First, let me start off by saying I’m so glad I’ve found this forum. I’ve been driving myself crazy over the recent loss of a pet, and I’m glad there’s some place where I can write out my feelings. All the users here seem like very understanding and compassionate people.

Last June, I had to have my cat, Hershey, put down after he was diagnosed with feline leukemia. He was only 3-years-old. I was very sad for his passing, but I moved on fairly quickly.

More recently, in February, I lost my 13-year-old tortoise-shell, Dusty, to kidney failure. Dusty’s death shook me more than Hershey’s. I was very close to her. I’ve had her since she was a newborn kitten and I was only about 5-years-old (I’m 18 now).

I came home from school and was the one who made the discovery that she had passed. I don’t think I’ve ever cried so hard in my life. I was hysterical and sobbing, I felt so lost. Long story short, after her passing, I realized that all the signs of kidney failure were there, and I was angry at myself for not noticing them and taking Dusty to the vet sooner. She had never been seriously ill in the past before. I keep telling myself that even if I had caught it sooner, there probably wasn’t much the vet could do but put her down. However, I still can’t help but feel guilty.

Also, Dusty’s passing was just such a shock to me because I was bracing myself for leaving Dusty for college. I’m going to a university in the fall that’s only about an hour away, so I could come home at the drop of a hat to see her if I felt I needed to. Then she died and that just completely caught me off guard.

A month later, I lost another cat, Misty, to liver disease. She was very young, only about 1 and a half years-old. The vet said she was stronger than most cats suffering from liver disease. She was still eating, albeit very little, on her own, so she came home and I gave her medicine twice a day. Sadly, after only a few days, she passed away over night.

I have several other cats and a dog. I love them all dearly, but they are all so different… none of them are like Hershey, Dusty, or Misty. And I don’t like to pick out favorite pets, but Dusty’s passing is the only one that still makes me cry myself to sleep some nights. I’m sad about Hershey and Misty, but I feel so depressed over Dusty. I just miss her so much. And I feel crazy for letting it affect me so much. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it.

Dear loveanimals,

I am so sorry about the loss of your precious Hershey, Dusty and Misty. The loss of a beloved pet is never easy but having to contend with the loss of 3 over such a short period of time is especially difficult. I completely understand what you’re saying about the passing of Dusty having a deeper impact on you. Animals, like people, have their own individual personality traits. While we love all our non-human family members, there are certain individuals with whom we bond more deeply or in a different way than with the others. Each relationship is unique, much like our human relationships. Dusty was an integral part of your life since you were a small child. It’s only natural that you would have bonded with him in a completely different way than with the others. Dusty was your childhood friend and companion and the two of you bonded while you were growing up together. I’m sure he felt he had a closer bond with you as well, since you learned about the world together and probably sought each other out for comfort when life presented challenges that caused emotional stress. There is nothing wrong with recognizing a deeper/tighter bond with a special animal. It does not suggest that you love the others less, it just means you and that pet are more ‘in sync’ with each other. I have been blessed with many wonderful animals in my life and loved them all. However, the bond I shared with my beautiful Peggy was something I had never experienced before and it made it so difficult to loose her this past February (she passed on 2/26/11).

Please try to let go of any guilt you have about Dusty. You loved him and did your best for him. That’s all any of us can ask of ourselves and it’s all anyone can reasonably expect of us. Many years ago, I had a cat named Angel who experienced kidney failure when she was 15 years old. The vet gave me the option of putting her to sleep or performing kitty dialysis on her once a day. For 2 weeks, we forced her to endure being held down on a table while we inserted a needled between her shoulder blades and allowed fluid to drip through the needle, into her body. It was not pleasant for anyone involved and after 2 weeks, I realized that we were performing this exercise more for us, to keep her here, than for her. She had lost ground quickly after we began dialysis and after 2 weeks, I decided to discontinue the procedure and just allow her to live the time she had remaining in peace. She regained some ground when we stopped the procedure but about 2 weeks after that, we saw that she didn’t have any quality of life left and was ready to go. At that point, we made the difficult decision to end her suffering. In Dusty’s case, there was not much you could have done and trust me, he would not have liked the treatment that would, in theory, extend his life by a couple of weeks. And sticking him with a needle, while he struggled against it is not a lingering memory that you would want. With Dusty, he was able to pass in his home. No scary vet, no needles, no endurance of 1000 tests while they try to figure out what’s going on with him. I strongly suspect that he was happy to pass over in a place where he felt safe and loved. The one this is most difficult for is you. I am so sorry that you found him. I realize that you feel you should have seen what was going on and done something to help him but I swear to you, even with treatment, he was going to pass soon and being in his own home was a blessing for him. You did not fail him.

Please know that you will be in my prayers and I hope the pain in your heart eases so you can smile when thinking of Dusty. And for the record, it’s totally normal for you to cry and miss him. A friend/colleague of mine is from India and he is puzzled by our attachment to our animals. When I lost Peggy in February, he and I were working on a project together so I had to tell him what had happened (I couldn’t stop crying the Monday following her passing). I told him I knew he didn’t understand where I was coming from but to please respect my feelings in the matter. He thought about it for a moment and replied, ‘I don’t really understand about grieving for a dog but I think love is love and since you loved her, I can understand you’re in pain with her loss’. That captures it perfectly. Love is love. Some people seem to think that because ‘it’s just an animal’, we should not be deeply impacted by their loss. However, when you love deeply, you can not just turn off those feelings of loss and emptiness when your loved one is no longer with you. Please remember that you are not alone and we are here for you when you need support. When you have time and feel up to it, please let us know how you’re doing and if you don’t have time to check back, I wish you the best of luck with your continuing education in the fall. College is an amazing experience and I’m sure you’ll excel with your studies and enjoy all that College has to offer.

