My best friend Caspian a mix of Chow, Retriever, Border Collie, was just diagnosed with a mass/tumor on his spleen. I am so torn and confused as to what course to take. He just turned 12 in January, and also has osteoarthritis in his back legs/hip that cause him constant discomfort (he taking Tramadol to help with the pain). So my dilemma now is to figure out if surgery to remove a tumor that has a 75% chance of being cancerous and thus giving him a 2 - 6 month life expectancy. If I do not have surgery for him, his prognosis is anywhere from weeks to months.
I am torn whether to have the surgery to remove the tumor, or to let things run their course (based on his age and life expectancy of the mix of breeds). If I do nothing, the guilt of feeling like I didn't try to help him will be overwhelming. The flip side, is to have the surgery, that will make him feel better right now by removing the tumor, but if it is cancerous, and comes back aggressively as most cases like this tend to. Then I will feel like I have put him through the trauma of surgery just to have to endure getting sick all over again.
My heart wants me to do anything and everything I can to keep him here as long as possible, but I do not want to be the cause of more suffering to him. Right now he is in generally good health (tumor aside). Good color, his blood work came back very good, and I have been told he should tolerate surgery and come through it well. I am terrified of what happens if I do not do the surgery just as I am of the tumor being cancerous and coming back very aggressively.
I wish so much I could just ask Caspian what he wants me to do for him, but when I do he just looks at me and wags his tail, and I start to cry all over again. Click to view attachment

Dear Caspian's Dad

Oh, if only I could help you. I know you are so torn about what will be best for your beloved Caspian, and this is a decision that only you can make. We can all give advice, but we don't personally know your boy, and how he is in his day to day living. His life 'quality' must be of paramount importance, and of course that he be free from pain and suffering. You say that he is in good health right now and seems to be enjoying life, so maybe take each day at a time and take advice from your vet, after the initial shock of his diagnosis maybe you will see things in a clearer way, and be more able to make your decision.
I'm so sorry that I can't be more helpful, but please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and Caspian.

Please come back soon and let us know how you and Caspian are doing.

Hugs
Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

Hi, Caspian's Dad, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies about what you and your precious boy are going through. Knowing that our earthly journey is drawing to a close with our beloved companion is very painful, so what you are going through is very normal.

Jan has given you the best sound advice I could ever hope to offer: "His life 'quality' must be of paramount importance, and of course that he be free from pain and suffering. You say that he is in good health right now and seems to be enjoying life, so maybe take each day at a time and take advice from your vet, after the initial shock of his diagnosis maybe you will see things in a clearer way, and be more able to make your decision." You are in shock right now, Caspian's Dad, and I do so know that feeling. Whatever you do, each of us know your decisions will be based on your love for your precious companion, and most importantly - - your Caspian will know this, too.

Thank you so much for sharing your precious Caspian with us, and for posting a picture of him. He is a sweetheart for sure. Please know you are not alone in this journey- - each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you and your precious Caspian are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how things are going whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Caspian's Dad,

I am so sorry you find yourself in this horrible situation and are faced with such a heart-wrenching decision. Many of us on this site have been in your position and are only too familiar with the overwhelming pain and fear you are feeling. Ten weeks ago today, I had to make a decision on-the-fly about whether or not to treat my sweet ‘Peggy The Dog’, who received a ‘clean bill of health’ from her regular vet that morning, collapsed in my kitchen hours later, was rushed to a University Animal hospital and was treated for 5 hours until I realized it was hopeless and then had to make the decision to help her pass. I do not think that having time to consider the options makes it any easier. I agree completely with Jan and Moon-Beam. All we can do is learn as much as we can about the options while wrestling with this decision and always keep the best interest of our loved ones as our highest priority. I don’t think there’s ever a way to make it easier. It’s a horribly painful decision to make and I wish I could help point you in the way that is best for both you and Caspian. Please know that the people on this site care deeply about others who are struggling to traverse the same road you now find yourself traveling. We are all at different stages of loss and healing and will always be here to offer support.

