flower garden in the back yard.

So Mark, if you find a dog that you connect with and feel right about, I say go for it. But only when you are ready.

Dear Mark,

Just stopping by to say hello and to ask how you're doing. I hope things are getting better for you.

You are in my thoughts and prayers......God Bless....


LoveMyMickey