Take care of yourself,

Peggy (the human)

Dear 'loveanimals',

I am so sorry to hear about your losses. I can't even imagine what you must be going through right now. Losing one beloved companion is difficult enough but to lose three in such a short space of time must be devastating. I suppose the one small comfort is the fact that they are all together. I can imagine them all playing together, happy and healthy. You have three precious angels watching over you, guiding you, with you always, no matter what.

Don't feel bad about missing Dusty the most. Although we try not to have our favourites, certain animals are our 'soul' animals, and we feel a deeper connection and bond with these animals. How blessed you are to have had this wonderful experience to have met your soul animal, some people are not fortunate enough to have ever experienced this. The wonderful thing about this forum, the thing that brings us all together, is that fact that we all have. We have experienced a love that has no boundaries. A love that will be with us in our hearts and memories for all eternity.

Please take things one day at a time, and allow yourself time to grieve fully. Please know that now you have found us, you are not alone in your grieving journey. I hope you will come back and let us know how you're doing, and I wish you all the best of luck for your studies and your future.

Take care of yourself,
Cheryl xx

P.S. If you're feeling upto it, and if you're able, we would love to see some pictures

Hi, loveanimals. please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your precious Dusty. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Multiple losses in a short period of time is very traumatic, to put it mildly.

Loveanimals, this grief journey is a one day at a time journey filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at once. Our relationships with each of our beloved companions is as individual as our relationships with our human family members and friends. Each one is cherished for their individual personalities, and each one has their own particular place in our hearts. Your precious Hershey and Misty know that you love them just as much as you love your precious Dusty - - equally with respect to their individual personalities.

Peggy and Cheryl have offered you the most thoughtful and compassionate responses I could ever hope to offer, so please read them frequently. I hope they will offer you comfort and encouragement. And please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, loveanimals, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you all for you kind words. They're very comforting.

Here are some pictures of them...
Dusty: http://i268.photobucket.com/albums/jj37/ea...ets/Dusty15.jpg
Hershey: http://i268.photobucket.com/albums/jj37/ea...ts/Hershey2.jpg
Misty: http://i268.photobucket.com/albums/jj37/ea...Pets/Misty2.jpg

And this is just a funny picture of Dusty and Hershey here: http://i268.photobucket.com/albums/jj37/ea...andHershey2.jpg
Hershey loved Dusty and would follow her everywhere. She seemed annoyed by him at first, but eventually gave up and would just put up with his constant need to be right next to her, haha. It's nice to know that now they're together in pet heaven, and Misty too, even though she never really associated with Dusty much.

Dear Loveanimals,

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious furbabies. Please don't feel guilty about feeling closer to Dusty. That is normal to feel closer to one pet than the others. Besides you had her a very long time.

I looked at your pics and they are beautiful furbabies, and the last one was funny. That helps you look back and think of the good times. I try to do that, but some days it isn't easy.

Take care and good luck with your school work.

God Bless!

(Bumping up so everyone can see "loveanimals" pictures.)

Dear loveanimals,

I hope you are feeling better today. Stop by and let us know how you're doing when you feel like it.

God Bless You!

They're all so beautiful Thanks for sharing. I hope you're feeling 'okay' today.

Cheryl xx

Hi, loveanimals, thank you so much for sharing these wonderful pictures of your precious furkids with us. Having these pictures helps to keep our beloved companions close in our hearts and memories. And these memories will never fade, I promise you, regardless of any amount of time that may pass. Your precious companions are always with you - - they are always a heartbeat close to you.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, loveanimals, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, everyone. Thanks again for your lovely comments.

I'm feeling a little better today. When I wrote this, I was in a really bad funk - probably the worst I'd felt since. So, compared to that day, I'm doing better. It's like I'm fine one day, but the next day, I'm not. I guess I just have to take it one day at a time. My other pets are taking care of me also, so that's helping.

Hi Loveanimals,

I'm glad you feeling a little better today. Unfortunately, it does seem that up and down is the name of this game. Moon_Beam has called it an emotional roller-coaster and I have to say, I'm in complete agreement. I go along, congratulating myself because I think I’m finally moving forward and then BAM! I get emotionally body slammed back down and I never saw it coming. However, now that I’m coming up on 11 weeks, I’ve noticed that the intense, overwhelming pain comes a little less frequently and I mostly feel a deep sadness and longing to see my sweet Peggy again. It’s not great but honestly, it’s an improvement since I can function in this state – as opposed to the almost paralyzing pain I had before. I guess with time, we can learn to live with almost anything and the heart finally releases the extreme pain. I am so glad you had time to post and I thank you for letting us know how you’re doing. You have been on my mind (just didn’t have time to post to you). Your pics are beautiful and thank you so much for sharing those with all of us.

You remain in my prayers, as are Dusty, Hershey and Misty.

Please take care of yourself and when you have time, please let us know how you’re doing.

Peggy