I love the picture you posted of your beautiful Caspian. Who could possibly resist that sweet face or those wise, intelligent eyes? He’s such a cutie! Caspian’s Dad, I completely understand what you are going through and again, I am so very sorry. Your words brought me back to the night Peggy passed, I could so much relate to your pain, fear and uncertainty about the best way to proceed. Please try to be gentle with yourself while you make the best decision you can, based on the information available and what your heart feels is the best direction to take. I am sure Caspian knows that you love him and only want what’s best for him. Please know that you and Caspian will be in my prayers,

Please take care of yourself,

Peggy (the human)
.

Thank you for your supportive words. I did finally get over my shock and denial. Just for a quick update. Caspian is scheduled for surgery on Monday morning. His health is just too good (tumor aside) and I will feel worse if I don't at least try. If the tumor is cancerous then we will take it from there. But with the surgery he will feel better immediately and if it is cancerous then I can be more prepared for what is to come. I thank you all very much and will keep you posted on how things go.

David

Hi, David, thank you so much for letting us know how you're doing. I am so glad you feel comfortable having your precious Caspian undergo the surgery. Giving yourself time to think it through is the best thing you could do for both you and your precious Caspian. Please know you and your precious furbaby are in my thoughts and prayers, David, and look forward to knowing how you both are doing and how Caspian does with the surgery on Monday.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi David,

Thanks for posting an update to let us know how you and Caspian are doing and the direction of your decision. I will keep you both in my prayers and keep my fingers crossed that you receive the best possible news, following his surgery on Monday. I'm glad he's so healthy. That will give him a big step up on his recovery.

Take care and I hope you both have a joy filled weekend!

Peggy

Dear Caspian's Dad,

You and Caspian have been in my thoughts and prayers all day. I do hope and pray that the news is good. You have such a sweet dog.

God Bless you both.

LoveMyMickey

Hi, David, just stopping by to say hello to you and Caspian, and to let you know you both are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm hoping that Caspian is resting comfortably from his surgery, and that you will be able to bring him home for an uneventful recovery in the next day or so - - if he isn't already home.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thanks EVERYONE for all the support. I wanted to give an update on Caspian. He did very good with his surgery. no problems. He stayed the night and came home on Tuesday. He became VERY bruised on his belly and a lot of swelling, but he is so calm with me that I was able to use ice packs along with the meds he was given. Over the rest of the week he got stronger and stronger, however much to my surprise (because I wasn't told at the vet) he has had an INSANE amount of draining from the wound. Freaked me out as you can imagine.

At 10:30 today (Friday) I got a call from the Dr that did his surgery and he gave me the BEST news possible.

Caspian s Biopsy came back with absolutely no signs of cancer. I have bee crying since I got the news but this time tears of joy and happiness for taking the risk and having it turn out with the best result possible.

So now I guess I do not fit into the Death and Dying support thread, but I wanted to let every one know the great news, and thank you once again Jan, Moon_Beam, Peggy (the human ), and LoveMyMickey Your thoughts and prayers helped in the best way possible!

This website is an amazing place, and I will not be leaving. This has been such an emotional roller coaster. and the ride finally stopped at the gate with smiled on mine and Caspian s Face!!

here are a few other pictures of my buddy! He always looks like he has a smile on his face!!
David

Oh David, I literally have tears of joy for you and Caspian. I'm so glad the surgery went well and NO cancer! I know that this has been a bad roller coaster ride and like a real one, it is finally over.

I love the pictures, Caspian is such a handsome dog. I pray that he will completely recover from the surgery.

God Bless you, David and Caspian, and stay with us as long as you want. We all need all the support we can get.

Take care....

LoveMyMickey

Hi, David, thank you so o o o much for sharing your absolutely W O N D E R F U L news!!! Words cannot begin to express how very very very very VERY happy I am for you and your precious Caspian. I can imagine how freaked you were when you saw all the drainage. It sounds like your precious Caspian is well on the way to a complete recovery - - and a healthy continued journey with you - - AMEN!!!!

And thank you so very much for sharing these precious pictures of you and your precious Caspian. Well - - he has every reason to smile - - because he has YOU for his dad.

David, once again I am SO HAPPY for you and your precious Caspian. Please know you and your beloved companion are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to hearing how you and Caspian are doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi David,

YIPPEEEE!!! I am SOOOOO happy for you and Caspian! I had tears flowing while reading your post, I am so relieved that everything has worked out so well. It's so rare to see happy news on this site and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your wonderful news! Your pics of Caspian are beautiful. He reminds me of my sweet Peggy with that blonde belly and big joyfilled smile. My wish for you and handsome Caspian is that you have many, many years of making fun and joyous memories together. When you think of it and have time, please pop by and let us know how you're both doing - I am so glad you no longer need this site!!

Big hug to both of you!

Take care,

Peggy

I read your story from start to finish and what a wonderful happy ending! Caspian is such a beautiful boy!
Blessings to both of you!

God bless you David and Caspian! I am overjoyed that your buddy came through surgery and that you guys got the best possible news!!! Wow he is really a beautiful boy. Take care of yourself and Caspian. I love happy endings-

Abby's Mom

Thanks everyone for all your wonderful words.I wish I could thank you all with a great report. Sadly though I have to let go of Caspian this morning. I put him outside when I woke up as usual. However today was the first day I did not go outside with him, and when I came to let him in, he was stuck halfway up the stairs. When I got him in the house, he could not use his back legs at all and was very obviously distressed. I called my vet which is a block away, and got him in there, The doctor came in and told me he had most likely blown a blood clot into his spine, and possibly his lungs. He was in pain, and had absolutely no feeling or response in his back end. I had to make a choice to sedate him and let the vet try to confirm what had happened. But he was 95% sure, and told me that even if he came through it could me months to recover, and would be unable to go to the bathroom.
They let me lay with him for a while after they sedated him, and then gave him the final shot. All I can say is that it was very peaceful.
I am a disaster today. He was my best friend through a long part of my life, sharing so many wonderful things along the way. I know he is in a better place now, and is at peace. But i feel like I let him down by not going outside with him this morning... the FIRST time i let him go out alone. The doctor told me its not my fault but it hurts so much, and i am just devastated. Everything was going so well. he was past a ll the hurdles from his surgery, just to have this happen. I am just rambling right now, because I don't know what else to do. I will add more later when the shock of all of this wears down.

Thank you all for your support, and I wish I could have had a happy report instead of this.

David

Dearest David,

I am so very, very sorry at this devestating turn of events. I sit here, tears streaming down my face and struggling to find words to comfort you, but can think of none. The way you have describe your beautiful Caspian to us, I know you had the same bond with him that I had with my sweet Peggy. She seemed to be struggling to breathe at 10:30 that morning, received a clean bill of health from her vet at noon (aside from a mild case of 'ashtsma' being diagnosed), collapsed at 7 that evening and was rushed to the emergency hospital and was gone by 1:20 am. Turns out, she had undiagnosed cancer which caused tumors on her heart and I had to make the decision to help her pass that night. It stuns the mind and the heart when our beloved pets seem to be doing so well, happy and apparently healthy one minute, then gone the next. The shock is unimaginable. I am just so sorry for your pain. Please know that all of us are here for you, grieving right beside you and keeping you and Caspian in our prayers.

I understand why you feel like you let him down by not going out with him but honestly, your presence would not have changed the event or the outcome. I know you're aware of that in your head but your poor broken heart needs to catch up. When unexpected and traumatic events take place, our minds desperately try to make sense of them and evaluate the situation to see what we could have done differently. That's part of how we learn as humans and can be productive if our actions could have changed the outcome or prevented the event but at other times, like now, it only serves to intensify the pain because we feel that we 'failed', when we really didn't. Had this event not taken place, you wouldn't even think twice about having let Caspian go out alone. It's only because an event took place, which NOBODY could have anticipated, that your heart is taking on this guilt. Please try to let that go. You were a wonderful, loving and fun Dad to Caspain. One only has to look at your pics to see how much you both were in love with the other. You did not fail Caspain in any way and when you made the decision to help him pass, you were performing the ultimate act of love and kindness. And I know his loss and your decision to help him pass scarred your soul. I can feel the depth of your shock and pain and I cry with you for the tragedy you had to endure. I wish from the bottom of my soul that I could find words adquate enough to help ease your pain.

Please know that you'll both be in my thoughts and prayers.

Again David, I am so, so sorry this happened.

Please take care of yourself,

Peggy

Hi, David, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Caspian. To say the very least I, too, am deeply saddened - - and shocked. I share your deepest heartfelt sorrow, David. I know right now there are no adequate words in any language that can even remotely begin to offer you comfort to your shattered heart. But I hope you will hold onto the truth that you did the absolute best thing for your precious Caspian so that he is now restored to his former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

David, unfortunately guilt is one of the emotions we all experience in this grief journey, and it is one of the more difficult emotions to reconcile. Your vet is right, David - - what happened with your precious Caspian is NOT your fault, and most importantly, your precious Caspian knows this as well. Caspian also knows that you did everything in your power to give him a happy and healthy earthly journey with you. Unfortunately we are mere mortals - - we do not have the gift of foreknowledge, only the "wisdom" that comes with hindsight. And it is the "hindsight" that is the source of the guilt. Caspian does not want you engulfed with guilt - - for any reason. He wants you to remember him with a happy heart, and hopefully as your deep grief eases you will be able to embrace what each of us here know, what your vet knows, and most importantly what your precious Caspian knows: You love Caspian with all your heart, and you did EVERYTHING in your power to give him a healthy and happy earthly journey. And you gave him the greatest gift when he needed your love - - at great sacrifice to you: You released him from his painful physical body so that his Living Spirit could soar heavenward free of pain - - restored to his former youthfulness. David, there is no greater love than this.

David, it is my sincerest hope that somehow you will find comfort in the words I have written to you. I wish there was something I could write to you that could take this piercing pain from your heart. The only thing I can do is to offer you my sincerest friendship and resassurance that each of us are here for you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear David,
So sorry for your loss. I'm sure it seems like a cruel twist of fate to be given hope and then have it taken away.
But please don't feel in any way responsible. You didn't do anything wrong, and you always did the best for Caspian. He knows that and he is grateful.
Sending positive thoughts, healing energy and a hug,
Suzanne

moon_beam

You love Caspian with all your heart, and you did EVERYTHING in your power to give him a healthy and happy earthly journey. And you gave him the greatest gift when he needed your love - - at great sacrifice to you: You released him from his painful physical body so that his Living Spirit could soar heavenward free of pain - - restored to his former youthfulness. David, there is no greater love than this.

Peggy's human

You did not fail Caspain in any way and when you made the decision to help him pass, you were performing the ultimate act of love and kindness. And I know his loss and your decision to help him pass scarred your soul.




Thank you so much. Your words do mean so much. I am just devistated, I can't stop crying today. I feel like everything good and happy was ripped away. But I know how deep my love was and is for Caspian. And even though I feel a huge amount of guilt, I do know that nothing that happened today was my fault. After the vet gave him a sedative, I was able to lay down beside him wrapped up together in the blanket i carried him in with. And he saw me. tracked my face so I know he was awake enough to see me there as his pain subsided. I then kept my hand under his head as a pillw and wispered into hie ear how much I loved him over and over until he was gone. I am not a terribly religious person, but I do believe he is somewhere jumping around, in no pain, playing like he used to. Hopefully waiting at the door until I come through it.

Thank you again so much!
David

Thank you as well. Caspian was (and I know everyone says it ) was the best companion a person could have. The support and energy (and HUGS ) is much appreciated.

Dear David,

These kind ladies have said it all. I am so heartbroken for you and I also have tears. I believe he is in a beautiful place, healthy, and watching over you.

Please believe this was not your fault. It was meant to be. You did your best for him.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself.

God Bless You!

LoveMyMickey

Hi, David, just stopping by to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Some folks think that if they suppress their grief that it will make it less painful, but this is the opposite because eventually the grief will come through and sometimes with health challenges from the stress. So, please know that your tears are healing tears, and please know that we are here for you, with you, and beside you with every step of your grief journey.

And rest assured, David, that your precious Caspian is happy in the company of the angels. Each of our beloved companions are welcoming him and helping him to feel right at home in heaven's perfect garden. And, dear David, your precious Caspian WILL BE waiting for you at the Bridge to welcome you when it is your appropriate time to join him in eternal joy. But until that time arrives, your precious Caspian's sweet Living Spirit is forever with you in your heart and your memories continuing to share your earthly journey just as he always has and always will.

David, thank you for sharing your precious Caspian with us, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear David,

Just stopping by to let you know I'm thinking of you and your sweet Caspian. Mom and I were talking about you both today (she was asking how you were doing) and we want you to know you're in our thoughts and prayers.

Please take care of yourself.

Peggy